Jump to content

The pain and confusion I feel...


Recommended Posts

Well, I'll skip my story because it's been posted here but I wanted to start a new thread.

 

Basically, my AP and I have been on and off multiple times the past few months. Things had been getting progressively worse. I'm in constant emotional pain that she has been saying she would leave her husband for 10 months now. Really it's been longer but I start it at the day our affair was discovered.

 

So last week, we were both just fed up. We ended it. I was actually in a great place. I felt strong, I was somewhat angry but I felt good about how I felt. A few days went by and naturally on Valentines day, she contacted me to say happy v day. I got kinda hurt by that because she is saying that to me while she's at home with her husband and I'm alone wishing I was spending the day with her. So I gave her a quick piece of my mind and that was that. I still had my power. Then later on I get a message saying "just so you know, I was going to see you today, but I'm having car trouble again and I'm stuck here"

 

That sent me over the edge. I feel like that was the biggest mind game that has ever been played. We have fought many many times that we don't spend enough time together, not like we use to. She has distanced herself and has a wall up. I've seen her wall before and she just shuts down and wants to focus on her. I get that but anyway, we would see each other once or twice a week a couple hours at a time. Twice was a rare occasion lately. We use to see each other a lot more.

 

Getting back on track...Why would she tell me she was going to see me, then tell me she can't all in the same message. Like I friggen needed to know that. I always tell her actions speak louder than words. So don't tell me you're going to see me...Just see me. My head has been messed since that message. Now I find myself verbally chasing her. I have the feelings of "I can't believe you're done" or "I wish I could see you and hold you" and whatever else comes with it. I do wish I could be with her but at the same time, my logical side of me knows she is everything bad for me but I'm so damn wrapped up.

 

I have an addictive personality. I've been in therapy. I'm on medication. I think I do a great job at most things in my life but this is something that has completely consumed me. I can't even function normally anymore. I have no drive to do anything. This has sucked the life out of me. How could someone say they love someone so much and talk about how miserable they are but yet play me for a fool. I don't believe she is being intent with things. I just don't think she has the courage to face leaving her husband. I know she wants to. I don't doubt that at all. I just don't think she ever will. But regardless, she screwed with my head so bad over that one statement. I spent all yesterday trying to get her to not be done with me. Then last night I realized that I can't control it. If she wants to walk away from me and not her husband than so be it. I can only hope this can motivate me to make changes and finally start my life and be free of this hell I've been living. She gave me a date of Oct 1st 2015 she was leaving. That fell through, then november....that fell through. Since then, I've been a friggen basket case. I've had multiple injuries/nagging pains (I weight lift) and I link it all to stress. It's done a number on me. I feel like I've aged a lot over the past few months. The affair was good and bad over the summer but I had high confidence. I went out with friends, I had a lot of fun. I was in a good place. I'm the complete opposite again and that scares me.

 

So, I now what I need to do. I know I need to deal with the pain and try to heal. I can only hope that someday a woman will come around that I will feel this type of connection with. My AP did something to me as soon as I got to know her. I still feel that same connection. I want that. I crave that. I feel like nobody will ever make me feel that again. Nobody has up until her.

 

I don't know why I'm even writing at the moment. I think mainly to just vent but I think some support would be great. I feel like I really need it. I know I'm an idiot for not letting her go and letting her take over my emotions but my heart is huge and it wants what it wants. Now it's mind over matter. I know I need more counseling. I actually realized this weekend I need a new one as he isn't helping me so that search is beginning today.

 

I just don't know how to get through this. Long term. We've gone a week without talking. That's been somewhat easy because I think deep down we knew one would break. Usually she would contact me. I made it crystal clear how she screwed with my head on V-day and she would just say sorry and she said she won't contact me again when we are done. ya thanks..damage is already done.

 

My friends tell me to get rid of her because why would I want someone that can hide this for all this time and seeing how she handles hard times by running away makes me see that they are right...she's bad news for me. She is a really great person. I don't believe everyone in an affair is a bad person we all make life changing mistakes sometimes. She will be great for someone else and but lately I've seen sides of me come up that I experienced when I was young and in an unhealthy relationship. It scares the crap out of me. I worked hard to change things about myself and I despise who I have become right now. Confidence is gone right now. My ability to always overcome challenges feels lost. I feel pathetically weak and useless. It's heartache.....it will pass...I hope...

 

Oh and one more thing. Last year, her husband planned a trip to Disney for them. She said over and over she wasn't gonna go and he kept pushing and she ended up going. That was very hard for me because I love disney so much. At the time I was still with my wife and I wanted to go but I knew where I was, on the verge of leaving so I didn't want to commit to a vacation. So a year later and countless times of her telling me after the holidays, when this happens, when that happens, I'm not going to disney, no way no chance....guess what.....She's going to disney but doesn't want to. She's going for her daughter....well, I'm going for my daughter this year, with my dad. Because these are the life changes I was willing to make to put myself in a better position to be able to be with her. I didn't necessarily leave for her. If it weren't for her I'd probably still be in an unhappy marriage...Not sure if that's good or bad or if it could have been fixed but in the end, I don't think I could feel the same for my soon to be ex.

 

So yeah..my thoughts are becoming scattered. This sucks...really bad. I can't even imagine going 2 weeks...a month...forever not talking or seeing her again. I've always told her there will be a point of no return. I know once I hit a certain level of acceptance, I will be able to resist temptation. I'm not letting her back in if she takes too long to leave. uggghhhhhh...I'm never gonna get to that point mentally. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites

Eventually one of you will get to a point of no return and will go NC. I hope for your sake that it's you... much better to leave in a position of strength. You say that the two of you ended things but clearly it's still going on, if she was dropping those crumbs to you on Valentine's Day.

 

This woman is a mess and doesn't know what she wants. Your pain is very real from the way that you write and I'm very sorry for what you're going through.

 

How are you doing in your recovery from your marriage that ended recently? I'm sure that doesn't make things any easier. Best wishes to you.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes it is/was still going on. We ended it last thursday. She contacted me days later (v-day) and then yesterday (day after v-day) she ended it. She said she needs to focus on her and she can't keep hurting me. There is a part of me that thinks that's just a cop-out but time will tell based on if she stays or leaves. She said she is leaving no matter what but not sure when.

 

My pain is very real unfortunately. I'm very good with expressing which I guess helps me process. I wish I could be numb to this. I regret a lot about myself over the past 1-1/2 years of my life.

 

I don't really know how I am processing my marriage ending. I never really had time to process it by being alone. I am pretty sure I know that it's over and it's for the best. When I see her I don't feel those feelings like I miss her and want to be closer to her. It's usually thoughts and memories of our "family" dynamic and when I see my daughter having a hard time and see how different it is trying to co-parent instead of having someone right there as back up. So yeah, I think I'm ok with it. It's just hard sometimes.

 

My main priority is freeing myself from this pain. I really want to be with this woman but I have to accept that I can't and it's for the best. She's not leaving and until she does, she needs to be off limits. I'm tired of living a life of lies that's for sure. It makes me suspicious of everything. This whole mess has done a number on me. I can say with 100% certainty...NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Im sorry you are hurting so much. I will write some harsh words, but please know i have the deepest empathy for you, i really do want to try and help.

You write about your ap in such terms that it seems clear to me you are deep.in affair fog.

Sometimes we realy want something so very bad just because we can't have it.This also.enables us to project all our innermost needs and desires on to this person and this fantasy feeds itself. The more we can't have it, the more certain we are that this is our one and only cure.

You know what i see when i read your post?

Two unhappy individuals with poor coping skills. I see it clearly because that is me,a year ago.

Both of you missed something in your marriages and dealt with it by avoidance and turning to an affair. To your credit, it seems the marriage was truely over for you. Still, it seems you did not leave before you thought you had a plan b.

Your ap is either very messed up and confused or incredibly misleading and manipulative.

Either way, from this entire mess, i really dont see the great potential for happiness that you think you are missing.

Do you think a R with her can ever live up to tge expectations you created? Could you ever fully trust her? You know for a fact she is capable of leading a double life.

I dont think she is going to leave her H. I think she wants to keep you on some level of communication as a back up plan. Maybe she is scared and it makes her feel better to know she has you in the background.

I dont know how old you are. There was this cute popular song some 20 years ago that went "the more you suffer,the more it shows you really care. Right?"

