Best (new mom) friend's boyfriend tried to seduce me... and I liked it

[friendzone1]

Hey all,

 

Guys, I know some of you are going to hate, but I hope some of you will give me some useful advice.

 

My best friend of ten years recently had a baby, and they made me the godmother (proudest moment!). I am so happy to be around her and her new family. I also get on really well with her boyfriend. We didn't initially talk that much, but since they as a couple moved in together a few years ago I've not met my friend once without her boyfriend being there, too. He was always just there or joined her when she visited me. I thought it was a bit odd at first but finally I didn't mind, because we always had a good time- and it's just become normal to meet with the three (now four) of us. (My boyfriend is living abroad, and has been for some time, but will soon join me here. So I was usually alone visiting them).

 

However, I think the guy and I may have been getting too close. We share the same interests and are both dreamers, into the same music, artsy stuff etc. We both have partners who are bit more down to earth, so it's nice to be able to share this with him. We were also going through some similar life issues (dealing with depression) and... one night my friend had gone to bed, he asked how I felt and I told him it was difficult dealing with depression especially since I didn't have my partner or parents near, and he tried to comfort me in a normal way. Then mumbled something like 'temptation', to which I didn't respond. Finally just went to bed and didn't think anything of it.

 

This time they visited me, and again my friend went off to bed. The guy and I watched a movie and as we were doing that he started to seduce me. Putting his arm behind my back, gently stroking my neck, pulling me closer. It drove me nuts! I froze, tried to pull away, and didn't know what to do, my heart beat was going so fast. I didn't respond initially, but since I hadn't seen my boyfriend in half a year, I really couldn't pull away anymore because the feeling of being touched by another human being in that way was so good. I just sat there as he was holding my hand, kissing my shoulder, and eventually I said, this is wrong. What are you doing, you've got such a good thing going, why would you risk that for something like this. To which he said that he just wants to give me affection, something about sharing this with me alone and it being between the two of us (obviously), since we both have partners we love and want to be with, blablabla.

 

We didn't kiss or anything, but after I went to bed I just couldn't get him out of my head. The seducing really worked and it was just an eye-opener, I had found him attractive for a long time but obviously never thought of acting on it. I keep thinking of him- how much I want him to touch me, and of her- my best friend, and how I made like a 'life-commitment' to being a good godmother and everything.

 

I'm seeing them again next month (they live far away) and I'm really unsure what to do. What would you guys do? I know maybe I should have just gone off to bed those times, so maybe I was feeding it as well. I just can't help feeling so attracted to him, but I know this is never going to be a real thing between us and I don't want to be a homewrecker... In all this I also feel really bad, because it's like I'm thinking of him much more than feeling guilty towards my boyfriend.

 

Anyone? Thanks so much for your help.

[minime13]

You have a commitment to your boyfriend, and your best friend. These are 2 of the closest (I would assume) people in your life. Don't betray that trust. Keep it appropriate.

[jen1447]

If you're looking for validation to take things to the next level w/him, just say so (and we can go from there presumably). Otherwise, I'd 'prepare' for the next visit by masturbating a lot so you're not edge-of-your-seat horny, and then when they arrive, at the first opportunity you have alone w/him I'd have the come to Jesus talk and say that absolutely NOTHING along the lines of what he was trying last time is going to take place, ever again, and redefine your boundaries and exactly what the nature of your friendship is. Hopefully he'll take it well, but if he doesn't, you have to be prepared to be a hardass.

 

I understand that feeling of desire hon but you can get it filled elsewhere. He's pretty much the absolute *worst* place to find the satisfaction you need.

 

(You might want to re-evaluate your LDR btw. It's hard for anybody and it sounds like it's pretty hard on you too.)

[the_artist_1970]

Hey all,

 

Guys, I know some of you are going to hate, but I hope some of you will give me some useful advice.

 

My best friend of ten years recently had a baby, and they made me the godmother (proudest moment!). I am so happy to be around her and her new family. I also get on really well with her boyfriend. We didn't initially talk that much, but since they as a couple moved in together a few years ago I've not met my friend once without her boyfriend being there, too. He was always just there or joined her when she visited me. I thought it was a bit odd at first but finally I didn't mind, because we always had a good time- and it's just become normal to meet with the three (now four) of us. (My boyfriend is living abroad, and has been for some time, but will soon join me here. So I was usually alone visiting them).

