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I have to ask this because I can't find any advice on the internet that is similar to my situation. I am a 21 year old Jehovah Witness who fell in love with a 40 year old married man last year at work. He was very unhappy in his relationship for years and was going to leave her for me. My parents found out, they kicked me out of the house and I got disfellowshipped from my JW congregation because it is not ok to be involved in a relationship with a married man.. This means that family and friends have to shun or disown me.

 

I got an apartment, and continued to see this man. We are completely in love and want to be together forever. He has tried to leave his wife but she's gone crazy, causing drama, calling my parents, attempting suicide, trying to break us up, showing up where we are etc.. My man has broken up with me 5-6 times because he feel he just can't leave. He has guilt for his teen kids and guilt for the wife and feels it might be too difficult to start over again at his age. But we don't stay apart long. We always end up together. We want to be together and the love is so strong but we just can't figure out how to make it work.

 

I gave up my apartment so we could get a bigger one together but we never did and I can't go back to my parents and have exhausted all my friends houses. I'm living in my car. My parents won't approve of our relationship at all and have cut me out other than sending me texts about how stupid I'm being. He left his wife again and we are in my car together. But he hasn't committed. He wants to. We find it hard to say good bye because we are so much in love. But there's always the guilt. We talk about how he just can't leave but doesn't want to leave me either. His wife wants to work it out and isn't giving up on her marriage vows.

 

I want advice on a few things. First. If I stay with him, my parents will never accept him or me into their lives. I love my family, they were most important part of my life. But I'm willing to give up my entire family for this man. Do you think what my parents are doing is right and will I ever be truly happy without them in my life?

 

And if we do break up, how do we let go of each other when we both don't want to? We've tried in the past and always end up on the same place- back together trying to figure out how he can be happy leaving his family and 24 year relationship.

 

How does this end?

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Also can the age gap work in he long run? I think age is just a number but his wife is telling him different. We both are willing to compromise on the having kids issue. He doesn't really want to have any more at his age bit will if I really want to but I also would give that up for him if he really didn't want any.

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He is ruining your life and you're letting him.

 

He is being selfish and a cake-eater. You two are living in your car? Sounds like an all time low to me.

 

He can go back at any time to his nice cushy pillow and bed in his house with his wife while you will still sleep in your car.

 

No man who truly loves a woman would put her in such a situation. What does any self respecting 40 year old man want with a 21 year old anyway? Sex. That's it.

 

When you're 30 and he's 50, you still think it's going to work?

 

You're giving up your family and everything in your life for someone who doesn't even really love you. Let him go.

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I have to share with you my immediate reaction after reading your post and that was "Oh boy, you have gotten yourself into one big, fat £ucking mess."

 

First of all, you are very young. Too young to be making decisions about your life based on a man.

 

Second, it is COMPLETELY inappropriate for a 40 year old man to be involved with a 20 year old girl. PERIOD. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about this. Nevermind that he is a 40 year old MARRIED man.

 

Third, and most important, is that you need to take one gigantic step backwards out of this mess you have gotten yourself into, which you call being totally in love with eachother, and get an objective view of the situation. (So I am glad you have posted here). Which leads to...

 

Fourth, you MUST stop having sex with this man IMMEDIATELY. If your response to this is anything other than "OK," don't bother reading the rest of this response. You need to do this so that you can get better, healthy perspective. You need better perspective because you have given up your God, your friends, your family, your dignity, your lifestyle, your home, your security, and your entire social support system for SOME GUY. This, my dear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, was a VERY bad decision. If you are lucky, you will not also lose your job over this.

 

To answer your questions:

 

Do you think what my parents are doing is right? YES.

 

Will I ever be truly happy without them in my life?

NO.

 

And if we do break up, how do we let go of each other when we both don't want to?

You probably are going to need to take this slowly because you have tried to do it all at once and have not been able. Start with not having ANY sex with him. You must set this rule yourself and you must be the one to enforce this rule. How he reacts to this is not your problem, and does not mean ANYTHING other than it is his reaction. Don't read into it.

