The Best Friend...Was it actually meant to be?

[SweetKitten]

Hello, everyone.

 

Let me start off by saying that I'm NOT married. I'm not even close to it, tbh.

 

I considered posting this in the 'Marriage' forum, but it's more of a dark topic and I feel as though this forum may provide more honest insight to my questions.

 

So, I'm 23, I've witnessed many of my friends from high school marrying their high school sweetheart. I know you all have seen the photos on Facebook with the caption stating, "I'm so happy to be marrying my best friend!!"

 

My question to you all is...does that work? I have seen so many "best friends" get married, but years later, they realize they never experienced anyone else. Of course some people are lucky enough to find their soul mates, but there are those that marry their best friend and realize that there's no spark. They're just your friend.

 

The reason I ask is because a coworker of mine (one that I can't quite tell if he's flirting or being super nice) is married. He's 27, his wife is 29. She also works with us, and the other night, I finally got to work with them both. She's a sweetheart, but very motherly, whereas he's very lively and jokes around. They are precious together, but she mentioned on her Facebook something about their 5 year anniversary and marrying her best friend.

 

He's been in the military, and just recently came back home to be with her. I'm assuming since he mentioned going back to school, he went into the military straight out of high school, and married her when he was only 22, and she 24.

 

I'm probably just over thinking all of this, but for someone in that situation, never fully experiencing the opposite sex because of commitment straight out of the gate...is it possible for someone who married their "best friend" to be unfaithful?

[Ronni_W]

SweetKitten,

It is possible for ANYONE, under the perceived "right" conditions, to justify their cheating. Just because people say that they married their "best friend" does not mean that they are more likely -- or less likely -- to cheat on their spouse.

 

If you would accept it from a really old woman, do NOT get involved with a married man; no matter if he is married to his "best friend" or "worst enemy". It just is not a smart play for any person of any age or marital status.

 

(Same advice to a man considering an affair with a married woman, of course. But still from a really old woman.)

[SweetKitten]

Oh, I'm sure you're not old! And yes, I know. I did make a rather bad decision, but nothing has come from it yet, thank goodness.

 

Anyway, I don't think I have the guts to become involved even if he is interested. It would be tempting because he is very attractive, but at the end of the day, he's not mine to take.

 

But it is fun to fantasize...his biceps, good Lord.

[Popsicle]

Hello, everyone.

 

Let me start off by saying that I'm NOT married. I'm not even close to it, tbh.

 

I considered posting this in the 'Marriage' forum, but it's more of a dark topic and I feel as though this forum may provide more honest insight to my questions.

 

So, I'm 23, I've witnessed many of my friends from high school marrying their high school sweetheart. I know you all have seen the photos on Facebook with the caption stating, "I'm so happy to be marrying my best friend!!"

 

My question to you all is...does that work? I have seen so many "best friends" get married, but years later, they realize they never experienced anyone else. Of course some people are lucky enough to find their soul mates, but there are those that marry their best friend and realize that there's no spark. They're just your friend.

 

The reason I ask is because a coworker of mine (one that I can't quite tell if he's flirting or being super nice) is married. He's 27, his wife is 29. She also works with us, and the other night, I finally got to work with them both. She's a sweetheart, but very motherly, whereas he's very lively and jokes around. They are precious together, but she mentioned on her Facebook something about their 5 year anniversary and marrying her best friend.

 

He's been in the military, and just recently came back home to be with her. I'm assuming since he mentioned going back to school, he went into the military straight out of high school, and married her when he was only 22, and she 24.

 

I'm probably just over thinking all of this, but for someone in that situation, never fully experiencing the opposite sex because of commitment straight out of the gate...is it possible for someone who married their "best friend" to be unfaithful?

 

A sad number of military people marry because they get a lot more benefits/$/better housing. A telltale sign is marrying immediately after boot camp/officers training.

