Important conversation with MM soon

[Dela]

Talked to my exMM last night(i know, bad)... Thru all the victim act and i miss u and i have made a sculpture for our sone s grave, he told me his wife wants another child. I am shocked. Ru kidding me???

He doesn t want, of course, he feels miserable and a monster to think of having another child when he gave up our child and he feels pushed to put his life in order and see what to do. But also mentioned that it may happen (to have a child).

Again, ru kidding me??? And as history has shown, it s not so hard for him to get someone pregnant.

I am angry. I am sad. I cursed the hell out of him. Why bring another child in a marriage where u stay for the kids???

Please if someone has been thru this, what the heck is on their mind? Do they have a brain? I feel like i wanna die

[cocorico]

Talked to my exMM last night(i know, bad)... Thru all the victim act and i miss u and i have made a sculpture for our sone s grave, he told me his wife wants another child. I am shocked. Ru kidding me???

He doesn t want, of course, he feels miserable and a monster to think of having another child when he gave up our child and he feels pushed to put his life in order and see what to do. But also mentioned that it may happen (to have a child).

Again, ru kidding me??? And as history has shown, it s not so hard for him to get someone pregnant.

I am angry. I am sad. I cursed the hell out of him. Why bring another child in a marriage where u stay for the kids???

Please if someone has been thru this, what the heck is on their mind? Do they have a brain? I feel like i wanna die

 

I suspect "it may happen" is code for "she's pregnant".

[Dela]

I asked, he said no. He keeps saying he doesn t want to in this situation but yet says that it can happen. Wtf. U can t protect yourself or say "i don t want a child now?" I feel so hurt (

[Friskyone4u]

His wife is crazy. She thinks that another child will bring them closer and b e some kind of committment from him that he wants their marriage to work.

 

The real point here is that YOU are the one making the mistake by even talking to him about this because this is just an attempt to reel you back in as an outlet for when all this calms down.

 

If you do not stop talking to him you are going to wind up back at square one.

 

What his wife wangts or does not want is NOT your problem now. Your problem is doing what you have to do to get your life back to normal, to be able to have normal relationships with eligible men instead of being someones side piece, and to get out of this emotional rollercoaster you apparently have been on.

[Noideanow]

The fact that he sleeps with her while in love with you is disgusting:( but i guess it takes two faking people to keep a fake marriage going:o just sad how lovable people end up like that:lmao:

[Satu]

Apart from being a liar and a cheat, this MM is also a weakling.

 

Doesn't want another child, but says, "It may happen."

 

So he's willing to play his part in bringing a child that he doesn't want into this world.

 

His responsibility level is zero.

 

His integrity level is zero.

 

 

I won't scold you about talking to him, because you already know why I could.

 

 

 

Take care.

[elaine567]

You are assuming that what he tells you about their marriage is true.

YOU are assuming he IS staying for the kids and of course that would be madness if that WAS the case, but he, I guess, likes being married.

 

I suggest he is in this marriage for the long haul, and another kid is most likely just what he really wants.

He is the Dad, the father figure, the head of the household, he will want to have kids, he will want to have a son, he will want descendants who take his name and keep his genes alive and yes he can blame the wife, "Oh she wants another baby", but he will not be averse to that thought, otherwise he would get a vasectomy and tell her "No way!".

 

He basically emotionally blackmailed you into having an abortion, by being "Oh so supportive" but coming up with the killer lines that convinced you to have one, as he was horrified about the implications FOR him of you keeping it, and now he is rubbing your face in the dirt...

 

You deserve so much better.

Please keep away from him.

 

#1...he didn t run away, he was there for me all the way, he told me it s my decision and that he will be there for me. When we started talking about keeping it, he looked very freaked out, he even told me that he will leave his wife if i keep the baby and he can move alone and take care of all kids, but no one will find out about our baby... i was very sad to hear that, considering i grew up without a father and i couldn t stop thinking abt his girls who are 4 and 6 years old, i couldn t imagine 3 kids growing up with a part time father or no father at all... i couldn t imagine breaking up a family and not even be with this man, i didn t want my baby to be an obligation and to be hated by everyone..

so i decided to have an abortion. it was the hardest thing i have ever done, it still haunts me and it was a ****ing hard choice to make.

Edited August 3, 2015 by elaine567

[m4p]

You are assuming that what he tells you about their marriage is true.

YOU are assuming he IS staying for the kids and of course that would be madness if that WAS the case, but he, I guess, likes being married.

 

I suggest he is in this marriage for the long haul, and another kid is most likely just what he really wants.

He is the Dad, the father figure, the head of the household, he will want to have kids, he will want to have a son, he will want descendants who take his name and keep his genes alive and yes he can blame the wife, "Oh she wants another baby", but he will not be averse to that thought, otherwise he would get a vasectomy and tell her "No way!".

 

He basically emotionally blackmailed you into having an abortion, by being "Oh so supportive" but coming up with the killer lines that convinced you to have one, as he was horrified about the implications FOR him of you keeping it, and now he is rubbing your face in the dirt...

 

You deserve so much better.

Please keep away from him.

 

I 100% agree with Elaine567.

 

I wish you can see this for what it is.. And see him for who he really is. Not how handsome/smart/witty/sweet/great in bed- him. But the real man who is hiding behind his family as an excuse to have 2 women in his life at the same time.

 

He is not a victim in this. All you know about their marriage is what he tells you. If the marriage was THAT bad, why will the wife even want another child? If he's only staying just for the kids, why will he be willing to participate in bringing another one to their life? He made it sound like it was torture for him to have another kid but keep emphasizing that "it may happen". If he really doesn't want to, do you genuinely think that anybody can force him to impregnate the wife?

 

The only logical assumption I can make from this is that they both made a joint decision- as husband and wife, to have another kid. He's just giving you the heads up, or she's already possibly pregnant.

[Goodbye]

I don't know your whole story, so I apologize if I am oversimplifying things.

 

My exMM did the whole "staying for the kids" thing. You know that is bull, right? If you want to preserve the family unit/structure to have a traditional two parent household with kids...you don't have affairs. Yes, I know...sometimes things happen (been there), but they need to end. Because he isn't leaving his wife.

 

If she knows about the affair, she may be trying to strengthen their bond by having a baby. It can feel like babies/pregnancies are relationship glue when you are desperate. He may want more kids and figures he already has a child in this home, may as well have more there. Or, he may actually love his wife and just be slutty and lying about everything to you.

 

Please end it with him for your own sanity. It's gross to think he is having an affair with you and then going back to his wife and trying to conceive with her. That is messed up.

 

I know this is a hot topic here, but if you truly want to put an end to it you might consider letting the wife know that he is STILL with you and discussing the status of his marriage with you and not her (although I'm fairly sure he has different versions of reality for both of you). I wound up telling the W because I knew it was the only way for us to end things. Did it hurt her? Of course. Personally, I'd want to know if I was tracking my ovulation and planning on bringing a baby into this world, if my H was out there having a second life with another woman.

[the_artist_1970]

Talked to my exMM last night(i know, bad)... Thru all the victim act and i miss u and i have made a sculpture for our sone s grave, he told me his wife wants another child. I am shocked. Ru kidding me???

He doesn t want, of course, he feels miserable and a monster to think of having another child when he gave up our child and he feels pushed to put his life in order and see what to do. But also mentioned that it may happen (to have a child).

Again, ru kidding me??? And as history has shown, it s not so hard for him to get someone pregnant.

I am angry. I am sad. I cursed the hell out of him. Why bring another child in a marriage where u stay for the kids???

Please if someone has been thru this, what the heck is on their mind? Do they have a brain? I feel like i wanna die

 

I really wish that you could open your eyes and see the truth. This MM is lying to you. Everything he is telling you is lies, lies, lies. He has admitted to you that him and his W are sleeping together (most MM lie about that also). But you know the truth. The only way his W could get pregnant is if he is sleeping with her. And for him to tell you it may happen??? Really??? As one other poster wrote. She is probably already pregnant. I don't know if his W knows about you and your pregnancy, I assume she doesn't. She and her husband are discussing expanding their family which married couples do, and he is telling you lies and trying to make it seem like his W is holding a gun to his head to make him impregnate her. This is what happens when you allow yourself to be a third partner who is hidden in someone else' marriage. What is on their mind you ask, two married ppl are doing what married people do, discussing their future and their family. He told you to have an abortion because he already has a family and doesn't want any outside children.

 

Now I ask you, what is on your mind that you think it's a good idea to be talking secretly, sleeping with a MM and getting pregnant from a MM?? What are you thinking? He has a W and he talked you into an abortion, because he wants to stay M. Not until the kids grow up, that's the lie he has told you. He wants a mistress on the side who will be quiet and stay in her place and a W and family at home. He wants two women stroking his fragile ego because he is an insecure little boy. Stop talking to this man and let him and his family do whatever they want to do. It's their family. They made vows to each other. You are the interloper. Sorry if this is harsh but it is time for you to start living your life and stop listening to this MM lies.

[Popsicle]

Dela, I am sad that you went back and started talking to him.

 

You can't be surprised that there is drama, right?

 

Hopefully you'll get to the point soon where you no longer want him in your life.

[gettingstronger]

Not sure who reached out to who in this case-but if you reached out to him I hope it shows you that nothing has changed and as a matter of fact, he has dug himself deeper (either willingly or unwillingly- does not matter)

 

If he reached out to you-think about how unfair that is- he has nothing new to offer you- if he indeed does not want another child, than using you as his shoulder to cry on is selfish-

 

Either way- he is a grown man with no power to make his own decisions and would rather play the victim than do the right thing- thats so unattractive!

[minimariah]

But also mentioned that it may happen (to have a child).

 

does his W knows that he's staying in the M for the kids...?

 

& if she does - they probably BOTH agreed to have a child in order to try and save their marriage. HE agreed - that's what "it might happen" really means.

[Satu]

The intensity of affairs can be a heavy drug to kick.

 

The snatched, risky moment. The excitement of getting away with nearly getting caught. The longing and the craving. The dashing of hopes, and their resurrection, time after time. Love against the odds. Star-crossed lovers. Love on borrowed time.

 

You get the picture.

 

This is all high adrenaline, high physiological arousal, high-risk stuff.

 

And yet it is unreal.

 

His interaction with you takes place outside the boundaries of his real life, the life with the kids and the wife, the kids and the wife he loves. Don't bother saying he doesn't love her. If he didn't, he'd be with you, not her.

 

Whether he has/does love you in any meaningful way, I cannot say.

 

But if he does love you, he loves you less than his wife and kids.

 

That is why you are living outside of his life looking in.

 

I feel for you in your pain and confusion, but I will not humour you.

 

 

Stop trying to drink from this cup.

 

It is empty.

[Got it]

Honey, he is your exMM right? Well this should solidify for you why he is an ex. I am so sorry about your child and unfortunately he just revalidated for you why ending things with him was the right idea.

 

Either way this scenario plays out, 1. he is a major conflict avoider and will just do what needs to be done to appease, or 2. he is lying and is on board but changing the story when talking to you/others. Either way neither makes him look like a man worthy of you.

 

He is a spineless man. Be glad he isn't your spineless man.

[jenkins95]

Oh Dela

 

This is so devastating for you after your heartbreaking loss.

 

I am so glad that your are posting about it - get some of your pain out to us.

 

Last week, you seemed to be doing really well on NC. How come you guys broke it? Will you try for NC again. Perhaps you posted about this already, I just got back after a few days and just jumped straight to this post.....will go and read the others now.

 

Yes.........another productive day of work for me. At least I 'look' busy!

 

Big hug ******

[Popsicle]

The intensity of affairs can be a heavy drug to kick.

 

The snatched, risky moment. The excitement of getting away with nearly getting caught. The longing and the craving. The dashing of hopes, and their resurrection, time after time. Love against the odds. Star-crossed lovers. Love on borrowed time.

 

You get the picture.

 

This is all high adrenaline, high physiological arousal, high-risk stuff.

 

And yet it is unreal.

 

His interaction with you takes place outside the boundaries of his real life, the life with the kids and the wife, the kids and the wife he loves. Don't bother saying he doesn't love her. If he didn't, he'd be with you, not her.

 

Whether he has/does love you in any meaningful way, I cannot say.

 

But if he does love you, he loves you less than his wife and kids.

 

That is why you are living outside of his life looking in.

 

I feel for you in your pain and confusion, but I will not humour you.

 

 

Stop trying to drink from this cup.

 

It is empty.

I agree with this.

 

And I would also add that he has the same thing going on with his wife. Toxic Love/hate co-dependence. None of it is healthy.

[Lois_Griffin]

Talked to my exMM last night(i know, bad)... Thru all the victim act and i miss u and i have made a sculpture for our sone s grave, he told me his wife wants another child. I am shocked. Ru kidding me???

He doesn t want, of course, he feels miserable and a monster to think of having another child when he gave up our child and he feels pushed to put his life in order and see what to do. But also mentioned that it may happen (to have a child).

Again, ru kidding me??? And as history has shown, it s not so hard for him to get someone pregnant.

I am angry. I am sad. I cursed the hell out of him. Why bring another child in a marriage where u stay for the kids???

Please if someone has been thru this, what the heck is on their mind? Do they have a brain? I feel like i wanna die

(((Dela)))

 

He'll have another child because the truth is, he was never going to leave.

[Dela]

I broke NC, not him... He says he doesn t want to hurt me more, that s why he doesn t contact me. But now he seems to contact me. It s all ****ed up. I don t know why i texted him. I was weak. Going to bed everynight makes me weak.

I an angry and i want this nightmare to end. I feel so stupid.

He keeps saying it s time to put things in order. Life isn t giving him more options bla bla...

I felt so sicklast night that i actually prayed not to wake up...

[Dela]

Thank u all for ur support. See, so ****ed up that i forgot my manners... I d just blow his life right now, at least to give him a real drama and misery and to feel justified to complain. He s a pussy

[Popsicle]

I broke NC, not him... He says he doesn t want to hurt me more, that s why he doesn t contact me. But now he seems to contact me. It s all ****ed up. I don t know why i texted him. I was weak. Going to bed everynight makes me weak.

I an angry and i want this nightmare to end. I feel so stupid.

He keeps saying it s time to put things in order. Life isn t giving him more options bla bla...

I felt so sicklast night that i actually prayed not to wake up...

 

He's not worth it. Block him. You owe him nothing.

[Ifalltopieces]

He really needs to grow a set! I'm sorry but do you really want to be with a "man" who is such a punk?

 

Think of it like this:

 

It's all fun and games trying to have a baby...then pregnancy comes...then comes baby. They would be bringing a helpless child into an already dysfunctional and toxic environment. MM's hell is only beginning. Try not to think of this as "they are enriching their family". Try looking at this as a nice little helping of KARMA. Sleepless nights, more $$$$, even more moody and demanding wifey...and let's not forget that while all of that stress is multiplying, MM's nuts are in a jar on the mantle. He is going to feel so much worse than he feels now.

 

I don't think he wants another child. But he is such a punk he won't buck up and tell his wife no. You are his escape. He has you to fall back on. You make his pathetic little life and marriage bearable!

 

Don't let him use you like that. Walk away, stay away and make that little bastard face his problems head on!!!! Maybe if he actually felt the suffering he would grow some balls. He really makes me sick.

[whatatangledweb]

What do you plan to do now? You broke NC and the news is worse than before. He is having a baby with his wife which means he is not leaving. Blowing up his wife's life will not make you feel better. I don't see any positives for you in a relationship with him. It's time to leave a relationship behind when it hurts more than it helps. I'm sorry you are hurting.

[Dela]

What do you plan to do now? You broke NC and the news is worse than before. He is having a baby with his wife which means he is not leaving. Blowing up his wife's life will not make you feel better. I don't see any positives for you in a relationship with him. It's time to leave a relationship behind when it hurts more than it helps. I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

 

Thanks. He is not having a baby and we are not in a relationship anymore. We just talk and it s more like me pouring my anger on him and say whatever the hell i think/feel. He seems to let me. I need to get things out of my chest. It d hell inside me and i have to release it.

I have to stop caring about how he is, what he s going thru, how he is in pain and all that. I can t "help" someone who doesn t want to be helped. My friend said he s a psycopath. Maybe he feeds on people s pain.

I have no idea anymore. Sometimes i have to check to see what day it is...

This is Procust s bed...

[Got it]

I broke NC, not him... He says he doesn t want to hurt me more, that s why he doesn t contact me. But now he seems to contact me. It s all ****ed up. I don t know why i texted him. I was weak. Going to bed everynight makes me weak.

I an angry and i want this nightmare to end. I feel so stupid.

He keeps saying it s time to put things in order. Life isn t giving him more options bla bla...

I felt so sicklast night that i actually prayed not to wake up...

 

Dela, you are human, you will bobble, that is okay. You don't need to beat yourself up so much. All it was, was an opportunity to show you that the clown is still at the door. Do you know the Clown Story?

 

Basically it goes like this, a man stood in front of a door, when he opened it a clown was on the other side. The clown would hit him. Each time he opened the door the clown would be there and would hit him. He finally realized to stop opening the door.

 

So you opened the door again, it just gave you an immediate lesson in seeing that things are the same. There is some reassurance there, no? You see that there is no forward progress. Maybe you opened the door because you had a little hope? Maybe some of your pain now is realizing that nothing has changed, that the hope needs to die.

 

But this is not a linear process, this takes time, and you will err, you are wonderfully human. Be gentle with yourself, see that you made the right decision and the Universe just gave you reassurance in your decision. And realize that the door is probably best served staying closed.