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Childhood school friend...


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I feel so guilty. I'll be honest, I'm pretty open-minded, but MM situations have always been the one subject I've always been disgusted about.

 

Until this week. I had the opportunity to meet the guy I had a crush on when I was 10 yo - a few decades ago! I was lucky enough to participate in the first ever school reunion... in decades! as I was visiting the country.

 

My crush was there... he recognized me immediately although he hasn't seen me since the 80s. He told me he comes twice a year to my country/city for work conferences. He proceeded to give me his personal number.... I was a little shocked by that to be honest. And we said we will meet when he comes. Can't grasp what was on his mind. He's kind of serious, not a flirt at all. He's also very powerful professionally, in one of the main financial positions in his country which makes him seem even hotter.

 

He's married with two small children and I confess for the first time I'm having thoughts about a married man... ahhh. Always been against it, but he's so hot and interesting, he gives me such strong stomach butterflies I don't think I will be able resist if something happens :confused: Or be able to resist jumping on him if the chance arises / if he's open to it. Oh my... he's even hotter than I thought he'd turned out. I still see the child I was romantically attracted to in him, but he's grown to be a beautiful masculine man... with a gentle side. Weakness in my knees in addition to those butterflies in my stomach.

 

We exchanged looks all night since the moment he got there... Crazy how your heart can beat for someone as a child and as an adult all over. I also told him I had a crush for him back then.

 

Is that how it happens for those of you who were originally against the idea? How do you deal with this? It's a first for me. A lot of people on this meeting told me they were/are divorcing, so in the back of my mind I see a (very faint) opportunity... I know it's not realistic though. But still I have been thinking about him since for days now and the whole thing seems crazy, I don't quite get myself.

 

Good thing is he'll prob only come later this year so I have time to mentally prepare and decide... In any case, I'd go for it only for the experience, with no expectations. I know myself, I won't be able to resist. I feel so guilty and excited at the same time. Any thoughts?

Edited by edgygirl
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Have your thoughts. Fantasies are fun.

 

The reality is that sleeping with him could hurt his family. Kids. Buzz kill.

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xxoo I get it. But you are talking like a married woman with kids... I am on the outside. I am usually a thoughtful person, but... it's the nature of human beings to be a little selfish. Honestly I don't think I'll be able to resist if he contacts me. And in a way, for the first time, I confess I don't care about his wife or kids. I do feel guilty about it but that's how I really feel if I'm honest.

 

Also... It's not beautiful, but... Don't these things happen? Hence the need for this forum...

 

Have your thoughts. Fantasies are fun.

 

The reality is that sleeping with him could hurt his family. Kids. Buzz kill.

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Okay, you don't care about the wife. Why don't you look through all the infidelity threads that exist on people who start affairs and how miserable they are in them? Why set yourself up for that kind of pain and anguish?

 

And - truthfully - your fantasies right now are 1,000% better in your head than they will ever be in real life.

 

You have said that if he contacts you, you won't be able to resist. Why not be proactive and ASK and/or TELL him to not contact you again. And then block him entirely to keep the temptation at bay?

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xxoo I get it. But you are talking like a married woman with kids... I am on the outside. I am usually a thoughtful person, but... it's the nature of human beings to be a little selfish. Honestly I don't think I'll be able to resist if he contacts me. And in a way, for the first time, I confess I don't care about his wife or kids. I do feel guilty about it but that's how I really feel if I'm honest.

 

Also... It's not beautiful, but... Don't these things happen? Hence the need for this forum...

 

Ok, you don't care about them.

 

But isn't a buzz kill if he doesn't care about them?

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I have never been on this sub-forum, or read any threads here to be honest. As I said, I've always been disgusted about being with a married men.

 

Why don't I ask him not to contact me? Because he's been in my imagination for 30 years now, and this connection happened the moment we met this week. It's kinda crazy. It feels magic and ethereal. I am not saying this lightly. It feels like stuff movies are made of, stuff poets write about. It doesn't happen often.

 

It's hard to let go... not sure I want to.

 

Okay, you don't care about the wife. Why don't you look through all the infidelity threads that exist on people who start affairs and how miserable they are in them? Why set yourself up for that kind of pain and anguish?