 

That doesn't mean their marriages don't last though, but it's still true. They didn't really marry for love, but you don't always need love to stay married and have a family/build a life. Look at arranged marriages, which are known to be some of the strongest marriages (as in, lower divorce rate because they go in understanding the purpose).

 

So yeah, that might cause a flirt who can't control him/herself to start playing around with other men/women.

[minimariah]

I'm probably just over thinking all of this, but for someone in that situation, never fully experiencing the opposite sex because of commitment straight out of the gate...

 

how do you know that he never fully experienced the opposite sex? by the age of 22, i fully experienced BOTH sexes. people assume that those who marry young have 0 experience... the kinkiest couple i know only ever slept with each other and have been married for over 40 years straight out of HS so there is that. probably the strongest relationship i know.

 

is it possible for someone who married their "best friend" to be unfaithful?

 

it's possible for everyone to be unfaitfhul if the circumstances are right.

 

it is obvious you're interested in this man -- & you will probably engage in an A if offered BUT i still have to advise you... don't. you all work together and it will be a MESS. find someone else.

[SweetKitten]

So, I was wrong about how long they've been married. They've been married for seven years...he was 20 when they got married, and they have three children that looks to be between 5-7.

 

So he was super young. Interesting.

 

Now, I don't want to flatter myself, but I've been told I'm attractive. I tend to turn heads, apparently. I receive compliments on a daily basis about my appearance which is something I always find silly, because I'm an awkward mess, haha.

 

So, maybe he just thinks I'm pretty and nothing more.

[SweetKitten]

how do you know that he never fully experienced the opposite sex? by the age of 22, i fully experienced BOTH sexes. people assume that those who marry young have 0 experience... the kinkiest couple i know only ever slept with each other and have been married for over 40 years straight out of HS so there is that. probably the strongest relationship i know.

 

 

 

 

it is obvious you're interested in this man -- & you will probably engage in an A if offered BUT i still have to advise you... don't. you all work together and it will be a MESS. find someone else.

 

 

I agree with everything you said. And I know. It would be tempting, but extremely awful and I don't think I could bring myself to engage in an A with him.

it's possible for everyone to be unfaitfhul if the circumstances are right.

[minimariah]

...he was 20 when they got married, and they have three children that looks to be between 5-7.

 

oh, the three toddlers are involved? well, that's a totally new level of seriousness.

 

So he was super young. Interesting.

 

why do you find that interesting?

[SweetKitten]

oh, the three toddlers are involved? well, that's a totally new level of seriousness.

 

Yep, so there's that. I can't mess with that. There's honestly no way that I would.

 

 

why do you find that interesting?

 

it's just so young. Especially since the military was involved. Assuming he joined at 18, married at 20, first kids (twins) at 21. That's just a lot in a short amount of time. But, I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Im just a big advocate of experiencing life before settling down. I'd say that to anyone who married under the age of 22.

[minimariah]

So, maybe he just thinks I'm pretty and nothing more.

 

if you don't plan to start anything with him because of the fact that he's married with 3 toddlers -- it shouldn't matter what he thinks about you.

 

even if he approaches you for an A, you should say no. if you do feel connection or love happens -- it can be handled and he can divorce without having an A, at least physical one. if you really want to think that far, take the fact that you'll ve these kids stepmother and the next question would be -- are you ready for that role? also, you work together so that will be awkward.

 

it is your call, good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[minimariah]

I'd say that to anyone who married under the age of 22.

 

it is young. to me, everyone getting married and having kids before 30 is too soon... let alone in early twenties. however -- military dudes tend to all marry & have children young... at least from my small experience with them... same thing with professional athletes (that's again only my experience so i might be totally wrong).

 

some think you should experience life and then settle down, some would rather experience life with their significant other. different strokes for different folks.

[minimariah]

i would like to say one more thing on the topic..... in my experience, young marriages DO fall apart more often than those who marry in a bit more mature period of their lives. however... it is different with certain professions and lifestyles -- that being said, it can work for some.

 

i think i ever read a few stories here on board about 20+ marriages where people met really young.

 

also, when you'll marry -- make sure you marry your best friend. if the man you want to spend the rest of your life with isn't your best and closest friend...? that's not it. of course, "best friend" doesn't mean no passion or erotica in a relationship -- it is awesome when you find both.

[Mr. Lucky]

The reason I ask is because a coworker of mine (one that I can't quite tell if he's flirting or being super nice) is married. He's 27, his wife is 29. She also works with us, and the other night, I finally got to work with them both. She's a sweetheart, but very motherly, whereas he's very lively and jokes around. They are precious together, but she mentioned on her Facebook something about their 5 year anniversary and marrying her best friend.

 

Since he seems to have companionship and family covered with her, what do you think would be the extent of his interest in you ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Friskyone4u]

You have asked a good question. First, what everyone has said is correct. Anyone who thinks they are immune from their partner cheating is crazy. The person who can learn how to predict that will get rich very quick.

 

People who get married to their high school sweethearts or at a very young age do find themselves in their mid twenties and already hitting the rough patches regarding kids, finances, job stress and have not enough life experience to deal with it. Women see all their sigle friends going out, having fun, sleeping with who they want, and it all looks great. Guys see their buddies doing the same thing. And the temptations are EVERYWHERE. And your age group, part of the "hook up " culture sees added pressures.

 

The fact is that if you read, you will find that affairs rarely end well with you and your OM riding off into the sunset on a white horse and living happily after. More than likely, what results is devastation of another relationship, you sitting around moping waiting for some guy to come over and use you for sex every so often, and you being unable to form healthy relationships with other available men.

 

You can read on this forum all the women miserable "pining" for their MM, who is not really their anything but is someone else's husband.

 

My suggestion is to buy yourself a gym membership and find a single guy with biceps just as big and then have fun. It will be much healthier for you in the long run

[Lois_Griffin]

So, I was wrong about how long they've been married. They've been married for seven years...he was 20 when they got married, and they have three children that looks to be between 5-7.

 

So he was super young. Interesting.

 

Now, I don't want to flatter myself, but I've been told I'm attractive. I tend to turn heads, apparently. I receive compliments on a daily basis about my appearance which is something I always find silly, because I'm an awkward mess, haha.

 

So, maybe he just thinks I'm pretty and nothing more.

Why in the hell you'd be flattered - or CARE - about what some guy who was stupid enough to marry at the tender age of 22 and already has a ton of kids by age 27 thinks of you, is beyond me.

 

It's probably likely he's regretting the fact that he never got to spread his wings back in his late teens and early 20's because he's been in a committed relationship since his Sophomore year in high school. Of course he's probably dying to know what it's like to be with someone else (and he may have already done that). That's just human nature.

 

It's not your job, nor your concern, to try to understand their dynamic. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

[the_artist_1970]

Hello, everyone.

 

Let me start off by saying that I'm NOT married. I'm not even close to it, tbh.

 

I considered posting this in the 'Marriage' forum, but it's more of a dark topic and I feel as though this forum may provide more honest insight to my questions.

 

So, I'm 23, I've witnessed many of my friends from high school marrying their high school sweetheart. I know you all have seen the photos on Facebook with the caption stating, "I'm so happy to be marrying my best friend!!"

 

My question to you all is...does that work? I have seen so many "best friends" get married, but years later, they realize they never experienced anyone else. Of course some people are lucky enough to find their soul mates, but there are those that marry their best friend and realize that there's no spark. They're just your friend.

 

The reason I ask is because a coworker of mine (one that I can't quite tell if he's flirting or being super nice) is married. He's 27, his wife is 29. She also works with us, and the other night, I finally got to work with them both. She's a sweetheart, but very motherly, whereas he's very lively and jokes around. They are precious together, but she mentioned on her Facebook something about their 5 year anniversary and marrying her best friend.

 

He's been in the military, and just recently came back home to be with her. I'm assuming since he mentioned going back to school, he went into the military straight out of high school, and married her when he was only 22, and she 24.

 

I'm probably just over thinking all of this, but for someone in that situation, never fully experiencing the opposite sex because of commitment straight out of the gate...is it possible for someone who married their "best friend" to be unfaithful?

 

I think you are way too involved/interested in their M. I suggest that you back off and stay out of their business and don't try to figure out if they are happy. Their business is none of your business. Develop a life of your own and find a partner who is not taken by someone else. You are too young to intertwine yourself into being the OW. A role that you will regret if you enter into it.

[Popsicle]

I think you are way too involved/interested in their M. I suggest that you back off and stay out of their business and don't try to figure out if they are happy. Their business is none of your business. Develop a life of your own and find a partner who is not taken by someone else. You are too young to intertwine yourself into being the OW. A role that you will regret if you enter into it.

 

This is true. It is in your best interest to stop being his "friend".

[Babs22]

SweetKitten,

Do you know what is even worse than getting married and having three kids at a very young age? Being very young and having an affair with a Married Man who has three kids!

 

An affair leads to nothing but heartache for everyone, especially for you as your feelings for him grow, but he has no plans to leave his marriage and his kids. If the A is found out then in is also heartache for the W and if a divorce happens, it is heartache for the kids as well.

 

I feel like I need to do a Jedi mind trick on you......."This is not the man you are looking for." Move along and find some young, single, available guy to have a relationship with.

 

I would try to limit my interaction with this MM so neither one of you are tempted to try something.

[autumnnight]

Oh, I'm sure you're not old! And yes, I know. I did make a rather bad decision, but nothing has come from it yet, thank goodness.

 

Anyway, I don't think I have the guts to become involved even if he is interested. It would be tempting because he is very attractive, but at the end of the day, he's not mine to take.

 

But it is fun to fantasize...his biceps, good Lord.

 

Actually, while it seems harmless, fantasizing starts breaking down your boundaries and resistance whether you feel it or not. I'd buy a big poster of Channing Tatum and banish this OM from your thoughts.

[SweetKitten]

Why in the hell you'd be flattered - or CARE - about what some guy who was stupid enough to marry at the tender age of 22 and already has a ton of kids by age 27 thinks of you, is beyond me.

 

It's probably likely he's regretting the fact that he never got to spread his wings back in his late teens and early 20's because he's been in a committed relationship since his Sophomore year in high school. Of course he's probably dying to know what it's like to be with someone else (and he may have already done that). That's just human nature.

 

It's not your job, nor your concern, to try to understand their dynamic. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

 

I understand that it's none of my concern. Btw, he married by age 20. I thought it was 22 at first.

 

It would be flattering to know if he thinks I'm attractive. Not that it matters, but it's nice to know if anyone thinks you're pretty or handsome, right?

 

But I'm not looking for a lecture from anyone. Surprisingly, I do know right from wrong, haha.

 

I do get where you're coming from though.

[SweetKitten]

SweetKitten,

Do you know what is even worse than getting married and having three kids at a very young age? Being very young and having an affair with a Married Man who has three kids!

 

An affair leads to nothing but heartache for everyone, especially for you as your feelings for him grow, but he has no plans to leave his marriage and his kids. If the A is found out then in is also heartache for the W and if a divorce happens, it is heartache for the kids as well.

 

I feel like I need to do a Jedi mind trick on you......."This is not the man you are looking for." Move along and find some young, single, available guy to have a relationship with.

 

I would try to limit my interaction with this MM so neither one of you are tempted to try something.

 

I have attempted to limit my interaction with him, but when I walk past him without acknowledging him or go out of my way to get someone else to cover my area, I can tell he's looking at me. Idk why.

 

I know I'm young and you all probably think dumb as well, but do you ever have that feeling that something is happening for a reason? Especially when you truly attempt to remove yourself from the situation, it still seems to come back?

 

He talks to his wife about me. Like, who does that??

[autumnnight]

I have attempted to limit my interaction with him, but when I walk past him without acknowledging him or go out of my way to get someone else to cover my area, I can tell he's looking at me. Idk why.

 

I know I'm young and you all probably think dumb as well, but do you ever have that feeling that something is happening for a reason? Especially when you truly attempt to remove yourself from the situation, it still seems to come back?

 

He talks to his wife about me. Like, who does that??

 

It IS happening for a reason. The reason is he wants some booty and you fantasize. There is no cosmic soulmate reason.

 

He looks at you because he's a jerk. You care because it's flattering.

 

Stop. Stop listening to him talk about his wife. Be distant. If nothing else works, come out and say, "You are married. I am not interested."

 

You're not a child. You already know all of this.

[MissBee]

Hello, everyone.

 

Let me start off by saying that I'm NOT married. I'm not even close to it, tbh.

 

I considered posting this in the 'Marriage' forum, but it's more of a dark topic and I feel as though this forum may provide more honest insight to my questions.

 

So, I'm 23, I've witnessed many of my friends from high school marrying their high school sweetheart. I know you all have seen the photos on Facebook with the caption stating, "I'm so happy to be marrying my best friend!!"

 

My question to you all is...does that work? I have seen so many "best friends" get married, but years later, they realize they never experienced anyone else. Of course some people are lucky enough to find their soul mates, but there are those that marry their best friend and realize that there's no spark. They're just your friend.

 

The reason I ask is because a coworker of mine (one that I can't quite tell if he's flirting or being super nice) is married. He's 27, his wife is 29. She also works with us, and the other night, I finally got to work with them both. She's a sweetheart, but very motherly, whereas he's very lively and jokes around. They are precious together, but she mentioned on her Facebook something about their 5 year anniversary and marrying her best friend.

 

He's been in the military, and just recently came back home to be with her. I'm assuming since he mentioned going back to school, he went into the military straight out of high school, and married her when he was only 22, and she 24.

 

I'm probably just over thinking all of this, but for someone in that situation, never fully experiencing the opposite sex because of commitment straight out of the gate...is it possible for someone who married their "best friend" to be unfaithful?

 

Why? Are you interested in him and hoping he'll cheat with you?

 

Of course people can marry their "best friend" and be unfaithful. It happens everyday. Cheating happens for all kinds of reasons. In some cases it may point to a fundamental incompatibility where they should have never been together or should no longer be and in some cases it was an awful thing to do but the relationship can be reconciled if the whys of it are addressed.

 

For me, I know few people who married straight out of high school and I personally think it's more often than not a bad idea. The stats show that most couples who wed before 25 have higher divorce rates and it makes sense, esp given that your brain doesn't even fully develop until 25. You often learn and grow and change much more rapidly in your teens and early twenties than at other times and you're still figuring out how to be an adult o it makes perfect sense why decisions you made at 18 esp about marriage often don't hold up some years later.

[SweetKitten]

Why? Are you interested in him and hoping he'll cheat with you?

 

Im not hoping for that at all. I'm really not.

 

I guess I should say there were two parts to my post. Yes, they relate, but I genuinely did want to know you guys take on marrying your best friend.

 

Whether he finds me attractive or not and his marriage is more of a sub topic. I wouldn't want to interfere with their marriage. And I do plan to distance myself from him.

[MissBee]

Im not hoping for that at all. I'm really not.

 

I guess I should say there were two parts to my post. Yes, they relate, but I genuinely did want to know you guys take on marrying your best friend.

 

Whether he finds me attractive or not and his marriage is more of a sub topic. I wouldn't want to interfere with their marriage. And I do plan to distance myself from him.

 

You posted it in the Other Woman forum though...which is a little strange if you're not somehow interested in an affair dynamic.

 

Why not post in some other subforum then if it has nothing to do with affairs or you being interested in a married guy?