WhydoIdothis Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 A little background to my story. We were co-workers and at first our meeting, I felt a strong chemistry with her. As I started to get to know her throughout the year, I was convinced she was the love I have always been looking for. BUT. of course she was taken and got married not too long after we met. I thought it would be fine but our feelings grew for each other, and I told her how I felt after a year working with her. She told me the same thing and eventually she said she would leave him for me. The only problem was they had to separated for a year. During that year, we had our ups and downs and a lot of fights. Mostly due to my jealously and how she was trying to also make "husband" feel better and put me on the backburner at times. I really was not ready for this relationship because I did lack experience and acted like child. Nor was she ready because she was feeling guilty about what she has done. My emotions got the best of me and I stepped over boundaries. When we broke up, I completely understood why. I just didn't want her to go back to him because during our relationship of all the shady **** he pulled while we were together. He was crazy. But it was her choice and I wanted to respect it. I reflect everyday how I could've been better in that relationship because she was everything I was looking for. She was my dream girl. Now about 6 months later, I finally decided to contact her. She picks up and tells me "Sorry", and we continue to just have a good talk like the old days, before all the drama. She tells me I am make her feel funny and tells me she is working at her 2nd job this weekend, where she is a waitress. I know it means she wants to see me without ever directly telling me. I decided to go because I do miss her and I really want us to work even though it is morally wrong. It turns out she was not there, and I don't know what to make of this. HELP! Sorry for poor grammar. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Whdoidothis...... She is not your dream girl. That would be a single woman. In reality she is your worst nightmare. She has already wasted so much of your valuable life and you will never get the time back. She has put you into chaos and you have apparently behaved badly. It sounds as if you don't like what you have done. The relationship was never going to work, no matter how much effort you put into it because she wasn't ready to let go of her husband. Please get out from under this dysfunctional mess and run as fast as you can. How old are you? Warm Wishes, Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 your grammar is fine, it's not poor! i think you should let her go. she probably does seem like your dream woman now but i assure you you'll meet someone new. be brave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhydoIdothis Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 I am 27. I tried so hard to let her go. I didnt contact her for 6 months. But I kept thinking about her everyday and hope she is happy. I always find my defending her when I shouldnt Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 If she went back to him, you never really had her at all. You should save yourself the heartache (it won't end well for you) and let this go and start over with someone new who is available. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I am 27. I tried so hard to let her go. I didnt contact her for 6 months. But I kept thinking about her everyday and hope she is happy. I always find my defending her when I shouldnt It takes a long while before the pain and longing stops. Keep posting and reading here instead when you feel like contacting her. You are not alone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhydoIdothis Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 I know I gotten this advice before. But what I guess I am really searching for is if I can win her back or just keep her a part of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 No you cant get a married woman back, she was never yours. She made a choice and you see she has not called you. She moved on. That was your closure. Ps. "Funny" = guilty. Nothing has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhydoIdothis Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 I am just a fool then. I thought 6 months of NC wouldve made me differently. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 I am just a fool then. I thought 6 months of NC wouldve made me differently. WhydoIdothis, Six months is a good start, and often successful for people, IF you really work at it. To be successful, you need to totally get her out of your mind, and have no contact with her EVER. Concentrate on YOU.... Do things for yourself... improvement, exercise, new whatever..... car, house, haircut, hobby..... And be active socially, and get back into meeting women, and eventually date. You WILL get her off your mind, time WILL heal. Being married, she is NOT available, and to try to force it would be a huge mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Krashi Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Best to avoid contact. She is not an honourable person. Think of how you are hurting her husband, a nan who has done nothing to hurt you. His erratic behavior that she describes may be a lie or may have been caused by his sensing his new wife'cheating. Imagine the traum inflicted on him as a newly wed. It must have been excruciating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhydoIdothis Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 (edited) No, after she told him to pack and leave. He went out of his way to put GPS in her car and cams all over the apartment. He would guilt trip her saying he would kill himself and saying its his blood on her hands. She was overwhelm with guilt when she told me these things and showed me it. She tries to be a good person and she always feel like it is not good enough. And there I go again defending her. Edit to add more: I know the logical thing for me is to try and get over her and look for more. But she inspired me to be better and I just lacked that self confidence before I met her. For some reason, I think I can be the expectation to the rule. I know her and I know her intentions. I am crazy and hopelessly in love with her. She has left a crack for me to get back in there and I want to take it. She goes from not answering my calls and after I go NC in 6 months and break it. She tells me she is sorry and when I ask her if she is happy, she says under her breathe I was. Maybe she loves the attention, maybe she is crazy too, maybe she is playing me. For some reason i just don't give a ****. Maybe I not on here to look for advice because I have been given same thing over and over. Maybe I just need to vent and not act out like I did before. Because thats the only thing that really helps me. I am not as sad or depress as I used to be. Edited November 22, 2015 by WhydoIdothis Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 No, after she told him to pack and leave. He went out of his way to put GPS in her car and cams all over the apartment. He would guilt trip her saying he would kill himself and saying its his blood on her hands. Did she tell her husband the truth? That she was cheating on him and wanted him to leave so she could be with another man? If not then she was tormenting him with lies and manipulation. He went crazy because it makes no sense for your new bride to suddenly end the marriage. She is playing a cruel game with both of you and you need to take her off of that pedestal you have her on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhydoIdothis Posted November 22, 2015 Author Share Posted November 22, 2015 (edited) She told him that she has fallen and love with me and why. He said okay if its the last thing I can do as being husband to make you happy then I will leave or thats what she told me. Throughout our relationship, he would use the husband card and say we are not divorce yet to get her to do what he wanted. He would make demands on what her and I could not do. Edited November 22, 2015 by WhydoIdothis Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted November 23, 2015 Share Posted November 23, 2015 OP: It's ok. You just don't want to let her go. That's a feeling that anyone here can relate to. It's a process; it's hard. You're looking for someone to say that she's 100% going to change her mind and come crashing back into your life unexpectedly. The short answer is maybe she will, but then again, maybe she won't. No one knows for sure. But I can promise you this: You'll have a miserable time waiting for her to make a decision that is 100% out of your control. And it may never happen either. That is a hell of a lot of time you will spend miserable. That's about 2 seconds too long. Free yourself and accept the things you cannot change, find the courage to change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference. That's the first step to letting go. Best of luck, OneLov 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 You are better off thinking of that "relationship" as a battle you lost but one in which you earned your Purple Heart. It prepares you for the next battle as long as you review how this one turned out bad. Fortunately the other posters here are all PhD's in the battles of love and can help you analyze what happened. You must accept as truth that there are available women out there who would love to be attached to a single guy with a real job and no child support/ex wife support obligations. You simply must make yourself available,and not waste,time with MW who was using you for ego strokes. Link to post Share on other sites
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