portwine Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 The MW who I was involved with for many years has decided that she wants to keep her options open, now that's she's divorced. I see her from time to time, although I can tell that the fever pitch passion we once shared has kind of died out a bit......but just a bit. The sex is still great for the most part. It's a big blow to your ego when the woman who came to you for her needs has decided that you're possibly no longer the only in game in town. So what do I make of all this? Do I wait around for her to make up her mind, or do I move on? Needless to say, I'm bothered by her decision to want to see if there's somebody else out there that she can "really" connect with. At the same time, I was hoping all along that something might emerge onto "our thing" that might end it once and for all, and this has to do with her personality traits. As sweet and charming as she may seem, she also has this somewhat sinister trait of lacking empathy, not willing to confront issues but rather resort to no contact tactics, and this recurring theme that men just can't "figure her out". In other words, she's the uber variety all men are invariably stupid and predictable. But she's so attractive and sweet as well..... I guess I should just run based on her past actions while married, right? I feel like I'm going through a frickin divorce / separation..... Link to post Share on other sites
IK1 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Hi there I'm in exactly the same boat as you, what you describe is exactly what I have been through lately. My MW has been seeing me for 20yrs, yes 20yrs, and like you I always had deep thoughts that it would be over some day, I even wished it would be over many times down the years. MW is still with her husband (he knows nothing) but has now met an OM, so I'm put in the friend zone whilst she pursues her new love. There have been others over the years so it says a lot about her, and me for suffering it all. I have a million reasons to feel relieved ( she has psycho tendencies and was insanely jealous of me for many years, so much so I shut my life down and only had two close friends who know) and I told her I can't be her friend, hence NC for three weeks. Despite all of this I am pining for her! Unbelievable but true, I've wasted the best years on her (now 53) and wanted her to leave husband so many times, but of course it never happened, you find yourself widening your boundaries just to keep them in your life, just pathetic but true Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 She's still looking and crossed you off her list. That's enough reason to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author portwine Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 Hi there I'm in exactly the same boat as you, what you describe is exactly what I have been through lately. My MW has been seeing me for 20yrs, yes 20yrs, and like you I always had deep thoughts that it would be over some day, I even wished it would be over many times down the years. MW is still with her husband (he knows nothing) but has now met an OM, so I'm put in the friend zone whilst she pursues her new love. There have been others over the years so it says a lot about her, and me for suffering it all. I have a million reasons to feel relieved ( she has psycho tendencies and was insanely jealous of me for many years, so much so I shut my life down and only had two close friends who know) and I told her I can't be her friend, hence NC for three weeks. Despite all of this I am pining for her! Unbelievable but true, I've wasted the best years on her (now 53) and wanted her to leave husband so many times, but of course it never happened, you find yourself widening your boundaries just to keep them in your life, just pathetic but true Wow.....20 years.....that is a long time. My affair is somewhere along the eight year mark, which still is a long time if you ask me. I have never been confronted with her looking for another "boyfriend" while I was seeing her. This whole thing came about after her divorce. It almost appears as if though she now laments the fact that we never really dated in the traditional sense; it was mostly sex and affection with her initiating a lot of it, and all I had to do was perform. It was a dream come true in ways for me as a single guy. I've become attached to her, but it's not like I'm madly in love or head over heels over her. We have so much chemistry together.......it's crazy; however, she obviously feels that there is a big part missing, and most of it comes down compatibility - she thinks we're not compatible because I'm set in my ways and routines and all. The funny thing is that she has some pretty rigid daily routines herself, and when I call her out on it she gets all defensive and truculent. There have been several occasions in which I hoped that she would find someone else, allowing me to go on with my life as opposed to squandering it with a MW. Now that all bets are off and she's actually dabling with online dating, I'm mortified of the prospect of her finding a significant other! It must be a guy thing I guess..........conquering a challenge and fighting for what you think belongs to you when it slips away. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Wow.....20 years.....that is a long time. My affair is somewhere along the eight year mark, which still is a long time if you ask me. I have never been confronted with her looking for another "boyfriend" while I was seeing her. This whole thing came about after her divorce. It almost appears as if though she now laments the fact that we never really dated in the traditional sense; it was mostly sex and affection with her initiating a lot of it, and all I had to do was perform. It was a dream come true in ways for me as a single guy. I've become attached to her, but it's not like I'm madly in love or head over heels over her. We have so much chemistry together.......it's crazy; however, she obviously feels that there is a big part missing, and most of it comes down compatibility - she thinks we're not compatible because I'm set in my ways and routines and all. The funny thing is that she has some pretty rigid daily routines herself, and when I call her out on it she gets all defensive and truculent. There have been several occasions in which I hoped that she would find someone else, allowing me to go on with my life as opposed to squandering it with a MW. Now that all bets are off and she's actually dabling with online dating, I'm mortified of the prospect of her finding a significant other! It must be a guy thing I guess..........conquering a challenge and fighting for what you think belongs to you when it slips away. Do you? Really? This "chemistry" seems to proclude her from not seeking out other chemistrys. She's even told you you're not compatible so where does the crazy chemistry stuff come in? She's actively looking for another bloke and hasn't really hidden it from you, that doesn't scream sexy does it? Not a 2x4 but just pointing out why waste precious time on someone who's not even guaranteeing you a future? You're hoping you will find someone so you can live your life, why not pull the trigger first, say goodbye and start living your life and let her look for someone because the very second she does find someone you'll be history. Yes delay the pain, but the pain will come whether it's her that ends it or you. Wouldn't you much rather it be your choice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author portwine Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 You're hoping you will find someone so you can live your life, why not pull the trigger first, say goodbye and start living your life and let her look for someone because the very second she does find someone you'll be history. Yes delay the pain, but the pain will come whether it's her that ends it or you. Wouldn't you much rather it be your choice? Very true, and I impart this advice to others all the time. It's a bit hard when you're smack dab in the middle of this and playing the part. Let me say this: I have no problem meeting women and unleashing my game, but this free ride of unmitigated sex with a charming woman has clouded my mind. I'm seeing the forest for the trees because there are emotions involved now. I have to move on though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author portwine Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 I talked to the now divorced OW I was seeing for six years the other day, and everything she said regarding trying to explain the status of our relationship, and why she feels the need to "move on" speaks volumes about her personality traits. In other words, having affairs at some point and looking for excitement is in her DNA. She told me flat out awhile back that I need to step up in the courtship and dating department. In other words, the genesis of our relationship, which was pure passion/sex/affection, somehow doesn't cut the mustard anymore, and she keeps on coming back to this theme of wanting to be idolized and admired by her partner. This is something I gave her in copious amounts when we first started seeing each other. It's obvious that the reason she cheated on her husband for so long had to with the fact that she didn't feel loved or adored; however, having been with her for many years now, I can see the reason why her husband probably grew "cold" and subconsciously implemented some kind of defense barrier. And why did her ex become this way? She's the type who 1) blows hot and cold and always leaves you guessing. 2) by her own admission, she knows how to push buttons in a covert way, 3) she mentioned that she sometimes "tests" men to see if they...well... pass the test. 4) She has issues with constructive criticism and is quick to cut you off and put you in silent treatment for weeks, including her friends. 5) she said that she's a risk taker. 6) she lacks empathy and doesn't always want to be bothered, but she likes the good times 7) As successful and unbelievably attractive as she is, I was able to deduce that she somehow doesn't have a sense of self or strong identity - if people don't play by her rules or if there's something minor that she doesn't like about someone, she'll cut them off in a covert way. In other words, if they don't kowtow to her and view her as a successful person she views it as a threat to her identity. I'm proud of myself (win wink) that I had the ability to captivate her attention and fulfill her desires for six frickin' years, but I was only able to do so because of my fiercely independent nature and ability to read her and dance according to the music played. It was a lot of fun but I feel empty now. Link to post Share on other sites
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