 

And - truthfully - your fantasies right now are 1,000% better in your head than they will ever be in real life.

 

You have said that if he contacts you, you won't be able to resist. Why not be proactive and ASK and/or TELL him to not contact you again. And then block him entirely to keep the temptation at bay?

Edited by edgygirl
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ChickiePops
xxoo I get it. But you are talking like a married woman with kids... I am on the outside. I am usually a thoughtful person, but... it's the nature of human beings to be a little selfish. Honestly I don't think I'll be able to resist if he contacts me. And in a way, for the first time, I confess I don't care about his wife or kids. I do feel guilty about it but that's how I really feel if I'm honest.

 

Also... It's not beautiful, but... Don't these things happen? Hence the need for this forum...

 

Justify justify justify...

 

No, these things do not just happen. People make them happen, and then they come here to post when it all falls apart. Most people don't turn to LS for a happy reason.

 

You absolutely CAN control yourself. If you do get into an affair with this man, it will be because you are choosing to do so. You are choosing to help him hurt his wife and children. Quit trying to blame this on fate or a childhood crush. You have control over yourself, you have the ability to keep your legs closed here.

 

This is more than a little selfish, this is a disgusting, manipulative, potentially life-ruining level of selfishness. Most of the women here do not plan to have affairs. They get caught up in something that blossoms over time. That doesn't make it right, but your situation is much more devious and terrible. You are literally plotting how to get yourself into an affair. You are making this decision before the opportunity is even there.

 

Why compromise your integrity just to scratch an itch? Block his number and keep it in your pants.

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Usually it is. But in this specific case, for some reason, I don't feel this way.

 

People can get bored of their partners or realize they chose wrongly when they were young.

 

Why would he want to meet me? It's on the odd side given the situation and his nature... maybe he's unhappy in his marriage? Of course I wouldn't know.

 

I do know another friend who has recent picture-perfect family images in his facebook told us at the meeting he's divorcing.

 

Ok, you don't care about them.

 

But isn't a buzz kill if he doesn't care about them?

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If things in life were this easy...

 

Normally I definitely would control myself (and would be disgusted), but for the first time I don't feel I can. I'm human.

 

Why compromise your integrity just to scratch an itch? Block his number and keep it in your pants.
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Usually it is. But in this specific case, for some reason, I don't feel this way.

 

People can get bored of their partners or realize they chose wrongly when they were young.

 

Why would he want to meet me? It's on the odd side given the situation and his nature... maybe he's unhappy in his marriage? Of course I wouldn't know.

 

I do know another friend who has recent picture-perfect family images in his facebook told us at the meeting he's divorcing.

 

Oh, I'm sure he wants to meet you for sex!

 

I'm sure he's bored, or unhappy. It's still super gross to me. Divorced is a completely different story.

 

I was hit on just tonight by a smooth, super hot married dad. Gross.

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I can't really explain. It has always disgusted me deeply, but this time it doesn't.

 

I wouldn't mind only having a short business trip affair with him. It wouldn't likely be any more than that. He lives in another country. He's married.

 

I don't feel proud or right about my feelings, but I thought someone who's been through the same could share some thoughts on how they feel and dealt with this feeling. The guilty part is already on my mind. I came here looking for people who understand this complex feeling, as I don't myself.

 

Oh, I'm sure he wants to meet you for sex!

 

I'm sure he's bored, or unhappy. It's still super gross to me. Divorced is a completely different story.

 

I was hit on just tonight by a smooth, super hot married dad. Gross.

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It feels magic and ethereal. I am not saying this lightly. It feels like stuff movies are made of, stuff poets write about. It doesn't happen often.

It actually does happen often. These boards are filled with statements like this.

 

It's hard to let go... not sure I want to.

Because you are high on Affair Fog drama.

 

Been there, done that! The ending of *that* relationship is what brought me to this site so I do know what it feels like to have that "magic, ethereal, stuff of movies..."

 

Look. The heart wants what the heart wants. Just know that it is a path that will cause you heartache and pain. You might enjoy it for a while, but will ultimately regret.

