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dont know how to tell him im hurting again


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tillwemeetagain

when i starter the affair i know to that i shouldnt ask for anything or expect fanything from him. but when i got pregnant i taught i should be expecting something atleast for the child. however i manage not to ask him anything even for child support. now i am starting to feel hurt again of the fact that i cannot be the priority even my son. im planning to tell him that i would like to end the affair since i cant even asked him anything for my son.. he dont even bother to give money for birthday celebration.. which i am hurt so badly. now that his wife is giving birth to his second child which is a boy aswell i know that there will be no place for my son now. which will hurt me more. thats why i wanted to leave the affair but i really dont know how to start.. i just wanted not feel this way anymore that i have him but it looks like i still alone with all the responsibilities and all the hurt. that i will not even think that i have him and expect him to help me. i wanted to be all alone now so i wont expect anymore and not to be hurt that deep again. i always think of things out. where in i dont have no one to tell what i am feeling, that i am hurting. even friends i cannot tell it to them. because in the very beggining they already warned me. now i am hurting with no one to tell. sorry but i just wanted to vent out.. but i am really planning to leave..

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You have every right to ask (and expect) for child support for your son. End the affair and then go after child support

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brothers343

You seem young so I will try to understand your post. If the child is his (your affair partners) then you have every right to ask for child support. In fact you can ruin his whole world by letting the powers that be know. You didn't say if you're married or not? If you don't have the means to take care of your child financially, your going to have to blow the lid on your affair and make your affair partner understand that there will be hard repercussions if he doesn't man up and take care of his child. I feel sorry for you becouse your about to start on a road of sadness and then bitterness. This is one of the prices people pay for the DRUG THAT'S CALLED AFFAIR. Good luck.

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Lady Hamilton

Go to court, get a child advocate, file for support, and if you can afford it, get a lawyer.

 

At this point it has stopped being about you and him, you've got to get that child square before you even dream of a relationship, especially with him.

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Go to the court and file for child support. They will help you file.

 

Dump him. He's a selfish idiot who does not take care of his responsibilities, and he cheats on his wife.

 

If you're going to feel better, you first have to stop allowing yourself to feel sorry for your self. You really need to see this guy for what he really is, and get angry.

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bathtub-row

Any man who treats you and his son this way needs to be dumped. As the others have said, end this relationship and file for child support.

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I could go off on a rant about how careless it was to get pregnant in the first place (unless it was on purpose, which would be a different rant) but since it's a little late for that, how about you get yourself pointed in the right direction? Even the longest journey starts with a single step - and the first step is calling it off and going NC other than matters with the child.

 

I'm a BS and can I just say that if my WH had knocked up his AP and NOT taken responsibility, that would have been worse than the affair in my eyes. Being a single parent is difficult, but not nearly as difficult as having this man as a role model for your children. Is this really what you envision as life goals for your kids?

 

Vent all you want here, but don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt over him - it just makes him feel special. I guarantee that your children will be happier seeing their mother respect herself than having this douchebag in the picture. File for child support and cut ties with him outside of matters to do with financial support he owes the CHILD not you.

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Miss Clavel
when i starter the affair i know to that i shouldnt ask for anything or expect fanything from him. but when i got pregnant i taught i should be expecting something atleast for the child. however i manage not to ask him anything even for child support. now i am starting to feel hurt again of the fact that i cannot be the priority even my son. im planning to tell him that i would like to end the affair since i cant even asked him anything for my son.. he dont even bother to give money for birthday celebration.. which i am hurt so badly. now that his wife is giving birth to his second child which is a boy aswell i know that there will be no place for my son now. which will hurt me more. thats why i wanted to leave the affair but i really dont know how to start.. i just wanted not feel this way anymore that i have him but it looks like i still alone with all the responsibilities and all the hurt. that i will not even think that i have him and expect him to help me. i wanted to be all alone now so i wont expect anymore and not to be hurt that deep again. i always think of things out. where in i dont have no one to tell what i am feeling, that i am hurting. even friends i cannot tell it to them. because in the very beggining they already warned me. now i am hurting with no one to tell. sorry but i just wanted to vent out.. but i am really planning to leave..

 

you have us now, keep coming back.

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What Miss Clavel said!

 

Keep coming here... it's helping me a lot.

 

Also, I'd like to say that it's 50/50 stuff, this getting pregnant. It irritates the poo out of me that there is always such onus on the women to be careful. Why does the man get a free pass in that?

 

Get support financially. He has to take responsibility for his child. This is the absolute most important thing here.

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tillwemeetagain
You seem young so I will try to understand your post. If the child is his (your affair partners) then you have every right to ask for child support. In fact you can ruin his whole world by letting the powers that be know. You didn't say if you're married or not? If you don't have the means to take care of your child financially, your going to have to blow the lid on your affair and make your affair partner understand that there will be hard repercussions if he doesn't man up and take care of his child. I feel sorry for you becouse your about to start on a road of sadness and then bitterness. This is one of the prices people pay for the DRUG THAT'S CALLED AFFAIR. Good luck.

 

 

 

I know that. but i dont want to ruin his family thing. it will be unfair for her wife specially for his daughter and his coming new baby. But I also know that I should not let him go away for my sons needs and rights. thank you for the advice i really appreciate it,

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tillwemeetagain
I could go off on a rant about how careless it was to get pregnant in the first place (unless it was on purpose, which would be a different rant) but since it's a little late for that, how about you get yourself pointed in the right direction? Even the longest journey starts with a single step - and the first step is calling it off and going NC other than matters with the child.

 

I'm a BS and can I just say that if my WH had knocked up his AP and NOT taken responsibility, that would have been worse than the affair in my eyes. Being a single parent is difficult, but not nearly as difficult as having this man as a role model for your children. Is this really what you envision as life goals for your kids?

 

Vent all you want here, but don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt over him - it just makes him feel special. I guarantee that your children will be happier seeing their mother respect herself than having this douchebag in the picture. File for child support and cut ties with him outside of matters to do with financial support he owes the CHILD not you.

 

 

 

thank you so much for the support even though you been hurt by affairs aswell.

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Also, I'd like to say that it's 50/50 stuff, this getting pregnant. It irritates the poo out of me that there is always such onus on the women to be careful. Why does the man get a free pass in that?

 

I know, right? WHY should TWMA be the one who has to bear the weight of this child alone? If AP wasn't interested in having a child, he should not have been so careless as to get her pregnant. Zero sympathy for him getting slapped with support papers.

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Lady Hamilton
I know that. but i dont want to ruin his family thing. it will be unfair for her wife specially for his daughter and his coming new baby. But I also know that I should not let him go away for my sons needs and rights. thank you for the advice i really appreciate it,

 

It's also unfair to your son to not have the support of his father, the say in assets that are rightfully his, and the right for him to know that he has siblings.

 

Your child is not a second class citizen. He shouldn't be treated as such.

 

I get you don't want to ruin things for his family, but this is his family. Time to stop thinking beyond just the two of you and start advocating for the child.

 

You'll get your fair trade in pain from this too... You'll most likely share custody with your AP and his wife with your child and have to raise the child acknowledging that woman as a second mother to your son. That's going to suck.

 

But... That's the way of it.

 

And I'd tread on NC very carefully. When you go to court, they'll want to know how cooperative you've been in allowing him access to his son. Go to a court and/or a lawyer before you go NC and not let him see his son.

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tillwemeetagain
It's also unfair to your son to not have the support of his father, the say in assets that are rightfully his, and the right for him to know that he has siblings.

 

Your child is not a second class citizen. He shouldn't be treated as such.

 

I get you don't want to ruin things for his family, but this is his family. Time to stop thinking beyond just the two of you and start advocating for the child.

 

You'll get your fair trade in pain from this too... You'll most likely share custody with your AP and his wife with your child and have to raise the child acknowledging that woman as a second mother to your son. That's going to suck.

 

But... That's the way of it.

 

And I'd tread on NC very carefully. When you go to court, they'll want to know how cooperative you've been in allowing him access to his son. Go to a court and/or a lawyer before you go NC and not let him see his son.

 

 

 

 

 

its not that i dont think for my son. but i dont want him in the middle of this things. and i am so confused what to do about it how to get a child support but will not let my son get hurt because it will definitely hurt me aswell. i really dont know what to do.. thanks for the heads u

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Lady Hamilton
its not that i dont think for my son. but i dont want him in the middle of this things. and i am so confused what to do about it how to get a child support but will not let my son get hurt because it will definitely hurt me aswell. i really dont know what to do.. thanks for the heads u

 

The courts do very well advocating for the child without involving them, especially with a child advocate. A child advocate is something I believe all courts have available to them in all states. It is a third party, a person who's only job is to advocate on behalf of the child.

 

We have one for each child in our household for court matters related to support and custody. Their value is immeasurable.

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tillwemeetagain
The courts do very well advocating for the child without involving them, especially with a child advocate. A child advocate is something I believe all courts have available to them in all states. It is a third party, a person who's only job is to advocate on behalf of the child.

 

We have one for each child in our household for court matters related to support and custody. Their value is immeasurable.

 

 

 

aa okay.. i will check if we have that as well.

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Also, I'd like to say that it's 50/50 stuff, this getting pregnant. It irritates the poo out of me that there is always such onus on the women to be careful. Why does the man get a free pass in that?

 

.

 

When you're left holding the baby and it grows inside you and affects your body and lifestyle ..... I think you'd be very wise to ensure you don't get pregnant unless you want to and take all the responsibility for BC. I would never leave BC down to a man ever. He can up stick and go .... mothers end up saddled with the kid.

 

It's not about a free pass for men.... but because the impact is more on the mother, men are not always as proactive.

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