 

However, I think the guy and I may have been getting too close. We share the same interests and are both dreamers, into the same music, artsy stuff etc. We both have partners who are bit more down to earth, so it's nice to be able to share this with him. We were also going through some similar life issues (dealing with depression) and... one night my friend had gone to bed, he asked how I felt and I told him it was difficult dealing with depression especially since I didn't have my partner or parents near, and he tried to comfort me in a normal way. Then mumbled something like 'temptation', to which I didn't respond. Finally just went to bed and didn't think anything of it.

 

This time they visited me, and again my friend went off to bed. The guy and I watched a movie and as we were doing that he started to seduce me. Putting his arm behind my back, gently stroking my neck, pulling me closer. It drove me nuts! I froze, tried to pull away, and didn't know what to do, my heart beat was going so fast. I didn't respond initially, but since I hadn't seen my boyfriend in half a year, I really couldn't pull away anymore because the feeling of being touched by another human being in that way was so good. I just sat there as he was holding my hand, kissing my shoulder, and eventually I said, this is wrong. What are you doing, you've got such a good thing going, why would you risk that for something like this. To which he said that he just wants to give me affection, something about sharing this with me alone and it being between the two of us (obviously), since we both have partners we love and want to be with, blablabla.

 

We didn't kiss or anything, but after I went to bed I just couldn't get him out of my head. The seducing really worked and it was just an eye-opener, I had found him attractive for a long time but obviously never thought of acting on it. I keep thinking of him- how much I want him to touch me, and of her- my best friend, and how I made like a 'life-commitment' to being a good godmother and everything.

 

I'm seeing them again next month (they live far away) and I'm really unsure what to do. What would you guys do? I know maybe I should have just gone off to bed those times, so maybe I was feeding it as well. I just can't help feeling so attracted to him, but I know this is never going to be a real thing between us and I don't want to be a homewrecker... In all this I also feel really bad, because it's like I'm thinking of him much more than feeling guilty towards my boyfriend.

 

Anyone? Thanks so much for your help.

 

This is your best friend's man. This woman thought enough of you to make you her baby's godmother which is a huge deal. Don't betray her in this way. It's time to put up your boundaries. I can't understand for the life of me how a woman can go to bed and leave her man up with her "friend" at night. You are allowing your loneliness and depression to make bad life choices. Tell your friend not to come to visit you because this woman is too blind with trust for you and you don't deserve that level of trust. Stop being alone with this man. Find someone who isn't your friend's man. If you go down this path it may feel good for a while but eventually it will destroy you, their family and breakup your godchild's home.

[Lois_Griffin]

Good lord, so just because your boyfriend has been away for 6 months you act as though you've been deprived of human touch for 50 years? This guy is such a sleaze ball and you're so desperate for his sleazy attention that you're willing to sell your best friend right down the river for it.

 

You're very fortunate Sleaze Boy's girlfriend didn't come out and catch you two acting like moral-less hormonal teenagers on the couch. I can't believe anyone would be so needy that they'd throw away the friendship of a lifetime for some cheap secret attention.

 

Jesus.

[RoseVille]

I get "stepping out" on romantic partners, as we all have relationship needs and some people aren't capable of addressing what's missing inside their primary relationship, but the betrayal of your best friend is unspeakable, IMO.

 

Are you jealous of her? What she has? Take some joy from the fact that her life isn't so great, given than her man and baby daddy is coming on to you? That's the only reason why I can think you'd ever even for the teeniest bit like what this guy is doing.

[davidromero43]

I read this years ago in the back of a Hustler magazine. The next thing you do is say "I know this is so wrong, but it feels so right". Then he spills a drink on you and says "Oops, I'm sorry, we better get you out of those wet clothes". Then he starts unbuttoning your blouse. You put your hand on his and say "stop, we can't do this". After looking deep into his eyes, you finish unbuttoning your shirt, and it falls to the ground.

But this is not a f*ckin story in the back of a trashy magazine. This situation affects real people. Don't, really just don't go there. Tell your friend that her boyfriend was a little too friendly to you. You do not need to go into details. If she wants details, keep it simple, like a shoulder rub and a kiss on the cheek. Tell the boyfriend to knock it off and what you told your friend. Figure out if you really want a boyfriend that is not there for you. You might need to break that off and find a new boyfriend.

[elaine567]

For goodness sake stop being alone with him and take this no further.

