Time to Move on cause I'm tired!

[msoptimistic]

I think that the role of being the OW should be defined as a rollercoaster ride where your heart leads your head up and down and round and round till you are just exhausted! So many of us come here seeking support while we know we're making poor decisions then come back seeking help to walk away from those decisions. The sad thing is we get all big and brave about taking back our self respect and we initiate NC for a whole week or two then we cave and allow ourselves to go right back down that same self-destructive path. Well I am just tired now. Tired of trying to stay positive about a negative situation, tired of trying to justify his actions to fool myself into believing he wants there to be an "us", convincing myself he will leave one day & we'd live happily ever after. Tired of tryimg to act happy in a M that aint happy. (Might could be if I would get my head out of MM's butt and put that energy toward H where it should be).

No particular ? here. Just venting I guess but I'm thinking that there has to be something better than this. People face and beat lots of worse scenarios everyday. Cancer, children born with birth defects, debilitating accidents, mental illness. For me, right now, its a broken heart. But people have survived those too. And now its my turn to just do what has to be done. No overthinking, just do it...he is married, he has a wife, if he wanted me he knows he could have me, he still chooses not to leave. Hes not available for me to be with on any level. It is just wrong on every level. Only one path to take and hopefully there will be rest at the end.

Thanks for the forum to vent!

[LydiaLong]

I think you have a good attitude about this. You shouldn't waste any more of your life pursuing dreams down a rabbit hole. It's very bad on many levels.

 

Eventually, he will be nothing more than someone you used to know.

[2016forme]

I think that the role of being the OW should be defined as a rollercoaster ride where your heart leads your head up and down and round and round till you are just exhausted! So many of us come here seeking support while we know we're making poor decisions then come back seeking help to walk away from those decisions. The sad thing is we get all big and brave about taking back our self respect and we initiate NC for a whole week or two then we cave and allow ourselves to go right back down that same self-destructive path. Well I am just tired now. Tired of trying to stay positive about a negative situation, tired of trying to justify his actions to fool myself into believing he wants there to be an "us", convincing myself he will leave one day & we'd live happily ever after. Tired of tryimg to act happy in a M that aint happy. (Might could be if I would get my head out of MM's butt and put that energy toward H where it should be).

No particular ? here. Just venting I guess but I'm thinking that there has to be something better than this. People face and beat lots of worse scenarios everyday. Cancer, children born with birth defects, debilitating accidents, mental illness. For me, right now, its a broken heart. But people have survived those too. And now its my turn to just do what has to be done. No overthinking, just do it...he is married, he has a wife, if he wanted me he knows he could have me, he still chooses not to leave. Hes not available for me to be with on any level. It is just wrong on every level. Only one path to take and hopefully there will be rest at the end.

Thanks for the forum to vent!

 

Hello.

Congratulations on taking on the first step to break away from your MM. I am glad that you are not in denial in believing that you and your MM are going to be together again and happy forever. I really wish that more people, especially the OW, would see this cause they actually fool themselves each and every time. Little by little, the OW is blinded by false illusions into believing that no matter what anyone says, she and her MM are going to be happy together regardless of the truth that people really state. The fact that you know your MM is not yours is one of the first steps to coming to grips with yourself and learning to forgive yourself.

 

I know that this is not going to be an easy process. It is going to take time for you to do some deep soul searching and find out what is right for you. You have to look out for yourself and know what best suits you.

 

Try to set small goals for yourself. Tell yourself" I can get through this. ..I'll make it through the storm. ..." It Is actually scary getting out of an affair with a MM. Some say that this type of breaking away is more drastic than an average relationship. I think it's because sometimes people develop a sense of attachment and neediness. Until one day, someone realizes that the fantasy is all over.The thrill of it all is gone! Then what?

 

Give yourself time to heal. Learn to love yourself first. Surround yourself with love, family, friends and support. This won't happen overnight. But you will feel so great having escaped a turmoil before it's too late. There will be times when the agony, distress and sadness will try to outdo you.But believe in yourself! You can do it! Cheers to you! Please let us know your updates. Smiles.

[msoptimistic]

Thanks Lydia and 2016 for the support! I am just amazed at how much energy we as OW put into these dead end relationships. I was so certain that my situation was so different and had a happy ending headed my way. I think that during affairs we all have short moments of clarity but the longer we struggle -and it is a struggle- to hold onto something that is so unattainable, those moments get longer and longer until you wake up one day and realize that while the love may be real, the situation is impossible. So then you step back and wonder was it worth this heartache? But even that doesnt matter cause its happened and now it has to be dealt with. There is so much open support for people suffering from diseases or misfortune but this is like a silent death. You need to mourn but it has to be in private. You need to cry but you cant explain to everyone why you are crying constantly.

Yes, rest and peace will come. Hopefully sooner than later!

[2016forme]

Thanks Lydia and 2016 for the support! I am just amazed at how much energy we as OW put into these dead end relationships. I was so certain that my situation was so different and had a happy ending headed my way. I think that during affairs we all have short moments of clarity but the longer we struggle -and it is a struggle- to hold onto something that is so unattainable, those moments get longer and longer until you wake up one day and realize that while the love may be real, the situation is impossible. So then you step back and wonder was it worth this heartache? But even that doesnt matter cause its happened and now it has to be dealt with. There is so much open support for people suffering from diseases or misfortune but this is like a silent death. You need to mourn but it has to be in private. You need to cry but you cant explain to everyone why you are crying constantly.

Yes, rest and peace will come. Hopefully sooner than later!

 

Hello again,

 

Thanks for the response. I know at times you might feel lonely and depressed because you are making a big transition in your life. Things are going to change for you. Yes, sometimes when we grow, we get out of our old habits or when we change, it hurts. The sad part is like you just mentioned. No one understands your new growth and personal development. You feel you are suffering in silence.

 

Just think that the country Rome was not built overnight. It took some time because of changes. If you find that you are tired of being the OW and you are ready for change, you're in the right place.

 

I do feel sorry for some OW who just don't get it. For example, there was a website that just froze it's membership. I thought it was okay that some people have shared stories about being the OW. In fact, at least seventy five percent of the people have moved on with their lives. Most of them have been frank and honest about their mistake.

 

The sad part is that there are a few women who would go to that Web page, and post their story about their affair with their MM. These women are truly in denial. They don't understand that they are living in a fantasy world by sticking with their MM. They don't understand the heartache, betrayal and deception that the wife will discover when she finds out that her husband has been living a double life. These women don't accept the truth. They don't want to seek counseling because they know they are wrong. Most people in the real world do not encourage someone to keep falling into the same ditches by having an affair with someone husband. Women like that are selfish and only think about what is best for them in the moment.

 

You are in the right place to begin making change for yourself. Anytime you want to post your story or share your experience, you are always welcome.

 

We are here to help you through this journey.

 

Hugs to you.