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Met My Soulmate Being in Roommate Marriage


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I have been married for 8 years. Trivial scenario: we grew apart. Life goals changed. We never adapted to NEW us. We have a 6 year old daughter. Our relationship was never smooth with constant ups and downs. The last year we could not even stay civil. We argue about simple things. We ruined every single vacation fighting about nothing. We become so defensive. We had our sweet moments of course, but I emotionally divorced him 4 years ago. I always fantasized about somebody else.

 

When I started my HR career I spent many hours at work. I admit flirting with other men just to boost my confidence and stay sane somehow. We started sleeping in different rooms. Sex occured once a month just to satisfy our physical needs. It was a mechanical process. No kissing, no romance. We always tried to act as a family for our kid, but she saw our fights and passive aggressiveness all the time. Our marriage became a transaction and a contract. Nothing more.

 

Four months ago I posted my situation on a website just to be heard. I was not looking for anything specific. I received many responses from people who are in the same sitiation, but one response stood out. He told me that he is married with 3 kids (5, 8, 10 years old) and also lives in a roommate marriage. We are both educated with profrssional jobs, houses and everything else neeeded to be happy in this life. His situation and even timeframes are so similar to mine. ( Later we blew off our marirage anniversaries in April and spouses' birthday and spent those days with each other). We felt instant connection. Texting was so sincere. We were so needy. Our marriages were so neglected. When he told me, he would like to meet, I backed up. I told him that I am afraid to steal a father and a husband. I stated that his three kids mean a lot to me and that they are still little to stay without the father. He said that his marriage has been broken for so long that kids are aware that mommy and daddy are going through difficult time.

 

Both of our families brought up divorce questions with our spouses many times. When we met, we were so careful with getting to known each other. It took us three weeks to kiss. We were such prudes. We felt shyness and awkwardness. We felt like teenagers again. Then we became uncontrollable. We rediscovered ourselves. We spent 3-4 days a week with each other plus weekends. We went hiking, biking. He met my daughter.

 

Two of us went to Vegas together for 4 days. We took overnight trips in multiple states. We decided to move in together and started looking for an apartment. I occasionally brought up concerns that everything is moving so fast so soon. I was so inconsistent. He felt it. He was aftaid that i will never leave my husband. I told him that my husband is not compatable with me, but i do care about him and I feel guilt to leave my family. I asked the same about his wife. He said that the only reason he would ever come back to his wife is kids, but it will not happen. We told our spouses about each other. The kids freaked out. He and his wife took them to divorce counselor. My daughter refused to communicate with me and had nervous breakdowns because of simple things. I became more inconsistent with my man. He also admitted that he is jealous of every guy I talk to. He felt very insecure. He also always prioritized his kids. We were emotional wrecks. We were possessed and obsessive about each other. We texted to each other 24/7. We were up at 3:00 am most of the nignts texting.

 

We had the same life goals: we wanted to have healthy lifestyles and be reasonable with our finances. We both revealed that our spouses were the opposite with these goals. They overspent and never wanted to spend time biking and hiking. He also begged his wife to stop smoking for years, but she only promised. He lost trust in her. Same with finances: she could obtain 10K in debt in one month in credit card debt. She cashed her 401K behind his back and spent money for clothes.

 

I am 29, he is 37. We analyzed a lot of our actions. We tried to take it slow. We admitted that our first stage of love was driving us nuts. Our hormones blinded us and we fell out of reality. Our infatuation made us feel like we were on drugs. So much instability that we got scared. I even tried to break up it a couple of times that it caused physical sickness to both of us. We both suffered.

 

A month ago he texted that his wife went through his phone and found all our pictures and our emails and texts. She did something absolutely unexpected: she changed her attitude about him 100%. She asked him to go through marriage counseling and give her one more chance for the family sake. He texted me that he is breaking it off with me because this is the only way he knows how to give his family a fair chance. He said he is sorry that he has to be so cruel with me, but he knows his wife for 18 years and he must try. He disappeared out of my life. I died that day. I screamed from pain that day. I was in disbelief. I lost myself. My initial instinct was fear to lose him. I attacked him with immature texts and begged him to reconsider. He ignored me. Every day I went through different emotional stages. I was learning through pain. I felt so betrayed, but this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I rediscovered myself. Everyday I spent analyzing what went wrong in my marriage. What I could have done differently not to fail. I also forgave my man for his cruel behavior.