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Thanks. I know you are right and I do have to think about this.

 

Look. The heart wants what the heart wants. Just know that it is a path that will cause you heartache and pain. You might enjoy it for a while, but will ultimately regret.
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ladydesigner

OP you are plotting to have an A. That is not a good 'human' trait. Seems everyone here likes to blame this stuff on being human it's a copout.

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ChickiePops
If things in life were this easy...

 

Normally I definitely would control myself (and would be disgusted), but for the first time I don't feel I can. I'm human.

 

In this particular case, things ARE this easy. Nothing has happened yet beyond giving each other cows eyes for one night.

 

You could, very very very easily just keep your legs closed. You could very very very easily delete this man's phone number. It's the easiest thing in the world for you to avoid this. You're CHOOSING not to.

 

I'm not known for my sympathy towards OW but at least I can give most of them a break if they're here because they're hurting and trying to pick up the pieces (as most of them are). Most of the OW here did not plan to get involved with married men..you are actively planning how to have an affair with this man. That is just vile.

 

This isn't a mistake you've already made that you're trying to clean up. This is a mistake you WANT to make. You're talking as if you have no choice when you absolutely, 1000% do.

 

I can't imagine any of the OW here supporting you on this. This is sick.

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The problem is you are practically infatuated and already in love with him (or the idea of him i should say, since you certainly dont know him), but for him you are just an option...a passing interest....a hookup in one of many a cities he travels to.

 

Are u okay with that? I lts pretty much guaranteed you will get crushed bc you already have feelings after just talking to him. Can you imagine after sex how you would be? He however will be just fine most likely

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ChickiePops
OP you are plotting to have an A. That is not a good 'human' trait. Seems everyone here likes to blame this stuff on being human it's a copout.

 

Exactly..but at least most of the people here have already MADE the mistake that they're justifying. This chick is actively planning to make this mistake, which makes it SO much worse.

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It's not easy to resist temptation. But it's not complicated, either. Nor is it special.

 

Before the affair happens is the easiest it will ever be to walk away. Force your mind to envision him sleeping around and coming home and kissing his kids with that mouth :sick:

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Come on... as if people who have affairs don't plot it? It happens out of thin air when they are walking down the street? While I haven't read threads here, I highly doubt people don't plan.

 

Thanks for the "chick" (?) I'm a person behind this screen, you know?

 

Exactly..but at least most of the people here have already MADE the mistake that they're justifying. This chick is actively planning to make this mistake, which makes it SO much worse.
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purplesorrow
Come on... as if people who have affairs don't plot it? It happens out of thin air when they are walking down the street? While I haven't read threads here, I highly doubt people don't plan.

 

Thanks for the "chick" (?) I'm a person behind this screen, you know?

 

Interesting you seek the very same empathy you have already chosen to deny his wife and kids. They are people too. You are correct they do plan. They plan for everything except the ending and the consequences.

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I don't know his wife. I'm not responsible for her life. It's not my fault if her husband gets interested in me.

 

Am I supposed to be Madre Teresa here? Why?

 

Maybe I'm more selfish than I thought. Like most humans ;)

 

I have a feeling most people responding here have been hurt by this situation. I'm surprised... I thought I'd hear from people in the same situation. Quite frankly, I'm more interested in hearing feedback from people in the same situation than in the guilt trip. Thanks.

 

Interesting you seek the very same empathy you have already chosen to deny his wife and kids. They are people too. You are correct they do plan. They plan for everything except the ending and the consequences.
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I don't know his wife. I'm not responsible for her life. It's not my fault if her husband gets interested in me.

 

Am I supposed to be Madre Teresa here? Why?

 

Maybe I'm more selfish than I thought. Like most humans ;)

 

I have a feeling most people responding here have been hurt by this situation. I'm surprised... I thought I'd hear from people in the same situation. Quite frankly, I'm more interested in hearing feedback from people in the same situation than in the guilt trip. Thanks.

 

I've been reading the infidelity and OW/OM boards with interest for years. Very, very few people encourage affairs. This includes OW, who are often the strongest voices to stop before it starts. It's a world of pain.