 

Tears - yours, hers, his, your bfs, the child's. will all be shed if you do not act like the adult here.

[whichwayisup]

I keep thinking of him- how much I want him to touch me, and of her- my best friend, and how I made like a 'life-commitment' to being a good godmother and everything.

 

You gracefully ask them to find another god mother, you should out of good faith not be involved. You betrayed your so called best friend (and your boyfriend) and allow her boyfriend, father of her child, to come onto you and enjoyed it. What a mess. Not sure how you can hide this and continue to be in their lives. It's just not right.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

"Guys, I know some of you are going to hate, but I hope some of you will give me some useful advice."

 

You think this situation is cute/fun. Tell me, are you that secret jealous BFF that wants your friend's life?

[goodgirlgonebad15]

This is your best friend's man. This woman thought enough of you to make you her baby's godmother which is a huge deal. Don't betray her in this way. It's time to put up your boundaries. I can't understand for the life of me how a woman can go to bed and leave her man up with her "friend" at night. You are allowing your loneliness and depression to make bad life choices. Tell your friend not to come to visit you because this woman is too blind with trust for you and you don't deserve that level of trust. Stop being alone with this man. Find someone who isn't your friend's man. If you go down this path it may feel good for a while but eventually it will destroy you, their family and breakup your godchild's home.

 

YESSSSS!! THIS!!!

 

Your best friend hasn't been taught the most vaulable lesson yet...NEVER leave your man and your friends alone...and sadly for this very reason...you aren't that trustworthy (based on your actions).

 

Let me ask you this...what if it was your best friend and your BF? How would you feel?

[goodgirlgonebad15]

You gracefully ask them to find another god mother, you should out of good faith not be involved. You betrayed your so called best friend (and your boyfriend) and allow her boyfriend, father of her child, to come onto you and enjoyed it. What a mess. Not sure how you can hide this and continue to be in their lives. It's just not right.

 

Yes, please do.

 

I can't understand this type of betrayal...Your BFF for 10 years? Have you ever heard chicks before d**ks? There are just lines you do not cross with your best friends and one is don't cheat with their man and don't hook up with their ex!! Come on this is basic girl code 101...jeez.

 

With friends like these, who needs enemies...

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think the jury has spoken.

 

Translation? Don't be that girl.

[jen1447]

You gracefully ask them to find another god mother, you should out of good faith not be involved

 

I think that's overreacting at this point. She can still put him in check w/no real damage to anyone's relationship, altho if he still pushes it more drastic measures would be needed (like narcing on him to your friend).

 

I also don't agree w/the "never leave them alone" thing. That sounds paranoid for a general attitude, like you automatically expect two people alone will fool around. I wouldn't assume that unless I had a reason to. This woman obvs trusts OP and her man.

[elaine567]

This guy is as horny as hell, his wife just had a baby and he is feeling left out.

Do not fool yourself that he has feelings for you, or that somehow this "threesome" you have going, where the three of you hang out all the time, is because he always loved you or any other such nonsense you may be telling yourself.

He needs sex and you are the nearest available female.

 

Wake up!!!

[goodgirlgonebad15]

I think that's overreacting at this point. She can still put him in check w/no real damage to anyone's relationship, altho if he still pushes it more drastic measures would be needed (like narcing on him to your friend).

 

I also don't agree w/the "never leave them alone" thing. That sounds paranoid for a general attitude, like you automatically expect two people alone will fool around. I wouldn't assume that unless I had a reason to. This woman obvs trusts OP and her man.

 

And based on OP's own admisson and actions, the BFF shouldnt...

 

Someone she trusted, enjoyed secret, sneaky attention from her man and did not tell her...sorry that's not a trustworthy friend...

 

The BFF in this case does have a reason not to trust the boyfriend and the OP to be alone together...it's just that she doesn't yet know that reason because her "trusted" best friend enjoyed it and kept the info to herself...

 

Furthermore a true best friend would know this was wrong off top, wouldn't have let it go there and told her BFF ASAP...I'm just saying.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

This guy is as horny as hell, his wife just had a baby and he is feeling left out.

Do not fool yourself that he has feelings for you, or that somehow this "threesome" you have going, where the three of you hang out all the time, is because he always loved you or any other such nonsense you may be telling yourself.

He needs sex and you are the nearest available female.

 

Wake up!!!

 

and OP maybe giving off "needy" vibes because she hasn't seen her boyfriend in 6 months...Men know when women are craving attention and they use it.