 

If you MUST talk to him, talk to him, but keep ALL conversation focused on YOU. NOT HIM. NOT the relationship. And NOT anyone's feelings. If you have difficulty with your feelings and you need to share them with someone, share them here or get a therapist. Boyfriends are NOT receptacles for your feelings.

 

Next, is there ANYONE left in your circle of friends or relatives who can help you? You need to stabilize your life, which means you need to have a place to live.

 

Since you're homeless, I'm sure you have time to go to the library. Go there and get a book on setting boundaries. Read that.

 

 

I have to ask this because I can't find any advice on the internet that is similar to my situation. I am a 21 year old Jehovah Witness who fell in love with a 40 year old married man last year at work. He was very unhappy in his relationship for years and was going to leave her for me. My parents found out, they kicked me out of the house and I got disfellowshipped from my JW congregation because it is not ok to be involved in a relationship with a married man.. This means that family and friends have to shun or disown me.

 

I got an apartment, and continued to see this man. We are completely in love and want to be together forever. He has tried to leave his wife but she's gone crazy, causing drama, calling my parents, attempting suicide, trying to break us up, showing up where we are etc.. My man has broken up with me 5-6 times because he feel he just can't leave. He has guilt for his teen kids and guilt for the wife and feels it might be too difficult to start over again at his age. But we don't stay apart long. We always end up together. We want to be together and the love is so strong but we just can't figure out how to make it work.

 

I gave up my apartment so we could get a bigger one together but we never did and I can't go back to my parents and have exhausted all my friends houses. I'm living in my car. My parents won't approve of our relationship at all and have cut me out other than sending me texts about how stupid I'm being. He left his wife again and we are in my car together. But he hasn't committed. He wants to. We find it hard to say good bye because we are so much in love. But there's always the guilt. We talk about how he just can't leave but doesn't want to leave me either. His wife wants to work it out and isn't giving up on her marriage vows.

 

I want advice on a few things. First. If I stay with him, my parents will never accept him or me into their lives. I love my family, they were most important part of my life. But I'm willing to give up my entire family for this man. Do you think what my parents are doing is right and will I ever be truly happy without them in my life?

 

And if we do break up, how do we let go of each other when we both don't want to? We've tried in the past and always end up on the same place- back together trying to figure out how he can be happy leaving his family and 24 year relationship.

 

How does this end?

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Also can the age gap work in he long run? I think age is just a number but his wife is telling him different. We both are willing to compromise on the having kids issue. He doesn't really want to have any more at his age bit will if I really want to but I also would give that up for him if he really didn't want any.

 

The age gap can work if you are willing to be subjected to the wants, desires, and decisions of a man. But I promise you that you do not KNOW this man, you know nothing about him other than what you see at work and in your limited relationship with him. So you can't even make an educated GUESS whether or not you want to subject yourself to him!

 

You need to figure out what your values are. You've given up ALL of your own values in order to accommodate someone who is NOT also willing to give up HIS own values for you. (And you should never have to give up your own personal values in order to be with someone. That should be your first indication that something is really wrong here). You don't even know if you want to have children, and are willing to forego such a major part of life to please and accommodate him. This is so backwards, I can't even tell you.

 

Abby, men do not want pushovers who devote their entire existence to them. He is going to get sick of you sooner or later, especially if you have no compass, no real wants or desires. To make any relationship work, you must know what you want and you must communicate that to the other person. You do not have this person's respect, no matter what he tells you.

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BettyDraper

It's frightening how willing you are to ruin your life and alienate your loved ones for someone who doesn't even care about you. I see you as a naive young woman who has been sold a lie by a predatory man who doesn't care about his obligations. Though I have some pity for you since you are too guileless to see what a terrible mistake you're making, most of my sympathy lies with this fool's wife and children.

 

How cliche it is for him to ruin his family for a woman young enough to be his daughter! This guy is enjoying the drama of having two women swooning over him. You are more than some loser's midlife crisis. Cut off contact and see if you can return to your parents' house. I doubt that they will take you back and you will live with the stigma of your actions within your religious community.

