NewLeaf512 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 One month. It's been roller coaster like but not too bad until I woke up today. I knew NC was forever in my rational mind but today it all just feels overwhelming. Sticking to my own advice I will be busy and repeat my little mantras to myself. I'm on my way to an office to try to do some work for someone else to help them. I'm clean, in work clothes and makeup. I will be away from my cocoon for 6 hours which is the longest I've been out in a month. It all seems so scary but, I'm trying. Will report back from reality later. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I hope you get your mind back into reality quickly. You are a smart woman. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whisper Quiet Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Each small step leads you to a better life. Getting out of the house will be good for you and you will be helping someone else. Is there also something you could do just for you today while you are out. A visit to a favorite shop or location? A quick visit with friends? Visit a park? It does get easier. It does get better. Hugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Congratulations, NewLeaf! I've been following your story and this must feel great. When you're feeling weak, just think about how far you've come and how pathetic and powerless you'll feel if you break NC now (you will have those feelings guaranteed). I'm 6 days away from one month, with the exception of one email chain that was strictly professional. I did feel disappointed with myself after sending the professional email though, because it could have waited a couple weeks although I needed to send it at some point. But yes, it was my little way of reaching out, and no, it did not make me feel better afterward, so I went right back to NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 That's a great milestone. Keep it up. Eventually indifference will set in and you will finally have the relief you need. It will happen. Time is the only medicine for this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 The world awaits you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thank you all for the lovely comments. I've just taken a little lunch break and am going to do an hour more before going home. It was nice to have something else to focus on for part of the day. I'm sadder today than I've been since the beginning. I really bought into the whole fantasy and (I know now) the lies: I'm separated, it's not sexual with BW, I've been unhappy for years, you're my soulmate, blah blah) the fact that I could suspend reality like that scares me and has made me question many things about my life, and unsure of who I really am. It seems like this is a good opportunity to take stock and figure my S&£t out before I hit 50. The support, tough talk and even some weird attacks on here have all helped (some more than the attacks) Hug 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'm sadder today than I've been since the beginning. I really bought into the whole fantasy and (I know now) the lies: I'm separated, it's not sexual with BW, I've been unhappy for years, you're my soulmate, blah blah) the fact that I could suspend reality like that scares me and has made me question many things about my life, and unsure of who I really am. It seems like this is a good opportunity to take stock and figure my S&£t out before I hit 50. The support, tough talk and even some weird attacks on here have all helped (some more than the attacks) Hug Yeah, don't waste your time doing this to yourself. Life's a journey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 You're doing great and you deserve acknowledging this 1 month milestone! You wouldn't be human if you don't feel sad. There is also not much point in dissecting the A and analyzing it. These all comes in waves and in all sorts of crazy emotions. For me, I alternated between lots of self-reflection and revelations (wtf was I thinking.... Was it all real... Why did I let it escalate to this etc).... to sometimes purely missing him... to feeling disgust and then as time passes I realized that the intermission between each "wave" gets longer and longer. And in between you start to find little things that makes you happy. I hope you'll start to give yourself a bit of time to grief properly, then start going out and do things that you like. For me it was lots of reading, shopping, and coffee at nice places alone. Treat yourself well and it'll do wonders. Hugs! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 One month. It's been roller coaster like but not too bad until I woke up today. I knew NC was forever in my rational mind but today it all just feels overwhelming. Sticking to my own advice I will be busy and repeat my little mantras to myself. I'm on my way to an office to try to do some work for someone else to help them. I'm clean, in work clothes and makeup. I will be away from my cocoon for 6 hours which is the longest I've been out in a month. It all seems so scary but, I'm trying. Will report back from reality later. All part of the process of acceptance. Seeing the reality for what it is is depressing and tends to come in waves, but the fact that you're sad means you're acknowledging it and not hanging onto any fantasies. That will eventually lead to total acceptance, which is your way out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Congrats NewLeaf512, you have proved how strong you are! Keep going and imagine how much better you will feel on the two month anniversary. I admire you so much. Keep posting! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think it's okay to question, like in a what the hell just happened way, so you can be aware of it in the future, but definitely don't beat yourself up too much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thank you all for all your great messages on my NC-versary (month 1!) as the time is ticking down to midnight, it was losing steam in the sadness department and more into the resigned department. Now I am landing safely into the angry department. I will update the other Thread so I don't confuse the 2. This sounds a bit daft, and to be honest I feel a bit of embarrassment for feeling proud, because unlike some of the OW/OM here, I don't have to see exMM at work, nor is exMM trying to throw crumbs out at me which makes it easier for me I think. Though I didn't get to do anything to treat myself today, I did get up and out and show up for something which is a vast improvement, and good preparation for Thursday when I have 3 ... that's right 3 interviews. Perhaps we should start a chip/ token award like they do in 12 step groups for NC. If so, I quite like pink so >> if anyone has a pink token, send it to me at 1:59 tonight! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 I made it but now I am too pissed off to sleep. It's in the other thread. How many months does it take to forget Ex MM Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts