Just seen Him with his family :-(

[Louisesarah]

He is 33 and I am 28.

It's my best friends brother.

For years we have texted and spoke.He has told me how much he liked me and wished things were not so complicated.

There was times we arranged him to come over for a few drinks and he backed away probably as he knew It was wrong.

Before Christmas we became quite close he told me the thought of me with someone else made Him jealous and he would fall in love with me.

He then randomly deleted me off Facebook and said he had to try and forget me and stop looking at my profile.

We didn't speak for 7 weeks and he randomly text me happy valentines day.

 

Four weeks ago he came to mine ( hes baby was two weeks old)and we had such a great day together.

We had a few drinks we just talked all day.

He kept kissing me and hugging me,touching my shoulder.

He was then saying you should be in my family you

I think your amazing.

We got into bed and lay for hours just lay in his arms he kept staring at me and kissing my forehead and playing with my hands and interlinked my hands.

He started crying and said I just can't leave my son.

Then he kissed my forehead again and asked if I loved him and he said he has to keep his guard up against his heart.

We had sex the next morning and straight away I knew he felt guilty as soon as he looked at his phone and seen his sons picture.

 

We since exchanged a few texts but he closed himself off again.

My best friend ( his sister) told me that he rang her crying saying he doesn't love his gf anymore but can't leave his baby.

 

I text Him saying don't feel bad about what you did ..he tried calling me but I never answered then he started saying that it was a mistake and he has forgot all about it and I mean nothing.

Then he told me not to text him ..I don't understand what he's playing it.

His mum has stopped me in the street saying how he keeps talking about me saying he likes me and I deserve a decent boyfriend

 

Why did he turn so nasty to me ? Is he confused ?

[casey.lives]

if you care about him, put his need ahead of your want. He has a family and made a mistake and him not loving his girlfriend is his business. Don't become a throne to his side. let him keep going

[anika99]

Oh so his mom thinks you deserve a decent boyfriend? Well that wouldn't be her son, since he lies and cheats on his gf right after she has given birth to his child. Sorry but this guy is not decent boyfriend material.

[Fleur de cactus]

I think you want him and you hoped to see him coming back to you. However, he got what he wanted (sex), he only wanted to play with you. If he was serious he should not have sex with you before divorcing/ leaving the wife/gf if he was not happy with her.

 

Move on. He is a cheater.

[veggirl]

What kind of dick leaves his 2 week old all night to fk some girl?? He sounds like a ****ty dad and a ****ty human. You are attracted to him why?!!!!

[lemondrop21]

If this guy is so unenthusiastic about his new baby that he can leave the baby and entire night in order to cheat, then I wouldn't be surprised if he leaves the girlfriend soon anyway, whether or not you're in the picture. Frankly, it seems like he should leave now, he's not married to her so that saves a lot of trouble. He can pay child support and be an involved father (probably should start working on that one right now).

 

In the meantime you should think about how you would feel if he left YOUR baby all night so he could cheat... Is this really what you want in a man?

[ladydesigner]

I wouldn't spend a second more on this guy. Men who cheat on their gf or wife after having a baby are the worst kind of cheaters. I feel sorry for the gf because now she's going to be stuck with this idiot for a while.

 

I wouldn't try to spend any time with your friend's brother. Leave him be. He is not boyfriend material. He is not father or husband material either!

 

Also why would you want to get caught up in this kind of drama? This is your friend's brother, and now you both have created a very sticky situation for everyone.

[Grapesofwrath]

The situation is not "complicated." It's quite simple. He is lying to both of you and thinking only of himself. He is old enough, at 33, to know right from wrong. He is not ready for fatherhood, clearly, nor is he much of a man.

 

As someone who has delivered babies and is a mom, let me tell you...his behavior is deplorable. His gf had a baby 2 weeks before he spent the night with you. Two weeks. Her world has been turned upside down. She is not sleeping. She is trying to figure out how to breastfeed, and it hurts. Her body is recovering from childbirth and her hormones are all over the place. She looks in the mirror and hates the way she looks. Night sweats. Crying jags. Bleeding. Anxiety and worry over how to care for her newborn. She is under medical orders to not have intercourse for at least another month because it is a health risk to her. This is the time he picks to spend the night with someone else and betray her.

 

Whether he is in love with her or not, he should be there with her. Supporting her. Holding the baby or changing the diapers so this new mom can get some rest.

 

I apologize for being so harsh. (I try to give a nuanced opinion, when possible.) But this sort of thing is just sadistic. He is not worth a moment more of your time.

[Louisesarah]

Hello i am 28 and I have been getting involved with my best friends brother who is 33.

I have fallen in love with him.

He has a girlfriend and now a 3 month old daughter.

My best friend would go crazy if she knew.

We have texted/talked for years and I think if I wasn't his sisters friend it would of happened.

He told me he had feelings for me,we did sexual talk and just talked about normal things.

We got pretty close and thought things were finally happening and he backed away and then he deleted me from Facebook.

He told me he had to get me out of his head.

Then it started again texting all the time.

Two months ago he came to mine and we had a fantastic day together.

It was so easy and comfortable and it wasn't long before we were kissing and then just watched tv in each other's arms.

He was asking what I wanted in a boyfriend and did I want kids in the future.

He said he would be jealous as hell when I met someone then said he had fallen for me and he knew it was wrong.

We got into bed and I just lay in his arms.

It was so natural.He was kissing my forehead and then he interlinked my hand and just lay like that.

He started crying and said I just can't leave my son and my future has to be with them.

Then he said to me your making me cry.

He asked me if I loved him and I said no( I do ) then he said why and I said I have to keep my guard up and he said his was over his heart.

Then we just lay in silence.

We fell asleep and woke up and he was cuddled in me and we ended up having sex.

When he was leaving he said I wish we could just stay like that.

He looked at his phone and seen the picture of his son and his face changed he looked so guilty.

Afterwards we exchanged some texts and he was talking about next time he seen me then he backed away.

I text him and he said it was a mistake and not to speak to him.

His sister has told me he has told her he doesn't love his girlfriend anymore but can't loose his child.

I'm so confused

Was it all fake

I'm in love with him

Why has he done this ?

It all seemed so real

[Survivor12]

You say that you love him. If he cares for you but is conflicted, the kindest thing you could do for him is stay away. If he just wanted sex, staying away is the kindest thing you could do for yourself.

[Louisesarah]

It's killing me not knowing.

I am in love with him and since he said not to speak to Him I have left him alone,

For years it's been him chasing me then we get close and he pushes me away.

I couldn't cope thinking he doesn't care for me at all

[Dutchman1]

Sorry, yes he did.

You were used as a disposable sextoy.

 

Sorry again.

Take care.

 

Dutchman 1

Edited September 27, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Popsicle]

It doesn't sound like it was fake to me at all, but he is confused. The best thing for you to do is respect his wishes and do not contact him at all. Give him the time and space to get himself together and do what he wants to do. You should also think of your time with him as over for good and move onto other men.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Popsicle

[Popsicle]

Oh, and next time, don't be so chummy-chummy with taken or married men. That's how things like this happen....

[Louisesarah]

I haven't contacted him at all thought I would let him be.

I miss talking to him but that's life.

I just thought if it was all fake he wouldn't of told me his future has to be with them surely if it was just for sex he would of spun me the I want to be with you line.

I genuinely thought he had feelings for me

[Popsicle]

I haven't contacted him at all thought I would let him be.

I miss talking to him but that's life.

I just thought if it was all fake he wouldn't of told me his future has to be with them surely if it was just for sex he would of spun me the I want to be with you line.

I genuinely thought he had feelings for me

 

 

Right.

 

I would say he did have feelings for you, but feelings are not enough sometimes. For many people, thinking men especially, all of the practicalities and such have to line up as well.

 

The feelings are what people around here call "The fog", and if you look at it a certain way it is a fog, I couldn't disagree with it, but I believe they are real. They are feelings, as feelings are.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Popsicle

[OldRover]

It doesn't sound like it was fake to me at all, but he is confused. The best thing for you to do is respect his wishes and do not contact him at all. Give him the time and space to get himself together and do what he wants to do. You should also think of your time with him as over for good and move onto other men.

 

Agree, probably not fake and he probably cares for you. However, with a 3 mo old, I'd bet his infatuation with you is short lived. Let him go and let him deal with things by himself and hope he comes to his seances and takes care of his GF and kid.

[Louisesarah]

Do you think that's why he stopped the contact because he knows nothing can happen?

Why did he keep it going for 3 years?

Did it become more real when it turned physical?

Before it was just texting and fantasy

[Louisesarah]

One time after he deleted me off his Facebook and said he needed to stop thinking about me he had no contact for 7 weeks then text me happy val day so I must of popped in his head.

I know i need to stop this feeling for him.

I don't know how :-(

[Dutchman1]

Ýour heart is behind on your brain and common sense.

You know what to do.

Don't ever be some dude's boot call anymore.

 

You deserve so much more in life.

Take care.

 

Dutchman 1

[Midwestmissy]

If a mm (or mw)'s lips are moving, he's lying. I should have only paid attention to my h's actions. He told his mow whatever so she would continue on with the physical affair. He told me whatever so I'd be thrown off the trail. If I learned anything, it's that a lot of these affairs are fantasy and involve people who desperately want their lies to be believed. When it all blew up in my case, he threw her under the bus so fast because he never wanted to lose his family, regardless of what he told her. Very childish, really.

 

When you start a relationship and fall for one another, every minute of every day should feel amazing. No hiding, no lies on both sides, no weekends alone because of a clueless spouse.

[Popsicle]

Do you think that's why he stopped the contact because he knows nothing can happen?

Why did he keep it going for 3 years?

Did it become more real when it turned physical?

Before it was just texting and fantasy

 

Yes that's it. All of it.

 

And just because he thinks about you doesn't mean it's right and will change anything.

Edited September 27, 2015 by Popsicle

[warshaw]

Make better choices.

[OldRover]

If a mm (or mw)'s lips are moving, he's lying. I should have only paid attention to my h's actions. He told his mow whatever so she would continue on with the physical affair. He told me whatever so I'd be thrown off the trail. If I learned anything, it's that a lot of these affairs are fantasy and involve people who desperately want their lies to be believed. When it all blew up in my case, he threw her under the bus so fast because he never wanted to lose his family, regardless of what he told her. Very childish, really.

 

When you start a relationship and fall for one another, every minute of every day should feel amazing. No hiding, no lies on both sides, no weekends alone because of a clueless spouse.

 

Midwest, You have a bit of a distorted view of men. They don't all lie, and even in a relationship with a MW or married with an OW, they don't always lie. Yes, when your involved with a OW or MM, there certainly can be lies, and you have to know the people involved and decide how much you can trust them.

 

Sorry you had such a bad experience.

[Midwestmissy]

I by no means am painting all men with the same brush - I'm not down on men at all, I've been hurt by as many woman as men, that's life. But as soon as there's secrecy and something to hide, the lies emerge. He lied to me ("I'm at work") he lied to the mow ("my marriage is in the gutter and we don't have sex") And so on. She told him lies ("my husband doesn't care what I do, this is okay", "I'm not getting attached, this is NSA sex") which her husband refuted. H wasn't honest with either of us. That's the nature of an affair - lie to have your needs met, just be believed, not honest. While he was in it, he lied constantly, and I had a gut feeling he was lying, but it seemed so out of character. And the lies extended to his business partners, our kids, his family.

 

But I love men and know a lot of real men who deal with their problems like men, not boys. I respect and admire them, their boundaries, their coping skills and their marriages.