 

I worked on letting him go free. I texted him everyday about my progressive thoughts. I admired his decision. I was impressed that he is that serious about his family. I respected his wife. I felt her pain also. I complimented how smart she is. My love to him was unconditional. I just wanted him to be happy. With me or without. Sometimes affairs can make current marriages even stronger. I texted that I would be so proud and happy for him if he can make it work with her. I was in such emotional pain that I would rather be physically beaten. I lived my life on auto pilot. I felt so empty inside. The whole world became bleak. But I let him go....I stopped texting.

 

But in two weeks he came to my dream and I could not resist letting him know about it. He texted me back right away. We decided to meet for lunch. I wanted to look at his eyes. We met. We admitted that we were so afraid of each other. I let him know that he caused so much pain that I blocked him somewhere deep and feel nothing. He was very reserved. He was so rigid. He said he just wanted to see me to make sure I am ok. He said his wife is trying her best and he is not sure when she snaps. He is shocked how much she changed. I hid my pain and told him that he is very lucky. He asked about my husband and I. I saw so much fear in his eyes. Then he hugged me. I asked him to leave. He could not. We did not return to work after our lunch and just stared at each other. I drove home all disturbed. He texted right away that he was so happy to see me. I only responded in 3 hours telling him that i want to cut him out of my life forever and give a chance to my family as well. He attacked me with texts and said he wants to see me next day. I denied that request and informed me how much he hurt me, but I forgave him and he made me even stronger.

 

Then he said that he loves me. That he came back to his family because of his kids. That he felt so insecure about US and that he is a jealous wreck. He said he goes to OUR places by himself to think and fantasize about us. He still wakes up at 3:00 am out of habit and checks his phone. We met the next day and went to the park, then to hotel.....Everything felt so different. He said he needs me in his life, but everything is so complicated. He said if he didn't have kids, he would leave his wife without 2nd thought. After sex we talked for hours and hours about US, our families, long term marriages, relationships, love....We realized we almost made a mistake moving in toghether. We did not relalize how difficult it would be merge our lives and mess up our kids and their routines. Then we texted to each other for the rest of the day and in the morning today.

 

I want to cut him out of my life. He said he will respect any of my decisions, but he would appreciate just a lunch with me one day. Or a bike ride.

 

I feel so disturbed. I feel my heart is stabbed. I stopped sleeping with my husband since February. He accepted me back after our break up with my man and we also decided to try for our family. But i do NOT love my husband. I feel nothing except guilt and remosrse. I am so lost. I wake up at 3:00 am often with anxiety and heavy heart. He admitted it happens to him when he sees me in his dreams. We even brainstormed to reconnect when kids are sent to college.

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I've already copied and pasted this over 10x just in case you feel your case is special.

 

"What I think most of these MM really fear is that they'll get stuck with close to 50/50 custody. Which means that they'll get stuck with all of the crappy tasks their Ws do, like cooking for the kids, driving the kids around, and basically having to deal with the tantrums and drama, and not just the Kodak Moments. On weekends, heaven forbid.

 

They all say its guilt, kids, blah blah.

 

Translation: I don't want everyone to know what a selfish ass I am. I want to keep my money and maintain the status quo."

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It would be best for you to spend some time alone whilst you concentrate on sorting yourself out.

 

I don't think you're going to do well in any kind of relationship until you do.

 

 

Sorry to be so blunt.

 

 

Take care.

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overseas2004

HI there

 

I am sorry when people write such heartfelt posts and get stupid replies like what you have gotten which really don't help and only make the person feel worse.

 

I am REALLY SORRY for what you are going through. Affairs are very painful. I know I am in one --and trying to find the exit door. I think your man sounds like he really loves you but your situation is a tough one because of the kids and the complications of breaking two families apart for "your love" Unlike many snide people on here, I do believe that there are people that stay for their kids and that they put their kids first. And that is the reason why its best to avoid affairs, because its hard to break up a family.

 

I think your man is one of those people who feel an obligation to their children. I also believe that he does care about you but he loves his kids first as it should be. I predict that your man's wife will go back to her old ways eventually though and that they will have a troubled marriage. I just don't know if he will ever decide to leave though and I know that is what you want.

 

The only thing that I can say about your pain is to talk it out with your friends and that in time your pain will pass or at least get manageable. I am going through something similar although I didn't get in quite as deep as you. Still it smarts like hell and the heaviness in my heart is something I am carrying around with me all the time these days.

 

Best of luck to you .... Let us know how you are.

