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'Dumped' by now seperated man


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goldengirl11

There's nothing anyone can do, but felt it might help me to share this story, as am feeling very hurt...

 

I had been friends (apart from kissing on occasions) with a married friend of mine for the past 3 or so years who a while ago I had mutually agreed to cut contact with as it wasn't fair on either of us, in his words being strongly attracted to each other whilst he was married. Now, out of he blue, he contacted me at the beginning of June, to say that he would be splitting with his wife and was looking forward to meeting again/seeing each other properly. We then met after he'd got back from Rome when he couldn't keep his hands off me etc. We kept in touch and he said that 'the chat' wouldn't happen for a couple of weeks after his wife's 40th weekend. I then didn't hear from him, nor did I get a happy birthday on FB, so assumed he decided to stay. I messaged him earlier this evening with a "how are things?" To which he replied were ok, that he'd moved out and now has a new girlfriend to his surprise - who is in his band! On impulse, I told him how hurt I felt i.e got it out my system (or did I?) and then unfriended him! Am a bit worried now what response I'll get!! I feel shocked and very low.

Edited by goldengirl11
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Ouch. You were his exit strategy/rebound/booty call. Write him off. Lesson learned the hard way. He has nothing of value to say - I hope you blocked him so you don't have to hear any of the tripe that will dribble from his mouth.

 

Is there something nice you can do for yourself? Do you have friends or family you can lean on? Do you have a counsellor you can talk to?

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I consistent theme here is that most affairs fizzle once the marriage is over. Affairs are great because you are only looking for part of what you want. When that part is turned into 100%, often it does not last.

 

I would block him from everything and just move on.

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loveisanaction

What a royal douche bag. This man wanted to sleep with you but knew that he wasn't getting anywhere with you because he was married. So, he tells you that he's spitting from his wife, contacts you in June hoping he would 'get some.' When that doesn't happen he goes dark on you, not even wishing you a happy birthday. You had to reach out to him and he tells you how happy he is with his new girlfriend.

 

I've read quite a few stories of married men doing this; splitting with their wives, dumping the other woman then going off and finding a new someone completely new to date.

 

What are you worried about? So what if he doesn't like what you told him. He did you dirty so he can kiss your grits.

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goldengirl11

Thanks for the quick, sympathetic replies - much appreciated!

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Thanks for the quick, sympathetic replies - much appreciated!

 

Go do something nice for yourself. Like play darts. On a picture of his face.

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goldengirl11

One positive thing out of it I guess, is that I hoped I would still become a mother one day, but he told me last year he'd had a vasectomy! Mainly for his wife's health he said as she already had 2 boys (with other men). I'd recently been plucking up the courage to ask if he'd consider a reversal! I was willing to sacrifice it though, as thought we were possibly right for each other and feel ready to settle down.

 

Still hurts though massively of course.

Edited by goldengirl11
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Just when you think a MM can't stoop any lower and then he comes up with this crap.

 

Good riddance!

 

He showed his true colors - be glad you know now and not 5 or 10 years more wasted on him.

 

 

Get busy living! :-)

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You don't need a man to have a baby. And you certainly don't need a cheater to have one either.

 

This guy sounds unstable to me. Who calls someone up saying they're going to get together with you and then goes with someone else? I bet he wasn't leaving his wife but he got kicked out, and the other girl was available and probably let him shack up with her.

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MEGA OUCH. But you know what? you can't make someone love you. You can only get out there and find someone who will.

 

In time, when the dust settles and you do meet someone who loves you, this will make more sense. But in the mean time it is painful. Sending lots of regards and sympathy.

 

There's nothing anyone can do, but felt it might help me to share this story, as am feeling very hurt...

 

I had been friends (apart from kissing on occasions) with a married friend of mine for the past 3 or so years who a while ago I had mutually agreed to cut contact with as it wasn't fair on either of us, in his words being strongly attracted to each other whilst he was married. Now, out of he blue, he contacted me at the beginning of June, to say that he would be splitting with his wife and was looking forward to meeting again/seeing each other properly. We then met after he'd got back from Rome when he couldn't keep his hands off me etc. We kept in touch and he said that 'the chat' wouldn't happen for a couple of weeks after his wife's 40th weekend. I then didn't hear from him, nor did I get a happy birthday on FB, so assumed he decided to stay. I messaged him earlier this evening with a "how are things?" To which he replied were ok, that he'd moved out and now has a new girlfriend to his surprise - who is in his band! On impulse, I told him how hurt I felt i.e got it out my system (or did I?) and then unfriended him! Am a bit worried now what response I'll get!! I feel shocked and very low.

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Southern Sun

I am so sorry. He sounds like a mega-worthless-jerkface.

 

It seems like you actually did the right things, cutting contact, etc., while he was married. I'm sure you feel like you've been played, but don't allow that to reflect on you...it only shows you who HE is: someone you do not want.

 

Hold your head high and CUT HIM OFF. Permanently. You may hurt but don't let him see it. Walk away from this idiot and find someone worthy.

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goldengirl11
Have you ever or did you have sex with this guy?

 

We'd been intimate, but not actually had sex no.

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Lois_Griffin
Just when you think a MM can't stoop any lower and then he comes up with this crap.

LOL. They can ALWAYS go to lower lengths. Always.

 

Just like this one did.

 

OP, the dead LAST thing you want to do is cry and tell him how he's 'hurt' you. He doesn't CARE. He lied to your face hoping to get laid, so he's NOT a person who gives a sh*t about anyone but himself. NEVER lower yourself to sharing that with such a low life.

 

But I'd be sure to tell his girlfriend. You could take that to the bank.

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Lois_Griffin
Sorry to be crude, but when you were intimate, did he, um, get off?

 

If so, that says a lot about him.

It's safe to say this is a moot point.

 

He's already shown her EXACTLY what a low life he is, regardless of how their liaison ended that night.

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SoulSearcherAt50
Cannot sleep tonight :(

 

 

I had learned to love my as I calling it 'sweet torture'. I don't even have a thing to be mad at him about. For 8 years we had not produced one argument.

So if it is any consolation to you - you can be as hurt loved as un-loved.

And yes I am sleeping at night but it took me a lot of years and some Xanax.

And yes I am thinking of him 24/7 and ask him to come to me in my dreams.

NO, it is not going to be easy but you have an advantage of chance of finding another worth your while man! I don't.

Start looking. It is a long road and you will at least be entertained by a few idiots and maybe one will appear just who you are looking for.

 

 

Good luck and sweet dreams:)

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goldengirl11
Sorry to be crude, but when you were intimate, did he, um, get off?

 

If so, that says a lot about him.

 

Yes he did. Although I didn't actually see him with his trousers down! :o

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goldengirl11

Thanks again for the replies and to confirm I unfriended and blocked him on FB! Wasn't easy, but had to show him I had some self respect.

Edited by goldengirl11
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goldengirl11
But I'd be sure to tell his girlfriend. You could take that to the bank.

 

I was very tempted to do this, but didn't want to look wrapped up in him even more. Possibly even childish! He deserves it though tbh. The last post I sent (before unfriending/blocking) was Lucky her name who I think it is. Wasn't difficult as they'd been tagged together. She looks about 20 i.e about half his age! Also appeared to look similar to each other e.g hair colour and features and noticed they were down as living in same TOWN now!

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goldengirl11
I bet he wasn't leaving his wife but he got kicked out, and the other girl was available and probably let him shack up with her.

 

You may be right. See my last post!

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goldengirl11
Ouch. You were his exit strategy/rebound/booty call. Write him off. Lesson learned the hard way. He has nothing of value to say - I hope you blocked him so you don't have to hear any of the tripe that will dribble from his mouth.

 

Is there something nice you can do for yourself? Do you have friends or family you can lean on? Do you have a counsellor you can talk to?

 

Hi there

 

Trying to sort some kind of break for myself at the moment (if able to afford it!). Am now off work for the next two weeks. Haven't discussed this situation with anyone, but could speak to my counsellor about it, who is on holiday right now. Am next seeing her next Tues.

 

Thanks

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goldengirl11

Sorry to sound like a cracked record, but have had a bad night/morning. Just feeling so depressed (re my relationship history) tbh and feel so hurt how I've been treated. I wanted to express my feelings to him via FB this morning, if just to get it out of my system, but what stopped me was that I couldn't message him without unblocking him - when I would have to wait 48 hours to block him again, which would risk receiving a reply in meantime! I also want to get some revenge on him if I can, whether that's to message his "girlfriend" or his wife even, but do I risk looking pathetic and (dare I say) him not considering me again? Just feel so unbelievably hurt/betrayed and can't believe I fell for how genuine I thought he was.

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