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Reaching out? Or error?


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Well it's been a year now since we got caught, I was the other woman, both married.

My marriage ended, he went back to wife.

I have ever contacted him what so ever, I respect the fact there fixing there marriage out.

I since my last posting on here have grown stronger, I deleted him and blocked him on a social networking site. Yes we got caught and he came back to the site and never removed me. I done the plesure!

 

So three months ago I went through my emails for the day and found he had emailed me a work document then within a minute sent another saying sorry sent by mistake.

I read it and deleted it there n then.

Then just last month he emailed again, again only a presentation for work this time, but no follow up email to say sorry sent in error.

After a day I felt bad thinking I could lose him a job by not telling him, so I replied saying , hi, you sent me this by mistake. He replied with sorry, I was sending to work, and wondered what had happened.

That was last I've heard.

 

Does this sound like mails sent in error?

We only emailed eachother once while together, and that was all, I find it strange he should send me emails, maybe I'm looking into it to much?

So please what do you all think?

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I'll bite. I think in that moment (a whole month ago) he was reaching out, but doing so with caution. Now in this moment (today) when you have responded, he has grown stronger (you not responding then fortified this) and gotten over his weakness to reach out and he wants to let sleeping dogs lie at this moment.

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Why do you care if he contacts you? You blocked him.

He's prob lonely in his marriage and is looking for booty. If you want to be his Eff Buddy then I say go for it.

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Lurkeraspect

This sounds like an error, though it's unclear if you two work together. Regardless, keep it moving, this affair has been over for quite sometime and his motives shouldn't matter or spent wasted effort analyzing. He made his choice and that's all you need to know.

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georgia girl

Embarrassingly enough, I did this once right after I got married! I had saved an old love's contact information in my phone and hadn't deleted it after we broke up because I was still hung up on him. Fast forward three years, I am a newlywed and trying to deal with an issue at work which involved an outside company. The contact name at the other company was my old love's first name as well and I didn't think anything about dialing the number and leaving a voicemail. Only after I hung up did I really look at the number and realized what I had done. I was embarrassed and didn't bother to correct it. That was probably rude.

 

OP, I don't know if it means anything or not. He could be reaching out under innocuous pretenses to see if he would get a warm reception. If so, I think you will hear from him again. If not, I would think after a second "oops", he will finally delete your contact information so he doesn't do it a third time. If it's comforting, take a little heart that he hadn't deleted you a long time ago. That should be a little validating.

 

Hugs, GG

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whichwayisup

Let it go. NO GOOD can come of this, even if he was fishing or playing a game (emailing you he must know that he'd be on your mind = Unless that was the whole point? Can we say EGO FEED:!)

 

Ignore any more emails from him, stop replying back. He's still married.

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IfWishesWereHorses

I think it was probably a mistake. Especially since it happened twice and he caught it the first time without further contact. I think it's very easily done. Especially when you have large contact list and people who you easily can put in a few letters and choose a name. With the fonts getting smaller and that middle aged presbyopia I don't think it's a far stretch to assume it was a mistake.

 

I would get it out of my head as quickly as possible so that it doesn't become a stumbling block for you.

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I personally think it was a mistake. I get the wrong emails, appointments, invites into chats all. the. time.... and my last name is not common.

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Hi Popsicle thanks for your reply. Do you think me replying as short as it was, has gave him some sort of satisfaction? X

 

Yep.

 

Popsicle

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Thank you all for your points made. I defo wouldn't go back there ever again. I do still think of him and probably do still have feelings for him, but I know that's where it ends. I Was more kinda curious as to why after this time he emailed not once but twice. Considering we only emailed once during our time together, I would of thought he might of slipped up before.

He did make his choice and it wasn't me, I accept that. Affairs are defo something I personally would never do again. X

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LivingWaterPlease

Lostcase, from what you've written you seem to be handling this perfectly, ime.

 

It is important and helpful to process one's emotions as one transitions through changes in a relationship and that's exactly what you seem to be doing by posting about it. Very healthy as long as you now move on.

 

I differ in the way I see this from most of the previous posters in that I believe it's probable that this guy sent the emails on purpose since it happened twice yet had never happened while you were having the A together. You didn't bite the first time so he quite possibly made the same "mistake" the second time. It could have been an honest mistake on his part but doesn't seem to me to be probable.

 

I think you did great by letting him know he'd sent the second email to the wrong person as that is what a normal person would do in a business situation where a mistake had been made and there was no prior emotional involvement between the two parties.

 

That's the right way to do business and the more you conduct yourself in a businesslike manner the more quickly this will pass. Good for you and keep it up!

 

You're doing great, moving right along!

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LivingWaterPlease
Hi Popsicle thanks for your reply. Do you think me replying as short as it was, has gave him some sort of satisfaction? X

 

No, because your reply was professional. If anything it let him know you've moved on and aren't emotionally affected by his "mistakes," except to kindly let him know so that it doesn't mess his work up. Any decent person would do that for a colleague, ime.

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Im sure its just really jarring to have someone you once loved and were close to pop up in your email when you've gone so long and it seems natural to wonder.

It's too hard to say whether it was a mistake or throwing out a line to see if your alive, hate him, will talk, or again...just a mistake.

One thing is for sure, many who have tried the just friends or even exchanged a breif conversation even just on friendly terms feel they've gone back to square one in their healing. Even in that breif exchange it has some of your wheels turning.

I think maybe some never quite get over it after an abrupt ending such as a dday, its just ripped apart with no warning or closure so I can see why you would wonder.

And if he did it on purpose, its likely it was tough on him to, because yes, he sure did choose, and it's life or death for the marriage...if hes caught again, if he risks the contact again...he loses her. He doesn't want to. But I think you will come to mind at times and he will be hurt knowing you got destroyed and discarded, and he would wanna know so much if he's a mortal enemy or dead to you or hated.

Your response was neutral showing no sign either way so hopefully maybe the next step will maybe be to block because he certainly had a long enough open window if there was anything he wanted to actually say including "Im sorry"

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I think it was no accident - I think he's fishing

 

Don't bite any further. IF you get another one just delete it before reading it and don't respond.

 

It's not your job to have his back.

 

It's your job to have your own back. No contact. Block his email if you can.

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No, because your reply was professional. If anything it let him know you've moved on and aren't emotionally affected by his "mistakes," except to kindly let him know so that it doesn't mess his work up. Any decent person would do that for a colleague, ime.

 

 

Thank you, I felt that it was the best way to deal with it. I still hurt yes but I wouldn't like to be the cause of anybody not getting a promotion or a new job. Thank you for your reply. X

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Lostcase, from what you've written you seem to be handling this perfectly, ime.

 

It is important and helpful to process one's emotions as one transitions through changes in a relationship and that's exactly what you seem to be doing by posting about it. Very healthy as long as you now move on.

 

I differ in the way I see this from most of the previous posters in that I believe it's probable that this guy sent the emails on purpose since it happened twice yet had never happened while you were having the A together. You didn't bite the first time so he quite possibly made the same "mistake" the second time. It could have been an honest mistake on his part but doesn't seem to me to be probable.

 

I think you did great by letting him know he'd sent the second email to the wrong person as that is what a normal person would do in a business situation where a mistake had been made and there was no prior emotional involvement between the two parties.

 

That's the right way to do business and the more you conduct yourself in a businesslike manner the more quickly this will pass. Good for you and keep it up!

 

You're doing great, moving right along!

 

Thank you for your reply, I didn't want to reply to him at first as I thought hmm weird, but then I thought no do the right thing and tell him.

Hoping that's the last contact to be honest. Xx

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Im sure its just really jarring to have someone you once loved and were close to pop up in your email when you've gone so long and it seems natural to wonder.

It's too hard to say whether it was a mistake or throwing out a line to see if your alive, hate him, will talk, or again...just a mistake.

One thing is for sure, many who have tried the just friends or even exchanged a breif conversation even just on friendly terms feel they've gone back to square one in their healing. Even in that breif exchange it has some of your wheels turning.

I think maybe some never quite get over it after an abrupt ending such as a dday, its just ripped apart with no warning or closure so I can see why you would wonder.

And if he did it on purpose, its likely it was tough on him to, because yes, he sure did choose, and it's life or death for the marriage...if hes caught again, if he risks the contact again...he loses her. He doesn't want to. But I think you will come to mind at times and he will be hurt knowing you got destroyed and discarded, and he would wanna know so much if he's a mortal enemy or dead to you or hated.

Your response was neutral showing no sign either way so hopefully maybe the next step will maybe be to block because he certainly had a long enough open window if there was anything he wanted to actually say including "Im sorry"

 

Thank you for your reply. I hear you xx

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You did GREAT!!

 

But lost. He was fishing!!!!

 

Men who have lost their OW will occasionally send out a feeler to see if there is any chance to get you to sleep with him again.

 

I may have missed it but did your marriage end because you two got caught???

 

Sorry if that is what happened.

 

Stay your course.

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LivingWaterPlease
Well just home from the gym and checked my emails there and he has sent another "work" email! Now I defo think it wasn't error?

 

What are you going to do? Doubt I'd respond in your place.

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Thank you for your reply, I didn't want to reply to him at first as I thought hmm weird, but then I thought no do the right thing and tell him.

Hoping that's the last contact to be honest. Xx

 

Obviously not. Just delete it and don't reply. He's doing on purpose now, he knows just seeing his name will keep him on your mind and hopes you'll react. Do nothing and push him out of your head as much as you can.

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Well just home from the gym and checked my emails there and he has sent another "work" email! Now I defo think it wasn't error?

 

Ignore it. Send it to your trash.

 

I think it's on purpose just to get you thinking about him again... In the sneakiest ways! If he misses any work deadline because he's incapable of sending to the right recipient - that's not your fault. And IF later - he tries to point out that you didn't notify him of his errors - ignore him again OR tell him his F up is on HIM, not you! You're not his babysitter!

 

He's doing it on purpose to get a response! It feeds his ego. It's a sick way to do it but he now knows it worked for HIM.

 

 

You can tell him (if needed) that if he contacts you one more time - that you will inform his wife that he keeps sending emails to you!

 

Put a stop to it! Even if it takes threatening exposure!

 

He's a douchebag. Block his email if you can!!!

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Defo not responding, it was a work document so nothing for me to respond to, it shows though that the emails are meant as after the second email he would of made sure he deleted my details ect but hasn't.

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Since he is clearly looking for an ego stroke I'd hit him where it hurts as in "dear x, i would appreciate if you could please remove my email from your contacts"

No well wishes at the end, no signing your name. One sentence and a chilly one at that.

This keeps opening your wounds.

Its gotta stop.

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