Arteezy17 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Hi Everyone, Long time lurker, now I’m in a situation and need to just write it down and get some advice, if you make it to the end, well done, and any replies would be great, I don't really have anyone whom I can share this with currently as everyone I know, knows her … Short Version Chasing after a married co-worker, I’m the owner of the business, she is my 1 full time employee, fell crazy in love with her, slept with her for the last year, spoiled her rotten, fell for the future faking and now discovered she is heading down to one of her ex boyfriends for a sex filled break (Again) I have evidence of this and want to know what the hell I should do.. Fire her? Wait for dust to settle? … Longer Version Me – 24yo, Male, Single Her – 27yo, Female, Married (2 Years), 1 Child (Now 4 years old) How we Met.. We met at work 4 years ago (2011) when I was a Trainee Manager in the restaurant we both worked in, by then she was engaged to her husband to be who was also my Line Manager, we’ve always had a natural connection and flirted a little since we first met, she’s good looking and quick witted and always on my wavelength, however back then we just knew the attraction was there but never said anything as she was to be married. Fast forward to 2013 and I’m now manager of a different restaurant, she’s now married (June 2013) she became disillusioned at the previous place and came to me for a new job, I’d always wanted her to come back to working for me as I still fancied her and enjoyed her company. We eventually crossed that emotional barrier and she started to console with me about her marriage and how she knew she had made the wrong decision but seeing as they had a child together and just bought a house that she would settle and see how things went. We got closer and closer before txts, pics etc. were exchanged and by the summer of 2014 we were sleeping together regularly. This continued until I lost my job in October 2014,I was too busy adoring her to realise an uprising of lower level managers calling for my head, me and her never stopped talking to each other, every day we’ve spoken either by txt or meeting up, but the sex stopped, dirty txts and pics were flowing, but sex .. No chance. This annoyed me, thinking I needed to spoil her more to get her back into bed, so I did, spent a fortune, jewellery, gifts, spa days, I just couldn’t say no. I was unemployed for 4 months eventually settling for a waiter position, before we went to a café one day together, got talking to the owners who offered me the place if I could get together enough money. It felt like fate and the bonus was that I could work with her again and we could run it together. We moved in on 1st April 2015, I’m the owner and she is my deputy manager, it’s a small start up but things are going well, we work pretty much 6 days a week together, naturally things got closer, more moaning about her husband, I’m still filling the gaps that he can’t and enjoying the sex that comes with that. Up until 4 weeks ago things were perfect, but she started to plan a trip to her hometown at the end of June, she would be staying at her ex boyfriends for 3 nights but her sister was going along with her. I felt uncomfortable with it but never mentioned anything as didn’t want to seem like I was insecure (I am, I really am, but more of that later..). In between this we managed to finally spend a few nights with just the two of us, as her Husband had gone away with their child for a few nights. During this we shared a lot about how we adored the other, apparently she couldn’t imagine life without me and all that bull****… Anyway, she then went away for to her hometown, I was torturing myself with the idea of her shacking up her ex boyfriend,as during the 4 weeks building up to it their txting had become more frequent and she was even sending him nice little selfies. She got back, and to my surprise told her Husband she no longer loves him and would like to split, her husband admitted he was no longer in love with her and knew it was over, they’re sort of splitting but she’s comfortable at home still so will take a while, she returned to work two days later, our closeness had gone, no hug to start the day, no real talk of anything that happened, but one comment that caught my attention was that ex has a girlfriend, when she said this to me she couldn’t have sounded more jealous, then she started to talk about going back for a few days in a couple of weeks, and I noticed a txt from her sister saying she only wanted to go back and see her ex again. By this time I couldn’t resist having a look through her phone, and there it was, txts to her ex… ‘You should get snapchat we can have more fun’ ‘Get snapchat, I wanted to send you a pic last night ’ ‘I’m thinking of getting the injection, that way we can have as much fun as possible next time, guilt free this time.’ I froze, literally fell silent for an hour, wouldn’t talk to her, she guessed what I had done and immediately said I’d gotten it wrong and couldn’t understand why I didn’t believe her, I backed down, never been good with confrontation. I went home and I cried, not only was it true but the one person who I thought I could trust was lying and trying to make me look like a twat. Since then things have been strange, I for some reason decided to say I loved her, knew she wasn’t mine and if she wanted to sleep with others that’s fine but for crying out loud please be honest with me otherwise we have nothing. She agreed, still wouldn’t admit she slept with him and wouldn’t dare hurt me as I’m her best friend. Last two weeks things have sort of gone back to how they were, we flirt, we talk dirty, I still buy her things, she noticed I was off with her but continues to say I’m her best friend…but one small thing I did was keep an eye on her emails and google searches … She is going back this weekend, she’s told me many times not to worry about it, nothing will happen, little does she know that I’m aware that she started the pill again yesterday, bought some very sexy lingerie and even went for a cheeky wax before she headed off an hour ago… I just do not know what to do.. I don’t like feeling like a mug, If I had a bigger pair of balls she’d of been gone right? I still love her, the wound is still open but each time she’s lying it’s creating more damage, she continues to act as if all is normal, no sex (obviously) and I feel like I could rise above it, and eventually move on, however what would you do? - I could fire her, it’s my business at the end of the day, but it won’t be the same without her, we’re an awesome duo at work but could I face the torture of this bull**** with her ex, she won’t be going back for a long time to her hometown so he could just be a phase… - I could let her stay and try and move on myself. - I could tell her husband (I don’t know why, I just feel like he should know as he’s trying to make an effort to repair the marriage at the minute) Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) The level of toxicity in your situation is unbelievably high. Suggest to move away from this situation as best you can. There are a lot of red flags here that will be painfully obvious to an outside viewing in, but you will not be able to see. You are being manipulated and your actions in the past haven't been totally honorable or admirable either. Suggest to detach and move away from this. The entire situation is toxic and will eventually destroy you if you pursue this path. Know your professional role as a manager. You were cheating with her and now she's "cheating" with you. How does it feel? Probably not very good. Leave the situation as best you can. It might not be overnight but for the sake of being able to develop a healthy future you need to find a way to rid this person from your life, at the very least your personal life. Edited July 17, 2015 by FusionCutter Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arteezy17 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 The level of toxicity in your situation is unbelievably high. Suggest to move away from this situation as best you can. There are a lot of red flags here that will be painfully obvious to an outside viewing in, but you will not be able to see. You are being manipulated and your actions in the past haven't been totally honorable or admirable either. Suggest to detach and move away from this. The entire situation is toxic and will eventually destroy you if you pursue this path. Know your professional role as a manager. You were cheating with her and now she's "cheating" with you. How does it feel? Probably not very good. Leave the situation as best you can. It might not be overnight but for the sake of being able to develop a healthy future you need to find a way to rid this person from your life, at the very least your personal life. Thanks for the reply. I know what you mean, it feels awful, I now understand what her husband must've first felt when he had suspicions. And yes the red flags are everywhere but when you're in the situation it just sort of feels correct and normal. My aim at the minute is to focus on me, and by doing that I can attempt to detach from her, get out of my awful insecure habits and once I'm happy with myself I should be ready to look for someone new, who's single. Link to post Share on other sites
rhymemepoet Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Yes that's reference to the film Casablanca. Arteezy, I do not like being lied to, in fact I loathe it. Are you seriously going to lie to yourself and act like you are surprised that your girlfriend who is a cheater, is cheating? Come off it man, you are deluding yourself. I know why you liked her so much and so do you. It turned you on that she is a cheater, and that is what got you off. What did you expect to happen? Would you like for her to turn into mother Teresa? I don't think you'd get so turned on if she did. So what do you want from her? Did you really do such a good con job on yourself that you actually believed your own bull****. Grow some balls in your brain and try to be a little objective here. You had her, you got the best she can give. Are you going to beat a dead horse for one last ride into town? Link to post Share on other sites
Sastrugi Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Just tell her that you did not want an open relationship but understand she is in one and you will be dating others too. run like hell, run forest run. She is a serial cheater. Also, I don't think you can fire her. This could come back as sexual harassment charges. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Bro, what a mess. Sorry you're in the middle of it. You have a good plan in mind - to work on you and get yourself into a more healthy, balanced place. It's gonna be really hard to sustain that when she comes back and you're around her 6 days a week again. I agree with Sastrugi, firing her seems like a bad move... the wrong move as it has nothing to do with her job performance. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 God stop spending your hard earned money on her. She's using you. You can use her for sex too....but don't sacrifice your financial future for someone who's sleeping around and not committed to you. By the way - the "best friend" stuff is her friend- zoning you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 When is she coming back into town? Link to post Share on other sites
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