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purplesorrow
I don't know his wife. I'm not responsible for her life. It's not my fault if her husband gets interested in me.

 

Am I supposed to be Madre Teresa here? Why?

 

Maybe I'm more selfish than I thought. Like most humans ;)

 

I have a feeling most people responding here have been hurt by this situation. I'm surprised... I thought I'd hear from people in the same situation. Quite frankly, I'm more interested in hearing feedback from people in the same situation than in the guilt trip. Thanks.

 

Go to Reddit adultery, they'll encourage you to go after what you want. A lot of the ow on this forum were also hurt.

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Come on... as if people who have affairs don't plot it? It happens out of thin air when they are walking down the street? While I haven't read threads here, I highly doubt people don't plan.

 

Thanks for the "chick" (?) I'm a person behind this screen, you know?

 

NO!!! They do not happen out of thin air. If you took the time to read the post you would see that. People have affairs for all kinds of reasons....Though not all affairs are the same. There is one common thread....pain, destruction to all involved.

 

You know who does "plan" an affair the selfish narcissist who don't post on this board.

 

You stated its been your fantasy? Fantasies are just that fantasies.

 

If you came to this forum to get a "free pass" I'm sorry to tell you, you came to the wrong place.

 

I'm an OW btw not a BS.

Edited by Sunshinechica
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I feel so guilty. I'll be honest, I'm pretty open-minded, but MM situations have always been the one subject I've always been disgusted about.

 

Until this week. I had the opportunity to meet the guy I had a crush on when I was 10 yo - a few decades ago! I was lucky enough to participate in the first ever school reunion... in decades! as I was visiting the country.

 

My crush was there... he recognized me immediately although he hasn't seen me since the 80s. He told me he comes twice a year to my country/city for work conferences. He proceeded to give me his personal number.... I was a little shocked by that to be honest. And we said we will meet when he comes. Can't grasp what was on his mind. He's kind of serious, not a flirt at all. He's also very powerful professionally, in one of the main financial positions in his country which makes him seem even hotter.

 

He's married with two small children and I confess for the first time I'm having thoughts about a married man... ahhh. Always been against it, but he's so hot and interesting, he gives me such strong stomach butterflies I don't think I will be able resist if something happens :confused: Or be able to resist jumping on him if the chance arises / if he's open to it. Oh my... he's even hotter than I thought he'd turned out. I still see the child I was romantically attracted to in him, but he's grown to be a beautiful masculine man... with a gentle side. Weakness in my knees in addition to those butterflies in my stomach.

 

We exchanged looks all night since the moment he got there... Crazy how your heart can beat for someone as a child and as an adult all over. I also told him I had a crush for him back then.

 

Is that how it happens for those of you who were originally against the idea? How do you deal with this? It's a first for me. A lot of people on this meeting told me they were/are divorcing, so in the back of my mind I see a (very faint) opportunity... I know it's not realistic though. But still I have been thinking about him since for days now and the whole thing seems crazy, I don't quite get myself.

 

Good thing is he'll prob only come later this year so I have time to mentally prepare and decide... In any case, I'd go for it only for the experience, with no expectations. I know myself, I won't be able to resist. I feel so guilty and excited at the same time. Any thoughts?

My circumstance with xMM was very similar to yours. We have known each other since we were young, though not since we were children, like you. About 30 years. I fell head over heels for him the first moment I saw him. We have always had a very strong physical attraction but never did anything about it until a few years ago, when we got back in touch. Yes, it was intense.

 

My thoughts, since you asked, are: Lose this guy's number. Please. It's not worth it. He has two small children who need their mother to be as strong as she can be. And an affair with this mother's husband will weaken her. You don't need him, it's just a fancy, whereas his children do. Not only that, it's obvious anything between you will be long distance; how satisfying is that going to be?

 

It's not fair, or right, for you to inject yourself in someone else's marriage. Take it from someone who has done it. It's wrong. Affairs are destructive, dysfunctional, and they change you. Forever. They change the way you see relationships in ways that cannot be undone. Have you ever been married? Do you want a mutually beneficial long-term, committed relationship for yourself someday? If so, don't have an affair with a MM. Because doing so will break your heart.

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