eye of the storm Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I accepted a date from someone I used to date a few years ago. We have stayed friends since then. On paper he is an amazing catch...single, funny, honest, sexy, employed, I could go on. He is aware that I recently broke up with my MM and I'm still not 100% over it. I just wish I were more excited about it. Unreasonably, I almost feel like I'm cheating. I know I'm not but, feelings are not always the most intelligent things. Yesterday I was chatting with my ExMM about some work prospects and I mentioned my date. Don't know why. And he thinks it is a good thing for me to do. He worries I stay in to much. I think this getting over the A and my MM is not going as fast as I would like. I am going to continue to do my best to keep things in perspective. I just wish time worked on the schedule of my brain and not my heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I accepted a date from someone I used to date a few years ago. We have stayed friends since then. On paper he is an amazing catch...single, funny, honest, sexy, employed, I could go on. He is aware that I recently broke up with my MM and I'm still not 100% over it. I just wish I were more excited about it. Unreasonably, I almost feel like I'm cheating. I know I'm not but, feelings are not always the most intelligent things. Yesterday I was chatting with my ExMM about some work prospects and I mentioned my date. Don't know why. And he thinks it is a good thing for me to do. He worries I stay in to much. I think this getting over the A and my MM is not going as fast as I would like. I am going to continue to do my best to keep things in perspective. I just wish time worked on the schedule of my brain and not my heart. It might help you heal faster if you limit your conversations with xMM to just work-related issues, if necessary. Telling him about your personal life keeps you connected. It will be hard to make room for someone new if you are still close to him. I hope you enjoy your date very much. Remember...all you have to know after a date is whether you would like to go out with this person one more time. He doesn't have to give you butterflies and all that just yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eye of the storm Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Thanks Grapes. I know you are right. Old habits are hard to break. I am just so used to bouncing things off him because I know he will give me good solid advice. I was conflicted about the date so I brought it up. Maybe a part of me wanted him to be jealous and tell me he didn't want me to go. But as usual, I got the advice I needed not the emotion I wanted. You are right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Thanks Grapes. I know you are right. Old habits are hard to break. I am just so used to bouncing things off him because I know he will give me good solid advice. I was conflicted about the date so I brought it up. Maybe a part of me wanted him to be jealous and tell me he didn't want me to go. But as usual, I got the advice I needed not the emotion I wanted. You are right. I think you are right about your motivation in telling him, and I totally get it. I have done the same with xMM in the past, and got a little satisfaction out of seeing him get jealous. Understanding why you did it is a huge step toward moving away from doing it more. Also, remember that just because this guy doesn't completely ring your bell doesn't mean that the right guy for you isn't out there in your future. He is. The journey to finding him has to start somewhere, though. So this is where you are starting. Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 It's a step in the right direction. Being out, without worrying about being seen with a married man, is a good feeling. It also helps to wake you up about how bad the secrecy feels. At least his single man knows about your xMM. He knows you are just dipping your toe in the water. Have a good time. You don't have to figure everything out. Just enjoy it. That's another thing that's good about single men .... It's not complicated. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Go on your date and remember it's just a date.... you are not marrying the man. Keep your life to yourself. MM doesn't need to know. It's no longer any of his concern. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 You probably won't love the date, if only because of the fact that you're not yet over MM. That's okay. Focus on the fact that you're taking a positive step. Focus on the fact that you can be out in public with this guy and no one can possibly care. And if you still need some motivation, remember that you made exMM at least a little jealous. Yes that is petty and I'm not advocating that you talk to him about your personal life all the time, but you've already told him so what the heck. He probably won't say it, but he IS at least a bit jealous! I promise! Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Hoping you had some fun, Storm. Want to hear, if you want to share. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I accepted a date from someone I used to date a few years ago. We have stayed friends since then. On paper he is an amazing catch...single, funny, honest, sexy, employed, I could go on. He is aware that I recently broke up with my MM and I'm still not 100% over it. I just wish I were more excited about it. Unreasonably, I almost feel like I'm cheating. I know I'm not but, feelings are not always the most intelligent things. Yesterday I was chatting with my ExMM about some work prospects and I mentioned my date. Don't know why. And he thinks it is a good thing for me to do. He worries I stay in to much. I think this getting over the A and my MM is not going as fast as I would like. I am going to continue to do my best to keep things in perspective. I just wish time worked on the schedule of my brain and not my heart. This is wonderful, I fully support it, and do hope that you keep us updated on how it's going for you. And, it's okay if you don't feel so excited, it's good to just get out with different people and change your atmosphere. And with that, your excitment will slowly evolve. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 That's great that your going on a date! Yay! But.... Ok number one, I don't understand why you told him...it's not his business anymore and I'm wondering if you may have subconsciously hoped he would swoop in and tell you not to go....maybe? Second....getting over him and the affair will go much faster if you stop talking. I know you feel he gave you solid advice but their must be someone else like that in your life, right? Have fun on the date, let us know how it went:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 How did it go? Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 But.... Ok number one, I don't understand why you told him...it's not his business anymore and I'm wondering if you may have subconsciously hoped he would swoop in and tell you not to go....maybe? Second....getting over him and the affair will go much faster if you stop talking. I know you feel he gave you solid advice but their must be someone else like that in your life, right? The above was great advice. The last thing someone new wants to hear is how depressed you are about stopping your affair. kind of throws ice water on it before it happens aside from the fact that at this point you do not know explanations. You are not going to be a safe partner for any new man until you stop talking to this OM. if you find a man you like and start to date him, you are already in an EA with this MM if you keep confiding in him. Is that the way you want to start any new relationship. Until you can date someone and if you LIKE him can stop chasing ego kibbles form your affair partner you will never feel it with another man because an honest, true relationship can never comapre with the excitement of your "illicit" and secret relationship. You need to get your head strraight and find your bearings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eye of the storm Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 The festival was fun. The SG had a bunch of his friends there and I know most of them because I have dated this guy in the past and we stayed friends. It was weird too. Every time he threw an arm around me or grabbed my hand I felt weird. I just tried to shake it off. But SG knew I was off my game. Fortunately, he totally understood. He said things like this take time. He wasn't worried or upset. I am lucky that I have such good friends. We are going to go out again. And yes, I probably told MM about the date hoping he would show he is upset about it. He told me to have fun. He told me I stay in to much and need to get out more. Which is what I needed to hear (not what I wanted though). I know that getting over MM will take longer because we still talk. But it is a price I am willing to pay. He is a good friend and an amazing mentor. Because of MM I have taken professional and personal risks that have improved my life. His advice always puts things in perspective for me. And it is with my best interest, not his. Some of his advice actually separated us for long time periods but was good for me professionally. But I need to not talk to him about my dating. I know that now. This weekend put that in to perspective more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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