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whatatangledweb

If your parents don't shun or disown you then they will be kicked out just like you. So yes, they are right to do it.

 

You are willing to give up your religion, your family, and children based on a man happy to be living in a car with you. I don't get it. Why aren't you in an apartment? If you could afford one then , why not now? I don't see how any one that loves you would be okay with you living in a car. He should step out of your life because he has destroyed it.

 

Your MM is having a mid life crisis and it is a huge ego boost to be able to hook up with someone your age when he's 40. Will it last? I don't really think it will.

 

He seems very self centered. His wife has tried to commit suicide and he contiues to cheat. Knowing how it is destoying her. He kepts being with you while he knows it is destroying everything in your life.

 

You need to take control of your life. Get a place or go back home with your parents. Yes, I know that means you have to ditch him. You will suffer and hurt for a while and in time it will be easier to deal with. I see in no way has MM done anything to add to your life.

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Thanks for the advice

 

You all make it sound like I'm nothing to him.

 

He doesn't just want me for sex. I do have my own wants and desires and I'm a very sttrong woman. We connect on every level, not just sex. And it's hard to have sex all the time in a car anyway. It's not about sex. I don't work with Him anymore, I went to school and got a good job. I let my apartment go when my lease was up because if was a studio and we were going to move in together to a better place with room for his kids. We looked at apartments. He lived with me at a friends for two months but the guilt was too much for him, so he went back to his wife. Then he couldn't stand being away from me so he told his wife he wanted a divorce. She agreed, he left her and came back to me....by again the guilt came and he went back to her a few hours later. Told me he wanted to cut off all contact. We tried, it's just too hard and we fell back into it. His wife has been a constant annoyance this whole time, she doesn't leave him alone and she's a complete psycho. She holds the kids over him telling him that she isn't going to force them to visit us if they don't want to because of me. That she woulsnt keep them from him but if they didn't want to be around ME they don't have to. If we are living together she doesn't have a choice right? (The kids found out when one of their friends saw us together). I don't know why she holds on when he obviously loves me.

 

We talk about EVERYTHING. We are so open with each other that there is no confusion about what we want. We want to be together. He's just cry entangled in his life and guilt and missing his kids and the details. But the love we know is there

 

He wants me. I want him. But he feels guilty for leaving his wife who he's been with since high school and his children. But he wants my love. I want his.

 

I'm in my car now because my parents don't approve of the situation so I can't go to them, I've exhausted all my friend options, and have nowhere else to go.

 

I am hoping that he will leave his wife and we can get an apartment together. He's been out for two weeks with limited wife contact and only texting the kids. We are really focusing on things, getting to the bottom of this. Pro and con lists.

He doesn't want to lose me and he doesn't want to lose his life. He suggested a polygamy situation but neither his wife or me want that.

 

I would appreciate replies that don't focus on him only wanting me for sex because I know 100% that is not the case.

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RecentChange

How does this end?

 

How does this end? Not happily ever after, I can just about guarantee that.

 

How does this end? Heart break. His children's heart break, his wife's heart break, your parent's heart break - last would be yours, as you have not invested as much love, and years as the rest have.

 

My parents won't approve of our relationship at all and have cut me out other than sending me texts about how stupid I'm being.

 

You are being extremely foolish. Stupid even. You are throwing away your faith, your family, your future, for LUST for a man. You are in the "honeymoon" period of a relationship. When its all lust and chemical bonding. You don't know what a "normal" life would be with this CHEATING man.

 

Speaking of cheating. He committed to and married his wife. He CHEATED on her. Do you really think you are such a special snow flake that he would never cheat on YOU? He let you throw away your family, live in a car!! He does not care about YOU first, he has let you suffer for HIM, and his lust.

 

You are being used.

 

You have a choice here - keep on this path, which is leading to no where good. Or you can change the course of your life. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE which is not to throw your life away for a cheater, but rather to stop this, and stop it right now. You are young, you haven't invested a decade into this - what, a year at most?

 

Quit allowing yourself to be used. Quit being so foolish. Quit making these HORRIBLE choices. They are bad for you, bad for him, bad for everyone.

