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LovingDelilah

I was given a birthday voucher which I finally acceptied after many refusals. I am planning on breaking our friendship and intend sending it back in voucher form even though I purchased a gift. He got very upset at me. Is it rude to return it? I just can't have this madness in my life anymore.

Edited by LovingDelilah
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TaraMaiden2
I was given a birthday voucher which I finally acceptied after many refusals. I am planning on breaking our friendship and intend sending it back in voucher form even though I purchased a gift. He got very upset at me. Is it rude to return it? I just can't have this madness in my life anymore.

 

Go Complete No Contact. If at some point he succeeds in reproaching you for having accepted the gift, then simply return it without an additional word, comment or message.

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I would just let it go. Returning the gift doesn't change the inappropriate nature of your relationship, and telling him that you're going to return it just feeds the drama (look at how he reacted when you tried to end things -- he will use an contact you have with him to try to manipulate you). Just give what you bought with the voucher to charity.

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Returning a gift is just attention seeking and trying to cause more drama. If you really wanted to return the gift you would have done it without even mentioning it. Instead you made a point of telling him your intention to return the gift which looks like you were just trying to push his buttons and get a reaction.

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Also breaking a friendship and putting closure to something is painful enough.

When you break up, harsh actions and hurtful things dont need to be part of it.

End with respect, integrity and just be firm and close the door but dont throw st in the wounds on the way out.

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HereNorThere

It sounds like you're just looking for a reason to break NC and start more drama. You almost destroyed 2 families and countless others and you are concerned about a "voucher." Think about that for a minute.

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renaissancewoman

What exactly is your end game by returning the gift? What are you expecting will happen? What does it accomplish? I think if you answer that honestly it will help to daylight whether returning a gift is appropriate. Which in my opinion is just an excuse to see a reaction that somehow might express to you some hint of lingering affection towards you. Some way to validate whatever you had with him was real. I don't think it's healthy and would only prolong your own suffering, not his.

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LovingDelilah
It sounds like you're just looking for a reason to break NC and start more drama. You almost destroyed 2 families and countless others and you are concerned about a "voucher." Think about that for a minute.

 

How many countless others? That is a really rude comment . I am friends with one person and you make it out that Im a destroyer of families.

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renaissancewoman
How many countless others? That is a really rude comment . I am friends with one person and you make it out that Im a destroyer of families.

 

Stop kidding yourself. You are not just friends. Just friends don't talk about leaving the families for each other. Just friends don't say that they can't go a day without each other. Just friends don't give time and attention to each other that is rightfully for their spouses. What you are doing is what destroys families. Why is it so hard to keep away from other people's marriages? Just because someone says that their marriage is in trouble and invites you to fill some void, it doesn't mean you have to accept the invitation. You actually can say no and focus on your own marriage.

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If you can't stand the MADNESS then leave it alone.

 

Do not return the gift. You have already used the voucher. It looks like something a teenager would do. What would it achieve?

 

Poppy.

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LovingDelilah
Stop kidding yourself. You are not just friends. Just friends don't talk about leaving the families for each other. Just friends don't say that they can't go a day without each other. Just friends don't give time and attention to each other that is rightfully for their spouses. What you are doing is what destroys families. Why is it so hard to keep away from other people's marriages? Just because someone says that their marriage is in trouble and invites you to fill some void, it doesn't mean you have to accept the invitation. You actually can say no and focus on your own marriage.

 

I was referring to the COUNTLESS OTHERS he mentioned. Just because your husband is straying from you it doesn't mean you can attack me.

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LovingDelilah
If you can't stand the MADNESS then leave it alone.

 

Do not return the gift. You have already used the voucher. It looks like something a teenager would do. What would it achieve?

 

Poppy.

 

I thought it might be better used on himself. I told him I didn't want it from the start.

Edited by LovingDelilah
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renaissancewoman
I was referring to the COUNTLESS OTHERS he mentioned. Just because your husband is straying from you it doesn't mean you can attack me.

 

The "countless others" set you off, yet just the "one" is of no consequence to you? You're right I don't need to attack you. My husband was on his way to falling into the "innocent" trap you allowed yourself to get caught in. Honestly, what made you so excited to see a married man that you couldn't get from your husband? In your original thread you said you got excited when your MM said he wanted to visit you. That is a red flag that you should maybe focus on your marriage and not about making up excuses to stay in contact with your MM by returning a voucher you already used. Be excited about your own marriage. I mean marriage isn't easy, but all I know is every time I leave the house for work, I'm excited to get home to my husband and my family. And that's just being away for 9 hours in a day. Can you try cultivating that kind of excitement for your own marriage and not concern yourself with how a voucher should be returned? Part of not getting into complicated situations like the one you find yourself in is realigning your priorities. At some point you began to put this MM over your own husband. Get your priorities straightened out.

