Sexual Exclusivity.. yay or nay?

[KathL]

Obviously, he is going to go home and have sex with his wife. And you are not likely to reject any advances from your SO or stop going out to meet new people.

 

Generally, no one clearly has the right to demand exclusivity. But how does it work for most of you here? For those of you folks involving in an emotional affair, do you mind if your affair partner gets physical with someone else other than their own spouse?

 

In my case, am currently in a half-year sexual affair with a MM 13 years senior. I have a don't ask, don't tell policy. But my MM in the past has asked several times on who else I am sleeping with during his absence or something along that line. Such a tricky question. I am not sure whether he would get turned on hearing me getting banged by other dudes or get typically jealous and disdained when I do openly admit. Worse, I don't think our affair is important to the point where we have to have the "talk" or set any ground rules.. So how do I tread with caution so that my MM is a happy man?

Edited February 12, 2016 by KathL

[Mayday2016]

Safe sex? Are condoms used? My MM got me pregnant, I have a 6 week old daughter now. I opened myself up to everything else too, it's s godsend he didn't give me any incurable std's. He told me repeatedly it was just me he was having sex with, not even his wife. He had another girl on the side he eventually admitted to months later. He, however was my only partner. But the thing is, there's no way to KNOW the truth. Just be smart and use condoms the pill will prevent a baby but not herpes or genital warts... And even with a condom you can get warts.

[Ms. Faust]

When I was involved in my affairs I was exclusive. I think it was because I was investing so much time and attention into this one person.

[KathL]

Safe sex? Are condoms used? My MM got me pregnant, I have a 6 week old daughter now. I opened myself up to everything else too, it's s godsend he didn't give me any incurable std's. He told me repeatedly it was just me he was having sex with, not even his wife. He had another girl on the side he eventually admitted to months later. He, however was my only partner. But the thing is, there's no way to KNOW the truth. Just be smart and use condoms the pill will prevent a baby but not herpes or genital warts... And even with a condom you can get warts.

Yup safe sex. Condoms used. Only the very last time when we had our first anal sex, we weren't using a condom coz he said I couldn't get pregnant that way (but I am sure we were exposed to higher STDs or other health risks )..

[KathL]

When I was involved in my affairs I was exclusive. I think it was because I was investing so much time and attention into this one person.

Being young and rebellious, I told myself that I mustn't commit and invest all in my MM coz I know it is not going anywhere. When he can't make it to meet me, I start to make plans meeting up other guys, because I know he could very well be ****ing other women in the foreign cities he traveled to for business.

[Ms. Faust]

Being young and rebellious, I told myself that I mustn't commit and invest all in my MM coz I know it is not going anywhere. When he can't make it to meet me, I start to make plans meeting up other guys, because I know he could very well be ****ing other women in the foreign cities he traveled to for business.

 

I was 19 in my first affair, and in my mid 20s for the subsequent ones. I was also very rebellious.

 

So you're saying the only reason you slept with other men is because you knew he was ****ing other women?

[gettingstronger]

In my mind, protecting your body is as important as protecting your heart. Unprotected anal sex is not a good idea with a man you don't know is exclusive. I understand the willingness to have anal sex may keep him interested- but at what cost? Please take care of your health at this point.

[Ms. Faust]

In my mind, protecting your body is as important as protecting your heart. Unprotected anal sex is not a good idea with a man you don't know is exclusive. I understand the willingness to have anal sex may keep him interested- but at what cost? Please take care of your health at this point.

 

Yeah, if you know he is probably sleeping around with other women in foreign countries having unprotected anal sex is probably not the brightest of ideas.

[KathL]

I was 19 in my first affair, and in my mid 20s for the subsequent ones. I was also very rebellious.

 

So you're saying the only reason you slept with other men is because you knew he was ****ing other women?

Not entirely that. I do wish to explore, meet new guys and have some fun times (sex or platonic). But since we meet mostly once per month in his city due to my work, if he is not around, I feel bad for myself if I don't set up a date or two. The thought or suspicion of him having fun elsewhere while I was alone watching TV in my room was too much to take.

[KathL]

In my mind, protecting your body is as important as protecting your heart. Unprotected anal sex is not a good idea with a man you don't know is exclusive. I understand the willingness to have anal sex may keep him interested- but at what cost? Please take care of your health at this point.

Yeah, if you know he is probably sleeping around with other women in foreign countries having unprotected anal sex is probably not the brightest of ideas.

Thanks.. no more unprotected anal sex. I am serious.

[gettingstronger]

Not entirely that. I do wish to explore, meet new guys and have some fun times (sex or platonic). But since we meet mostly once per month in his city due to my work, if he is not around, I feel bad for myself if I don't set up a date or two. The thought or suspicion of him having fun elsewhere while I was alone watching TV in my room was too much to take.

 

Have you always been this way or is it the relationship with him the driving force behind this need? In other words,was it previously OK to sit in your room and watch TV but now you feel the need to have a date?

[KathL]

Have you always been this way or is it the relationship with him the driving force behind this need? In other words,was it previously OK to sit in your room and watch TV but now you feel the need to have a date?

I suppose its the later.

It was previously OK to sit in my room and watch TV (but I did get really lonely and depressed being alone and **** at one point or another) so half year ago, I finally set up a date for myself and that was how I met him. However, the need to have a date subsequently grew stronger that I always had to act on it whenever he was not around during my visit.

[gettingstronger]

I suppose its the later.

It was previously OK to sit in my room and watch TV (but I did get really lonely and depressed being alone and **** at one point or another) so half year ago, I finally set up a date for myself and that was how I met him. However, the need to have a date subsequently grew stronger that I always had to act on it whenever he was not around during my visit.

 

 

hmmmm.... that would be more of a concern for me than the exclusive part- if your relationship with this person brings out unhealthy for you jealousy and insecurity maybe you should consider ending it- sounds like you have no problem finding dates- maybe dating men that don't have so many other options would be better for you-

[KathL]

hmmmm.... that would be more of a concern for me than the exclusive part- if your relationship with this person brings out unhealthy for you jealousy and insecurity maybe you should consider ending it- sounds like you have no problem finding dates- maybe dating men that don't have so many other options would be better for you-

I tried but the chemistry, connection and everything can't beat what I have with this guy..

I intend to indulge in a bit longer till one day before I call it off..

[Popsicle]

Obviously, he is going to go home and have sex with his wife. And you are not likely to reject any advances from your SO or stop going out to meet new people.

 

Generally, no one clearly has the right to demand exclusivity. But how does it work for most of you here? For those of you folks involving in an emotional affair, do you mind if your affair partner gets physical with someone else other than their own spouse?

 

In my case, am currently in a half-year sexual affair with a MM 13 years senior. I have a don't ask, don't tell policy. But my MM in the past has asked several times on who else I am sleeping with during his absence or something along that line. Such a tricky question. I am not sure whether he would get turned on hearing me getting banged by other dudes or get typically jealous and disdained when I do openly admit. Worse, I don't think our affair is important to the point where we have to have the "talk" or set any ground rules.. So how do I tread with caution so that my MM is a happy man?

 

It depends on how desperate he is, whether he will put up with you sleeping with other men. I would assume he wouldn't put up with it, but you can try to dodge the question when he asks.

 

My xMM would ask me about or hint about my love life and other men all the time, and at first I reassured him that I wasn't seeing any other men, I never even talked about other men, but after a while when he still kept acting insecure about me possibly seeing other men, and even though I never asked for reassurance about his wife (because I knew that I would never get that, nor get the truth), I started getting irritated with the imbalance, and just dodged the question when asked. It was definitely a confusing point in our relationship for both of us. I think we were both relieved to a certain degree when it ended. Lol

[gettingstronger]

I tried but the chemistry, connection and everything can't beat what I have with this guy..

I intend to indulge in a bit longer till one day before I call it off..

 

Well, good luck and I mean that honestly. So many threads start like this and end with heartbreak. Tread carefully with yourself and at least protect your health if you can't protect your heart.

[KathL]

Well, good luck and I mean that honestly. So many threads start like this and end with heartbreak. Tread carefully with yourself and at least protect your health if you can't protect your heart.

Noted. Thanks.

Yeah, been reading some older threads these few days. Same old stories. Can't say I wouldn't feel devastated if it ends one day but I know I will walk away when the day indeed comes.

[Gigi2015]

Sexual exclusivity doesn't exist with a married person.. Don't be a complacent devotee sexually or otherwise to someone who is STILL sleeping with someone else.....

[sandylee1]

Noted. Thanks.

Yeah, been reading some older threads these few days. Same old stories. Can't say I wouldn't feel devastated if it ends one day but I know I will walk away when the day indeed comes.

 

It looks like you're making sure you don't get attached to him..which is a good thing.

 

It's really HIS fault if him or his wife get Std's from you. This should be a lesson to the MM lurkers.......your OW isn't always exclusive no matter what you think. It's the risk you take having an A.

 

Kath.. I don't blame you for seeing other guys..just use protection for your safety.

[Poppy47]

Kath,

Why are you bothering with MM if you can go out with single guys?

 

Unless you are already deeply attached to him, it doesn't make any sense to me.

 

Cheers,

Poppy.

[Redhead14]

who else I am sleeping with during his absence -- who else is he sleeping with besides his wife and you . . . ?

[KathL]

who else I am sleeping with during his absence -- who else is he sleeping with besides his wife and you . . . ?

Its amusing actually. I know I wouldn't get any answer if I ask that.. Even if he does answer, that wouldn't be the entire truth. So I have never really been bothered to go there. I did try to probe once.. asking him did he do anything scandalously fun in New York like visit a strip club or anything like that (coz he was flying all the way from the other side of the globe to NY), he dodged it...

[KathL]

Kath,

Why are you bothering with MM if you can go out with single guys?

 

Unless you are already deeply attached to him, it doesn't make any sense to me.

 

Cheers,

Poppy.

Well, I have gone out on date with quite a number of guys - before and after meeting my MM; online or met through same social circle; platonic or thing turned sexual.

The thing is, the experience with other guys was never too well. Some guys I either don't click or they are simply unappreciative, full-of-themselves jerks.

That makes it hard for me to just remove myself because he is thus far the best lover I have had in the bedroom - he puts my needs before his, he is attentive and considerate and greatest sex ever.

At one point, I thought it was his age that made him know how to treat a lady right. So I went out with another older man but not long into the date, I realized that wasn't the case. I am just lucky to meet my MM so when I am thankful, I appreciate what I have and want to make it a pleasant experience for us both.

I don't know if that makes sense.

[KathL]

Sexual exclusivity doesn't exist with a married person.. Don't be a complacent devotee sexually or otherwise to someone who is STILL sleeping with someone else.....

Ya i know right. I still have to put myself out there, meeting other guys and who knows meet a single available guy who is amazing either. Keep doing that..

[whichwayisup]

Its amusing actually. I know I wouldn't get any answer if I ask that.. Even if he does answer, that wouldn't be the entire truth. So I have never really been bothered to go there. I did try to probe once.. asking him did he do anything scandalously fun in New York like visit a strip club or anything like that (coz he was flying all the way from the other side of the globe to NY), he dodged it...

 

So you really have no idea if he has another OW other than you. All the more reason to protect yourself while having sex.

 

Is he worth it? I mean you say you're 6 months in, so that's not too invested and attached. Really think if the pain outweighs the good in the long run. You don't see him that often so do keep your heart shielded. Detach, don't rely on him, don't invest in him and hopefully you can detach enough to end it before he does and leaves you broken hearted.