We are in love but she is married.

[Am14]

Hello everyone,

I am new on this forum and some friends advised me to look here for advice and some views and opinions on this matter.

First of all I dont know I post it in the right topic so feel free to refer me to the correct on. Secondly I dont need to hear that what I am doing is wrong or right. Things happened which I did not forsee and all I want is some advice.

I will try to make it as short and to the point as I possibly can.

 

Background

 

I am 25 and I secured a good job position. During work I got to meet someone who is 32 and she is married with 2 kids. ( 5 and 8 ) She is married for almost 9 years now, she was happy in the beginning but the last year things went wrong between her and her H. Things she says is that she always has to act and that she can not be herself with him. He also changed to a different person.

Between me an her I can only describe it as magical. She is the same like me, thinks the same and does and act exactly the same. Since the first time I met her we both know this was it, this is the person. It all said in the look of.her eyes. We have been together now for half a year under the radar and she wants to be with me the only thing that is holding her back is her kids as she does not want to hurt them. She doesnt care about her H and there is nothing between them anymore. I trust her and she shows and proofs that to me.

 

I want to ask you guys for advice. I told her that I support her and respect her and that I will be there for her. She asked me to wait until she can fix her things so that she can still be with her kids and be with me, that is that she will arrange a divorce with her husband.

 

It might sound stupid but we both feel and say that this is what we want. It is.just that feeling.that comes across you knowing.that u are ment for eachother.

 

What are your guys view and.opinion about this one.

If more info.is.needed please ask I.will regularly update this post.

Thanks in.advance.

[NTV]

Do you think you know how to game a chick 7 years younger than you?

[Am14]

Some extra info

 

We obviously went trough some difficult periods where tried to break things of. But every time she came running back the next day. We just need eachothe and.need.to.be with eachother. We just want more and more.and sometimes.emotions run.up quickly and.highly and.we break.under it. Like I.said we are exact the same.

She does everything to.be with me and spent as much.time.with me , we even.spend time.together.with the kids and they love me and.I love.them.

[CarrieT]

If she is capable of lying to her husband, she is capable of lying to you.

 

And how do you feel - at barely 25, with your life just starting - of becoming a stepdad?

[Am14]

Do you think you know how to game a chick 7 years younger than you?

 

You mean 7 years older than me.

As I said before we are both the same.persons sharing the same history of.how.we are and where and.did. Age does not matter for.is as our feelings play for themselves.

[Am14]

If she is capable of lying to her husband, she is capable of lying to you.

 

And how do you feel - at barely 25, with your life just starting - of becoming a stepdad?

 

Fair enough, but she tells me.every day by herself what is going on , how it is at home. Everyone is capable of.lieng but if I start thinking that its already a lost cause before I even started it. I doubt she is.lieng. regarding being a stephdad , its her baggege she brings with her and I am up for that. As said before I.love her kids and they love me. They are just like her and it just clicks. Its.never been so easy between me and someone else.

[AlwaysGrowing]

It is unfortunate that you have potentially jeopardized your job. Have you researched your employers policies? Have you thought about what working together full time and being together full time will look like? Will it impact any advancements?

 

Just my viewpoint.

 

At your age you are about to take on quite a lot. Are you sure you have the necessary skill set/personality to be a stepfather? Are you prepared to have less disposal income as you will be a major contributor to the new household? (Where I live..either party can ask for child support amendments due to other adults living in the other household).

[burnt]

I won't pass any judgement, as I am xOW myself, being involved with a MM.

 

I will advise you ONLY one thing:

Your friend has directed you to a good site. Now that you are here, I suggest you READ READ READ as many accounts in this forum (OW/OM).

 

What you will find out is that your story has been written by many many many others posters. Once you read these posts and realize that your experiences, your words, your thoughts, your joys, your pains, were shared by so many others, you will soon start to see a pattern.

 

And the pattern always goes the same way:

Affair starts.

It's magical.

A divine connection.

No god, no word can describe the love you feel for each other.

 

Then begins the pain.

MW pulls you in; then pushes you out (guilt she feels for what she's doing to her kids/husband).

Then she pulls you back in; then she pushes you out.

 

After this process has been repeated a thousand times, after your soul has been crushed, after you have lost faith, after you want nothing but death,

 

She dumps you to be with her family.