Well, often we feel that way. The fact that are agonizing over her does not make her the love of your life. It does not mean she is the one. It does not mean you need her for the pain to stop.

You know what you got to do,right?

In order to truely heal and progress you have to go nc. It hurts bad,but it does work. You have to believe your right mind when it tells you to walk away. Your feelings are playing tricks on you. This woman is not making you happy. This affair is not making you happy. You dont need her to be happy. It really is only up to you.

Good luck.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

You need to stop thinking that no other woman can ever measure up to her. That is the hold she has over you (which is entirely created by you). Once you downgrade her, you'll get better, and she'll seem less than.

 

This woman is just enjoying your attention and the fantasy. She's not for real.

 

PS-I love Disney too.

Edited by Popsicle
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey LostIsMe

 

It is very moving to read your thread and bear witness to your very obvious distress. You certainly have been through so much with your own marriage ending and all this drama with your AP. Hang in there and be strong for your daughter and family. You are clearly in a really bad place but know that there are a lot of people here who will really be rooting for you and wishing you a speedy recovery. Post here, come to us often. This place has helped me so much.

 

My own opinion is that you can only begin to heal if you go into complete NC. If in the future she separates from her H, she can approach you then, but she must leave you alone now if she is still with him. Also, of course I don't know the full picture, but it would be great if you could avoid completely closing your mind to the idea of reconciliation with your wife. It seems like you were in a VERY bad place during the break-up. Who knows how you guys will feel about each other after some time apart, recovery and lots of distance from the toxic R.

 

Just adding my two cents. I wish you so much happiness for the future. Good luck and keep us updated. We are here for each other

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really unfortunate the situation you're in. But I agree that you need to "just say no" when it comes to her. It's obviously difficult to do, but I think that deep inside you you know it's a better choice to make. I would block her so that she cannot text or call, and I think that you'll find if you're just a little bit connected socially, a day will turn into a week, which will turn into a month, and eventually you'll find yourself able to move on. I kind of assume that you aren't with your wife anymore. I'd like to hope that relationship might be able to be restored and that you could move forward, and not dwell on this obviously unhealthy relationship.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I read your other thread, you had a Dday with your wife and you two split up? If this is the case, MW could have left her husband back then but she didn't. And many many months later she hasn't left him and she won't.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

 

Cut her out of your life, change your number if need be and block her on all social media. You may think she's "great" but she's toxic to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

First of all...Popsicle...Glad you love Disney! lol.

 

So today is 24 hours of no contact. I won't like, I keep looking at my phone hoping to see a message from her. I told her if she wanted to walk away then she can block me.

 

I'm a bag of mixed emotions right now. I'm sad but in a way I feel a sense of relief. I'm jealous of her husband but then again if he only knew what really went on and has been going on the past year I'd feel terrible for him. We lied on D-Day and basically as far as the spouses know it was an emotional affair, contact was a kiss. That's why I left my marriage. I knew I wasn't ready to move on from the affair and I didn't want to keep trying to pretend I was committed to fixing the marriage. There are times when I think I should mostly because of the family dynamic that I miss and the overall well being of our daughter. When push comes to shove though, when I'm around her I don't really feel anything for her. I miss her sometimes but we just drifted far apart, even before the affair.

 

I have noticed all the red flags about this girl, in reality she stands for things that I do not believe in so I honestly don't know where I went wrong and lost self control and respect for myself. She is a terrible communicator. I asked over and over for her to let me know what is going on at home, if she's going out or whatever but she feels she doesn't need to fill me in on her days activities. She's right, doesn't doesnt need to but considering I'm insecure that she is with her husband, I think it's a fair compromise to go out of your way to make the other person comfortable. Some may disagree but if I love someone I will do that without hesitation. She is very spoiled, this is why she can't leave. She's always had daddy to take care of things for her and now financially she has her husband. Daddy is still there. Her parents seem to make the decisions for her and they are very involved in their marraige. That would make me insane. I am the controller of my life. My parents would never be intrusive, neither would I . She's obviously a very good liar. She feels dancing...GRINDING on another guy is acceptable when I'm standing right there...some random guy at a bar. That to me is so disrespectful. I'd NEVER do something like that. That's just a few. I can say good things about her as well but sometimes I see a vision of clarity...I love her, we get a long great. I love how playful she is and I love her other personality traits....then there is that thought..."do I really, or is it just sex and fantasy"? Sometimes i think it's sex and fantasy because usually that's what our life is like. We spend a couple hours together, holding each other, showing affection and having sex. We've gone out together but it's few and far between. We just live life very differently in the real world.

