Akitax Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I really need some help.... I started a new job about 6 months ago. Best job i have ever had in some aspects... I met him... a married man... and my boss... he is NOT my type at all but I think in the few months I felt a vibe off him that made me notice him... Since then... we have flirted back and forth we talk for ages after hours, he protects me at work, he's always so caring he reads me like I'm an open book he knows when something is wrong and is so genuinely concerned he goes out of his way to make sure I'm OK in personal matters or otherwise. We share alot of personal and work stories and information. We have an unspoken bond full of glances, knowing looks, little jokes and teasing eachother, compliments that aren't straight forward, lingering touches and looks, a whole lot of closeness, and supporting each other he makes sure I'm alright I do the same for him. He has brought me my favourite chocolate or made sure I haven't got in trouble at work... we rarely talk about partners... and more recently we have discovered we like to go drinking in the same bar... He asked me if i had been recently I said I had and asked him the same question he said he will be there for a night out with all his friends he told me exact dates of when he's going to be there and he's told me more than once. We have never seen each other out side of work I said maybe I would see him he seemed to get a bit nervous but said yeah... I want to see him but I'm unsure weather he wants me to go or not?? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Getting involved with a MM will only bring you stress and heartache. It's never a good idea to get that close to a MM, especially your boss. You need to remain professional and keep appropriate boundaries, otherwise you'll develop an emotional connection and get physical from there. Then a world of lies, deception and sneaking around starts.....don't be a part of hurting another woman. Find a single available man and do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 All of your threads are about the same thing - and have been since you came to this site in March. What has changed in any other thread you have started? You *know* it is a bad idea. What is different? Nothing. You are doing something dangerous, are enjoying it, and are on a slippery slope towards having an affair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Promise you this isn't his first rodeo. He can do all of those over the top things because he is married and there's always something holding him back! If a single guy came in that strong you'd be running for the hills! Pursue what you choose to but things most likely aren't what they seem. This kind of behavior is s sport for some guys. Like you said, you weren't even interested at first, now he's got you thinking about him all the time... Run for the hills! These things always come at a hefty price. Just my two cents! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Why is every woman falling in love with her boss? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 All of your threads are about the same thing - and have been since you came to this site in March. What has changed in any other thread you have started? You *know* it is a bad idea. What is different? Nothing. You are doing something dangerous, are enjoying it, and are on a slippery slope towards having an affair. Of course all of my posts are about this. THIS is my problem and remains my problem. I can't move jobs I need the good wage this job brings. Yeah I know it's a bad idea. I try and stay away I try not to care but that just brings him in and starts him asking what's wrong over and over again! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I try not to care but that just brings him in and starts him asking what's wrong over and over again! TELL HIM it is a bad idea. TELL HIM to stop flirting. TELL HIM it makes you uncomfortable and that it needs to stop. You need to stop flirting. Put on your Big Girl pants and don't play the games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Promise you this isn't his first rodeo. He can do all of those over the top things because he is married and there's always something holding him back! If a single guy came in that strong you'd be running for the hills! Pursue what you choose to but things most likely aren't what they seem. This kind of behavior is s sport for some guys. Like you said, you weren't even interested at first, now he's got you thinking about him all the time... Run for the hills! These things always come at a hefty price. Just my two cents! Your right if it was a single guy I would be but this is different I'm thinking I'm wrong that he doesn't feel that way he can't do cos he's married so our friendship is ok...but I'm still confused Link to post Share on other sites
Author Akitax Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 TELL HIM it is a bad idea. TELL HIM to stop flirting. TELL HIM it makes you uncomfortable and that it needs to stop. You need to stop flirting. Put on your Big Girl pants and don't play the games. Come on....how awkward would that make things. I see and work for him every day. We are friends. I don't want to mess that up cos I think me might be flirting Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Come on....how awkward would that make things. I see and work for him every day. We are friends. I don't want to mess that up cos I think me might be flirting But you said in your original post that you HAVE been flirting - for months. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan_XD Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I never understand why a married person would do this, it's awful. Besides, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. As mentioned, you should keep your workplace professional and the fact he's married makes it an extra NO NO! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Your right if it was a single guy I would be but this is different I'm thinking I'm wrong that he doesn't feel that way he can't do cos he's married so our friendship is ok...but I'm still confused You're not confused. You are a grown married woman and you know exactly what's going on and what you are doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 He's married. You know he's married. Whatever glances, unspoken words you two share, he's married. Here's great advice: he's married. if he chooses to disrespect his marriage let it be on him and not you. If he cannot respect his marriage at least someone should. If he continues to flirt and you continue to find yourself attracted to him, do not act on it. Read through this forum and do not think you will be an exception to the rule. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) I can tell you my experience and you can take whatever lessons you want from it. I started working for a company several years ago. I later found out that it was the owner of the company who told someone to hire me (I met him once in another setting). The first time we met, sparks flew. I never gave it much thought after that because he lived about 200 miles away and I knew he was married. Fast forward 2 years when I got a divorce. He and I started talking innocently (or so I thought). Then he came into town and took me out for dinner. Then it was downhill from there. Stupid me, I thought that a man like him, with such a sterling reputation, wouldn't go after someone in his own company unless he had plans to leave his wife. The affair went on for years and broke my heart and my spirit. When we were apart, we emailed or chatted on Facebook several times a day. For years, we were best friends. I ended the affair about 3 yrs ago and I can tell you that every day of my life has been a living hell. I hate being in his company and am trying hard to find a new job, but this is not easy. It has affected my attitude, it has affected how people see me, and it has ruined any chances I ever had of going any further in the company. And no one necessarily knew about our affair, but people always know the signs. They suspected we were having an affair and that was all they needed to know to judge me. If you care about your job, then if I were you, I'd slowly pull away from this guy. Stop sharing the glances with him, stop everything that can be construed as unprofessional. It takes two to flirt. If you take yourself out if the equation, then he has no one to play games with. It's up to you to stop this charade because, in the end, people will despise you for it and it will be you - not him - who pays the price. If I knew then what I know now, I would've never had one personal conversation with xMM. I hope you won't repeat this experience. I hope you won't underestimate how this man can end up ruining your life. Edited October 13, 2015 by bathtub-row Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Of course all of my posts are about this. THIS is my problem and remains my problem. I can't move jobs I need the good wage this job brings. Yeah I know it's a bad idea. I try and stay away I try not to care but that just brings him in and starts him asking what's wrong over and over again! He's your boss and your reputation is at risk, you could very well lose your job if you go for it. I assume people at work know 'something' is happening between you two since it seems he shows you favouritism and protects you. Your co workers aren't stupid. He's married and not going to leave his wife and family for you, even more so since he is your boss and if he has kids the chances are even less. You're in for a world of hurt if you decide to pursue an affair. It's your life, you're gonna do what you're gonna do so OWN IT. You'll have nobody to blame but yourself when this ruins your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Cymbeline Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am the wife of a boss who had a mid life affair with a young and pretty secretary at a time when I was menopausal and dealing with children at school and university in our home country while we are posted overseas. I didn't deserve the world of pain I was served and neither did my children or our wider family, including my elderly parents and mother in law. The AP, before I knew about things, ended up taking 9 months off work with depression ( she happily continued the affair). She is at heart a nice, sweet girl who was in a bad place as was my WH. They managed to keep it a secret but I have made sure some key people know so that she knows just how much I know and so that her reputation is damaged. My WH has been distraught and in expensive therapy. I doubt very much whether anyone thinks the experience was worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
ChancesAre24 Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Come on....how awkward would that make things. I see and work for him every day. We are friends. I don't want to mess that up cos I think me might be flirting It won't be awkward at all. If he doesn't want issues with HR he will respect your wishes. If you were smart you would just transfer. If you are good at your actual job and not just flirting you will be welcomed to a similar job at a similar company. Just say you are looking for opportunity. There are always ways out of scenarios if you actually would like to escape this disaster. Quit playing games with yourself and inventing excuses. It will only bring you down in the end. * I say this with concern and not complete attitude believe it or not and no I am not a BS. Im actually a former OW wishing I hadn't fallen for all the crap. It was not worth it at all.* Link to post Share on other sites
Bendy_willow Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) I really, really wish that I came upon this forum at the beginning or middle stages of my A. I hope you take all their advice to heart and really listen. I probably would have since none of these situations are unique! What makes you think your situation is so special? Sigh. Please don't make the mistake in $&@!ing where you eat. Let's just say that I tooted and that I'm waiting for the smell is dissipate. Lol. Edited October 14, 2015 by Bendy_willow Link to post Share on other sites
Depressedcanadian Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Of course all of my posts are about this. THIS is my problem and remains my problem. I can't move jobs I need the good wage this job brings. Yeah I know it's a bad idea. I try and stay away I try not to care but that just brings him in and starts him asking what's wrong over and over again! Please do not do it! I did; and am struggling..same deal with me, got me my fav chocolate, was so so caring and affectionate.. i told him some really deep dark secrets - ended up sleeping with him twice we are not totally over still - he will sext when he is 'free' and me being the dumb idiot responds. And then, there will b NC for days - where I am miserable and i try and be normal and text stuff like 'how's ur day going' and he will just be like: 'good, busy'.. anyways, to cut a long story short.. he will use u; it is not worth it..! the pain, the withdrawal, the feeling miserable and worthless..Ughhh! I am usually a very confident person who gets along with most people; but this has left me seriously messed up.. Stay away please for ur sanity! Hugs and strength to u! Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Rule One for successful affairs/cheaters is don't do it where you work. The downside risk far outweighs any perceived benefit. I am not speaking from first hand experience but rather from seeing the results of such affairs where I have worked. I stupidly had a fling with a coworker years ago but I wasn't married. I swore I'd never do it again, especially after seeing a few career train wrecks. An old Motown song is "Too Many Fish in the Sea". It authors were right! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts