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Is MM playing a game with me?


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We met at our friend's birthday party 3 years ago. At that night when I saw him I honestly fell for him instantly. I was literally melting while looking at him, my heart was racing when he approached me. We've had a very good talk, exchanged numbers and met few days later. We have been dating for few weeks and since then I have never heard from him again. I found a new boyfriend and deleted his number but to be honest, I could not get over him. I thought of him from time to time... I missed him.

 

We've met again this year at the same friend's birthday party. I was SO HAPPY to see him again. But this time everything was different, he told me he's MARRIED. And I just wanted to ask him about going out and having a drink. Well, we had a good talk again, but nothing happened, I had to control myself so much not to fell on him, I was kind of upset so I went home early.

 

Few days later, I've received a message from him (from his new number, though). He messaged me "wow, it was so difficult to get your number from (our friend) so I hope you'll make it up to me and let me take you out". I knew it was him, so I replied that I am not mad at our friend for giving him my number and I joked that I hope his wife will let him out, He replied "Don't you worry:)" I've decided to meet him, but I told myself I won't have sex with him. Well, we didn't... that night, however, I broke this rule 2 weeks later. It was so good, I just couldn't help it, I couldn't keep myself away from it. So, it's been 6 months from that night and we regularly see each other. The thing is, we are closer than ever, we've never been so intimate and emotionally close. We talk almost every day, I gave him my spare keys, there's his clothes and stuff all over my apartament, we go cinema, we go out to eat, sometimes we just lay down and watch a movie and he just go home without having sex... But sometimes he comes for a quickie and he doesnt talk to me for a day or two, I mean like NOTHING, no even "hi"... And when I ask him what happened he just says that everything is fine and he was busy but I don't believe he didn't find a 5 minutes to ask how I am. This is what pisses me off and gives me that idea of him playing with me. Is this normal? Maybe I over react, but why sometimes we can talk on Skype for 5 hours or he is able to spend the whole night with me and the other day he's not even able to send me a quick message... Maaybe he doesn't want to, maybe he's tiredd of me and need a "break"? And after him being quiet he pops up with a message like nothing happened but I was all nervous and upset about the situation. And I told him so many times to let me know if he's busy or he'll be busy and won't be able to contact me. He knows I am being emotional and I tend to take everything personal. Is he really THAT busy??? I don't believe it.

 

Another thing, I know he doesn't want to leave his wife and I'm ready to be the other woman even for the rest of my life. And don't worry about me having a baby, I'll be fine. :)

 

And yes, I love him.

Edited by jjackie
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Another thing, I know he doesn't want to leave his wife and I'm ready to be the other woman even for the rest of my life. And don't worry about me having a baby, I'll be fine. :)

 

And yes, I love him.

 

WHAT!? WAIT WHHHHHHHHAAAAAATT?!

 

Would you tell your mother this? How about any one that cares about you in the slightest - because they would tell you that you are being foolish, agreeing to a life of heart break and always being the "other woman".

 

You know why he goes cold for days at a time? Because he is tending to HIS WIFE. The one he took an oath to love and cherish. Now he gets to eat his cake and have it too. What a lucky guy huh? Gets to be a married man, have a wife and home, and a woman on the side who he can have sex with when he likes (or choose to ignore her when that works for him too).

 

Why is your self esteem so low that you would be HAPPY To be #2?

 

Please seek counseling asap to figure out why you make such piss poor choices. And for the love of God do not get pregnant with a bastard child.

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You're clearly not ready to be the other woman if you're complaining about him not calling you like you're in a real relationship. People who are content with being the other woman understand how to play their role. You don't complain and you don't ask questions. You should get rid of any expectations of being treated like a girlfriend or even someone he truly cared about. You're basically a toy for him to play with when he doesn't want to be bothered with his wife. So if you want to be the other woman, stop nagging and complaining. You are number 2 so act like a number 2 girl.

 

Or you could try to find out why you have such low self-esteem that you don't think you deserve a man of your own.

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You should get rid of any expectations of being treated like a girlfriend or even someone he truly cared about.

 

To further this, don't expect to be treated with any dignity.

 

Your actions show that you do not expect any, and being as you are second fiddle, the number two, the dirty secret, the shameful thing to be kept hidden, you won't be treated with any.

 

He'll be sweet enough to you to make sure you keep putting out, but don't expect anything more.

 

Do expect that any last shred of self respect you may have, any feelings of self worth will be shattered and destroyed. This is what you are choosing.

 

And while you may think you love him, rest assured he does not love you, he is using you.