 

And you, all by YOURSELF, deal with a broken heart, damaged and shattered.

 

Alone.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Some extra info

 

We obviously went trough some difficult periods where tried to break things of. But every time she came running back the next day. We just need eachothe and.need.to.be with eachother. We just want more and more.and sometimes.emotions run.up quickly and.highly and.we break.under it. Like I.said we are exact the same.

She does everything to.be with me and spent as much.time.with me , we even.spend time.together.with the kids and they love me and.I love.them.

 

 

Your MW has let you spend time with the children?

 

 

That is so very, very wrong.

 

It is forcing the children to co-sign to the betrayal of their father.

 

The children should have zero to do with the affair meet ups....it is so disrespectful to them. If the MW or yourself can not find other times/arrangements to meet up...you should not be stealing whatever time they have with their working mother....ones should not be multitasking parent time with affair time.

[Am14]

It is unfortunate that you have potentially jeopardized your job. Have you researched your employers policies? Have you thought about what working together full time and being together full time will look like? Will it impact any advancements?

 

Just my viewpoint.

 

At your age you are about to take on quite a lot. Are you sure you have the necessary skill set/personality to be a stepfather? Are you prepared to have less disposal income as you will be a major contributor to the new household? (Where I live..either party can ask for child support amendments due to other adults living in the other household).

 

Hey ,

I appreciate your view on this matter.

Maybe I expressed myself wrong but I met her trough my.work, she does not work there.

 

As for the household matter she also has a good job and where she is married and comes from the husband will have to take care for the kids wellbeing and.education. anyhow that will be decided in.the divorce procedure and anyway I would be able to contribute to that. I know I am young and it is a lot to take on , I have been.on my own.since I was 18 being.indepent doing my studies overseas and ive been.doing.well for myself. I am.ready for that and.I do want it if that answers your question.

[NTV]

Did you just say you love another man's kids like they were your own????

 

do you realize how jacked up it is that she even introduced you to them???

 

You know what forget it I don't think you'd even listen. But if it is true love that two you have then you shouldn't have any problem telling her husband.

[Am14]

Your MW has let you spend time with the children?

 

 

That is so very, very wrong.

 

It is forcing the children to co-sign to the betrayal of their father.

 

The children should have zero to do with the affair meet ups....it is so disrespectful to them. If the MW or yourself can not find other times/arrangements to meet up...you should not be stealing whatever time they have with their working mother....ones should not be multitasking parent time with affair time.

 

I know.it.is wrong.but it just happened. I dont.know.what or why she is thinking.that but maybe it was too see how.I am.with the.kids and.with her. We have spent slot of.time together.

I am not.saying.she or me.is right.in.this matter. I know.it is a delicate point, but I just happen to be in.this.situation.

[Am14]

I won't pass any judgement, as I am xOW myself, being involved with a MM.

 

I will advise you ONLY one thing:

Your friend has directed you to a good site. Now that you are here, I suggest you READ READ READ as many accounts in this forum (OW/OM).

 

What you will find out is that your story has been written by many many many others posters. Once you read these posts and realize that your experiences, your words, your thoughts, your joys, your pains, were shared by so many others, you will soon start to see a pattern.

 

And the pattern always goes the same way:

Affair starts.

It's magical.

A divine connection.

No god, no word can describe the love you feel for each other.

 

Then begins the pain.

MW pulls you in; then pushes you out (guilt she feels for what she's doing to her kids/husband).

Then she pulls you back in; then she pushes you out.

 

After this process has been repeated a thousand times, after your soul has been crushed, after you have lost faith, after you want nothing but death,

 

She dumps you to be with her family.

 

And you, all by YOURSELF, deal with a broken heart, damaged and shattered.

 

Alone.

 

Hey there ,

I am.glad you share the same experience and.give me.your experience on.this.

At the moment it.is like this but I am hoping.for.the best. What.you said is true and is.probably the case in.most situations like this. As I said.I am.just hoping for.the best , and trusting.her.she will think.the same way as me.

[Am14]

Did you just say you love another man's kids like they were your own????

 

do you realize how jacked up it is that she even introduced you to them???

 

You know what forget it I don't think you'd even listen. But if it is true love that two you have then you shouldn't have any problem telling her husband.

 

I did not say I.love them as they where my.own , I said.I.love them.and.if she ends.up.with me.I will love them.with all my.heart yes.

I am listening.amd.I appreciate your opinion.

I.know.it.is.not.the best situation.but it happened and.you will maybe understand.whrn.it happens to.you. I did not ment ever.to.break up a family or woke.up one.day saying.today I sm.going.to mess with someones family. Some.might see it.as an.affair but it.is.more.than.that. it is true love. And she told.her.husband that someone else is in.her.life , she just needs time.to sort out how.she will do.it as it is not a day to.day thing.to divorce after.9 years of marriage.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Hey ,

I appreciate your view on this matter.

Maybe I expressed myself wrong but I met her trough my.work, she does not work there.

 

As for the household matter she also has a good job and where she is married and comes from the husband will have to take care for the kids wellbeing and.education. anyhow that will be decided in.the divorce procedure and anyway I would be able to contribute to that. I know I am young and it is a lot to take on , I have been.on my own.since I was 18 being.indepent doing my studies overseas and ive been.doing.well for myself. I am.ready for that and.I do want it if that answers your question.

 

And what if it is joint custody with neither party paying child support or the father getting sole custody and the MW paying?

 

 

I am going to be frank.....the only thing that prepares one for children is having children. Having step children is a whole other kettle of fish. Very few are able to navigate these waters smoothly.

[kgcolonel]

Fair enough, but she tells me.every day by herself what is going on , how it is at home. Everyone is capable of.lieng but if I start thinking that its already a lost cause before I even started it. I doubt she is.lieng. regarding being a stephdad , its her baggege she brings with her and I am up for that. As said before I.love her kids and they love me. They are just like her and it just clicks. Its.never been so easy between me and someone else.

 

AM here are a few things to think about....

 

• How do you think she felt / said to her Betrayed Husband when they got together?
  
• If you were her Betrayed Husband how would you feel about both what she is doing and about what you are doing?
  

If you had to explain this to the kiddos what exactly will you say to them about how your "fun and games" took precedent over their family unit?

 

Tell the GF that until she is divorced from her H, you two are not to communicate otherwise, you're making the sex more important than the family unit of the kids. If she choses (and I personally doubt she will) to divorce, then and only then has she destroyed the family and you are not responsible.

 

You're only 25....you have a lot of ladies to chase before you need to settle down....why destroy a family with so many free and clear ladies out there???? Is this a forbidden fruit....be bigger than that...let HER destroy the family. In fact, if you're not an option to the Married Girl...she may re-evaluate her situation and turn over a new leaf but this certainly will not happen with you in the picture.

[Am14]

And what if it is joint custody with neither party paying child support or the father getting sole custody and the MW paying?

 

 

I am going to be frank.....the only thing that prepares one for children is having children. Having step children is a whole other kettle of fish. Very few are able to navigate these waters smoothly.

 

It will be a challenge for me I agree , but it happens and I know I can and.I know me and her can do it. We are both very strong characters.

I dont know what they arrange between them , whatever the outcome.will be we will.have to be responsible for.that.

[NTV]

If you're truly listening then I'm telling you that you've trapped yourself in a fantasy that isn't real. There is no good outcome to this. Your emotions don't dictate your actions and telling the truth will set you free. Find honor because sir right now you have taken actions that have lost it.

[Am14]

If you're truly listening then I'm telling you that you've trapped yourself in a fantasy that isn't real. There is no good outcome to this. Your emotions don't dictate your actions and telling the truth will set you free. Find honor because sir right now you have taken actions that have lost it.

 

I know that this could go either way. I just hope.for the best , I started this and ibwill finish this in what way it well end for the good or the bad. I might be trapped and it does look like a fantasy , but what there is between us is not fantasy , its real.

[kgcolonel]

I did not say I.love them as they where my.own , I said.I.love them.and.if she ends.up.with me.I will love them.with all my.heart yes.

I am listening.amd.I appreciate your opinion.

I.know.it.is.not.the best situation.but it happened and.you will maybe understand.whrn.it happens to.you. I did not ment ever.to.break up a family or woke.up one.day saying.today I sm.going.to mess with someones family. Some.might see it.as an.affair but it.is.more.than.that. it is true love. And she told.her.husband that someone else is in.her.life , she just needs time.to sort out how.she will do.it as it is not a day to.day thing.to divorce after.9 years of marriage.