 

Zip your pants back up - and read about going no contact.

 

I promise, a break up will be much less painful then the path you are choosing to take.

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ShatteredLady

How long have you been living in your car & how many nights (in total) has he stayed with you?

 

I truly don't understand this! You could afford an apartment & only moved out to get a bigger one. He's a 40 year old man with a career! Why aren't you staying in a motel while arranging a home. You both work??

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RecentChange

By the way, he has so much GUILT because what you two are doing is WRONG.

 

Its wrong for his family, wrong for you.

 

HE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY - SO GUILTY THAT HE ENDS THIS NONSENSE.

 

We have a conscious so that we can know right from wrong? Do you not know right from wrong? Do you not know this is very very wrong?

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RecentChange

He doesn't want to lose me and he doesn't want to lose his life. He suggested a polygamy situation but neither his wife or me want that.

 

Oh thats rich - he wants his cake and to eat it too! Why can't you just make this easy for him. Agree to be the side girl. #2, he has his family, and then you know, you can have the scraps. Kinda like how you are living in your car, because he can't and WON'T make you priority #1.

 

I am sorry if I am being rude, but this situation is ridiculous, and its abundantly clear you are a young women making bad choices.

 

Your parents are right. Your friends are right.

 

You know how drug addicts end up on the street, because they have burned everyone who has loved them, constantly choosing their drug over family?

 

This man is your drug, and he is as good for you as a heroin addiction would be.

 

"Love" isn't enough honey. You need to be compatible, you need the same life goals and vision for the future. You need someone who can make you priority #1.

 

You have thrown your life away making him your top priority - meanwhile he has allowed you to live in a car.

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ShatteredLady

" His wife has been a constant annoyance this whole time, she doesn't leave him alone and she's a complete psycho. She holds the kids over him telling him that she isn't going to force them to visit us if they don't want to...".

 

This is a woman (a fellow HUMAN BEING) who has spent her entire adult life loving this man & building a family with him!! Have some compassion!!!

 

She is right! She CAN NOT force teenage children to approve or stay with him. He comes with baggage. That's what happens when you commit adultery with a grown man & FATHER.

 

IF (& it's a huge if) you possibly stay together you will be dealing with this "annoyance" for the rest of your life. At 21 you can dump your faith, family, friends, everything! It's a bit more complicated when you're (apparently) a grown-up with family & responsibilities.

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Hi Abby

 

My advise would be to get yourself set up and be totally self sufficient. Do what you need to do, that is not dependant on what your MM does.

 

Sadly, it's very typical for the MM to waffle back and forth, taking years in the process, if they ever leave at all. You can't live like that...waiting and waiting. You will become resentful and feel like you've wasted years waiting.

 

If your relationship is as strong as you say it is, then he will sort his stuff out, separate from you. In the mean time, you can't live in your car, so focus on finding a place suitable just for you. If your needs change and space demands change in the future, then so be it.

 

I think the age difference is very huge. It's not just a numbers thing to me, it's where you are at, in your stage of life. He has already lived a very full life, with almost grown children. He's in a totally different place. Are you sure he is willing to go through having babies again? If not, are you sure you are willing to give up being a mother? You are young and haven't even dated much...if at all? It may seem like a small thing to you, but it won't be later. There are a lot of aspects you and he, that need to be sorted out. You can't sort anything out until he leaves and files for divorice. Words are not actions, he can say he loves you all day long, but in the end, he is there with his wife and children. Everything else is just excuses.

 

PLease look after yourself

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I have to ask this because I can't find any advice on the internet that is similar to my situation. I am a 21 year old Jehovah Witness who fell in love with a 40 year old married man last year at work. He was very unhappy in his relationship for years and was going to leave her for me. My parents found out, they kicked me out of the house and I got disfellowshipped from my JW congregation because it is not ok to be involved in a relationship with a married man.. This means that family and friends have to shun or disown me.

