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thecharade

I remember when I was pretty young--about 20--watching an episode of Oprah. A woman was on, and she was wrapped up in a love triangle with her husband and female cousin. Turns out they had let her cousin live with them for a while because the cousin was going through a tough time. The woman said, "I trusted her," and Oprah said back, "Girl, you NEVER allow an attractive woman to sleep near your husband! You just do not INVITE that temptation!" I agreed and thought, "How can a woman do that to another woman? Awful."

 

Fast-forward 30 years, and I see things much differently. It is not just because I have lived it, but it is also because I work closely with many married men. And I see things so much differently now; I have so much more information.

 

I used to believe that men were fundamentally faithful and content in marriage. I believed that men were lured or tempted by self-centered women, but that otherwise they were happy and satisfied with their wives. But now I know, those satisfied men make up only 15% of married men. I hear men at work talk when nobody is listening, and they drool with jealousy when male friends talk of flirting or sexual opportunity. Fidelity does not hold a candle to the fire of desire in their eyes. My MM confused me with talk of loving me, being devoted to his children but unhappy with his W. One thought played over and over in my mind. "If he loved his wife, why would he endanger that? Why would you leave what you love? His devotion to me must be true. He must be done with his marriage." I stupidly believed him. SO many OW have this same thought, completely confused by the fire of love in their MM's eyes and their devotion to courting us, their actions seeming to confirm this truth. "They obviously do not care about their wives to disrespect her this way."

 

I figured things out eventually and dumped my MM, began to understand that a "good man" is not one that would do this. I left my MM crying for me. He still periodically reaches out with "I miss yous" 5 years later, but I feel nothing and do not answer. I know now that he wanted his wife AND me, and he did not care how unfair that was to us. It is men that really seem to have the problem, not women. His wife did absolutely nothing wrong--she seems like a beautiful person and mom. And I almost crushed her!!! Because he had me convinced of an alternate reality where she was an obligation and I was his future!!! I am a smart woman with advanced degrees, but I had no idea that soft-spoken average looking men with adorable kids and busy schedules would be capable of showering me with such attention and warmth, all while planning to stay with his wife. Devastate two women? So that he could have sex and passion and attention? I could not have imagined him capable of such cold-blooded selfishness. He is a sweet guy, only had three girlfriends in his life. I actually never believed any of the middle-aged normal guys that I work with to be capable of the same callous lust for sex and attention, but I have witnessed countless affairs. These men were more than open to any oppprtunity. And THAT is how smart women are duped. We actually do not understand--cannot get our brain around--that you love your wife but are pursuing us! It feels obviously and totally impossible--just like it does to the wife on dday. If that is love, no thanks! So we think his marriage is indeed as he says--a minor technicality, all but over, simply for the kids. So stupid. Humiliatingly stupid.

 

It hurts me to see women blaming other women when I watch these guys year after year.

 

Married women think, "If it weren't for you OW, these guys would not be able to have affairs."

 

Other women think, "If women didn't stay with these jerks--valuing marriage over self-respect--then cheaters would not have wives."

 

When ALL women stop "believing," this abuse ends.

 

These guys are the problem, and they love the way women keep blaming each other. It gets them everything they want while we all suffer.

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I agree completely, OP. I've never understood the need to 'go kick the OW's butt'; he took the vow of fidelity to you, NOT her.

 

 

But, "women supporting women" would include NOT getting involved with a man who's already married/engaged/living with another woman, no?

 

If he's that miserable within his existing relationship / set-up, let him pull up his Big Boy Pants and take all the necessary steps to eradicate himself from that which makes him soooooo unhappy.

 

 

(Of course the same applies for women with OM, but that's not the topic of this thread.)

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I'm sorry but I don't agree with you on this. As a faithful bh that works in an area predominantly female I have seen a lot of married women cheat for almost the same reasons you give for mm. Only instead of calling it 'sex' they call it 'passion'.

 

So... yeah gender blame in either direction doesn't make much sense to me.

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thecharade

Well, here's the thinking.

 

He didn't realize he was so miserable, so now that we have started to "have feelings," he will make it right and initiate divorce. I mean, it seems like a no brained to the other person because . . . duh, you obviously no longer love your spouse.

 

Then the excuses begin.

And you think, "WTF?! What is this? What have I gotten myself into? If they didn't want to end their M, what the heck are they doing?"

