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So I'm just going to be perfectly honest here, and I am proud of NONE of this.

 

Many who had followed my threads knew I moved away with the hope of putting MM behind me.

 

Then two things happened:I started drinking, and his daughter contacted me via text.

 

Things with his daughter got ugly and I immaturely told her some things I should not have.

 

Then one evening I was very very drunk and I called his house. His wife got on the other line. They were actually kind to me - told me to stop drinking et cetera.

 

That night, I remember being pissed that I could take anything but kindness. I took an overdose, mainly due to drunkenness. I couldn't believe I woke up the next day but it was very very rough. I wasn't able to function for several days, but refused to get help. I told my son because I had left him a stupid suicide note text. He wanted to call the police but I talked him out of it.

 

I wish that was the end of it but his daughter and I kept texting, and she really pissed me off by saying horrible things about me.

 

My ex-husband came for a 10 day visit. I told him what had happened.

 

Halfway through his visit, I got drunk and called again!!! His BW wanted to know all the horrible things he said about her. I didn't have the heart to tell her all of it. She put her husband on the phone. I asked "do you hate me?" and he said "starting to".

 

For some reason in my mind I have built up this man to be a God, when he is really just an old man. His wife told me she would "pray for me" which just pissed me off more!

 

That was 10 days ago and I have not called since. I feel like a mixed-up fool.

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Sounds like a vacation from alcohol is in order. Perhaps work that issue first and deal with the MM stuff later. Even if it's been ten days, the propensity to drink to excess, apparently to your own embarrassment and detriment, doesn't go away on its own. It takes active work. IMO, address that and the MM issues will run their course.

 

What's done is done. Yeah, sometimes things go sideways. Part of being human. Own it and move forward. Good luck!

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You brought this on yourself. We all told you what not to do, you did it. Throw in your alcoholism, and you have embarrassed yourself and even worse, have been self destructive.

 

That being said; just be as good as you can be today. Don't drink, don't contact, block their numbers. Or better yet, change your number.

 

you need a real therapist to understand you pattern of nuclear self destruction. Seriously, get of this forum because when you're on it, you're justifying and thriving in the affair bottle.

 

You have every thing going for you, new home, new job, yet you returned to the cesspool of that family.

 

Not only that, now your ex and son know what a psychotic mess you are. Get help for yourself and them.

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Friskyone4u

You need to divorce the alcohol like yesterday . To make good decisions for yourself you need a clear head.

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This forum lets me tell the truth.

My son doesn't know the full truth.

My x-mm doesn't know the full truth.

My ex husband doesn't know the full truth.

I may be a hot mess, but I'm trying.

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eye of the storm

Solo, you will keep repeating these action until you get tired of the drama and self-destructive behavior. Only you can stop this.

 

The daughter called you but you choose to accept her calls and chose to not block her number.

 

I am worried you are going to continue to self destruct until you don't wake up the next day. You already almost did this. That guy is not worth it.

 

Can you go to an inpatient treatment facility to work on both your drinking and your addiction to unhealthy relationships?

 

Please take care of yourself.

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Not familiar with your story, but you should never have responded to the texts, which I am sure you already know.

 

Seriously, what did you expect from a daughter who's fearful of losing her family in part because of your actions? A Hallmark e-card?

 

Hey, we all make mistakes, and some of those can be big. I've done my fair share of stupid stuff, so I'm not really jumping on your case, but next time you get a text or call from the MM or any of his family members, just let it go completely, no matter how angry you are.

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lollipopspot
I took an overdose, mainly due to drunkenness. I couldn't believe I woke up the next day but it was very very rough. I wasn't able to function for several days, but refused to get help. I told my son because I had left him a stupid suicide note text. He wanted to call the police but I talked him out of it.

 

How old is your son? My biggest concern in all of this is the stress this is having on him, thinking his mother is suicidal. He likely feels very powerless to help.

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TaraMaiden2

And if I were he, I would slap you upside the head and have you sectioned.

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Leave them alone and get some help to stop drinking.

 

I can't understand why you reply to the daughter's texts

 

Poppy.

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Hope Shimmers
This forum lets me tell the truth.

My son doesn't know the full truth.

My x-mm doesn't know the full truth.

My ex husband doesn't know the full truth.

I may be a hot mess, but I'm trying.

 

Yes you are trying, and I'll go against the majority here and say that it took a lot of guts for you to post your thread.

 

I know that you must be feeling totally alone in a new place, and dealing with how things ended with ex-MM on top of it. It is a lot to handle, when everyone else thinks you should just be able to move forward in this "new life" and move on, just like magic. It doesn't work that way.

 

Unlike the others I'm not going to lecture you about alcohol. You already know it's a problem. And you know how to get help and that you need help.

 

What you need to do to get your life back on track is not going to be easy; it will be fighting your demons of alcoholism and your demons of the ex-MM AND building a new life for yourself where you are at. It isn't going to happen overnight, but each day is a new day.

 

You are a very smart lady. You posted here because you know what you need to do. If you need strength or a friend, PM me.

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You should stop, really stop all the drama.

 

 

MM does not want to deal with your drama, you should not put drama on your son, really should not.

 

 

" I told my son because I had left him a stupid suicide note text. He wanted to call the police but I talked him out of it."

 

 

So I'm just going to be perfectly honest here, and I am proud of NONE of this.

 

Many who had followed my threads knew I moved away with the hope of putting MM behind me.

 

Then two things happened:I started drinking, and his daughter contacted me via text.

 

Things with his daughter got ugly and I immaturely told her some things I should not have.

 

Then one evening I was very very drunk and I called his house. His wife got on the other line. They were actually kind to me - told me to stop drinking et cetera.

 

That night, I remember being pissed that I could take anything but kindness. I took an overdose, mainly due to drunkenness. I couldn't believe I woke up the next day but it was very very rough. I wasn't able to function for several days, but refused to get help. I told my son because I had left him a stupid suicide note text. He wanted to call the police but I talked him out of it.

 

I wish that was the end of it but his daughter and I kept texting, and she really pissed me off by saying horrible things about me.

 

My ex-husband came for a 10 day visit. I told him what had happened.

 

Halfway through his visit, I got drunk and called again!!! His BW wanted to know all the horrible things he said about her. I didn't have the heart to tell her all of it. She put her husband on the phone. I asked "do you hate me?" and he said "starting to".

 

For some reason in my mind I have built up this man to be a God, when he is really just an old man. His wife told me she would "pray for me" which just pissed me off more!

 

That was 10 days ago and I have not called since. I feel like a mixed-up fool.

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Yes you are trying, and I'll go against the majority here and say that it took a lot of guts for you to post your thread.

 

I know that you must be feeling totally alone in a new place, and dealing with how things ended with ex-MM on top of it. It is a lot to handle, when everyone else thinks you should just be able to move forward in this "new life" and move on, just like magic. It doesn't work that way.

 

Unlike the others I'm not going to lecture you about alcohol. You already know it's a problem. And you know how to get help and that you need help.

 

What you need to do to get your life back on track is not going to be easy; it will be fighting your demons of alcoholism and your demons of the ex-MM AND building a new life for yourself where you are at. It isn't going to happen overnight, but each day is a new day.

 

You are a very smart lady. You posted here because you know what you need to do. If you need strength or a friend, PM me.

 

Great post. :)

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You should stop, really stop all the drama.

 

 

MM does not want to deal with your drama, you should not put drama on your son, really should not.

 

 

" I told my son because I had left him a stupid suicide note text. He wanted to call the police but I talked him out of it."

 

This is not "drama." This is a woman in pain who intentionally took an overdose and left a suicode note because she intended to take her own life.

 

She's reaching out to us for help, not to be kicked.

 

***

 

Solo, I agree with Carhill and Hope. Focus on getting help for the drinking first. And take care of yourself. And if you need someone to reach out to, I'm here. :)

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It sounds like you are misplacing your anger at yourself and lashing out at his daughter and even his wife.

 

Even though it may be hard, stop thinking about them. They are not responsible for your choices, only you are. yes, the mm may be a jackass, but you chose to pursue the relationship with him. Accept that and begin to move on.

 

It also sounds like you need a rock to hold on to to tether you in place, and if you don't like yourself very much, you need to find someone else to do it for. I would suggest that if you won't do this for yourself, then do it for your son.

 

I don't mean that you should dump all your problems on him, but instead, that you should use him as your reason to get your life straightened out. He needs you, and your behavior is hurting him.

 

It also sounds like you have traded one addiction ( alcohol) for another ( the drama surrounding the affair) and it is hurting you and those around you. Get yourself into rehab or an inpatient mental health unit and find a therapist who will tell you what you need, but not necessarily want, to hear. Cut yourself off cold turkey from mm. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. Get rid of the phone you have, and if you really need to have one, get a new one with a new phone number. Throw away anything that make sit possible to maintain contact with the mm, his family or the affair in general. Get yourself into a better head space.