 

I got an apartment, and continued to see this man. We are completely in love and want to be together forever. He has tried to leave his wife but she's gone crazy, causing drama, calling my parents, attempting suicide, trying to break us up, showing up where we are etc.. My man has broken up with me 5-6 times because he feel he just can't leave. He has guilt for his teen kids and guilt for the wife and feels it might be too difficult to start over again at his age. But we don't stay apart long. We always end up together. We want to be together and the love is so strong but we just can't figure out how to make it work.

 

I gave up my apartment so we could get a bigger one together but we never did and I can't go back to my parents and have exhausted all my friends houses. I'm living in my car. My parents won't approve of our relationship at all and have cut me out other than sending me texts about how stupid I'm being. He left his wife again and we are in my car together. But he hasn't committed. He wants to. We find it hard to say good bye because we are so much in love. But there's always the guilt. We talk about how he just can't leave but doesn't want to leave me either. His wife wants to work it out and isn't giving up on her marriage vows.

I want advice on a few things. First. If I stay with him, my parents will never accept him or me into their lives. I love my family, they were most important part of my life. But I'm willing to give up my entire family for this man. Do you think what my parents are doing is right and will I ever be truly happy without them in my life?

 

And if we do break up, how do we let go of each other when we both don't want to? We've tried in the past and always end up on the same place- back together trying to figure out how he can be happy leaving his family and 24 year relationship.

How does this end?

 

Not well. Take what you have learned so far young lady, in your lifetime and the love of your family in hand.

 

There are 'crazy' times of youth and then downright throwing away all regard for what you have been taught is reasonable, fair and kind.

 

You are currently engaged in the latter. If you have been abused by your family in some way....please do seek therapeutic attention. No person should feel helpless or molded by abusive individuals including family.

 

If you have not been abused and are having sex with a married man, with children.....thrown your family values into the dumpster over doing such...being 21 is your only excuse.

 

Your life has more purpose and you do not need anyone beyond your family or faith to tell you this.

 

Go home. If you can't, get a job...get out of your car and get far away from false love as fast as you can.

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Quiet Storm

It's not right that your family disowned you, but I feel they had your best interests at heart. I feel like this guy is taking advantage of the emotions you feel for him.

 

I don't believe that this married guy has your best interests at heart. Look at your life since you became involved with him. You are living in your car. Your relationship with your family has been destroyed.

 

This guy is 40 years old and has no problem dragging you down with him. If he truly cared about you and your well being, he would let you go. He is just pouring his dysfunction all over you - a mentally ill wife, his inability to make a decision, his guilt, etc.

 

This is a man with a weak character. You can't see it because you're in love with him, but he's not a good guy trapped in bad circumstances. He's a dysfunctional, weak, immature and selfish man. He's 40 and living in a car. He not only is turning his family's life upside down with his drama, but has broken up another family, too.

 

Age gap relationships can work, but both people need to be emotionally healthy individuals. This guy is just a mess and would not make a good partner for anyone, regardless of age.

 

He won't commit to you because like many men, love isn't as important to him as it is to you. You are willing to sacrifice so much for him- family, a place to live, being a mom. For some guys (especially married ones), love is just not important enough to make those kinds of sacrifices.

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Your MM has teenagers? Is one of them a daughter? How would he feel about his daughter being homeless and living in her car for the sake of carrying on a relationship with an a man old enough to be her father? I bet he'd hate that man (unless he really doesn't love his daughter) and do everything in his power to get that man out of his daughters life. He thinks this is all you deserve but I bet he'd hate to see one of his kids wind up with a man like him.

 

So sorry his wife isn't bending over backwards to make things easy on her cheating husband. Why should she? She's not the one who cheated and abandoned her family. She's not the one putting her kids through this agony, he is. You think he should be able to lie and cheat and walk away without any consequences and his wife should be one to take responsibility for the way the kids feel? She told him he could leave and that she wouldn't stand in the way of him seeing his kids. That's pretty gracious of her, she is not obligated to go to war with her teenagers and force them to visit you. The relationship with his kids is his responsibility, not hers. He wants to break up his marriage and leave his family then he needs to be a man and deal with the consequences of that. He has to be willing to put in the time and effort to repairing his relationship with his kids. If he's too much of a baby to take responsibility for his actions then that's his problem. It's not his wife's job to clean up his messes for him, especially not after the horrible way he has treated her.

 

As for your parents, well I don't agree with any religion that involves shunning loved ones and I don't agree with parents disowning their children simply because they are making a mistake in choosing a romantic partner. However if I had a young daughter in your situation I would flip my lid and raise holy hell. You don't see it now but someday when you are older and you look back on this you will be disgusted by this MM and his actions. Your staying in your freaking car because he never came through and got a place with you but you say you have a good job so what are living in your car for? Go get your own place and don't let this pathetic man move in with you.

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OP what would you do and how would feel if your dad was doing what your MM is doing. Imagine your dad coming home and telling your mom that he is leaving her for a 20yr old. Imagine him breaking your mothers heart and blowing up her world so that he can go take advantage of a young naïve woman. Imagine him leaving home and going to live with a girl in her car. How would you feel about your father if he did that?

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Thanks for the advice

 

You all make it sound like I'm nothing to him.

 

He doesn't just want me for sex. I do have my own wants and desires and I'm a very sttrong woman. We connect on every level, not just sex. And it's hard to have sex all the time in a car anyway. It's not about sex. I don't work with Him anymore, I went to school and got a good job. I let my apartment go when my lease was up because if was a studio and we were going to move in together to a better place with room for his kids. We looked at apartments. He lived with me at a friends for two months but the guilt was too much for him, so he went back to his wife. Then he couldn't stand being away from me so he told his wife he wanted a divorce. She agreed, he left her and came back to me....by again the guilt came and he went back to her a few hours later. Told me he wanted to cut off all contact. We tried, it's just too hard and we fell back into it. His wife has been a constant annoyance this whole time, she doesn't leave him alone and she's a complete psycho. She holds the kids over him telling him that she isn't going to force them to visit us if they don't want to because of me. That she woulsnt keep them from him but if they didn't want to be around ME they don't have to. If we are living together she doesn't have a choice right? (The kids found out when one of their friends saw us together). I don't know why she holds on when he obviously loves me.

 

We talk about EVERYTHING. We are so open with each other that there is no confusion about what we want. We want to be together. He's just cry entangled in his life and guilt and missing his kids and the details. But the love we know is there

 

He wants me. I want him. But he feels guilty for leaving his wife who he's been with since high school and his children. But he wants my love. I want his.

 

I'm in my car now because my parents don't approve of the situation so I can't go to them, I've exhausted all my friend options, and have nowhere else to go.

 

I am hoping that he will leave his wife and we can get an apartment together. He's been out for two weeks with limited wife contact and only texting the kids. We are really focusing on things, getting to the bottom of this. Pro and con lists.

He doesn't want to lose me and he doesn't want to lose his life. He suggested a polygamy situation but neither his wife or me want that.

 

I would appreciate replies that don't focus on him only wanting me for sex because I know 100% that is not the case.

 

Why is that obvious?

 

Try and imagine being her for a second. She has a husband, he has a young misstress. He tells her that he is leaving her and wants a divorce. She says fine. Then a few hours later, he comes back and begs her for forgiveness, probably telling her how much he loves her and wants to be with only her.

And that happens several times and each times she believes him when he says he'll break it off with you.

 

She actually sounds just like you, except from the other end of the spectrum. She probably thinks the EXACT same things as you, that he obviously wants to be with her, but you are a psycho that just won't leave him alone. That's also most likely what he's telling her as he begs her to take him back each time.

 

The fact is - this man loves neither one of you. He cares that his needs are met, whatever those needs are at the moment. Whether that be his ''happy family'' domestic needs one moment, or his ''young fresh relationship''needs the other moment.

 

Meanwhile, you are putting your whole life on the line and living in your car. You have given up the only parents you'll ever have and he can't even commit to you.

 

Listen to me, no man will ever be worth this much. No man will ever be worth you living in a car all alone. Especially this man. Get an apartmant on your own and get your life in order.

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What_Did_I_Do

Holy moley.

 

Firstly, your parents won't approve because they need approval of the church elders - yes? And that just won't happen.