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Lady Hamilton

Anyway...

 

If you used it, throw it away.

 

If you didn't use it, use it.

 

If you don't want to use it, donate it to a friend, family, or charity (after verifying it's still good).

 

If you want him to know you didn't use it, then return it and await his response, because he will respond.

 

If your ultimate goal is to cut him out of your life, then whatever you do with it, don't tell him what you did with it and move on with life.

 

If your ultimate goal is to make a point about how he needs you and you need him, don't use it and wait until NC is broken and use it together.

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LovingDelilah
The "countless others" set you off, yet just the "one" is of no consequence to you? You're right I don't need to attack you. My husband was on his way to falling into the "innocent" trap you allowed yourself to get caught in. Honestly, what made you so excited to see a married man that you couldn't get from your husband? In your original thread you said you got excited when your MM said he wanted to visit you. That is a red flag that you should maybe focus on your marriage and not about making up excuses to stay in contact with your MM by returning a voucher you already used. Be excited about your own marriage. I mean marriage isn't easy, but all I know is every time I leave the house for work, I'm excited to get home to my husband and my family. And that's just being away for 9 hours in a day. Can you try cultivating that kind of excitement for your own marriage and not concern yourself with how a voucher should be returned? Part of not getting into complicated situations like the one you find yourself in is realigning your priorities. At some point you began to put this MM over your own husband. Get your priorities straightened out.

 

You are deluded if you think your husband hasn't already fallen into a physical not just emotional affair. I have my priorities fine. I have been married over 27 years and have my family provided for by working in and out of the home for all of them. I am tired of being treated like dirt by HOLIER THAN THOU women on here whose husbands have cheated on them and are out to punish everybody else.

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LovingDelilah
Anyway...

 

If you used it, throw it away.

 

If you didn't use it, use it.

 

If you don't want to use it, donate it to a friend, family, or charity (after verifying it's still good).

 

If you want him to know you didn't use it, then return it and await his response, because he will respond.

 

If your ultimate goal is to cut him out of your life, then whatever you do with it, don't tell him what you did with it and move on with life.

 

If your ultimate goal is to make a point about how he needs you and you need him, don't use it and wait until NC is broken and use it together.

 

Thank you for your reply.

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HereNorThere
How many countless others? That is a really rude comment . I am friends with one person and you make it out that Im a destroyer of families.

 

Yes, countless others. When you destroy your husband, someone somewhere will have to pick up the pieces. More often than not, it ends up being your in laws and/or his friends who have to live with the mess you made. This also applies to MM's BS family as well.

 

How much will it hurt their mothers, family and friends to watch their loved ones life ripped out from under them? How much will their co-workers suffer because they can no longer focus on their work due to the distraction you have made? How much will their future partners suffer because you robbed them of their ability to trust other people?

 

So at the very minimum, you have at least 2 families destroyed and that's not even including yours. Trust me, your own mother would be devastated if she knew the type of person you turned out to be. So that's 3 families so far. Let's go ahead and make it 4 because I'm sure MM's family would be just as hurt by his actions. - And those are just the immediate outcomes. Eventually everyone returns back to the dating people with severe damage and passes your abuse down the line.

 

Yes, countless others. I really hope it was a good voucher.

Edited by HereNorThere
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renaissancewoman
Is it rude to return it? I just can't have this madness in my life anymore.

 

It's interesting. You started this thread with this question knowing full well that you aren't concerned about the etiquette of returning gifts. You are an intelligent woman who wanted to get a rise out of your MM. He did well to stroke your ego and feign hurt by it.

 

Listen, what exactly are you looking for here? I understand that to you, I'm probably some surrogate for your MM's BS and to be honest, I definitely can see you as my husband's potential OW. But what do you really want here? You feel like you're being punished, did you expect people to validate your choices? Frankly, when I read your past posts, the questions you ask are all pointed at how you can continue on with this relationship. You feign remorse and say you don't want the madness, but the answers you seek are to support you to continue on. You asked in another thread it's possible to be friends. The answer is no. You asked if returning a gift is rude. The answer should be: ask yourself why you care.

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