 

Sorry to be "mean" but if you were my friend it would take a lot ot self restrain to not knock some sense into you.

 

If my friend came to me with such a plan, first I would tell her she needs to end things asap and get some help - and if she refused, I would cut her out of my life. I can't stand it when people are hell bent on self destruction.

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Jjackie

 

Please please please reconsider. At six months it is still exciting and new and you are full of energy and happy to take what he can give on his terms. It has not yet started to drain the life out of you..... But it will - you will come to want and need more and more, like an addict, but he will continue to manipulate and play you. How will you feel after a year, 2 years, 5 years? Ask some of the long-term OW on here - like imperfectangel.

 

He is a classic cake eater - he wants the best of both worlds. He obviously calls the shots and is manipulating you both. Please don't enable him.

 

Protect yourself and please walk away. Try to think of his (fairly new) wife too. Don't let him do this to her.

 

Please, listen to what we are saying. We want to save you from the kind of pain we have suffered and/or caused.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

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Forever broken

 

Another thing, I know he doesn't want to leave his wife and I'm ready to be the other woman even for the rest of my life. And don't worry about me having a baby, I'll be fine. :)

 

And yes, I love him.

 

This is really sad. Hope you know what you are doing. This is a recipe for disaster.

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You're the other woman.

 

He's only going to talk and visit you when his wife isnt around. Or doesn't know about you or isn't sleeping with him.

 

Honestly? You want to be the other woman forever?

 

FINE. But know your place.

 

-You don't get to get upset or angry when he blows you off for his wife

-you will not ever take precedence over his wife

-when his wife finds out and she will (since you are going to movies and restaurants and being blatantly disrespectful) he will dump you like a hot potato and you are not allowed to get upset.

-you're not to introduce him to your family

-no kids for you

-if you do have kids that poor kid will never have a normal family.

- you can't get upset when he's not around on holidays or other days that are important days in YOUR life

 

 

Please do yourself a favor and read on here and add that you're not alone and see how badly it ends for you.

 

Until then if this is what you want, you have to accept that you don't have the right to get angry when you choose to let him put you second

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T
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Wow, I am so shocked, I don't even know what to say... Is this really so bad?

 

YES! Are you'd serious? How old are you? This isn't high school. This is your life. His life and his wife is an actual real person!

 

Do you get that?

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You're the other woman.

 

He's only going to talk and visit you when his wife isnt around. Or doesn't know about you or isn't sleeping with him.

 

Honestly? You want to be the other woman forever?

 

FINE. But know your place.

 

-You don't get to get upset or angry when he blows you off for his wife

 

-when his wife finds out and she will (since you are going to movies and restaurants and being blatantly disrespectful) he will dump you like a hot potato and you are not allowed to get upset.

-you're not to introduce him to your family

-no kids for you

-if you do have kids that poor kid will never have a normal family.

- you can't get upset when he's not around on holidays or other days that are important days in YOUR life

 

 

Please do yourself a favor and read on here and add that you're not alone and see how badly it ends for you.

 

Until then if this is what you want, you have to accept that you don't have the right to get angry when you choose to let him put you second

 

 

Yeah, THIS. I really thought I'm ready to be the other woman. Well, I expected him to treat me like a girlfriend. But I'm not :( So maybe you're guys right that I should end this up. But I don't know if I'll be able to function without him...

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Yeah, THIS. I really thought I'm ready to be the other woman. Well, I expected him to treat me like a girlfriend. But I'm not :( So maybe you're guys right that I should end this up. But I don't know if I'll be able to function without him...

 

 

You WILL! Yes it will hurt. But you will get over him with time and distance. The most Important is the distance. Take yourself out of his life and don't answer his calls or see him or anything. Each time you do, the pain will just get harder to deal with

 

You deserve better than being the other woman. You know that right? You deserve better than living a life like the list I posted.

 

You deserve someone who will show you off to his family and friends. Who will propose spectacularly. Who will be there for every important moment in your life. Someone who loves your mom and is like a son to your dad. Someone who you can have couple friends with, buy a house, go thru pregnancy, grow old with.

 

The life of an "other woman" is a very lonely life. You don't deserve that. Don't settle.

 

Someone else said here they wasted something like 6-8 years in their 20s on a married man. They missed or on so much! Where would their life have been if they didn't setttle for being second?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory language
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You're clearly not ready to be the other woman if you're complaining about him not calling you like you're in a real relationship. People who are content with being the other woman understand how to play their role. You don't complain and you don't ask questions. You should get rid of any expectations of being treated like a girlfriend or even someone he truly cared about. You're basically a toy for him to play with when he doesn't want to be bothered with his wife. So if you want to be the other woman, stop nagging and complaining. You are number 2 so act like a number 2 girl.