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whichwayisup

Divorce your husband, that's something that has to happen. You fell out of love with him way before your affair even started. Be the best co parents to your kids and have a respect for him as father of your children. He deserves to be with a woman who adores and loves him.

 

As for your (exMM), that affair was doing damage and not healthy at all. Stick to NC and do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT see or speak to him ever again. Forget coffee, lunch or a future bike ride. He chose his wife and you're choosing YOU, so let him go. Grieve the loss, get some counseling to help you cope with it all in a healthy way and so you can work on yourself so you won't make the same mistakes.

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I stated that his three kids mean a lot to me and that they are still little to stay without the father.

 

okay but what about YOUR kid? his kids are too young to be without a father (even though divorce =\= without a mother or a father)... his youngest is 5 & your kid is 6. how would your divorce affect your kid?

 

We even brainstormed to reconnect when kids are sent to college.

 

i think you should focus on your life at the moment. take a good look at your marriage and kid and see how you want to handle it - do you stick around and make it work or divorce? THEN see where the relationship with the MM leads you. for now though... one problem at a time and your kid should be your priority. so i suggest going NC with MM until you sort out your marriage. also - individual counseling would be good for you.

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MidnightBlue1980

 

I feel so disturbed. I feel my heart is stabbed. I stopped sleeping with my husband since February. He accepted me back after our break up with my man and we also decided to try for our family. But i do NOT love my husband. I feel nothing except guilt and remosrse. I am so lost. I wake up at 3:00 am often with anxiety and heavy heart. He admitted it happens to him when he sees me in his dreams. We even brainstormed to reconnect when kids are sent to college.

 

Hi there Kate. I normally lurk but your pain and post touched me. I have a few comments. First of all, I've been there with the sexless marriage on his side. I have to tell you, they almost all lie. I'll spare you the long story but he lied in my situation and why? well, he just stared at the ground so I did not get a real answer but it is my belief they say this to make us feel sorry for them and bond to them. My point is, don't hold a lot of stock in that.

 

Second, your husband. I'm also married so I can tell you - you cannot really know if you are in love with your husband while with this other guy. Furthermore, you are comparing apples and oranges. "In love" is a drug like state, go look it up on you tube, it is triggered in your brain like a cocaine addiction but worse as it does not easily fade and the longing for the person is in the same part of your brain. So the good part, it's not your fault. The bad part, its kind of out of your control so you need to treat it like an addiction, which it is. On top of that, electronic communication itself is addictive. So mix the two and you have a real addictive thing going.

 

Now, maybe you really don't want to be with your husband. That is okay. I am divorced too. But if you love him but say, well I don't love him like I am in love with MM, well it's like saying, this iced tea has caffeine but I don't get a buzz like a shot of vodka gives me. Does this make sense?

 

Back to MM, realize, they all say these things. I am sorry and I have been where you are. It's really bad, I am not making light of it. Trust me, there is no hell like having the guy who told you he loves you and wants to leave his wife suddenly drop you for the woman he supposedly didn't want to be with.

 

I'm going to tell you that you need to move on. Just like I tell myself every morning. I can tell you he ghosted me for 5 months, then he was back for 2, now we have some weird thing where one day we are friendly, the next I hate him. It's all bad. He is working it out with his wife but he keeps his finger on me. He had lied about the roommate thing but I just found out he had started sleeping with her 2 months ago, the same time he contacted me, they had started marriage counseling. He's a really great guy. Not.

 

But I get it, I really do. Post here. It helps. Think of it as smoking or drinking or some addiction. Every minute is a fresh start. For me, he texted me yesterday morning and I responded, then he texted back and I thought, I;m just not going to reply. And I didn't. I'll see him, he is in my world but at least not communicating daily helps. Try that. Baby steps.

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Thank you so much for the detailed messages. It helps to realize that i am not a long. I will try to focus on my family as well. We will start marriage counseling. The weirdest thing is that i don't want him to leave his wife when everything is so complicated. I will remove myself from the picture for now. May be our ways will cross in the future. Who knows...

 

My husband is a great guy. He is hurt a lot. But our daughter is on top of us. He is an amazing father and they have a unique bond. My heart aches for my husband. I do care about him a lot. He only describes my act as selfish. He said he will never remarry again. He lives for my daughter. We tried to forgive each other. But we are both so vulnerable that we become agressive and defensive with each other. We cannot function as husband and wife. Only as mommy and daddy. And still fight. We went out for lunch yesterday and argued about nothing. Everything is so fresh.

