Mb250 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I became the other guy about 5 weeks ago. Started off as an emotional affair but very quickly turned physical. The sexual tension was way too strong to ignor, never felt like that before. It was all new an exciting. But we got greedy, her husband found out, wanted t kill me for 2 days, third day he cooled down and we actually met and talked about this man to man. H says I'm not to see or talk to her every agian. But I can't avoid her, she is my sons teacher, I see her everyday. I tried to let her go but seeing her everyday is making that even more difficult. She's back and forth on weather to leve her husband or not, this has caused me to be on an emotional roller coaster. One minute she's mine next she's not sure. Today she called to me to say its over, she doesn't want it to be but has to be this way. But even now she's still texting me saying how she loves me and wants to be with me again. I didn't respond, yet. I want to let her go but really really don't want to. She makes me feel so good and happy. I was married but my wife past away from cancer in 2012, I'm left alone to raise our now 3 yr old son. My life is already so difficult, I don't need this stress. But ..... I don't know what to do, or how to deal with the consequences of whatever choice is eventually made. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Do not respond to her texts. Speak to her only if you have to because of your son, for school purposes. Her husband told you not to see her or speak to her. You really need to respect that. At the end of the day, if he finds out she is still texting you and you're responding, it's going to mean BIG trouble for you. If he finds out she's still texting you and you're not responding, that's one less mess you have to deal with, that's her problem now. Seriously. I don't put it past this guy to do physical harm as he's already warned you once. Stay away from her. If she's really "back and forth" on whether to leave her husband, that's something she needs to figure out for herself, 100%. If she leaves, she can always come to you later. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 GolieLox. Thanks for your reply. I have been respecting her husbands wishes, I don't respond to the texts but they keep coming. This is much easier said than done. I love her. I've been without an emotional connection for years now, I'm starving. Plus she's hot, I cannot believe she fell for me. What makes me like her even more is that she developed this crush on me when I was at my lowest, I was completely depressed, not shaving or cutting my hair, not dressing to impress anyone. This tells me she sees something in me that maybe many others don't. I can be weak when it comes to thopposite sex. How to I cool myself when a hot woman wants to get in my pants and she keeps telling me. Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Mb250, first let me tell you how sorry I am that you lost your wife and that you are raising your son by yourself. That is difficult. I am sorry that you seemed to have fallen for a married woman. I do think that since it has been discovered and her H has actually asked you to stop contacting her, you should do this. I understand it is not easy because she is your son's teacher, but you need to try. I agree with letting her try to figure out what it is that she wants. Does she want you or her M? I think if you give her some space, she will be able to make that decision. If it was going to be you, she will leave her H to be with you. Are you prepared for that? I agree you don't need the stress of having a relationship with a married woman. If she is going to stay married, then you cannot have a permanent relationship with her anyway. You deserve better than that and so does your son. There will be someone else for you, if she is not the one. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 GolieLox. Thanks for your reply. I have been respecting her husbands wishes, I don't respond to the texts but they keep coming. This is much easier said than done. I love her. I've been without an emotional connection for years now, I'm starving. Plus she's hot, I cannot believe she fell for me. What makes me like her even more is that she developed this crush on me when I was at my lowest, I was completely depressed, not shaving or cutting my hair, not dressing to impress anyone. This tells me she sees something in me that maybe many others don't. I can be weak when it comes to thopposite sex. How to I cool myself when a hot woman wants to get in my pants and she keeps telling me. This may sound harsh, I do not intend it to. There's also a chance that she doesn't love you, that she has no intention of EVER leaving her husband, and she just wants some sex on the side. You said yourself that you are extremely vulnerable right now and have been without an emotional connection for a while. Is there a chance that you latched onto the first person who showed interest in you? Again, I do not mean to sound harsh. I just encourage you to look at this from all angles. I believe you're selling yourself WAY too short, here. Are you still depressed, still having some grooming issues? If so, go to counseling and work on those. There are plenty of available, non-married women out there. This one screams trouble. I suggest if she is still texting you, block her number. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Babs22.... If I could have it my way, I didn't mind being the other guy for some time, it was fun. I think I don't want her to leave her husband cause I don't want a commitment now, I think. I don't even know what I want anymore. I kind if wish she kept her feelings to herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 GoldieLox I think she really is in love with me, if it was just sex that wouldn't be a problem, right now. You can tell one someone is being genuine form the heart, plus she's a terrible liar,that's how he found out. And I think you're right about me latching on the fist woman to show interest. She's not the type of woman I usually go for, but she does make me feel soo good about myself and was bringing me out of my depression. Even thou she's not my type, I am still very attracted too her. Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 GolieLox. Thanks for your reply. I have been respecting her husbands wishes, I don't respond to the texts but they keep coming. This is much easier said than done. I love her. I've been without an emotional connection for years now, I'm starving. Plus she's hot, I cannot believe she fell for me. What makes me like her even more is that she developed this crush on me when I was at my lowest, I was completely depressed, not shaving or cutting my hair, not dressing to impress anyone. This tells me she sees something in me that maybe many others don't. I can be weak when it comes to thopposite sex. How to I cool myself when a hot woman wants to get in my pants and she keeps telling me. You have been through a huge trauma and it is understandable that you have been depressed. It is possible that caused her to notice you, sometimes women want help fix broken men. It sounds like your son was very young when your wife died. I am so sorry for what you have been through. Have you been in counseling? Are you still in counseling? If not, I would strongly suggest it. Perhaps this relationship, whether or not it continues, might be what you needed to at least wake you up to the fact that you can feel love and be loved again. Please take care of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Im sorry but it sounds like fantasy to her...forbidden fruit..perfect scenario, a widowed single cute Dad...shes the teacher... I think her reality sets in and she feels "what am I doing.., Im married" might have been an escape for her, some excitement but your acting on emotion and you need to think. You said it all when you said its how she makes you feel. But...she REALLY makes you feel confused and lonely. Shes married, her conflict and confusion are her own. Step back...your a single available guy...your wasting time when it sounds like you want something real. So many lonely nice available gals. I think she filled a sexual void. Not the same as love. You lost your wife Im so sorry and that should show you life is short and precious. This was just emotion and sex. You CAN back away. Be polite, grab your son and practice boundaries. The husband wont be so nice the 2nd time. Be firm and end it. Once the fog wears off you will be glad you did. In a perfect scenario if she left...will she be faithful to you then? I think you know what you have to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) I am glad I posted my story today, I never did this stuff online before. Thank you to all who have replied. I believe everything you all said and I prob knew it already but I have know one I want to talk to this about in fear of judgment. I have read your responses many times today just to help me get over her and why I should. I know what I have to do even thou my hearts gonna be broken, again. Oh god wish she never told me how she felt, we kept our feelings to ourselves and stayed friends. Ad now I don't even have the one close friend I could really open up too. Thanks again everyone, I will probably be re reading your responses over the next few days lol ;( Edited May 31, 2015 by Mb250 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 MB, Another thought... 5 months is hardly love... its infatuation... pure and simple and can be overwhelming. I could argue strongly that this is a situation that you really don't want to be in. The upside is minuscule compared to the downside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Hi, it's only been 5 weeks, which adds to your point. However, I've only had these really strong feelings for a woman twice in my life. First was my wife and we knew we were in love in a short time as well. I've had gf before and was never like this. We talked about this before, perhaps our feelings are based on things like infatuation, forbidden fruit or lack of affection among other things, but don't believe it to be anything but real from the heart love. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) GolieLox. Thanks for your reply. I have been respecting her husbands wishes, I don't respond to the texts but they keep coming. This is much easier said than done. I love her. I've been without an emotional connection for years now, I'm starving. Plus she's hot, I cannot believe she fell for me. What makes me like her even more is that she developed this crush on me when I was at my lowest, I was completely depressed, not shaving or cutting my hair, not dressing to impress anyone. This tells me she sees something in me that maybe many others don't. I can be weak when it comes to thopposite sex. How to I cool myself when a hot woman wants to get in my pants and she keeps telling me. I want to say this gently because I do not mean to offend you but it's actually not normal to become romantically attracted to people who are low, depressed and poorly groomed. The fact that she came after you when you were at your lowest indicates something unflattering about her. I'm not sure what was going on here but something in wrong with this. Perhaps she wanted a big ego boost and knew that you would be hugely impressed by her and eager to give her praise and attention. Perhaps she was looking for an affair and she sensed your sadness and loneliness and she knew you wouldn't reject her even though she was a married woman. Or maybe she has self esteem issues. I hate to admit this now but when I was younger and struggling with feelings of low self-worth I usually got with the guys who I saw as being even more worthless than I saw myself. That makes me feel horrible to say but it's the truth. I would be aloof towards attractive successful men and if they came on to me I would reject them because deep down I didn't feel good enough for them. I figured they would get rid of me once they knew who I really was. She may have developed real feeling for you but now she is being selfish and playing games with you. Telling you that it's over but then continuing to contact you to tell you her feelings is a cruel thing for her to do. She is staying with her husband but trying to stop you from moving on. Selfish. Edited May 31, 2015 by anika99 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 your child is three? And goes to a registered academic school ? All day? poor kid. Then to have lost his mom...Would you say that makes you a good role model? Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 She may have brought out these feelings in you and pulled you from depression but that what its all about. Had she been available then there would be no problems. But she's not, she's actually got a husband who will be more than happy to have a go at your neck. That's not something that you need in your life right now, you have a little boy to look after, coping with depression and have to plan out your life with your son. Unfortunately, her situation screams "trouble" for you. You mentioned that you are not ready for a serious relationship, and you are in the "getting to know you" stage with this lady, it could go either way whether it works out or not. The ball is in her court where she would like her marriage to go to. But until she is free, this is going to be a tricky situation fraught with problems if you continue to see her. Your A is no longer a secret, her H knows, and he sounds like danger to a T, would you expose your son to that kind of situation given that this lady is his teacher which makes the situation close