goldengirl11 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 (edited) I previously had a long thread a a couple of months ago re my situation when my married "boyfriend" had moved out for the foreseeable, near his contracted job at the time - mainly because it was awful at home - then. He only stayed there for 5-6 months, when he then gave his notice in to move back home, despite about to go backpacking for a month abroad. We have had occasional contact since, but at the same time I have tried my hardest to limit this, but sometimes I give in. I know that he probably doesn't deserve me and have told him he has had too many chances, particularly as he didn't commit to a relationship when he did finally move out (after being on a string for a couple of years), but he has also told me on a few occasions, that despite moving out for 6 months it hadn't gone anywhere. I feel this is unfair and has been very controlling. It is killing me he is back there, although he says nothing is certain yet, which I don't believe. He is currently jobseeking i.e he moved out from flat when job ended and is now going for a job where he would work alternate weeks abroad. The situation feels hopeless, but am trying to let go. I can't sympathise with his situation, after what he's put me through. He feels our "relationship" possibly went wrong when I hadn't seen him for "weeks" when they split. I feel utterly heartbroken. He said he would like to see me again (he says he still imagines me and that the question is whether we would work in a normal couple way), but as much as I would like to, I feel I will only set myself up for more hurt/go back to being the OW again! Thanks everyone x Edited September 1, 2015 by goldengirl11 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 You say he doesn't deserve you, but your actions need to reflect that. So many OW say they deserve better, are worth more, are tired of being in an affair...but their behavior says the opposite. Actions speak louder than words.Talking to him, engaging, responding- that behavior sends the message that your OK with it. It shows MM that you love him so much that you'll compromise and tolerate. You'd think MM would appreciate that, but often they devalue OW for that blind devotion. Don't talk to him. You are worth more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Well I read your last thread and near as I can tell this MM wants to have an affair with you and nothing more. It seems that when he lived away from home and had chance to be with you for real, he pushed you away. Now he's back at home and wants to see you. That says he wants an affair, not that he wants to divorce so he can be with you. I have heard men talk about how awful it is to be friend zoned by women they are attracted to because they know that once a woman says she sees you as only a friend it's almost impossible to change her perception and turn the relationship into romance. Well I think some MM affair zone their OW. They may enjoy her company and find her very attractive. They may have feelings for her, possibly even love her in their own strange way. But they have pegged her as an affair partner, not a future full time partner or wife, and just like a guy might turn cartwheels and backflips trying to get a woman to see him as more than a friend, so to will an OW go to outrageous lengths to get her MM to chose her, but it doesn't work. You've been down this path already. You know how this will turn out if you let him put you back in the affair zone. Tell him you are worth more and that he can call you when he wants to have a proper relationship with you. Then take yourself and your pride and go start living your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Follow your first mind. If you are feeling uncomfortable, it's for a reason. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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