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Finally ending it 100%


MidnightBlue1980

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MidnightBlue1980

I was trying to find that thread I usually post on but I can't seem to find it.

 

So it's been 10 months today that it ended and it's been 10 months of pure hell as I had to see xmm weekly. For those who may not know my story, he resurfaced in the spring after 5 months of NC looking to be friends. I tried it for 1-2 months but it blew up when I learned he was lying and trying to build back his marriage in MC and our relationship at the same time. We have been not speaking by my request since August.

 

I was handcuffed there till the end of September but now my term is up and I know I must leave. I have located another group but to transfer I ironically need his help as he has to file the paperwork. I had to ask him today to start the process. I contacted the clients I have there and let them know and I am going to meet the new people next week.

 

I feel like I am arranging my own funeral and he is picking out my casket. I could throw up. I'm so upset but I did this to myself. This is all my fault. It is just not possible to get over someone while having to see them. Well, at least for me it is not. He seems fine, said he would make some calls to get the paperwork and help me.

 

I texted my therapist who I can't afford but I'm drowning in this. She had said I had to leave back in January and while I don't regret not trashing my business and sticking it out, it has been a really, really bad experience and the worst year of my life.

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HeCantBreakMe
I was trying to find that thread I usually post on but I can't seem to find it.

 

So it's been 10 months today that it ended and it's been 10 months of pure hell as I had to see xmm weekly. For those who may not know my story, he resurfaced in the spring after 5 months of NC looking to be friends. I tried it for 1-2 months but it blew up when I learned he was lying and trying to build back his marriage in MC and our relationship at the same time. We have been not speaking by my request since August.

 

I was handcuffed there till the end of September but now my term is up and I know I must leave. I have located another group but to transfer I ironically need his help as he has to file the paperwork. I had to ask him today to start the process. I contacted the clients I have there and let them know and I am going to meet the new people next week.

 

I feel like I am arranging my own funeral and he is picking out my casket. I could throw up. I'm so upset but I did this to myself. This is all my fault. It is just not possible to get over someone while having to see them. Well, at least for me it is not. He seems fine, said he would make some calls to get the paperwork and help me.

 

I texted my therapist who I can't afford but I'm drowning in this. She had said I had to leave back in January and while I don't regret not trashing my business and sticking it out, it has been a really, really bad experience and the worst year of my life.

 

Midnight- I am so sorry you are experiencing all of this. I agree sometimes we make terrible choices and there are consequences to those choices but eventually it gets to the point where it is like "geeze when is enough enough?".

 

I am curious- what are your feelings now that you are leaving? It almost sounds like you feel worse at this point and I am not sure why. Is it because he has to help you? - which does suck but just think- just a little bit longer and he is out of your life for good! I guess I am just not sure where all of these negative feelings are coming from at time when you are finally so close to being able to move on.

 

Thinking about you! - Keeping walking away with your head held high.

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HadMeOverABarrel
I was trying to find that thread I usually post on but I can't seem to find it.

 

So it's been 10 months today that it ended and it's been 10 months of pure hell as I had to see xmm weekly. For those who may not know my story, he resurfaced in the spring after 5 months of NC looking to be friends. I tried it for 1-2 months but it blew up when I learned he was lying and trying to build back his marriage in MC and our relationship at the same time. We have been not speaking by my request since August.

 

I was handcuffed there till the end of September but now my term is up and I know I must leave. I have located another group but to transfer I ironically need his help as he has to file the paperwork. I had to ask him today to start the process. I contacted the clients I have there and let them know and I am going to meet the new people next week.

 

I feel like I am arranging my own funeral and he is picking out my casket. I could throw up. I'm so upset but I did this to myself. This is all my fault. It is just not possible to get over someone while having to see them. Well, at least for me it is not. He seems fine, said he would make some calls to get the paperwork and help me.

 

I texted my therapist who I can't afford but I'm drowning in this. She had said I had to leave back in January and while I don't regret not trashing my business and sticking it out, it has been a really, really bad experience and the worst year of my life.

 

Hang in there! You are almost there!!!

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I was trying to find that thread I usually post on but I can't seem to find it.

 

So it's been 10 months today that it ended and it's been 10 months of pure hell as I had to see xmm weekly. For those who may not know my story, he resurfaced in the spring after 5 months of NC looking to be friends. I tried it for 1-2 months but it blew up when I learned he was lying and trying to build back his marriage in MC and our relationship at the same time. We have been not speaking by my request since August.

