wanderingxsoulz Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Almost 4 months of NC and I have cut him off everywhere, but occasionally I still look at his Facebook to see how he's doing cos deep down I do care. At least I did, until now. Saw that he posted a status about how "honesty and integrity" comes before everything else. At first, I was pissed at what a hypocrite he was but afterwards it was just so ridiculous that I laughed. Oh, the irony... An emotionally abusive and manipulative serial cheater like him is the least qualified person to say that. Can't believe I ever gave my heart, virginity and time to such a person. What was I thinking? I loved him even when all I got in return were crumbs and poor treatment. Defended him and believed he had redeeming qualities even after we split. Honestly it hasn't been easy, as I'm sure many of you here know too well. My mood fluctuates. Some days I think I'm finally getting better while others I just cry for weeks and feel suicidal. Funny isn't it? How MMs always tend to be this well-known and well-respected person who has built up an impressive career and seemingly happy family. Seems to have it all. The ~perfect~ guy. When we are the ones who know what lying, cheating losers they are in reality. Imagine if everyone else knew what they get up to. I hope I can finally stop pining for him like a fool, hoping that he would at least reach out even though I left him because I wanted a sign that he cared. But his silence is all the answer I need. And his latest post has proven to me that he is a egotistic narcissist who is selfish, hypocritical and incapable of loving anyone but himself. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I understand you are upset but stop checking his FB page its possible he is trying to change, so the post may be authentic stop checking his FB page Its not healthy for you- 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Hmm... I could see myself being petty enough time say something, lol. But yeah, sounds like his ego trumps all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 There's an awful lot of hypocrisy from some WSs. A recent one was a BW noting the following on her XWHs dating profile: 'Honesty is a must, as cheating is a definite dealbreaker' Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 (edited) I felt the same way when I heard xMM say some crap to a group of people about how family is everything, how everyone in his company is family. Please. If family were so important, he wouldn't have risked his marriage by cheating for 8 yrs. And everyone thinks he has a sterling reputation. I once asked him, if everyone in the company was family, did that mean we were guilty of incest? Lol. Those puffed up comments by the MM are pretty nauseating and they really do change your feelings toward them, and your view of them. In a way, I'm glad xMM said those things. It was key to me losing my feelings for him. He's just another guy who screwed up my life, just another guy who cheated on his wife. Edited October 17, 2015 by bathtub-row 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Pastypop Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Low life dog! That's what he is!! Some people probably know his true character which is why he posted that in the first place. It all catches up to them at some point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Savannah2 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Oh yes. I know what a fake they can be especially when it comes to FB. Mine bought his wife a $200 surprise gift and she posted it all over FB boasting about how loved she was feeling. This was probably two days after he was with me. Smh at these guys. It's sick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Karmacharm Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Almost 4 months of NC and I have cut him off everywhere, but occasionally I still look at his Facebook to see how he's doing cos deep down I do care. At least I did, until now. Saw that he posted a status about how "honesty and integrity" comes before everything else. At first, I was pissed at what a hypocrite he was but afterwards it was just so ridiculous that I laughed. Oh, the irony... An emotionally abusive and manipulative serial cheater like him is the least qualified person to say that. Can't believe I ever gave my heart, virginity and time to such a person. What was I thinking? I loved him even when all I got in return were crumbs and poor treatment. Defended him and believed he had redeeming qualities even after we split. Honestly it hasn't been easy, as I'm sure many of you here know too well. My mood fluctuates. Some days I think I'm finally getting better while others I just cry for weeks and feel suicidal. Funny isn't it? How MMs always tend to be this well-known and well-respected person who has built up an impressive career and seemingly happy family. Seems to have it all. The ~perfect~ guy. When we are the ones who know what lying, cheating losers they are in reality. Imagine if everyone else knew what they get up to. I hope I can finally stop pining for him like a fool, hoping that he would at least reach out even though I left him because I wanted a sign that he cared. But his silence is all the answer I need. And his latest post has proven to me that he is a egotistic narcissist who is selfish, hypocritical and incapable of loving anyone but himself. I understand everything you said! I'm one year of no contact (except for seeing him one time at a festival) and I'm finally over him. Here's how I helped myself: think of when you first met him and how "nice" he was. Then think of the end of your relationship and what a mean, nasty person he turned into. THANK GOODNESS you didn't end up with him because that's how he really is! He's mean, egotistical, nasty and everything else. Do you really want to end up with someone like him?? Or....put him on datingpsychos.com and you'll feel immensely better! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Now it's time to block him and stop lurking his facebook page. For your own good. You don't need to know "how he is" or "what he's up to" even more so since NC is in place. You two may not have spoken or seen one another in four months but you have been breaking contact on some level by checking out his fb page. Good that you see who he is once and for all. Cut him out of your life on all levels and don't look back! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Stop torturing yourself. Ever heard the saying "If you have to brag about it, it's probably not true"? "honesty and integrity come before anything else......yeah right and I'm the Easter Bunny. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 What did you expect from him? Honesty? Integrity? Ummm, if he had an ounce of decency, there never would have been another woman in his life. Stop reading his pathetic post before he draws you back in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 When we are the ones who know what lying, cheating losers they are in reality. Yep so true! The AP's get to see this firsthand, that the MM is able to do it to their spouse. I had no idea my WH was a master manipulator and lying sack of doo doo I can see it now. His mask slipped for me and also in the end for MOW. I think it is better to know who THEY really are as opposed to who they are presenting. Link to post Share on other sites
circe221 Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 It is sickening, isn't it? I unfriended and blocked xMM after finding out his W was pregnant. He was still pursuing the A hot and heavy but as far as I was concerned, it was over. We have a few mutual friends, one who is also friends with his W. Come to find out via Facebook that his W had her baby in September when he told me in the summer the pregnancy was sudden and a "shock". Most of these MM are hypocrites and liars! Do yourself a favor and block him on FB. You don't need to see anything else that will cause you pain. It will be hard at first, but each day is a big victory! If you need positive reinforcement, make a little start or mark on your calendar each day that you keep him blocked on FB, then after 3 days/5 days/10 days treat yourself to a pedicure or something nice. Simple behavior mod, but it will work and you will find that after a short time, you just don't care anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingxsoulz Posted November 17, 2015 Author Share Posted November 17, 2015 I know it's inadvisable, but I was just wondering. I probably won't go through with it. We are both avid travellers and met overseas (but from the same city) so travelling was always one of our "things". I haven't spoken to him ever since I left him about 5 months ago. I think he thinks that I met someone else which isn't true, my feelings haven't changed at all. But I don't want to get back with him nor do I want him to think that I do. I just came back from a holiday and while there, I did get him postcards with the intention of mailing them to him, unsigned. Now that I'm back, I'm not so sure I should. One card has, "I was really happy about the times we shared together." Maybe I'm just looking for the closure I never got or maybe I want him to know me leaving without a word wasn't because my feelings changed. Not that any of these matters or will make a difference. I guess I know I really should just forget all about it and leave him alone... just putting this out here because I can't talk to anyone about it, not even those who knew about our A. Everyone thinks I should be over it because it's been awhile (I wish) so I would feel foolish mentioning anything to them at all. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 If you are out & it's over, let it stay that way. Enjoy the post card yourself & find a new travel buddy. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Nope. Don't do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I know it's inadvisable, but I was just wondering. I probably won't go through with it. We are both avid travellers and met overseas (but from the same city) so travelling was always one of our "things". I haven't spoken to him ever since I left him about 5 months ago. I think he thinks that I met someone else which isn't true, my feelings haven't changed at all. But I don't want to get back with him nor do I want him to think that I do. I just came back from a holiday and while there, I did get him postcards with the intention of mailing them to him, unsigned. Now that I'm back, I'm not so sure I should. One card has, "I was really happy about the times we shared together." Maybe I'm just looking for the closure I never got or maybe I want him to know me leaving without a word wasn't because my feelings changed. Not that any of these matters or will make a difference. I guess I know I really should just forget all about it and leave him alone... just putting this out here because I can't talk to anyone about it, not even those who knew about our A. Everyone thinks I should be over it because it's been awhile (I wish) so I would feel foolish mentioning anything to them at all. I know that it's tough not to get nostalgic and miss him when you're doing something that you both love to do but if you have no intention of getting back together nor do you want him to get the idea that you do, what kind of a response or reaction are you looking to elicit from him? Just because there were no parting "I love you's" doesn't meant you don't have closure -he is married, plain and simple. He chose his W over you and you couldn't (and shouldn't) be the second choice. Don't send the post card. Let him be and lead his life and you should try to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Maybe you had a good reason for just disappearing without a word but I think that was a pretty heartless thing to do. I say forget the postcard and call him and apologize for treating him in such a way. If he did something to deserve that, then so be it. Leave it alone. But if he didn't, he deserves an apology, not a postcard. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 If you send the postcard you are keeping a connection with him, why? Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 I know it's inadvisable, but I was just wondering. I probably won't go through with it. We are both avid travellers and met overseas (but from the same city) so travelling was always one of our "things". I haven't spoken to him ever since I left him about 5 months ago. I think he thinks that I met someone else which isn't true, my feelings haven't changed at all. But I don't want to get back with him nor do I want him to think that I do. I just came back from a holiday and while there, I did get him postcards with the intention of mailing them to him, unsigned. Now that I'm back, I'm not so sure I should. One card has, "I was really happy about the times we shared together." Maybe I'm just looking for the closure I never got or maybe I want him to know me leaving without a word wasn't because my feelings changed. Not that any of these matters or will make a difference. I guess I know I really should just forget all about it and leave him alone... just putting this out here because I can't talk to anyone about it, not even those who knew about our A. Everyone thinks I should be over it because it's been awhile (I wish) so I would feel foolish mentioning anything to them at all. It really depends on what you want. If you want some relationship with him, even small, then send it, but if you don't, then don't. I guess I'm a bit different, I see no harm in reestablishing a friendship with an ex, if you don't mislead or promote a feeling thats not appropriate for what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 If my H received postcards from his old mistress it would be devastating. Are you looking to open wounds or didn't she know & you want her to find out? I'm not being mean. It's tough love! You know it's a really bad idea. I'm just giving you another perspective to help you do what's right. You know you deserve more than being an OW. Keep your postcards to share with someone who deserves to share your life & memories. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 The MM deserves no apology. He lied and manipulated the OP. He is owed nothing, definitely not a postcard or an apology. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 The MM deserves no apology. He lied and manipulated the OP. He is owed nothing, definitely not a postcard or an apology. Do we know that he lied and manipulated the OP? I don't believe that was mentioned. However, it the intention of the OP is NC, then that should be the goal, and the post card would not be good. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 if he really is an "ex-MM" to you, how could it be ok? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 It's your plan to rekindle the A. You say your feelings haven't changed so maybe you want to. It you don't want to then the answer to your question is NO. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
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