 

It is honestly shocking to the OW.

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thecharade

I do see lots of women cheating. And they divorce.

 

But men who cheat and don't want to divorce actually plan on hurting everyone. Except themself.

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Lady Hamilton

Eh. I don't think it's all the husband's fault for cheating, or all the OW's fault. There's a mixture of him, her, the influence of a troubled marriage and/or a fractured relationship with the BS, among other unique factors specific to the people involved.

 

The whole "men looking with the fire of desire" and jealousy over other men's sexual escapades thing is just too Oxygen movie-of-the-week for me. That's not all men, or even most men.

 

The whole issue is too simplistic to boil down to "men are I evolved pigs who want to get laid at all costs and the women they bed are just victims of his abuse." Everybody has their own slice of accountability in an affair, and to say all or most of it falls on the doorstep of one gender... Nah. Not buying that at all.

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ChickiePops
Well, here's the thinking.

 

He didn't realize he was so miserable, so now that we have started to "have feelings," he will make it right and initiate divorce. I mean, it seems like a no brained to the other person because . . . duh, you obviously no longer love your spouse.

 

Then the excuses begin.

And you think, "WTF?! What is this? What have I gotten myself into? If they didn't want to end their M, what the heck are they doing?"

 

It is honestly shocking to the OW.

 

How are OW supporting women when they sleep with womens' husbands?

 

So..why not wait until he actually does end his marriage before getting involved with him? You already know that he's lying to his family..I will never understand why others think they are immune to a known liars lies. His wife probably thought the same thing when they met. You're not special. Selfish people only think of themselves. This includes MM and MW who have affairs.

 

Keep it in your pants til the divorce papers are signed. It's not that hard...

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I've actually seen and experienced a lot of women (and men) who treat their spouses just awful. I want to smack "pretty" women who cheerfully brag about refusing sex or giving blowjobs because they just don't want to. Years ago I was out with a varied age group of women and a supposedly beautiful woman talked about how she hadn't had sex in six months and just wasn't in the mood. I asked if she was ill. Her response was "he married me for better or for worse". This is the worse for him." She boasted how he had quit begging for it just a few weeks ago.

 

I was shocked. Another woman was more candid and told her she was creating the perfect storm for him to have an affair or develop a porn addiction.

 

Now, some men are just dogs. And some women, too. Some people either marry unwisely or grow apart. Then there are those who take spouses for granted or mistreat them.

 

sorry have to leave

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I wish women would support other women..sadly, they never have and never will. I think we are all just too selfish and self centered to actually support each other.

It's sad to see so many in the love triangle - where everyone gets burned,

 

The MM is usually cake eating, the OW is usually in pain, the BS is usually in pain.

We can accuse the MM of being selfish without a care in the world of who he is hurting BUT isn't the OW being selfish as well? Wanting the MM to leave the life, the kids, the wife so that she can have him? Because she fell in love with him? and that love is more important (to her) than any wife or kids or life that the MM had before the OW entered his life.

 

I have to agree that women should support women but, sadly it won't happen. There are too many women that are willing to sacrifice another woman in search of their own happiness.

Are men pigs? Yeah, some of them are - and they deserve every bit of blame they get. However, a man can't cheat without a woman that is willing to cheat with him. Maybe that's why we, as women, get so angry at the OW, it's a "double" betrayal even when you don't know the OW - it's a breach of "sisterhood". Isn't it written in stone that "you just don't go there" with your friend's husband's, boyfriends, exes or crushes.

 

Are you saying that women shouldn't be angry ay OW because they get used as well? They get sucked in and can't help how they feel? I can see how that happens and I do feel bad for OWs but when you are in the middle of a Dday the last thing you worry about is the OW's feelings or the How and why of it..think about it, was the OW thinking of the BS's feelings during the A? Nope.

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ladydesigner

Human beings should be supporting each other and be compassionate. To not hurt one another.

 

Just on the flip side are the stories of BH's who find out their best friend is having an A with their wife :( that would be the bro's rules being broken.

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Lady Hamilton

I've never bought into the "women supporting women" mantra. I don't know why. It just seems so odd to me that because I have the same gender as somebody else, it's either up to them to support me or up to me to support them. If I'm extending myself to somebody, I'm not going to do it because we are the same sex, it's because you've proven yourself to me as somebody worth my supporting.