[GorillaTheater]

Men know when women are craving attention and they use it.

 

The ones with integrity don't, particularly when their SO just had their child.

 

I have serious issues with both the OP and this guy. Their behavior has been deplorable. Luckily, it's not too late for the OP to put the kibosh on this and make things right. Or at least right-er.

[GoldieLox]

This would easily be remedied if you didn't give in to him. The problem is, you did. Now he's going to take that as a sign that it's okay to do it next time. I'm not going to read you the riot act on betrayal of your best friend and all that, because everyone else here has pretty much summed it up.

 

If you cannot firmly put your foot down and say "Absolutely not" next time, then don't bother having them come visit. Really. Don't even let them in your house, because you know what this is going to turn into.

 

My take? You're not even attracted to him at all. You're just lacking affection so much that you latched onto the first person who would give it to you. We could be sitting here having the same conversation about a male coworker. The sooner you realize this, the better. Stop it now.

[AlwaysGrowing]

If you can, try putting yourself in your BF shoes. Read up on a double betrayal such as this. It changes a person....and not for the good. To have your life partner and best friend betray you on this level...just knocks the wind out of your soul.

 

You have to decide if that's who you want to be to your BF. Because that is what you will be deciding if you take this further. The choice is all yours.

[sandylee1]

The ones with integrity don't, particularly when their SO just had their child.

 

I have serious issues with both the OP and this guy. Their behavior has been deplorable. Luckily, it's not too late for the OP to put the kibosh on this and make things right. Or at least right-er.

 

As bad as it is, she wouldn't be the first to cheat with her BFs man and she hasn't actually gone there 'yet'. I don't really think other OWs are much better just because they don't know the wife.

 

One OW had an affair with her BFs husband, got pregnant by him and made her friend the godmother.

 

There's always someone in a worse position than you, so from now on get yourself in check and dig deep for your morals. I'm not going to give you a hard time, but nip this in the bud NOW.

 

OP -:Do not be alone with him as you clearly crossed a line you shouldn't have. You don't want a friend to suffer a double betrayal.

[Leaving]

You should consider telling your best friend what happened that night it's clearly her boyfriend has no respect for her.she just had his child and he's already trying to seduce her best friend while she's asleep in the next room and you find that attractive

[GirlStillStrong]

You think you're lonely or in need of affection now, with your boyfriend gone. Go ahead and continue with your BFF's boyfriend, and see how much more lonely and needy you will be when she finds out.

 

Never, never EVER trade a girlfriend for some attention from some guy.

[friendzone1]

Hey all,

 

Me again. OK thanks for your honest thoughts, good to get a reality check. I definitely don't want any Hustler scenario ending up in real pain for anyone, obviously I'm ashamed of myself and of him, else I wouldn't post it here. Ten years of friendship, I don't want to give that up.

 

Can't believe it even happened in the first place. I think damage control is still possible. I do give off desperate vibes, my boyfriend lives on the other side of the world and getting his visa to join me here has been a horrendous, drawn-out process of several years. His papers will hopefully come through in a few months, but with work not allowing us to meet I have been really down and desperate. Just for some context. (Aaand enter hating and judgement.)

 

To summarise: make clear to the guy that this must never happen again, and make sure not be alone with him (and masturbate before meeting...?). I think it's a bit drastic yet to give up on being the godmother or withdrawing entirely. I can still nip this in the bud with limited damages.

 

However, I don't think it would be a good idea to tell my friend what happened. Apart from my fear she'd never talk to me again, which I would totally understand- it's just too damaging to her and I don't see what it would do except for ruin her trust in our/but more importantly their relationship, as well as taint her memories of her first months as a mom. It's going to be hard enough to restore things back to as normal as possible as it is, I don't want to deeply damage her relationship over what was at most a kiss in the neck.

 

Would you tell?

[stillafool]

This guy is as horny as hell, his wife just had a baby and he is feeling left out.

Do not fool yourself that he has feelings for you, or that somehow this "threesome" you have going, where the three of you hang out all the time, is because he always loved you or any other such nonsense you may be telling yourself.

He needs sex and you are the nearest available female.

 

Wake up!!!

 

Couldn't have said it better myself. He is just horny because he can't have his wife right now. He would have hit on any female who was in your position so please don't be flattered. You should feel disrespected that he actually thought you were the type of woman who would go for his advances. What does he think of you?