 

Secondly, your MM is enjoying your fresh ... Ahem...youth and when he snaps out of it will return back to his W with his tail between his legs.

 

I'm all for 'love conquers all' but this has disaster written all over it. OP, try to find someone in your church that can offer some guidance or something before you end up pregnant and in an even worse situation than you are in now.

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So I'm in my car because I don't have enough money for an apartment yet. I work but don't make that much. I drive all over for work so that takes a lot of gas money

 

He got a pay cut at work and the wife recent quit her job. I guess over last year she's had a lot of problems dealing with work due to this situation and was close to losing her job of 9 years so she quit before she got fired for attendance so she could still have the referral. She did this when they were together Stupid. Me and him are going thru the same situation and we managed to make it to work every day.

 

He is good to her, he hasn't taken any $ away from her, the whole paycheck minus like 160 a month goes to her to pay their bills. So that extra goes toward gas because it's hot here and need the Ac in in the car at night.

 

This is temporary. He is trying to make a decision again about what he's going to do. Go ahead with divorce or move forward with me. Once he makes the decision to get divorced then he'll have to split the money, she'll have to sell the house or forclose and find a job. I'm ok with child suppert but not alimony. So the car thing is just temporary

 

We are talking constantly about this. He's not using me. He loves me. I love him. He csres about me and part of reason he is in car with me is because I was feeling unsafe and propositioned by wierd guys at rest areas. He is keeping me safe too. He is out of it most the time and in a funk but that's just due to the stress is situation, once he decides then I'm sure he'll find peace.

 

My parents don't exactly completely shun me. They say I have to make my own mistakes but they don't have to stand my when I'm doing something like this, but they'll be there for me just he has to be out of my life and I'm not ok with that. I'm not abused but my dad did cheat on my mom when I was younger and I just wish they'd get divorced. My man does have childhood abuse and abandonment in his background but he recently started going to counseling for it and seems to be ok.

 

I have had other relationships, some good some not. I did have a sexual relationship with a college professor is married but I know that wasn't a healthy one.

 

He does not tell his wife he loves her, she knows how he feels. He loves her but is in love with me. She sees him as someone damaged by abuse and refuses to leave him, thinks this is all a midlife crisis and the abuse is catching up with him, thinks he's in a fantasy world and will completely regret leaving some day so she is fighting for him, claiming that she doesn't want him to lose his family for something that won't last. She obviously is delusional.

Edited by AbbyVP
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bubbaganoosh

Look. You gave up your faith, family, friends, your apartment for this guy and what has he given up? Want the truth? Nothing. He's still married to his wife, he comes and goes and you let him and take him back every time.

 

There comes a time in your life when you have to stop and ask if you deserve better. Your living in your car. YOUR CAR!. And for what.

 

A married man who can't or better yet WONT make up his mind and why should he? Things get rough at home he knocks on the passenger side door of your car and spends a bit of time with you.

 

If he really loved you, bet the house that he wouldn't let you be living in those kinds of conditions.

 

Think about it. Ask yourself if you want more, if you deserve more and want more then what your getting.

 

I hope you wise up and let this guy go but what I really hope for is that your family will accept you back.

 

I hope this doesn't hit you hard but I'm a father of two daughters and I'll be damned if I would let my daughter live in a car, religious beliefs or no religious beliefs, nothing would stop me from finding her and getting her back and if the church wanted to punish me then I would find another church that is more compassionate and tell the old church to shove it sideways. Sorry for the rant but it pisses me off when your child comes in second. They hold the top spot and everything else comes in below that.

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startingagain15

 

He does not tell his wife he loves her, she knows how he feels. He loves her but is in love with me. She sees him as someone damaged by abuse and refuses to leave him, thinks this is all a midlife crisis and the abuse is catching up with him, thinks he's in a fantasy world and will completely regret leaving some day so she is fighting for him, claiming that she doesn't want him to lose his family for something that won't last.

 

She sounds like a strong, faithful, beautiful, loving wife. He doesn't deserve her at all. And if there's anyone delusional in this situation sweetie, it's you.

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