 

if you won't do it for yourself, do it for your son who needs you. It won't be easy, most things that are worth doing never are.

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That is not a kick at all. If she and even yourself continue wearing rose-glass and do not realize the reality who and what you are dealing with, you will never exceed your current situation, despite being an OW or not being an OW.

 

You do not know what you want and do not know how to get what you want, that will be a continuous repeating cycle which may involve self-destruction or at least that famous Insanity "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

 

Why just can not ask self first - what do you want to get out of this? What result, what kind of things do you or anyone want to achieve here? Hopefully not further drama leads to more self-destruction.

 

 

This is not "drama." This is a woman in pain who intentionally took an overdose and left a suicode note because she intended to take her own life.

 

She's reaching out to us for help, not to be kicked.

 

***

 

Solo, I agree with Carhill and Hope. Focus on getting help for the drinking first. And take care of yourself. And if you need someone to reach out to, I'm here. :)

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casey.lives

I know some women who use drugs and alcohol as a cry for attention, as a way to get back, or to get some of this damsel in distress attention. This last resort effort is employed with a calculate intent. I hope you are not one of them.

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Don't be pissed at the BW for saying she will pray for you. If she is a Christian, she probably is praying for you because she believes that God may help you heal. You're a mess, she knows it. Maybe she is being sincere here and trying to follow her faith by forgiving and having compassion.

 

Besides, faith comforts people in times of trouble and people of faith have been shown to have less stress, heal faster, have better post-surgical outcomes, and report less feelings of depression. The BW is probably turning to her faith to help herself heal, too.

 

Do you practice any faith? If so, does your faith have any kind of ritual that might help you? Some kind of ceremony for forgiveness and/strength or something? A mental and/or spiritual healing ritual? Maybe participating in spiritual ritual might help you with recovering.

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Tullyseptember

Solo I was so hoping being in another province was going to help clear your mind of the x-mm. I realize it wasn't going to be magic that "poof" out of sight out of mind that the residuals feelings would be gone just that you were going to be so busy with a new job and new people that he wouldn't be so prominate in your thoughts. Its so sad that there is still a strangle hold between you and his family. It's not healthy for any of you, you all need to go no contact with each other and you need to take care of you and locate a good AA support system to guide you back into living healthy. Addiction is deadly and so isolating

Edited by Tullyseptember
Missing word
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whichwayisup
So I'm just going to be perfectly honest here, and I am proud of NONE of this.

 

Many who had followed my threads knew I moved away with the hope of putting MM behind me.

 

Then two things happened:I started drinking, and his daughter contacted me via text.

 

Things with his daughter got ugly and I immaturely told her some things I should not have.

 

Then one evening I was very very drunk and I called his house. His wife got on the other line. They were actually kind to me - told me to stop drinking et cetera.

 

That night, I remember being pissed that I could take anything but kindness. I took an overdose, mainly due to drunkenness. I couldn't believe I woke up the next day but it was very very rough. I wasn't able to function for several days, but refused to get help. I told my son because I had left him a stupid suicide note text. He wanted to call the police but I talked him out of it.

 

I wish that was the end of it but his daughter and I kept texting, and she really pissed me off by saying horrible things about me.

 

My ex-husband came for a 10 day visit. I told him what had happened.

 

Halfway through his visit, I got drunk and called again!!! His BW wanted to know all the horrible things he said about her. I didn't have the heart to tell her all of it. She put her husband on the phone. I asked "do you hate me?" and he said "starting to".

 

For some reason in my mind I have built up this man to be a God, when he is really just an old man. His wife told me she would "pray for me" which just pissed me off more!

 

That was 10 days ago and I have not called since. I feel like a mixed-up fool.

 

((Solo)) You have some deep issues and I really hope you take the above as a sign that you need help so badly. Find a good therapist, get on meds, have a sponsor and go back to AA. Maybe even get yourself to a rehab center.

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whichwayisup
This forum lets me tell the truth.

My son doesn't know the full truth.

My x-mm doesn't know the full truth.

My ex husband doesn't know the full truth.

I may be a hot mess, but I'm trying.

 

Your exMM - CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE ONCE AND FOR ALL. He more or less hates you now, so this is a good reason to once and for all move on and not look back.

 

Your son doesn't need to know all the details but he needs to know that you are need in of serious help.

 

Your ex H is a good guy and he is still your friend, father of your child. you can trust him so tell him the FULL truth.

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