Bedek Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 We have a mutual attraction.. And both trying to do the right thing.. So hard.. Wondering if you guys will advise not to go into it .. It is so hard to resist the temptation ! Advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 We have a mutual attraction.. And both trying to do the right thing.. So hard.. Wondering if you guys will advise not to go into it .. It is so hard to resist the temptation ! Advice?? don't do it never ever 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 why exactly are you even considering this? what i mean is, what's the backstory to this situation... who's married here... are you two unhappy... is that why? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 If I had to do it over again, I would've never gotten involved. Wild horses couldn't drag me back into a situation like that again. It is nothing but demeaning and soul-destroying. No matter about the incredible chemistry, the fabulous friendship, his wonderful kindness, or the great sex. It. Was. Not. Worth. It. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
feelslikeminideath Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It depends on how you feel about the sentence..."is it better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all". Judging by my name.....all I can tell you is I hope I never ever ever have to experience this pain ever ever ever again. You will love...and you will lose and possibly destroy everyone else right along with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rorocher Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It's the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. So really it is up to you. No one can convince you to do it or not do it. But just know that when you are happy, you will be deliriously happy but the kind of pain that comes with it, you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. So blue pill or the red one, it's your choice. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Dont start at all. Once you do, it is a very slippery slope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Avoid each other for a while. The attraction will fade. It is absolutely not worth it. stop now before you do real damage. The lack of integrity makes you crazy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 If you do you will probably have many regrets but I assume you are a grown up and capable of making a decision. Do a bit more reading here. The stories are very similar.... believe what you read about the consequences. Poppy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The highs are so high that at the time you think any lows will be worth it. The lows are soul-destroying, totally crushing, you will look for death at every corner and not be the least bit worried about it. You'll sometimes be unable to function in your job or interact with friends and family. No it's not worth all this. I know on this board I identify as a BW who has never cheated on my husband, but I have cheated in a former relationship. I learned my lesson. Never, ever again! And I never want to do that to anybody else again whatever side of the triangle they are on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Louisesarah Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I wouldn't get involved The feeling of being so worthless is soul destroying I've never ever felt so low I don't care about anything anymore He has taken my self esteem,my confidence I have nothing left If I could go back in time I would do it so different 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 We have a mutual attraction.. And both trying to do the right thing.. So hard.. Wondering if you guys will advise not to go into it .. It is so hard to resist the temptation ! Advice?? Yes. Talk to your respective partners and see how they'd advise you.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 If I could do it all over again knowing what I now know...? I wouldn't do it. I'd have kept it as strictly fantasy and got on with real life. And just so you're aware, my affair wasn't particularly 'bad' compared to some of the stories here. It actually worked relatively well for quite some time, no d-day occurred, (hope I don't jinx myself) and it ended amicably. You know what, STILL not worth it. It has changed the way I view myself as a human being forever and there's no way I can ever take that back. It has affected me in ways that I can't even begin to untangle yet. And really, what was it all for? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 If I could do it all over again, I would run away from that man as fast as possible. The A brought me more pain than I've ever felt in my life and I don't wish that upon anyone. The highs are not worth it AT ALL. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I don't know to be honest. I wouldn't do another one, but with him? I don't know if I would have done it differently even knowing all I know now. I would like to say I wouldn't have and we would have wrapped things up properly. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) I don't know to be honest. I wouldn't do another one, but with him? I don't know if I would have done it differently even knowing all I know now. I would like to say I wouldn't have and we would have wrapped things up properly. The only regret I have about my M is that it began as an affair. Would I do it all again? Hard to say as I am so happy and content now, and I really don't know if he would have left had I not been in the picture. I just wish we had started after he had left. But tbh... it doesn't really have any influence on where we are now. I think I went through a LOT less heartache than the women on LS but the few couples I know irl who began as an affair and stayed together were like me... not a lot of heartache, working for a common goal. Edited October 1, 2015 by goodyblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I would shoot myself in the foot to be able to take it all back. I regret every moment spent in that dark place. But like others have said, no one can talk you out of it. Just know, if you start the affair, chances are, you'll be back here at some point, pleading for advice on how to end the hurt you caused so many people, including yourself, all for a few moments of pleasure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kieraglass Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Oh my god. If I could have seen the past three years in my mind in a flash, that day I was sitting in the cafe waiting to meet him for the first time, I would have leaped from my chair, accidentally overturned the table, and run out of that place like Hussein Bolt. I'm a shell of who I was that day. Through my own making. We choose these things because the highs make us feel alive, and it's soooo good, when it's good. But so is heroin, and look what that does. My advice? Walk away. Unless you're ready for a major soul remodeling. It's truly the worst pain one can feel outside a death. It's degrading and humiliating and crushing, and you will try to ease these feelings with one thing: him. And so it goes and goes until you are looking around at your life one day, your head blown apart, and you wonder, how did I let this happen? And yet, we call it love. Love does not feel like this. I don't know much, but I do know that. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Interesting. The term "soul-destroying" has come up a few times in this thread. That kinda says it all, I think. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 My comments pretty much resonate everything you've read thus far. It is self destructive. The highs you will feel will blind all your sense of logic and will cause you to accept behavior that is unacceptable. You will lose all perspective on what it means to be in a healthy, fulfilling and loving relationship. You will spend hours of your time analyzing the lies and fluffy words he uses and when you try to get him to clarify, he will give you some roundabout and outright absurd answer that will make you feel like you're the stupid, insane and dramatic one. The more subpar treatment you receive, the harder you will work to get him to realize how wonderful you are....all until you destroy your self esteem and feel worthless. And then when you pull away, he will make you feels like you're selfish for not supporting his position on things and you will feel guilty and work even harder...It's a vicious cycle. Do not do it. Biggest regret of my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 If I could do it all over again knowing what I now know...? I wouldn't do it. I'd have kept it as strictly fantasy and got on with real life. And just so you're aware, my affair wasn't particularly 'bad' compared to some of the stories here. It actually worked relatively well for quite some time, no d-day occurred, (hope I don't jinx myself) and it ended amicably. You know what, STILL not worth it. It has changed the way I view myself as a human being forever and there's no way I can ever take that back. It has affected me in ways that I can't even begin to untangle yet. And really, what was it all for? Like Gloria, mine was not as painful as many discussed here. We ended it amicably, and by my choice. There was no D-day, and no ultimatums. The highs were pretty high, but the lows were not the lowest of my life (my divorce and loss of time with my children earns that prize.) Despite that it wasn't totally devastating for me....still not worth it. At all. I realize now that the lying and faking that I had to do with my friends and my family was taking me into a dark place. My life lacked integrity. I started becoming depressed. Now that he is out of my life, I feel so much better. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The best way to resist temptation is to remove yourself from it. As in, no contact with the person. Redirect the fantasies. Channel the energy somewhere else. Everything we do and do not do is a choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The best way to resist temptation is to remove yourself from it. As in, no contact with the person. Redirect the fantasies. Channel the energy somewhere else. Everything we do and do not do is a choice. Easier said than done. I work with mine (dumped him a month ago) and it's tough to resist. Mind you, guys are always asking me out and i have a great social life, but there was just something about this one. Hindsight is 20/20...I would never do this again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Easier said than done. I work with mine (dumped him a month ago) and it's tough to resist. .... The guy who originally penned the NC Guide, ALSO worked in close proximity to his ex. It worked for HIM.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bedek Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thank you for the advice. We are both happily married. Not sure why we have such a strong connection - emotional and physically. He has better boundaries than me and told me that we can't be alone when drinking. We worked together but we don't see each other everyday. Reading the posts really help! I'm not good with boundaries so have to remind myself ! Link to post Share on other sites
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