 

I was handcuffed there till the end of September but now my term is up and I know I must leave. I have located another group but to transfer I ironically need his help as he has to file the paperwork. I had to ask him today to start the process. I contacted the clients I have there and let them know and I am going to meet the new people next week.

 

I feel like I am arranging my own funeral and he is picking out my casket. I could throw up. I'm so upset but I did this to myself. This is all my fault. It is just not possible to get over someone while having to see them. Well, at least for me it is not. He seems fine, said he would make some calls to get the paperwork and help me.

 

I texted my therapist who I can't afford but I'm drowning in this. She had said I had to leave back in January and while I don't regret not trashing my business and sticking it out, it has been a really, really bad experience and the worst year of my life.

 

Don't see this as a 'funeral' and 'letting him pick out your casket'! You're on your way to something MUCH better and you'll leave him behind in your dust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will you have to speak to him again?

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You can be proud of yourself for being strong enough to keep going and have found the courage to not give up. I know it has been very painful for you but you did what you needdd to do. If I had to see my xMM even once since our end, it would kill me. I think once you no longer have to see him it may be like another temporary set back but it will be so freeing as well. Then you can finally move emotionally forward. Be strong.

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(They moved that thread and closed it)

 

Midnight you have come such a long way. It makes sense that although this is what you want and the healthiest for you it truly is final you are moving on.

 

It's ok to feel sad angry whatever you feel it is all ok.

 

I think it's great you are finally getting IC.

Hang in there it will be over soon.

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MidnightBlue1980
Midnight- I am so sorry you are experiencing all of this. I agree sometimes we make terrible choices and there are consequences to those choices but eventually it gets to the point where it is like "geeze when is enough enough?".

 

I am curious- what are your feelings now that you are leaving? It almost sounds like you feel worse at this point and I am not sure why. Is it because he has to help you? - which does suck but just think- just a little bit longer and he is out of your life for good! I guess I am just not sure where all of these negative feelings are coming from at time when you are finally so close to being able to move on.

 

Thinking about you! - Keeping walking away with your head held high.

 

My feelings are complex. I helped form this 5 years ago, I was one of the original people. It feels like mine and I have put a lot of hard work into its success. xmm was also an original, which is why he wouldn't leave. We are like a sort of family. These people also inspired me to launch my own business and get off the hamster wheel of corporate America. So I feel like I am leaving a lot behind.

 

Meeting a whole bunch of new people will be hard. I won't have the same energy but I will try. I need to let go and get away from this dysfunction. There are times when I no longer care if I live or die. xMM has crushed my very will to live. I need to fix that. I won't end up in mental institution over him.

 

Yes though - as you said, enough is enough. My H does not want to be up and run but I think it is time.

 

At first I was going to slink off into the night and disappear but then I learned I had to contact xmm for the paperwork. He was gracious as he wants me to heal. But you know, there should be some consequences to his actions. So far he has only gained from all this and continues to lie and just do whatever, thinking life will never catch up to him.

 

xmm, he counted on my being afraid of what people would think of me to keep me silent, so he continued to harass and intimidate me. But I am not afraid anymore. I am tired. When you realize you no longer care if you live or die, you pretty much no longer care what anyone thinks of you. I said I was asked by the person now in charge and I was honest, xmm told me he loved me, I was stupid and away we went, it was long over but I was stuck and going to leave.

 

So now if/when I leave, it will be on xmm. And he will have to sit next to the guy for 12 months knowing that he knows he ran me out.

 

I was going to not tell him as I knew this is his worst nightmare. I guess the lesson is, be careful of pushing someone too far because there comes a point when they have nothing left to lose.

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MidnightBlue1980
Don't see this as a 'funeral' and 'letting him pick out your casket'! You're on your way to something MUCH better and you'll leave him behind in your dust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will you have to speak to him again?

 

No, I will have no reason to ever see or speak to him again. We have no business connections together.

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MidnightBlue1980

I do appreciate your replies. I feel like I know a lot of you from this year of hell. Thank you all for your support.

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HeCantBreakMe
My feelings are complex. I helped form this 5 years ago, I was one of the original people. It feels like mine and I have put a lot of hard work into its success. xmm was also an original, which is why he wouldn't leave. We are like a sort of family. These people also inspired me to launch my own business and get off the hamster wheel of corporate America. So I feel like I am leaving a lot behind.

 

Meeting a whole bunch of new people will be hard. I won't have the same energy but I will try. I need to let go and get away from this dysfunction. There are times when I no longer care if I live or die. xMM has crushed my very will to live. I need to fix that. I won't end up in mental institution over him.

 

Yes though - as you said, enough is enough. My H does not want to be up and run but I think it is time.

 

At first I was going to slink off into the night and disappear but then I learned I had to contact xmm for the paperwork. He was gracious as he wants me to heal. But you know, there should be some consequences to his actions. So far he has only gained from all this and continues to lie and just do whatever, thinking life will never catch up to him.

 

xmm, he counted on my being afraid of what people would think of me to keep me silent, so he continued to harass and intimidate me. But I am not afraid anymore. I am tired. When you realize you no longer care if you live or die, you pretty much no longer care what anyone thinks of you. I said I was asked by the person now in charge and I was honest, xmm told me he loved me, I was stupid and away we went, it was long over but I was stuck and going to leave.

 

So now if/when I leave, it will be on xmm. And he will have to sit next to the guy for 12 months knowing that he knows he ran me out.

 

I was going to not tell him as I knew this is his worst nightmare. I guess the lesson is, be careful of pushing someone too far because there comes a point when they have nothing left to lose.

 

This is the last step for you into true healing- letting go and moving on.

 

I am encouraging you to own how you feel now. MM was a complete and total A** no one on here will argue that but how you feel now is your choice. You have to keep fighting no matter how tired your soul is because only you can bring yourself out of this. The more you let yourself feel this way the more he wins. Don't let him win. Live your life and enjoy that life - it is the only one you get.

 

My other thoughts on this because i go round and round about how my MM is walking away from our affair scott free with no repercussions but in the end that isn't for me to decide, and the more i allow myself to think those thoughts the more upset I get.

 

I doubt i am telling you anything you haven't told yourself or been told, or read . But I will tell you this- you are strong because you are still here and you are still fighting; i have read that in your posts. You are worth true happiness regardless of the choices you made or how you feel. Do not let this affair and your xMM define you and your life any more. Honestly, you have been a true inspiration to me and a sounding board to so many on in LS.

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MB, your life has been hit by a storm. 10 months is not that long, considering the shock you've endured. It is so much to process, you've had to deal with xmm, your H, seeing MM at work, figuring yourself out...10 months is just not enough,it can't be.

Im sure you are sick and tired of thinking about it and dealing with the fallout.

I understand it's hard to leave something you created, but you will never e v e r have to see him again. You might not feel the relief immediately, but Im sure that after a while complete NC will help.you feel better.

You will get through this,MB. You will be happy again. You will get to a point where none of this will matter,it will be ancient history (emotionally)

Best of luck

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MIdnight

 

Take the opportunity to get away from him and fly away.

 

Best thing that could happen to you.

 

Poppy.

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ShatteredLady

MidnightBlue.

 

I've followed your story from the start. I have much compassion for everything that you've been through AND much respect for your strength & resolve.

 

You wouldn't be the empathic lady we have grown to care so deeply for if you could just walk away & feel nothing. It's only human to feel the anger, resentment, pain & guilt. Life is bloody hard sometimes! I wish I had your strength. I've never been brave.

 

You have a wonderful life ahead of you. I wish you all the best for your future.

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MB, your life has been hit by a storm. 10 months is not that long, considering the shock you've endured. It is so much to process, you've had to deal with xmm, your H, seeing MM at work, figuring yourself out...10 months is just not enough,it can't be.

Im sure you are sick and tired of thinking about it and dealing with the fallout.

I understand it's hard to leave something you created, but you will never e v e r have to see him again. You might not feel the relief immediately, but Im sure that after a while complete NC will help.you feel better.

You will get through this,MB. You will be happy again. You will get to a point where none of this will matter,it will be ancient history (emotionally)

Best of luck

 

^^^This

 

(((Midnight))) you will get there! It does seem to take forever though! You are an inspiration to many here!

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MidnightBlue1980
^^^This

 

(((Midnight))) you will get there! It does seem to take forever though! You are an inspiration to many here!

 

Thank you. I have learned a lot from here. I got a bunch of emails from him asking me not to leave, promising friendship and respect, saying he was not sure if he was happy at home, how "extremely difficult" it was for him to see me because of his feelings. I said how he should want me to leave (I am sure his wife would be happy) and he asked me to not leave and stay.

 

If I didn't post here, I'd probably think it meant something, but I know it's a bunch of bull crap. He said have a good weekend and I said - have a good weekend - with your wife. You know - the woman you live with and wanted to be with?

 

I mean, he is there. Nothing is going to change. I'm not going to be his friend or his affair partner again, and I told him that.

 

I feel good about it. It sucks, I won't lie. My H does not want me to necessarily jump ship as money is tight and I will have to lay out about $700 but if I feel it's right, I will do it. If not, I will keep looking and at least I had the opportunity to say my piece to him.

 

He wanted his wife, go be with her. Don't feed me this crap about 'I'm not sure if I am happy." He sure looked happy in her FB profile picture.

 

I have learned now that all he wants to the possibility of sex one day. That's it. It won't be from me.

 

At least I did not "win" him from his wife. I have my own husband drinking on the couch not interested in sex. Who wants a repeat with an older guy? Please.

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MB _ hang in there. I am getting to know your story and respect your determination and resolve. As many of us OW here this ping-pong match called an affair goes back and forth many times before the ball finally gets lost in the bushes and the end of the game "sticks." You have had your epiphany and that's your strength. draw from it and keep forging ahead as you are. $700USD is a lot of money but in my opinion a very small price to pay for a fresh start and the promise of a better, clearer future without yuckiness.

 

i also wanted to let you know i, too, work with xMM and know how hard it is. i have been lucky that since the break up he has been gone and will be gone until january so i will have had a precious 5 months of not seeing him. however, the daily group emails, people talking about him at work all the time, seeing his desk, his jackets, his tools of the trade is almost just as bad as having him there in the flesh. so i get it.

 

sending you much courage and patience to continue on the very healthy path you're already on.

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I'm proud of you midnight and I'm thinking of you. You are strong and you will get through this. Thanks for being there for me and so many others. We are here for you too. Good luck x

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  • 4 weeks later...
Outofmysystem

Blue, hang in there....you said how you felt about MM walking away "without feeling any repercussions" and I can feel every bit of that statement....I have the same anger that at times gets so much I want to burn xDMOW's life down to the ground....so don't think you are alone in that....however, you only get one shot at this life, so do whatever you can to take care of yourself FIRST....and if you can, stay in peace when you get to that point.....it's been a year a 3 months for me with LC/NC and a level of bitchiness that I've never seen from my X and it's still hard sometimes, so cut yourself a lot of slack and just take care of yourself....

 

P.S. Maybe this can be the "new" super thread?... :)

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MidnightBlue1980
Blue, hang in there....you said how you felt about MM walking away "without feeling any repercussions" and I can feel every bit of that statement....I have the same anger that at times gets so much I want to burn xDMOW's life down to the ground....so don't think you are alone in that....however, you only get one shot at this life, so do whatever you can to take care of yourself FIRST....and if you can, stay in peace when you get to that point.....it's been a year a 3 months for me with LC/NC and a level of bitchiness that I've never seen from my X and it's still hard sometimes, so cut yourself a lot of slack and just take care of yourself....

 

P.S. Maybe this can be the "new" super thread?... :)

 

Hi Out. I have not heard from you in a while. Since I posted here, xmm's wife discovered the whole truth and is removing him from our organization. She knows he lied in 2015 and all 2016, in MC and all that. His life is sh*t. But I actually don;t feel that much better. I do feel a little better that she finally knows I am not a stalker and he started it, but it's so old now, 18 months ago it started, sigh. I didn't really get a big satisfaction out of it like I thought I would.

 

Nothing really changed. I am not going back this month, xmm does not know that yet, but two days ago was the goodbye, though we didn't say it, since he thought he had two more weeks. But honestly, he does't care at all. Not about me. It is just so over. Long over.

 

What a waste of years of my life. Time I cannot get back.

 

It was all just a waste. I think I just had a midlife crisis. I loved him, I still do, but it's a waste. All depressing.

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Outofmysystem

Hey Blue, I understand too the "wasted time" sentiment....as I put things back together, and go back to how it was "before", I realize from time to time how much of my life she consumed.

 

I foolishly gave her more money (without her asking) but that got me nowhere, her store was robbed a few moths ago to add to the drama, although she wasn't there I touched base to see if she was ok. Honestly it couldn't have happened to a better group of *******s, but still. Went to her new rent house a few weeks ago and tried to get her to come out and talk and she refused and was real bitchy over text, stupid on my part I know. Went NC again after, then literally this Monday, on the way into work, she wrecked her car and I was right behind her as she was stopped waiting to pull over on the shoulder....I didn't stop, texted her later that day to see how she was, no response, then next day she posts on Facebook that she's in a "relationship" with an ******* that works in the home store in the home city....

 

Same MO, same bull**** she did with me, I didn't read the flags, the signs but she's done this for years at every job she goes to....so I was just another sucker to fall for it....so in the end, even though we've made bad choices and are liars too, THEY are liars as well....any addiction (love for them) has more down side than up....hang in there and give it time, I'm doing the same.

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