Savannah2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 So at work today I saw him chatting up one of my other female co workers. A young, pretty girl. I was watching them interact. She was so school girl giddy around him. I'm sure that's how I looked at the beginning of all this three years ago... The whole thing just made me sick.He knows exactly what to do and say... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 So he's not allowed to talk to women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 It was the way he was talking to her being mr. Charming.. I recognized it immediately because it's exactly how he talked to me to get me hooked and make me feel like we had a special connection.. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 sounds like you're not over this. might want to think about removing yourself from this situation altogether, huh. and yea... that's what you probably looked like when you were gaga over him. imagine what others were saying about you during this time. just sayin'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Naturebox Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 You have two options, change someone to try and hook him harder, and recognize that it's probably not going to get anymore serious and prepare yourself mentally to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 feelings pass through people, just as well as thoughts do, it doesn't mean that they matter. His charm is part of who he is and his make up, don't hold it against him. Talk to him and gauge if he is mature enough to understand that we are fluid beings and that surface fleeting waves are not mistaken for the deep convictions of what you both have. We can't control our own unexpected natural impulses let alone others. being secure is sexy. be secure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 I recently found out he had another EA about 7 years ago. He never told me about it. Since finding That out, I feel it has chipped away at this and caused me even more insecurity Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Someone like that is very practiced at his craft. I'm sure you know the guy well enough to know when he's just talking to someone and when he's putting on his Snake Oil Salesman persona. It ain't rocket science. He's a liar and cheater. Does it REALLY surprise you that much? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I recently found out he had another EA about 7 years ago. He never told me about it. Since finding That out, I feel it has chipped away at this and caused me even more insecurity Don't let insecurity rule you- live, learn and move on- Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Honestly I don't know why I get so jealous. I was in the affair for over three years. He never told me he loved me even when I told him. I wouldn't wish the pain of an affair on my worst enemy. But I guess I'm just older, fatter, and wiser now. So if he can find other willing victims, so be it. I doubt he'll ever find a woman to that will be good enough or worth it enough for him to be an honest man. He will just keep getting his side pieces. Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 feelings pass through people, just as well as thoughts do, it doesn't mean that they matter. His charm is part of who he is and his make up, don't hold it against him. Talk to him and gauge if he is mature enough to understand that we are fluid beings and that surface fleeting waves are not mistaken for the deep convictions of what you both have. We can't control our own unexpected natural impulses let alone others. being secure is sexy. be secure. In a normal relationship sure. The nature of an affair though makes it difficult to maintain that security for a prolonged time after stronger feelings develop. Does being secure mean not caring if he wants to bring in a third? Whats the line between confidence and self respect? Does it not seem silly to expect someone who's already cheating to be committed? To say, I know you're cheating but only cheat with me okay? I personally tolerated things I wouldn't have from a normal bf, we were both screwed up, because I was already #2, like crossing lines with other women. Maybe he's just flirting, maybe not. Who is she to expect boundaries? Having healthy boundaries to most people would then mean not being in A. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Norudder, you posed some very good questions. it is silly to expect someone who is cheating to only cheat with me. I hope I am special enough to him to not need anyone else, but I already know that isn't true because he still wants his wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
norudder Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Norudder, you posed some very good questions. it is silly to expect someone who is cheating to only cheat with me. I hope I am special enough to him to not need anyone else, but I already know that isn't true because he still wants his wife. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with your specialness or being enough. It has EVERYTHING to do with his brokenness. Nobody is enough for him right now. You could ooze love into him 24/7 but it'll just seep right through the cracks in his character. Please do not let it become a litmus test of your value. He won't repair himself with your presence confirming all is well. He may not repair himself if you leave. Doesn't matter. The only way to enjoy an affair, IMO, is to not care. Who wants to be a person that doesn't care? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I agree with norudder. It really doesn't have anything to do with how special you weren't or what you might have done wrong. Sadly there are people out there that don't care who they hurt as long as they are getting what they want. You just got sucked up into it and allowed yourself to think it was right. Its never right when you get involved with anyone that is already in a relationship. You know now more and you can really see him for who he is. I would just focus on taking care of you. Your life doesn't end with him, it starts with you. There are far better men out there that will love you and treat you with respect. You just have to remember to do the same in return. Clay 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Norudder, you posed some very good questions. it is silly to expect someone who is cheating to only cheat with me. I hope I am special enough to him to not need anyone else, but I already know that isn't true because he still wants his wife. You are special. to your friends, to your family. To those who genuinely care about you! Don't put your self worth in the hands of your (ex)MM. Don't allow his selfish behaviour to make you feel insecure. He loves NOBODY but himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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