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Kate that is a good decision. You don't want someone else raising your daughter and getting 50 50 custody plus the dating world is tough you won't do better it's best to fix what you have. The MM is a unicorn fantasy I just ended an accidental affair so I understand your pain. Keep us posted. I am so glad you will get counseling.

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Thank you so much for the detailed messages. It helps to realize that i am not a long. I will try to focus on my family as well. We will start marriage counseling. The weirdest thing is that i don't want him to leave his wife when everything is so complicated. I will remove myself from the picture for now. May be our ways will cross in the future. Who knows...

 

My husband is a great guy. He is hurt a lot. But our daughter is on top of us. He is an amazing father and they have a unique bond. My heart aches for my husband. I do care about him a lot. He only describes my act as selfish. He said he will never remarry again. He lives for my daughter. We tried to forgive each other. But we are both so vulnerable that we become agressive and defensive with each other. We cannot function as husband and wife. Only as mommy and daddy. And still fight. We went out for lunch yesterday and argued about nothing. Everything is so fresh.

 

I am sorry for what you have gone through ;

i am stuck in a similar marriage and I know what you are talking about ...

It is very difficult to live with a partmner who suchs happiness from your heart , sometimes they don't mean it , they are just not capable to give when it comes to emotions ; they can't give what they don't have .

 

One time I was discussing with my wife the concept of givology , sacrificing , etc ...

 

I discovered that she has no empathy for me , not even for the kids ...

 

She is what she is , a beautiful creature but can't change ....

 

I can't advise you to divorce , Otherwise I would have done it .

 

i advise you to bond with friends , real friends and family member who can stand by you .

 

Both men you know right now will be more toxic , if you afford it emotionally , start over a new life .

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Kate, you are so young.

I think both men are wrong for you. This is not a way to live.

End the affair, make a clean break so you both can evaluate your lives without influencing each other.

Then when you're ready, sort your marriage out.

But if you're absolutely sure you don't love your husband, there is simply no need to drag it on. Can you imagine being in this same situation with your husband 5 years from now, or 10 years from now?

Best wishes to you, I am sorry you're hurting so bad, but you need to stay away from this man, otherwise you will be placed on back burner and will become his Plan B in case his marriage doesn't work out, and meanwhile your own life will go down the toilet.

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HappyAgain2014

Despite all the details that make you feel like this is the right man at the wrong time, it's still the typical scenario.

 

Lots of emotions and sex mixed with dreams of a future that will never come. When he had his chance to divorce, he tucked tail and went home.

 

Now he's grooming you with tales of someday when the kids are in college to manage your expectations and maintain a physical affair.

 

Sadly, it's the typical pattern. Now that you've accepted he's not leaving and actually believe he's a saint for sacrificing his happiness for his kids, you're in real trouble. Now you're settling and it only goes downhill from here.

 

The reality is he's a selfish coward who's using his kids as an excuse to stay married. He still wants the rush of sex and worship from you.

 

Run quickly away.

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But i do NOT love my husband. I feel nothing except guilt and remosrse. I am so lost. I wake up at 3:00 am often with anxiety and heavy heart. He admitted it happens to him when he sees me in his dreams. We even brainstormed to reconnect when kids are sent to college.

 

You really want this to continue for another 13 of 15 years when the kids go off to college? Go to IC, figure out if you're really over your husband or just so blinded by sparkly new plaything and your fake future that you're not thinking clearly. What happens for you when you change more in the next 8 years and you're bored with him and want a new sparkly plaything? What about when he gets bored with YOU and wants a new sparkly plaything?

 

The reason you guys connected with each other is because you talked to each other instead of your spouses or a professional about your marital problems. Then he got caught having an affair and now he's trying to make his marriage work but he wants you not only as a fallback plan but a lifeline - someone to feed his ego.

 

I don't care whether you decide you love your husband and want to separate or not, but extricate yourself from your MM's life, for his kids, his wife, and your own sake. No contact means no contact - not a bike ride or coffee date here and there, no texting, no emails. Force him to decide without the luxury of you being there making it possible for him not to have to decide.

 

You: IC

Him: NC

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You really want this to continue for another 13 of 15 years when the kids go off to college? Go to IC, figure out if you're really over your husband or just so blinded by sparkly new plaything and your fake future that you're not thinking clearly. What happens for you when you change more in the next 8 years and you're bored with him and want a new sparkly plaything? What about when he gets bored with YOU and wants a new sparkly plaything?

 

The reason you guys connected with each other is because you talked to each other instead of your spouses or a professional about your marital problems. Then he got caught having an affair and now he's trying to make his marriage work but he wants you not only as a fallback plan but a lifeline - someone to feed his ego.

 

I don't care whether you decide you love your husband and want to separate or not, but extricate yourself from your MM's life, for his kids, his wife, and your own sake. No contact means no contact - not a bike ride or coffee date here and there, no texting, no emails. Force him to decide without the luxury of you being there making it possible for him not to have to decide.

 

You: IC

Him: NC

 

LOBE - you are so good for us here - I just love all of your posts and your thoughts!

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From my journals:

 

 

 

What the other woman believes

 

 

The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe:

 

"He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older."

 

This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings.

 

 

Take care.

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I'm sorry the marriage pooped out on you but that is what happens when you get married and start a family. Children require a lot of attention and people very often do not have enough left at the end of the day or the end of the week, to devote to their spouse. Is marriage and children not what you decided you wanted some 6+ years ago? Do you remember what you thought you wanted?

 

You need to decide whether or not you want to be your child's mommy and run around with another man, not her father, and be MM's OW at the same time. Is that how you want to live your life?

 

If yes, then by all means, continue your affair with MM but go into it with realistic expectations, that is, you will ALWAYS be the OW. You will never have a normal relationship with him. You will always be his side piece, just as you have been.

 

If you do not want to live your life as some guy's side piece, then stop having a relationship with him. Go No Contact. You cannot meet for "just coffee" or a "bike ride" or even "just a walk in the park" because you will slip and "wind up" at a hotel. And he knows it.

 

That's why he wants to maintain contact.

 

On the other hand, you have a man, the person you married, father of your child, who you may be able to fix your relationship with.

 

IDK how old you are but it sounds like your relationship with your husband needs a lot of work and unless you begin working on it, you will never know whether or not it had a chance. You can start to fix it by stopping your fighting with him. Fights take TWO people, and if you take the lead, and stop arguing with him, or whatever it is that starts you fighting with him, whether that's letting your feelings get hurt or whatever, then there can be no fight.

 

Why don't you get a Harville Hendrix book and read it, see if that helps?

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Your replies made me open my eyes. When vulnerable in marriage, I chose an easy way and became a pray for somebody else. I became dillusinal. I made myself believe that i am special. My marriage is neglected because I also chose easy ways: Always stayed late at work, played with my phone or took my kid away from the house. It is so easy to get distracted and get off track. Now I am paying for that. Marriage is a lot of work. My husband and I are both at fault. We talked yesterday and agreed on fighting for our family. He said he will need to talk to a professional as he cannot sleep with me now. He is hurt. I told him I will wait and give him all the time he needs. We started sleeping in the same bed though.

 

As for my lover, I think I was so blind that I did not realize that i fell under million of typical scenarios. This forum has million stories like mine.

 

But I am only a human being. Great lesson to learn.

 

Thank you all so very much.

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I had a relationship with a colleague 5 years ago, he was married with children and I was a single mother. His marriage was not bad but they married young when all their friends were and the marriage was was very much a friendship more than a communion of romantic love.

When it came out that we had been having an affair, he tried to go back, he went back multiple times to try to make it work and broke my heart each time, eventually he realised he couldn't be without me and 5 years later we are still together.

You need to be incredibly strong to get through this as the other woman, I am still being blamed by his daughters in a way. They don't say anything but I feel it, it's difficult because he has always been so close to my daughter and you just want friends and family to accept it because you are in love and in time they do, but it takes a lot of time.

I am certain he will come back. It seems to be a common pattern as society has built it that way, but these days people are less likely to stay for the kids as they were 20 years ago.

After all, what use would the parents be to their parents if they were unhappy, as a child of unhappy parents, I wish my parents would leave eachother and move on with people more suited. People change. Everyone deserves to be happy, it hurts going through these things and break families, but at times, in the end it's for the greater good. Send me a message if you want to chat more x

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Your replies made me open my eyes. When vulnerable in marriage, I chose an easy way and became a pray for somebody else. I became dillusinal. I made myself believe that i am special. My marriage is neglected because I also chose easy ways: Always stayed late at work, played with my phone or took my kid away from the house. It is so easy to get distracted and get off track. Now I am paying for that. Marriage is a lot of work. My husband and I are both at fault. We talked yesterday and agreed on fighting for our family. He said he will need to talk to a professional as he cannot sleep with me now. He is hurt. I told him I will wait and give him all the time he needs. We started sleeping in the same bed though.

 

As for my lover, I think I was so blind that I did not realize that i fell under million of typical scenarios. This forum has million stories like mine.

 

But I am only a human being. Great lesson to learn.

 

Thank you all so very much.

 

Kate, this made me cry. Well done! That's the spirit. Re-read your own post whenever you have a weak moment. I was MM in an affair and so much of what you wrote in your earlier posts sounds very familiar. My head was all over the place, but my wife was amazing and wanted to give it a chance. I honestly didn't know what I wanted, and I admit I had very strong feelings for the OW, but I knew I wanted to try to rescue the marriage - I have kids too. The first few months of recovery were desperately difficult. Now, nearly a year since I last saw OW, my wife and I are in so much better a place and I'm so glad I didn't just follow the fog-induced fantasy. I did consider it at one point. I'm so glad the wonderful posters here have helped you find clarity, just as they often do for me. You have a tough year or so ahead of you, but it will be worth it.

 

And as for what I've bolded in your message, you ARE special, very special. To your husband you are the most special person the world. Perhaps he once was yours? He can be again!

 

Good luck and keep posting!

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When it came out that we had been having an affair, he tried to go back, he went back multiple times to try to make it work and broke my heart each time,

 

I'm quite sure that you are not the only one who's heart was broken many times. No judgement here, I am glad that you found happiness, but the OP should be under no illusion about the fact that this came at a huge cost to his family and that his daughters are still clearly feeling it now.

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ladydesigner
I had a relationship with a colleague 5 years ago, he was married with children and I was a single mother. His marriage was not bad but they married young when all their friends were and the marriage was was very much a friendship more than a communion of romantic love.

When it came out that we had been having an affair, he tried to go back, he went back multiple times to try to make it work and broke my heart each time, eventually he realised he couldn't be without me and 5 years later we are still together.

You need to be incredibly strong to get through this as the other woman, I am still being blamed by his daughters in a way. They don't say anything but I feel it, it's difficult because he has always been so close to my daughter and you just want friends and family to accept it because you are in love and in time they do, but it takes a lot of time.

I am certain he will come back. It seems to be a common pattern as society has built it that way, but these days people are less likely to stay for the kids as they were 20 years ago.

After all, what use would the parents be to their parents if they were unhappy, as a child of unhappy parents, I wish my parents would leave eachother and move on with people more suited. People change. Everyone deserves to be happy, it hurts going through these things and break families, but at times, in the end it's for the greater good. Send me a message if you want to chat more x

 

^ This is most likely how it will be if you end up with MM. I have seen it over and over again in my family with re-marriages due to A's. It's hard to get the respect that you normally get with a relationship that starts with a healthy foundation.

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loveisanaction

Kate, I really do think your married man did like you and i don't think he took you for a ride, i don't think he played you. I think he was lonely in his marriage and found solace in you and you in him. However, he is married and when his wife found those messages from you on his phone, he woke up. He realized what he stood to lose. He thought about the 18 years of marital life that he had invested with her. 18 years of Christmases, wedding anniversaries, birthday celebrations, vacations, trials and tribulations, add that to the amazing births of his children. It wasn't as easy to walk away from as he had previously imagined, it never is. You didn't stand a chance against all of that.....very few other women do.

 

I agree with the other posters who said to stay away from him; no more coffee or lunches and no more bike rides. He is working on his marriage, allow him to do it honestly.

 

This would also be a good time for you to reflect on what you want to do about your marriage.

 

I wish you well.

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I Want to add few points from an MM perspective .

 

When a man who never cheated for years suddenly wakes up ; it means that he reached a point where he can't stand for having someone suck happiness from his heart anymore .

 

However ,so many factors comes into place after the fog clears :

 

-If his wife is smart and loving , she might change .(not my case)

-he can't leave the kids because if he believes they will be hurt ( My case).

-he decide to suppress his needs and shutdown his desires as family comes first .

 

 

Again kate , sweet young lady , none of the two men is any good for you ,

if you are confident that your child will be fine , go ahead and start a new life , and this time , choose someone who can be available for you .

 

Best

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Rationally I understand everything. But I keep waking up with anxiety and emptiness every morning. I am stepping out of comfort zone in order to fix my marriage. I am faking and committing myself to my family and hope that my heart finally will catch up with sincere emotions. I dont want my married man after everything has happened, but I subcounsoucly catch myself thinking about him every morning. Then I immediately block it. Very complicated emotinally.

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