 

Or you could try to find out why you have such low self-esteem that you don't think you deserve a man of your own.

 

^^^^THIS^^^! Plus, get ready to spend a lot of time alone during the holidays and wondering how he and his family are enjoying Christmas day. Yeah you will get the overnight time when she's out of town. Also if his wife ever finds out about you get ready to get thrown under a bus.

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It's worse than you can ever imagine. Seriously.

 

I am not trying to be a meanie, but it's that bad. It's really really bad. Like I said before, if a friend came to me and said this - I imagine lots of screaming and crying on my part trying to convince her not to destroy her life, her heart, and any shred of self respect she may have.

 

Being with him isn't an option. Think you can't live without him? He will DESTROY YOU.

 

Read some of the Other Woman stories on here. 99% of the tales end in heart break, shattered self esteem. People so damaged that they have given up on love, and sometimes even life itself.

 

You are LUCKY, only 6 months deep. Save yourself now before it's too late.

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Onlywhenitrains
Yeah, THIS. I really thought I'm ready to be the other woman. Well, I expected him to treat me like a girlfriend. But I'm not :( So maybe you're guys right that I should end this up. But I don't know if I'll be able to function without him...

 

 

Yes, it's bad! He doesn't treat you as his girlfriend, and never will. Affairs are not sustainable, because as time goes by you will want and demand more, and more. He will NOT want/be able to give it to you.

 

It was 6 or 7 months into my A that I started to want more. Never got it. Never will.

 

You will get a lot of great advice around here. Some may sound as more than just tough love, but it's well-intentioned, honest, and what you need to hear.

 

The sooner you walk away, the better. It won't be easy, but it's doable. And, it is in your best interest.

 

Alternatively, you can tell him you love him, put your foot down, and ask him to make a choice - and, be with you (which, btw I think it's generally a bad idea). More likely than not, his response will be to disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.

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ShatteredLady

You asked if it's normal to be completely ignored for a couple of days after he's popped-in to have quick sex with you...

 

Yes it is! He gets home & his wife has cooked his dinner for him. He gives her a kiss & a cuddle. They chat...he lies! They get into bed together, snuggle & spoon. He feels terrible GUILT. He hates himself & he HATES what's he's done with YOU. He's disgusted!! He pulls back from you.

 

The guilt subsides. He arranges another quick, meaningless f**k with you. Rince & repeat.

 

Or....I'm completely wrong & his wife only likes sex a couple of times a week & he empties his balls in you on her 'off' days. Have you tried keeping a diary? You might be able to spot when she has her period!! That's fun!!

 

 

You are happy to be a mistress & even have his children. What if your baby is born on his wife's birthday or their anniversary? He won't be there for the birth. He won't be there for any birthdays. That's ok with a baby but what when your child asks why he never sees Daddy on his birthday? "Because Daddy takes his wife, his REAL family somewhere exciting because it's a MORE special day for them!".

 

Can I ask how old you are? My mind is trying to understand why you're thinking this way. One day you will think back on the naive words you've written here & you will be so embarrassed....or you will sob quietly, alone.

 

You are receiving harsh words here because members are trying to help you & his poor wife. If/when she discovers the truth he will dump you. You will think nothing could ever hurt more but what you feel will be a fraction of what his wife feels. You're complicit in the shattering agony of another human being.

 

Yep! You're in LUV. JOY!!!

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No, I'm 26, he's 28.

 

Holy sh*t! You're still literally a baby. Don't do this to yourself. You deserve so much better. Your life is a gift jjackie. Open it up and look beyond this MM. The world beyond him is so big and beautiful it will take your breathe away. Good luck.

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ShatteredLady

Sorry. I was typing as others were posting.

 

26!!!! Oh my goodness!!

 

Please, please be strong & stop this now. You should be having fun, growing, experiencing wonderful things. Life is so much better than this!

 

Please tell me that you're using contraception??

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Jackie, hon you just have no Idea what you are doing.

 

This guy is playing you like a fiddle, I know because I have done it.

 

Girl you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

 

Please let this go and find a single man that can actually love you like you deserve.

 

Trust me, I really know what I am talking about. Bless your heart...

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Wow! Why don't you think that you're too good for this? You say you won't get pregnant but how are you going to feel when his wife does? How will you feel when he is spending all of the major holidays with his wife? When he goes on vacation with his wife? When he becomes the proud daddy to his first born? When he's building a lifetime of memories with his wife and extended family while you are the dirty secret who has to stand by quietly and wait for him to make time for you? He will be living a full and rewarding family life with his wife while you are living half a life waiting for whatever crumbs he has left over for you?

 

How will you feel when his wife becomes suspicious and he suddenly goes completely silent on you for weeks or months at a time? How will you feel when his wife discovers the affair and he writes you a no contact letter that states his relationship with you was a huge mistake and he never wants you to contact him again?

 

This is not going to end well no matter what but if you get out now, end it on your terms you will at least keep your dignity and sanity. Good Luck

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I know that this will be very, very difficult to me to break this all up. I love this guy, he makes me happy (well, for most of the time)... But it kills me that he will never be mine :( So I enjoy and take what he gives me. I'm not good at relationships, believe me or not but this 6 months is the longest time of seeing someone continuously. I am that kind of person who love forever and last time I cared about someone so much was about 5 or 6 years ago. I was healing for 1,5 years after that breakup and to be fair, I will always love him... I have exactly the same feelings for this one, if you knew how he makes me feel... After these 6 months my feelings increased, I can't stop thinking of him even though I run my own business and have a lot of work... Being busy doesn't help at all. I know I'm being selfish, I know this is so wrong what we do, but I want just him, I'm over the moon (excluding that quiet days). I need to keep telling myself I'm strong enough to end up this all. But I know that I'm not, but I'll try anyway. I need to prepare myself for serious pain and struggle.

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We met at our friend's birthday party 3 years ago. At that night when I saw him I honestly fell for him instantly. I was literally melting while looking at him, my heart was racing when he approached me. We've had a very good talk, exchanged numbers and met few days later. We have been dating for few weeks and since then I have never heard from him again. I found a new boyfriend and deleted his number but to be honest, I could not get over him. I thought of him from time to time... I missed him.

 

We've met again this year at the same friend's birthday party. I was SO HAPPY to see him again. But this time everything was different, he told me he's MARRIED. And I just wanted to ask him about going out and having a drink. Well, we had a good talk again, but nothing happened, I had to control myself so much not to fell on him, I was kind of upset so I went home early.

 

Few days later, I've received a message from him (from his new number, though). He messaged me "wow, it was so difficult to get your number from (our friend) so I hope you'll make it up to me and let me take you out". I knew it was him, so I replied that I am not mad at our friend for giving him my number and I joked that I hope his wife will let him out, He replied "Don't you worry:)" I've decided to meet him, but I told myself I won't have sex with him. Well, we didn't... that night, however, I broke this rule 2 weeks later. It was so good, I just couldn't help it, I couldn't keep myself away from it. So, it's been 6 months from that night and we regularly see each other. The thing is, we are closer than ever, we've never been so intimate and emotionally close. We talk almost every day, I gave him my spare keys, there's his clothes and stuff all over my apartament, we go cinema, we go out to eat, sometimes we just lay down and watch a movie and he just go home without having sex... But sometimes he comes for a quickie and he doesnt talk to me for a day or two, I mean like NOTHING, no even "hi"... And when I ask him what happened he just says that everything is fine and he was busy but I don't believe he didn't find a 5 minutes to ask how I am. This is what pisses me off and gives me that idea of him playing with me. Is this normal? Maybe I over react, but why sometimes we can talk on Skype for 5 hours or he is able to spend the whole night with me and the other day he's not even able to send me a quick message... Maaybe he doesn't want to, maybe he's tiredd of me and need a "break"? And after him being quiet he pops up with a message like nothing happened but I was all nervous and upset about the situation. And I told him so many times to let me know if he's busy or he'll be busy and won't be able to contact me. He knows I am being emotional and I tend to take everything personal. Is he really THAT busy??? I don't believe it.

 

Another thing, I know he doesn't want to leave his wife and I'm ready to be the other woman even for the rest of my life. And don't worry about me having a baby, I'll be fine. :)

 

And yes, I love him.

 

This makes me very sad. You have no self respect, self love for yourself. If you don't have that for 'you' how can you expect or hope for anybody else to respect you? This MM is using you and is playing you for a fool. Please, wise up, end it and seek some counseling.

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His wife doesn't deserve any of this deception if truth be told.

 

Really sometimes a "no trespassing" on marriage should be cited to the affair partners..

 

Move along. You'll love again ..

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