 

Anyway, what I hate the most is what this has done to me as a person. I don't trust anyone. I feel worthless and insecure. I've always had self confidence issues but over the years it's improved a lot. This whole mess has brought out a person in me that I despise! It's changed me...and not for the better.

 

I feel like I can be strong for a week...and then I'll crack. I'll start to get that withdrawal feeling and my stress level will increase. So yes, I do need to learn coping skills. My coping is usually blocking...I shut down...with everyone. When I do that, it's hard to snap myself out of it. My AP always was able to do that for me..no clue how but she did.

 

I could keep going right now but I really need to get some work done. lol. So, I hope i can get through today...and each day after. I hate thinking she is either gonna stay with him, or leave him and move on. I hate that this feels so final even though I know it needs to be no matter what. As they say, the hardest decision is usually the right decision.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I hear you.

Please dont decide you will crack in a week. It is entirely up to you. Visualise being strong and committed to nc. Try to think of nc as your friend. Your seat belt. Your floater. Yes, its hard but it is ultimately there to protect you.

Maintaing nc will eventually help you regain the sense of control you feel you lost. I really get what you say about feeling changed. I also get what youre saying about losing trust.

Right after i ended my A, i began suspecting my H. Talk about projection! I think the distrust we feel is because we lost trust in ourselves during the A.

With time, you will get your sense of self back, will trust again and on the whole feel better. Breaking nc drags you back to square one. It also makes you doubt your own ability to do this. Prove to yourself that you can do the right thing. If you stick to nc,it will empower you.

I respect the fact that you couldnt pretend anymore after dday. I also couldnt take the lying. But your ap seems to be ok with that. My ex ap was also cool with lying. I now see him in a very different light. You will see her differently too, if you put some time and space between you.

Best of luck.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

LostIsMe, it takes a while to come out of the fog. Like months and months. Maybe even a year. Complete and total NC is absolutely necessary though. Some people choose to never come out of the fog though. They don't want to. I hope you won't be one of the later.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I don't think to as black and white as that. I care for my wife and look what I did to her. I think this is a very difficult and mind bending experience so while I don't think she's doing it out of lack of caring. I just think it's part for the course but when push comes to shove, it's easier for her to stay than to leave. So that is where I think her feelings toward me are misleading. If she loved me... Truly loved me she would move mountains to be with me. In almost a year since d day she has verbally moved mountains but fails to follow thru with action. Talk is cheap. I made huge decisions to set myself up to be with her. I didn't leave for her but she is what I want(ed?).

 

So you are partially correct lol

Link to post
Share on other sites

Pull yourself together. You are allowing another person to dictate your life. After my divorce I put a quote on my cell phone. I looked at it every time I started thinking about her. The quote goes for both sexes

 

"3 billion women out there. Just in case she feels irreplaceable"

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't think to as black and white as that. I care for my wife and look what I did to her. I think this is a very difficult and mind bending experience so while I don't think she's doing it out of lack of caring. I just think it's part for the course but when push comes to shove, it's easier for her to stay than to leave. So that is where I think her feelings toward me are misleading. If she loved me... Truly loved me she would move mountains to be with me. In almost a year since d day she has verbally moved mountains but fails to follow thru with action. Talk is cheap. I made huge decisions to set myself up to be with her. I didn't leave for her but she is what I want(ed?).

 

So you are partially correct lol

 

It seems she'd be loosing too much security to leave her marriage and she doesn't want that change in lifestyle.

 

What can you offer her above and beyond what she has with her husband ? Love? Great sex? Sometimes that just isn't enough to leave a secure marriage for and cause all that disruption.

 

I only say these things...... because if I was ever going to leave my marriage... .The guy would have to really top my husband in almost every way..... that's not an easy thing to do and she might feel similar in that respect.