to home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) Tayla.....My son goes to a full day private school. His class ratio is 1:7, he get all the attention he needs for his education, which stared at 18 months. He's been proven to be ahead of the average student. When I pick him up hes got most if nit all mt attention, I would not let this affair get in his way. Tayla, you're being ignorant. I give my son everything he needs while being a mom and dad. But I'm also a person that needs to live a life, if I don't how good would that be for my son? Edited May 31, 2015 by Mb250 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Tayla.....My son goes to a full day private school. His class ratio is 1:7, he get all the attention he needs for his education, which stared at 18 months. He's been proven to be ahead of the average student. When I pick him up hes got most if nit all mt attention, I would not let this affair get in his way. Tayla, you're being ignorant. I give my son everything he needs while being a mom and dad. But I'm also a person that needs to live a life, if I don't how good would that be for my son? Thank you for clarifying. Not sure that the need to have involvement with a married ladies justifies your actions and thus compels you to state I am ignorant. The question was ,do you consider yourself a good role model? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Sorry if you can't afford the best education available to your kids and give them the time love and attention they need, but I can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mb250 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Yes I do. I'm not perfect, but I k ow what to let my son see. He doesn't know that his teacher comes here at night cause he's in bed long before. As far he knows his daddy goes to work, picks him and I make dinner and play with him and read a book before bed. I'm a damn good role model for my boy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Again,thanks for answering. Sounds like you are handling this privately. So really there isn't much concern at this point. Your doing okay by the sounds of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Tayla.....My son goes to a full day private school. His class ratio is 1:7, he get all the attention he needs for his education, which stared at 18 months. He's been proven to be ahead of the average student. When I pick him up hes got most if nit all mt attention, I would not let this affair get in his way. Tayla, you're being ignorant. I give my son everything he needs while being a mom and dad. But I'm also a person that needs to live a life, if I don't how good would that be for my son? How does sleeping with a married woman constitute a) lack of the same ignorance you accuse Tayla of b) constitute any sort of healthy living of this "life" you speak of. c) Any moral congruence towards the man who had the decency to meet you face to face and request you not to speak to his wife. d) How are you honoring the memory of your wife who passed away? not a 2x4. Just questions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Please, for your own good, find a single woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 How does sleeping with a married woman constitute a) lack of the same ignorance you accuse Tayla of b) constitute any sort of healthy living of this "life" you speak of. c) Any moral congruence towards the man who had the decency to meet you face to face and request you not to speak to his wife. d) How are you honoring the memory of your wife who passed away? not a 2x4. Just questions. Honor, moral congruence, for me empty Words, like living a life after other People's opinion of right and wrong(instead of what you truly feel is right), isnt life about loving living and taking chances following the heart, for yourself and everyones benefit maybe? Excuse me if you follow the bible or some other book, i dont seen to respect:cool: but i Really dont:( I dont talk about this man staying in the relationship he has with the other woman, but i think he has to follow his heart on the matter, wheather its in pain or not, and take direction from there:love: Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 If you join a widowers support group maybe you can meet a dingle gal in your same situation. Or you can take your son to the park or beach in the evenings and start new traditions and maybe even meet someone new there. Its not about a moral standpoint from me either, its just so messy, causing alot of confusion and in the end I think her spouse will win. Best for you to spare even more heart break. It is addiction and infatuation...it will be hard to shake but I dont see a better way. I dont think this is love, but even if it is..love isnt always enough. You can start to date as a single man and get healthy. Arrange for your son to be outside...or pick him up and a hello and little to no eye contact and just let this die. You can go on from here and make a fresh start. Stop romanticizing, shes a woman, you shared a great thing, it helped you through a rough time...now move on and meet new people and heal. It IS that simple if you let it be. Detach from this! For YOU. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 You don't need an angry husband on your case. Why risk the security your son has? Which you could do by sleeping with a married woman. This woman has no respect for her marriage, but it doesn't mean you should have no respect for it either. You can block her number, so you don't see her messages. I think she wanted some excitement and you were an easy target. Rather than think of yourself, have some empathy for her husband. His wife has been sleeping with another man and he's probably going through hell right now. I'm sure having been married you can empathise. You say you're being a role model, but in having the affair with the MW, you could have rendered him fatherless, which would be heartbreaking considering what he's been through. If her husband acted on his initial feelings, you could have landed yourself in hospital. He wouldn't be the first to be violent in this situation. It's not the direct actions towards your kids that make you a bad parent or poor role model, it's the consequences of having an affair and how that impacts them. You must have heard of many affair partners who got beat up by the husband. I imagine her husband probably felt sympathy towards your loss, but he won't feel the same way if it happens again. Another thought. ....find another nursery for your son, so you dont have to see her. Get him on the waiting list eleswhere. Not sure what country you're in, but is your son starting school when he's 4? If so, you shouldn't need to see her at all after that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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