 

Maybe you did not mean to break up a family but you are choosing to break up a family by continuing to pursue her until she is divorced! (eye roll) Sometimes one doesn't know what one doesn't know.

 

You reference the "when it happens to you" phrase...it has happened to most of us here and we're only telling you how it is. Because it is not what you want to hear, you are trying to discredit the facts....OH WELL....

[AlwaysGrowing]

I did not say I.love them as they where my.own , I said.I.love them.and.if she ends.up.with me.I will love them.with all my.heart yes.

I am listening.amd.I appreciate your opinion.

I.know.it.is.not.the best situation.but it happened and.you will maybe understand.whrn.it happens to.you. I did not ment ever.to.break up a family or woke.up one.day saying.today I sm.going.to mess with someones family. Some.might see it.as an.affair but it.is.more.than.that. it is true love. And she told.her.husband that someone else is in.her.life , she just needs time.to sort out how.she will do.it as it is not a day to.day thing.to divorce after.9 years of marriage.

 

 

I understand that not being a parent yourself you failed at seeing how wrong it was to meet them....at making it a "fun" thing to do....meet mommys AP. That is why I have posed questions to ask yourself.

 

If you have a Pollyanna view of life....true love, can't help ourselves, the kids love me, etc...you should maybe take a step back and talk to an older family member that you respect. They should be able to bring you down to earth and explain where all the potential difficulties will lie.

[Am14]

AM here are a few things to think about....

 

• How do you think she felt / said to her Betrayed Husband when they got together?
  
• If you were her Betrayed Husband how would you feel about both what she is doing and about what you are doing?
  

If you had to explain this to the kiddos what exactly will you say to them about how your "fun and games" took precedent over their family unit?

 

Tell the GF that until she is divorced from her H, you two are not to communicate otherwise, you're making the sex more important than the family unit of the kids. If she choses (and I personally doubt she will) to divorce, then and only then has she destroyed the family and you are not responsible.

 

You're only 25....you have a lot of ladies to chase before you need to settle down....why destroy a family with so many free and clear ladies out there???? Is this a forbidden fruit....be bigger than that...let HER destroy the family. In fact, if you're not an option to the Married Girl...she may re-evaluate her situation and turn over a new leaf but this certainly will not happen with you in the picture.

 

I will think about what you say.

I dont know what to say to the kiddos, I dont think they full realize at this age but I guess I will try if it comes that far ever in a easy way to show.them.and make them.understand what happened without putting.anyone in a bad daylight.

Trust me.I feel.bad about what I am.doing.and especially to the H but I can not let go , this feels like this.is.it. it sound stupid but I just feel it.I know and she knows it too. She asks me.to.fight for.her , to be there for her and to wait untill she find a solution to be with me.

 

As you said she Is going.overseas with him and the.kiddos and she will be left alone by me without me.in.the picture where she will try and figure her stuff out, I told her exact the same thing that she needs to see and do.it without me being.there.

 

As for your last.paragraphg I refer to above and I will let her alone to let her.sort out her.problems , if it is ment to be she will return and be with me.otherwise it will be for.the best and we wont be together.

Thanks for sharing my view on.it.

[kgcolonel]

I know that this could go either way. I just hope.for the best , I started this and ibwill finish this in what way it well end for the good or the bad. I might be trapped and it does look like a fantasy , but what there is between us is not fantasy , its real.

 

Very self centered and reckless with other peoples lives....You'll take the good or the bad but what about the betrayed husband and kids????

[Am14]

Maybe you did not mean to break up a family but you are choosing to break up a family by continuing to pursue her until she is divorced! (eye roll) Sometimes one doesn't know what one doesn't know.

 

You reference the "when it happens to you" phrase...it has happened to most of us here and we're only telling you how it is. Because it is not what you want to hear, you are trying to discredit the facts....OH WELL....

 

Thats why I came here cause surely there are some people that went trough the same stuff.

As replied to someone else post here.above I will give her the space when she goes on.holidays ( 1 month and a half ) where she will do what is necessary , either.for the good or bad.

[NTV]

I know that this could go either way. .

 

Horrible and even worse? That's pretty much your options. ... But don't take my word for it. Read others stories.

 

When you're actually ready to discuss your real options let me know.