 

 

In the case of an affair, honestly, I don't need the "women supporting women" baloney. If the only thing keeping you from trying to have an affair with my husband is the fact that I'm a woman and this is some grand "women supporting women" gesture, I'll pass. Because honestly, that feels icky.

 

 

We can accuse the MM of being selfish without a care in the world of who he is hurting BUT isn't the OW being selfish as well? Wanting the MM to leave the life, the kids, the wife so that she can have him? Because she fell in love with him? and that love is more important (to her) than any wife or kids or life that the MM had before the OW entered his life.

 

 

I have to agree that women should support women but, sadly it won't happen. There are too many women that are willing to sacrifice another woman in search of their own happiness.

Are men pigs? Yeah, some of them are - and they deserve every bit of blame they get. However, a man can't cheat without a woman that is willing to cheat with him. Maybe that's why we, as women, get so angry at the OW, it's a "double" betrayal even when you don't know the OW - it's a breach of "sisterhood". Isn't it written in stone that "you just don't go there" with your friend's husband's, boyfriends, exes or crushes.

 

 

At the end of the day, though, the OW doesn't owe me anything.

 

 

My husband is a dang catch. I know that. I'm more inclined to suspect that women will want to sleep with him or steal him away vs. not wanting to do so out of some sort of loyalty to me, a random woman they've more often than not never even met.

 

 

As far as I'm concerned, women of the world can want whatever they want out of my husband. Fall in love with him, beg him to leave me, even give him the full court press because he is one hell of a guy and you know he's done it before and think he'd do it again for you. Go for it, you have my 100% blessing.

 

 

They won't get anywhere though. My husband doesn't want anybody else, he just wants me, and our marriage is rock solid. So the most beautiful woman can parade herself in front of him and promise him the sex of his life, no strings attached while secretly intending on locking him in and pressuring him to leave me, and the only thing that would happen would be he'd come home and say to me "Holy cow, you won't even guess what happened to me today."

 

 

Women owe me nothing. My husband, however, he owes me quite a lot. A woman can want an affair with him, but it's up to him to accept her advances in order for the affair to start. Or, flip side, it's up to him to pursue a woman in order to engage an affair. Even the thirstiest girl in the world doesn't stand a chance when the man she's chasing down doesn't want her.

 

 

If something happens, my gripe is with him and how he didn't value our marriage or me, not some random Becky who I never expected to care about me or our family.

 

 

The "sisterhood" of women? That's a baloney thing. It doesn't exist. Relying on it to keep your marriage safe is a total mistake. Marriage? Now that's a thing, that's the thing you have to work on, your partner is the one you have to rely on to prevent the affairs.

 

 

That's why I will never, ever get why, in all these threads and forums and stories, so many people focus on putting the OW in her place because she was somehow more at fault. Yeah, he was a jerk for cheating, but she, SHE was the one who made him leave me, SHE was the one who pushed for a full relationship, SHE was the one who broke up our family! The reality should be the reverse... Yeah, she's whatever you want to call her, but she didn't owe you anything. Your beef should be at him.

 

Are you saying that women shouldn't be angry ay OW because they get used as well? They get sucked in and can't help how they feel? I can see how that happens and I do feel bad for OWs but when you are in the middle of a Dday the last thing you worry about is the OW's feelings or the How and why of it..think about it, was the OW thinking of the BS's feelings during the A? Nope.

 

I think a BS being angry is natural, but wasting time and effort getting to her is misdirected energy. She's not going to save your marriage by leaving. Your wandering husband will save the marriage by not going back and you by learning to trust him again because you know the marriage is fixed, or at least being actively repaired.

 

 

If the first thing you do is drive her off and then work on him and the marriage, you're not fixing the problem that will inevitably leave the door cracked for OW 2, or the return of OW 1 when he puts together a better argument for him than you do.

 

 

Now I know the next question will be "but you said it's not all his fault if he cheats..." Well, it's not all his fault. If my husband cheats, it's the fault of him, her, and our broken marriage and my relationship with him. But again, I expect more of him than I expect of her. It's both of their faults the affair occurred, but he was the only one who owed me enough that he should have known better.

Edited by Lady Hamilton
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Lady Hamilton I agree with you in just about everything you just said except one small piece... I think that while as you said it shouldn't be the main priority after a dday, pursuing some sort of vengeance (within legal means of course) is perfectly fine.

 

As a bh, I know that there is no way my ww's aps think they are gonna get off Scott free. You can't sleep with another man's wife and expect nothing to happen. Them be the rules and the risks. I just get the pleasure of them knowing it will happen while I bid my time... Course I have been thinking of sending a little Xmas card reminding them it's coming and smiling to myself if they squirm.

 

Lol... sorry to sidetrack the convo.

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Women supporting women? They are few and far between.

Women are highly competitive with each other, they aren't all dressing up and following the latest fashion for the men, it's to be better than the other women. Just look at the way women treat 'successful' or 'beautiful' women, it's not often with admiration, but rather trying to find flaws.

 

Got to agree with Lady H on the A standpoint, when my exH/exWs was found to be having an A I was hurt by them both, but far more by him. He was responsible for his own actions, not her, he could have said no, he should have respected me enough to tell me the truth and not lie and gaslight. Yes ok if there wasn't an OW willing he would not have had the A but that doesn't mean he would have been a better person, just that the opportunity wouldn't have been there.

I have no illusions that OW was responsible for my D, far from it, the A showed me exactly what kind of a person he was and what little regard he had for me.

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Girlfromcali

I actually had a different experience.

 

I don't know his W, nor have I ever met her, but I did feel very deeply that I didn't want to hurt her.

 

I wanted to step away before she got hurt (even more) and when I did step away I felt good. It was a feeling I had inside me...of course it's not something I'd go bragging about that "hey, I didn't continue the A because of sisterhood and because I'm girl's girl woohoo" because that would've been hypocritical.

 

However, there is a part of me that loves her, wants to protect her, not to hurt her, and step away from her H.

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Lady Hamilton
Lady Hamilton I agree with you in just about everything you just said except one small piece... I think that while as you said it shouldn't be the main priority after a dday, pursuing some sort of vengeance (within legal means of course) is perfectly fine.

 

As a bh, I know that there is no way my ww's aps think they are gonna get off Scott free. You can't sleep with another man's wife and expect nothing to happen. Them be the rules and the risks. I just get the pleasure of them knowing it will happen while I bid my time... Course I have been thinking of sending a little Xmas card reminding them it's coming and smiling to myself if they squirm.

 

Lol... sorry to sidetrack the convo.

 

 

If somebody steals my car, I can either call the police and tell them and then call insurance and work on getting a loaner so my life isn't derailed too quickly, or I can spend my time trying to find it myself while plotting how to teach the robbers a lesson.

 

 

While the second plan might be more personally gratifying, it's not going to help me get my car back faster and it's not going to protect me from the fallout in other areas of my life (work, getting kids to school, getting to where I need to go) of having my car stolen.

 

 

Maybe it's the business woman in me, maybe it's that major illness had me really recognize just how short life is, I don't know... But I break down my time and my efforts into non-renewable units of measurement. I can spend my finite energy and time on exacting revenge on the person I'm hoping will be transitory in my life (ie, come and go as fast as possible), or I can spend it trying to shore up the relationship that (if I reconciled) I want to last me the rest of my life.

 

 

Expending that energy on the thing I want out of my life and gone when I could spend it on what I actually want is just a total waste of my time.

 

 

If repairing a marriage or fixing the damage was a fast fix that wasn't utterly exhausting in and of itself, maybe it would be different... Like if my car was found and brought back and within a week life was normal again, maybe I would plot how to make the thief's life as miserable as possible (legally). But given just exactly how draining it is to right the sinking ship of a marriage after an affair, I'm all for conserving resources and reinforcing how little you want the AP in your life (and your WS's life) by cutting them out as completely and unceremoniously as possible.

 

 

As they owe me nothing and I owe them nothing, I see no point in wasting any time with them when I could instead just re-invest that time back into the relationship and person who owes me quite a lot.

 

 

But that's just me. YMMV.

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Lady Hamilton
Yes ok if there wasn't an OW willing he would not have had the A but that doesn't mean he would have been a better person, just that the opportunity wouldn't have been there.

 

You said in like one statement what I took several paragraphs to say. I'm kind of jealous really.

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Women shouldn't support women who cheat.

 

You maybe single but your still cheating on someone else's family.

 

The only problem with this issue is that it's a presumption that men are all capable of cheating anyway. Therefore they are not to blame, therefore they are pardoned by the mere act of placing a majority of the blame on women.

 

That's why the woman who cheats with him gets all the blame.

 

Because we've already labelled every single man.

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Women shouldn't support women who cheat.

 

You maybe single but your still cheating on someone else's family.

 

The only problem with this issue is that it's a presumption that men are all capable of cheating anyway. Therefore they are not to blame, therefore they are pardoned by the mere act of placing a majority of the blame on women.

 

That's why the woman who cheats with him gets all the blame.

 

Because we've already labelled every single man.

 

Is that true or is it just easier to be angry at an ap than someone you love (d)?

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Lady Hamilton

I tend to think it's that it's harder to believe that somebody actively decided you weren't enough and/or somebody else is better and therefore they cheated than it is to blame the OW/AP tempted them into their bed like the Pied Piper and the spouse couldn't resist.

 

 

I also think there's truth to the competition idea that, as a BS, you immediately want to win back what was yours as a way to reaffirm superiority.

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If somebody steals my car, I can either call the police and tell them and then call insurance and work on getting a loaner so my life isn't derailed too quickly, or I can spend my time trying to find it myself while plotting how to teach the robbers a lesson.

 

 

While the second plan might be more personally gratifying, it's not going to help me get my car back faster and it's not going to protect me from the fallout in other areas of my life (work, getting kids to school, getting to where I need to go) of having my car stolen.

 

 

Maybe it's the business woman in me, maybe it's that major illness had me really recognize just how short life is, I don't know... But I break down my time and my efforts into non-renewable units of measurement. I can spend my finite energy and time on exacting revenge on the person I'm hoping will be transitory in my life (ie, come and go as fast as possible), or I can spend it trying to shore up the relationship that (if I reconciled) I want to last me the rest of my life.

 

 

Expending that energy on the thing I want out of my life and gone when I could spend it on what I actually want is just a total waste of my time.

 

 

If repairing a marriage or fixing the damage was a fast fix that wasn't utterly exhausting in and of itself, maybe it would be different... Like if my car was found and brought back and within a week life was normal again, maybe I would plot how to make the thief's life as miserable as possible (legally). But given just exactly how draining it is to right the sinking ship of a marriage after an affair, I'm all for conserving resources and reinforcing how little you want the AP in your life (and your WS's life) by cutting them out as completely and unceremoniously as possible.

 

 

As they owe me nothing and I owe them nothing, I see no point in wasting any time with them when I could instead just re-invest that time back into the relationship and person who owes me quite a lot.

 

 

But that's just me. YMMV.

 

I can see your point. But if I do nothing and they move on to destroy another family... how will I feel for not having done something?

 

I can't disagree with the right after the affair righting of a ship piece. It just isn't the person I am to let it slide. I'm already being a big enough person by offering r to ww. As you said, if you owe them nothing then you also don't owe them mercy or forgiveness.

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Lady Hamilton
I can see your point. But if I do nothing and they move on to destroy another family... how will I feel for not having done something?

 

I can't disagree with the right after the affair righting of a ship piece. It just isn't the person I am to let it slide. I'm already being a big enough person by offering r to ww. As you said, if you owe them nothing then you also don't owe them mercy or forgiveness.

 

If you don't owe them your mercy or forgiveness, you don't owe them your attention.

 

 

If they move on to have another affair, who knows... Some do, some don't, but if they do or don't won't have much to do with if you put them through hell or not. It may not even change if they do or don't go after your partner still.

 

 

I mean, my husband's ex tried to put me through hell... It didn't work. If anything, it confirmed to me that she was a nut job as he always told me and it brought us closer together as it fired his need to protect me.

 

 

On the flip side, if she had no contact with me, had cut off his contact with me, and they both truly went NC with me, what could I have done? Even being co-workers, not much.

 

 

I probably wouldn't have had another affair when this one ended, regardless of what she did or didn't do to me. Honestly, if I were the type to one-up, her swiping at me would be the excuse I need to swipe back harder at her.

 

 

Again, YMMV, but there's only so many hours in the day. Better to spend it in a place where it's invested wisely than throwing it in a bottomless pit of revenge and scorn when it ultimately may not make much of a difference anyway, even do more harm than good.

 

 

Trust me, I get the need for revenge... When crossed, I'm the Queen of Mean. I'm not bragging, since it's a blessing and a curse, but I can zing people from directions they didn't even know existed. So holding back and focusing elsewhere when things happen is a big challenge for me. But sometimes, it's worth it.

Edited by Lady Hamilton
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purplesorrow
I tend to think it's that it's harder to believe that somebody actively decided you weren't enough and/or somebody else is better and therefore they cheated than it is to blame the OW/AP tempted them into their bed like the Pied Piper and the spouse couldn't resist.

 

 

I also think there's truth to the competition idea that, as a BS, you immediately want to win back what was yours as a way to reaffirm superiority.

 

Couldn't be more wrong here. Such a blanket statement. If he thought a woman who was willing to be a secret better, have at it! I kicked him out right after dday. He never went for that 'better'. I didn't blame her. I thought they both whored themselves out for cheap validation. Sometimes it really is just on the person that cheated. Not every spouse was being neglectful.

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Lady Hamilton
Couldn't be more wrong here. Such a blanket statement. If he thought a woman who was willing to be a secret better, have at it! I kicked him out right after dday. He never went for that 'better'. I didn't blame her. I thought they both whored themselves out for cheap validation. Sometimes it really is just on the person that cheated. Not every spouse was being neglectful.

 

I didn't say "all" or "most," I just said that I think these are two factors that tend to come up when it comes to some of the responses by BW's to the OW and their spouse after reconciliation. Since you didn't reconcile, I can see why you think these don't apply to you, which is fine.

 

 

If the secret is found out then the marriage runs a chance of being over. By still taking that risk, then he is making a definite statement that the reward despite the risk and the secrecy is worth risking the marriage.

 

 

I do think the "secret" label thrown around as a means to minimize everything is a bit of a distraction, though. Secret or not, it was worth risking the marriage for, so if everybody knows or they know, it doesn't make the impact any less and that doesn't make the relationship any less legitimate or less "valid." If everybody knows about the affair or doesn't really doesn't matter on the impact the affair has.

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thecharade

I know it is a waste of time explaining this, but the point is that the OW doesn't "want the MM to leave his wife and kids." She has been made to believe, in both subtle and direct ways, that he is out of the marriage. He shows through action and word that he is planning on leaving, so it is very easy to feel it is not your fault. You are not causing or encouraging anything. He WANTS to leave his unhappy situation.

 

It is so easy for a BS to justify staying married to a cheater after he has completely disrespected her, but it is impossible to imagine the OW believing a MM is unhappy and is just "looking for the push to do what he has been wanting to do" for years? Why is one so easy to justify and the other not? It is the SAME man doing the convincing.

 

Trust me, I get it now. But I really believed in the beginning that it was not about me, that he was unhappy, that marriages are complicated and it was just a matter of time. It took me reading, researching, and seeking help to see that he was obviously messed up and did not care who he would hurt--his W, his kids, me, etc. I was the only one thinking of his BS, not him. I remember saying once, "If you are possibly not divorcing, what are you doing? Why would you hurt someone that you still want a relationship with?" I remember he sat quietly unmoving, and I could feel my skin crawl with ick. He was not who I thought he was, the situation was not as I thought it was. I felt ill. Married men are very, very good at convincing women that their marriages are prisons and that they will never get to see their kids, and women are extremely compassionate creatures. You have to live the deceit and the burn before you can really get it. My MM was just a regular guy, not a player. I had no reason to believe that he was not miserable in his M and wanting to leave.

 

There is a new BS or OW born every minute, always willing to give men the benefit of the doubt, to tolerate crappy treatment. There would not be cheaters if there weren't stupid women believing the lies about their marriages and desperate wives willing to keep them. But sadly, that is the situation. We women only have ourselves to blame.

 

My boss has a girlfriend at work, and I feel so badly for her. She is so stupid. We recently found out that she made up an overseas boyfriend because she got tired of answering questions about not having a guy. She has no "guy" because she is devoted to her MM. It has been five years. She is wasting the best years of her life on a guy that is not--NEVER--leaving his wife. I feel badly for the BS, of course. I feel badly for both women, wanting a guy that does not deserve either of them. It disgusts me. Nobody knows the BS well enough to tell her anything, and we figure she won't believe us. I do think about sending an anonymous letter, but I just don't know if that is the right thing to do.

 

In the end, I wish men were more afraid of losing us. But they're not.

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