 

Unless she's terribly unhappy with him, like he treats her badly or he's abusive or the sex is awful....... it's unlikely she's going to ever leave.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I'm not going to lie. I'm having a lot of anxiety right now wanting to contact her. I know I shouldn't because it will not get me anywhere but right now the thoughts of being without her make me sick. I sound like a girl. I'm a man but 8 do have a sensitive heart and when I feel something it's powerful and people know it.

 

I'm going to succeed and overcome this but it sucks that she took my power away Sunday by contacting me. Total mad game bull**** move on her part. It worked but 8 won't let her know that...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It seems she'd be loosing too much security to leave her marriage and she doesn't want that change in lifestyle.

 

What can you offer her above and beyond what she has with her husband ? Love? Great sex? Sometimes that just isn't enough to leave a secure marriage for and cause all that disruption.

 

I only say these things...... because if I was ever going to leave my marriage... .The guy would have to really top my husband in almost every way..... that's not an easy thing to do and she might feel similar in that respect.

 

Unless she's terribly unhappy with him, like he treats her badly or he's abusive or the sex is awful....... it's unlikely she's going to ever leave.

 

She has told me since before we started the affair that they don't have sex. She's not attracted to him and the sex was never really that great. I think she is scared of the financial part.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

WHY AM I SUCH A FREAKING IDIOT?????????

 

After a week of no communication, because it was her choice, she contacted me. Without hesitation I let my gaurd down. She came over..usual things happened. I tried to talk to her about why she was doing this, why she hasn't left and all that crap. She had NOTHING to say...No answers, no nothing.

 

So in an earlier post I mentioned she is going to disney. I found out sunday that she is going this coming Monday. This past monday I asked when I could see her again and she said "I'll see what I can do". I got annoyed with that answer. I mean really, you'll see what you can do? She followed up with I have stuff to do. She had to get her nails done, get her hair done, go to the gym, clean the house all in preparation for the trip. Needless to say, I got pissed that all that came before me and I said you wonder why I feel like I'm last place?!

 

So later that day she came back and asked if I could see her Friday. I said so cleaning your house is more important then spending time with me before you go away on vacation to my favorite place, WITH YOUR HUSBAND. She defended herself and said she needs to do her. Ok good, then stop toying with me.

 

Tuesday night I basically ended it but she kept messaging me acting as if nothing was wrong and I was going to cave. Wed I drove my point home further that I'm done doing this to myself. It was a long message. After she replied and said "I was gonna see you today, I rescheduled my appointments, I guess that blew up in my face". I told her the only reason she did it is because of the issue I made it out to be and that's not good enough for me. Her actions speak volumes over her words. They say two different things and I've had it.

 

I followed up with a very long message explaining everything I was feeling and that it's done...over...She replied, she didn't address one thing I said and simply said "all i can say is I'll reach out when I leave him. If you're around, great, if not, it's my fault" so I replied and said out of all that, you have nothing more to say and she said "I've said it all already"

 

Nothing for hours after that....finally I sent one last message and told her it blew my mind that I'm not even worth the effort to address one single thing I wrote about. It was basically a slap in the face to me and that obviously I'm making the right choice to end it. By the time I was done writing I was pissed off. I blocked her.

 

Now here is where everything sucks

WHY CAN'T I KEEP HER BLOCKED OR SHUT HER OUT OF MY LIFE? WHY DO I ALREADY WANT TO UNBLOCK HER??????? uggghhhhh....

I'm dying to give her a chance to say something but I know deep down it's just going to mess with my head and when monday comes along I'll be crushed that she's hoping on a plane and going away on a vacation that she said over and over she's not going. This makes two years in a row that she's done that...

 

I'M SO TORN APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this. I can't stand the person I've become. Weak, depressed and helpless.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Eventually, it will become too painful and you will be ready. Eventually, you will be able to see past your short-term (albeit very real) pain and think, "one year from now... five years from now... do I still want to be living like this?" You know it has to end SOMEDAY unless you intend carry on like this until the end of your days. Keep asking yourself, why not end it now?

 

And you know as well as I do that at this point, if she's going to make real change, it's only likely to come once you've cut contact for a time and she realizes what she's lost. But it isn't likely. She likely just wants to eat cake. If she knew she wanted to see about a future for the two of you and was respectful and honest, she would have already left her husband in order to do that AND in order to give her husband the respect that he deserves.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yes I think I know that she isn't going to make a change. It's just that I'm having a hard time accepting it and that I continue to make excuses for her.

 

Yesterday I realized that I was making excuses. I get that it's hard, she doesn't make a lot of money and she is scared. Her big reasoning is she has to wait for him to buy the house (it's currently under her dad's name) and when her husband buys the house, she gets money, she can then buy something for herself and move. But I don't see that happening. The two of them live seperate lives but depend on each other in order for them to live those lives. I don't see either of them having the guts to disturb that because in some ways they are both selfish. I get it...I had all the same concerns but in the end I decided I needed to go through with it and figure it out as I go. I've adapted and am still adapting but I never really fully adjusted becuase I've spent so much time and energy on maintaining whatever I could with her. I need to get back to worrying about me, going out with my friends more and try to put this behind me. Feel the loss but not look back.

 

I know it all....I just can't seem to follow my brain. My heart seems to take over every time.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes I think I know that she isn't going to make a change. It's just that I'm having a hard time accepting it and that I continue to make excuses for her.

 

Yesterday I realized that I was making excuses. I get that it's hard, she doesn't make a lot of money and she is scared. Her big reasoning is she has to wait for him to buy the house (it's currently under her dad's name) and when her husband buys the house, she gets money, she can then buy something for herself and move. But I don't see that happening. The two of them live seperate lives but depend on each other in order for them to live those lives. I don't see either of them having the guts to disturb that because in some ways they are both selfish. I get it...I had all the same concerns but in the end I decided I needed to go through with it and figure it out as I go. I've adapted and am still adapting but I never really fully adjusted becuase I've spent so much time and energy on maintaining whatever I could with her. I need to get back to worrying about me, going out with my friends more and try to put this behind me. Feel the loss but not look back.

 

I know it all....I just can't seem to follow my brain. My heart seems to take over every time.

 

I really am cheering you on, but yes, you need to worry about you, and you have a great deal of pain ahead of you. You didn't properly grieve the end of your marriage because you were so focused on AP.

 

I ended my LTR at the beginning of the relationship with xMM and didn't fully grieve it until 8 months later. At that point, x-BF let me know he had a new girlfriend and had moved on. I could see in his eyes that he was happy and fully over me and wow did I feel the pain then. I cut off xMM at that time for two weeks while I was finally processing my feelings over x-bf. Even though leaving x-bf was the right decision, you can't escape the grieving process. You just can't.

 

And that was a LTR... Not a marriage. No children. I can't imagine going through the end of that type of relationship... Suffice to say that you do, at some point, need to take time to grieve its end. Best of luck to you and keep posting here.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ShatteredLady

If her father owns the house why can't she divorce, him leave & you move in?

 

Anyway.... I know you left your family for her. Your life makes more sense if the 2 of you end-up together. Can you really picture that? What happens the first time she goes out with girlfriends & you're home wondering if she's 'just' grinding on some guy or if it's going further?

 

She's not going to really, really talk to you about that or anything is she? She will 'cute' or 'sex' you into submission but how long will your patience with that last? Can you afford her? What's it going to feel like going cap in hand to her Daddy to bail you out because she's overspent on yet another designer outfit to wear while having fun 'dancing' with other men?

 

I get the feeling you've already thought all of these thoughts. Just because your wife wasn't the right person for you it doesn't mean that the OW is either!

 

You're cutting yourself off from potential happiness. You've lost yourself & I feel desperately sorry for you. I wish I could give you the strength to do what you know you need to do.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

She's not leaving.

 

I am feeling your pain from the way you write. So sorry. YOu are in for a pretty hard time of NC for a while.

 

All this has messed up your head a lot. She has played games with you, maybe unwittingly. She would like to do what she says, at the time, but just can't.

 

Keep posting here. I find more men are posting here than ever before. Bravo!

Poppy.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

How are you doing today lostisme?

 

I know you feel at rock bottom right now, but just keep going one day at a time and you will start to recover. Don't let her play with your head any more (I know that's very difficult - easy to say, hard to action). Try to concentrate on you and your lovely, precious daughter.

 

...... and keep posting. We are here for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...