agegaplove Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Hi all, first time posting on here. I have no one to talk to so I've turned to the Internet for advice! Where do I start?! Okay so I'm 22 and for the past couple of months I've been seeing a good friend of mine.. he's 40. And has a girlfriend. The age gap doesn't bother me. When we both started seeing eachother we both said it would be no strings attached, purely physical. Which I felt bad enough about because he's in a relationship. Well one thing has led to another and we have both confessed that we have feelings for one another. My head is spinning with so many emotions I just don't know what to think. Some days I think I know for a fact he won't leave his girlfriend but then I sit and think well If he was happy with her he wouldn't be seeing me or have feelings for me. I occasionally get hopeful that one day we might have a future. But now I'm not so sure. I feel like such a bitch being the other woman but I think I'm in love with the guy. It's so much harder to walk away now. Any advice? Please no nasty comments! I feel awful enough as it is. Thanks X Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Advice on how to take him away from his GF? I guess I'd give him an ultimatum to choose between the two of you or you walk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 No, you don't feel 'awful enough' because if you DID feel 'awful enough' you'd say 'enough' and walk away. So basically your own self-serving feelings actually over-ride any decency or respect you have for his GF. And the fact that he's willing to screw you (in every sense of the word) speaks volumes about him, his level of respect (for both of you) and the fact that if ever he did get together with you, you'd have to remember that if he cheated with you, he would cheat ON you.... This is a mess. You really should gather every gram or modicum of self-respect you can find, and tell him, you're done here. Until he is officially and definitely single, you will not debase yourself to being the "Other Woman" for a second longer. That would be 'enough'. (Is his GF closer to his age? Being so much younger than he is, you're batting on a sticky wicket anyway. He's old enough to be your dad. That doesn't bode well in the long run....) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 The problem of being involved with a person who is already in relationship is to develop an attachment. No good thing that comes from this relationship since you will never be his priority. Also, like someone else told you, if he cheats now he will cheat again. Maybe this is how his is. He likes to have extra on the side. Tel him that you are done, that you do not want to be the other woman. In the future, find a free man because you would not be happy if you were his current g/f and find out your B/f is cheating on you. What you do not wish to happen to you, you do not do it to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Forget about the girlfriend, what you are doing to your self is bad enough. It's rare that anything good comes from an affair. The age difference is an issue as well. He's taking advantage of you. You may well believe that you are getting something out of it as well. Unfortunately you will give much more of yourself and your happiness than you will receive. Read the stories here and you'll get a good idea of how you can expect things to turn out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Are you okay with : Being a secret Not being able to call him when you want Not sharing special occasions like birthdays /holidays together Not being able to introduce him to your family Not meeting his friends or family Not having him sleep the night with you Being given stolen moments The list goes on, but basically your a bit on the side. You're not his GF and he probably doesn't respect you. Oh yes...............remember STDs. You might only be sleeping with him , but he's sleeping with his GF and you can't know for a fact she's not cheating on him .....so there is a potential of more bodily fluids being shared. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Oh yes...............remember STDs. You might only be sleeping with him , but he's sleeping with his GF and you can't know for a fact she's not cheating on him .....so there is a potential of more bodily fluids being shared. You also don't know that he doesn't have other sex partners. Maybe you're the other woman; maybe you're the other other woman; who knows, maybe you're the other other other woman. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Advice? You're feeling crappy about the situation and it's hurting you. Leave this old man. (he's a disgusting person by the way) What kind of 40 year old preys on a 22 year old while cheating on his girlfriend? That's disgusting behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 What kind of 40 year old preys on a 22 year old while cheating on his girlfriend? Your every day midlife crisis pervert whose looking to dip his wick in the Fountain of Youth, that's who. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Do not waste your time getting caught up in this mess. YOU are 22 the world is your oyster as they say. I would bet my bottom dollar he is bored with the sex from his gf and simply wants some variety. Attached men choose young, naive, inexperienced women to have affairs with because other more switched on women would refuse to play that game. He is an older man and wants to know if he still has got it in him to attract women, he may be only seeing you, but he may be seeing others too. I guess sex is pretty high on his agenda. He will say enough to keep you happy and on board, future faking is very common in this situation - realise that. I guess he is not going to leave his gf for you and even if he did leave her, he may not want YOU, you have to face that too. OW are not usually seen by men as being trustworthy enough to make into long term partners. Remember that. Similarly how would you ever trust him??? Link to post Share on other sites
drallafi Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Hi all, first time posting on here. I have no one to talk to so I've turned to the Internet for advice! Where do I start?! Okay so I'm 22 and for the past couple of months I've been seeing a good friend of mine.. he's 40. And has a girlfriend. The age gap doesn't bother me. When we both started seeing eachother we both said it would be no strings attached, purely physical. Which I felt bad enough about because he's in a relationship. Well one thing has led to another and we have both confessed that we have feelings for one another. My head is spinning with so many emotions I just don't know what to think. Some days I think I know for a fact he won't leave his girlfriend but then I sit and think well If he was happy with her he wouldn't be seeing me or have feelings for me. I occasionally get hopeful that one day we might have a future. But now I'm not so sure. I feel like such a bitch being the other woman but I think I'm in love with the guy. It's so much harder to walk away now. Any advice? Please no nasty comments! I feel awful enough as it is. Thanks X A man who can be taken is not worth having. You would never be able to trust him. Stop wasting both of ya'lls time and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Agegaplove, It doesn't feel this way now, but the feelings generated by this relationship are false, temporary, superficial, and fleeting. They are enhanced and heightened because of the nature of the affair - it is a secret, you are hidden, that makes it feel special (when in reality it's not), and you are in this unwitting competition for a man 18 years your senior. We always kind of want what is slightly out of our reach. Now he's 'confessing' feelings, which makes you feel even more special. Most likely, he will never DO anything about them (which means he doesn't actually feel all that strongly, or he would). And even if he does, the relationship is likely not to last. Really think hard about how your relationship began. Does this man have character? Is he someone you would really trust long term? We all make ourselves vulnerable for love. But why do it for a situation that is basically doomed from the start? There is really nothing but pain waiting for you. I know all these crazy feelings are overriding all reason and logic right now. But if you could see past that, I promise, you would end it today. It's not worth it. You WILL be hurt in the end. Better to be the one who puts a stop to it with your self-respect back in place. You'll still hurt, but it will be better than the other outcomes - him ending it when he's tired of the fun, or him stringing you along, just coming to you when he wants sex, or his girlfriend finding out. Worst-case scenario, if you end it, he'll actually have to choose - you or her. Then you will really know where you stand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts