Do They Ever Come Back Even Out of Curiosity?

[mysterywoman]

Been in NC for a little while, wondering how long it takes before they come back to see how you are doing. I'm sure it depends in a lot of factors, but in your experiences how long in NC before they reach out through an email or text?

 

 

Realized there will never be anyone like him with the same chemistry...

[ByMyself01]

Been in NC for a little while, wondering how long it takes before they come back to see how you are doing. I'm sure it depends in a lot of factors, but in your experiences how long in NC before they reach out through an email or text?

 

 

Realized there will never be anyone like him with the same chemistry...

 

It depends, but I realized a correlation. They usually come back after they've dated someone and the relationship with that person goes downhill.

[mysterywoman]

It depends, but I realized a correlation. They usually come back after they've dated someone and the relationship with that person goes downhill.

 

Is that what happened in your case?

[kieraglass]

In a normal world, in a normal relationship, there is no such thing as NC. We all talk about it here as if it's normal, as it is normal, for us. It's an instrumental step to healing in these crazy making affairs.

 

But in a real, whole relationship, NC does not exist. And we need to remember that, remember that this stuff is insane, and that we are in an alternate universe. A bad one.

 

In answer to your question, my dink and I have gone NC several times since I lost his baby prematurely....I've been so upset, and I've been dramatic with him here and there, as he well deserves. He shuts down, and we go NC.

 

It lasts three days tops before one of us breaks. I can't imagine longer and i think all of you who go weeks, and months, are my heroines. I wish I had your strength.

 

They all generally break it, from what I can see, even years later. They appear to like us wanting them, and they check in. I swear, we're ego boosts. Narcissistic supply. I swear many of these MMS are, indeed, narcissists. It's hard for them to think we've moved on, and they have to test the waters. Even though they can't or won't be with us, they have to know we still miss and love them.

 

Affairs are gross. I'd give anything to go back in time and have never met this man. I fear he's ruined me for everybody.

Edited May 28, 2015 by kieraglass

[lookingforclosure]

Mine showed back up after when the 4 month mark was approaching

 

Same old song and dance...he's a piece of work. I ignore him most days.

 

I believe he has many narcissistic qualities

[mysterywoman]

In a normal world, in a normal relationship, there is no such thing as NC. We all talk about it here as if it's normal, as it is normal, for us. It's an instrumental step to healing in these crazy making affairs.

 

But in a real, whole relationship, NC does not exist. And we need to remember that, remember that this stuff is insane, and that we are in an alternate universe. A bad one.

 

In answer to your question, my dink and I have gone NC several times since I lost his baby prematurely....I've been so upset, and I've been dramatic with him here and there, as he well deserves. He shuts down, and we go NC.

 

It lasts three days tops before one of us breaks. I can't imagine longer and i think all of you who go weeks, and months, are my heroines. I wish I had your strength.

 

They all generally break it, from what I can see, even years later. They appear to like us wanting them, and they check in. I swear, we're ego boosts. Narcissistic supply. I swear many of these MMS are, indeed, narcissists. It's hard for them to think we've moved on, and they have to test the waters. Even though they can't or won't be with us, they have to know we still miss and love them.

 

Affairs are gross. I'd give anything to go back in time and have never met this man. I fear he's ruined me for everybody.

Sorry to hear about your very difficult experiences. Are you sure this isn't the same guy?? I even told him he ruined me for any other guy. I meant that in that he gave me the very best AND the very worse experiences of my life if thàt makes any sense.

Narcissistic supply? Yes I really think so. It was always all about him how he felt how his other affair partner had died and that he could never replace her.

How about how I feel. Guess what he can never replace me either I'm a good person.

[Satu]

They can't contact you by email or text if you're doing NC, because they will be blocked.

 

If they're not blocked, you're not really doing NC.

[mysterywoman]

They can't contact you by email or text if you're doing NC, because they will be blocked.

 

If they're not blocked, you're not really doing NC.

 

I am partially blocked. I can still send an email or text though I haven't for a month because I basically get no response. He said goodbye.

I think it was one of the most painful experiences I have gone through in a relationship. I called at the end of April just to hear his voice but the way he answered the phone(his personal work phone number he gave me) made me not say anything and I hung up after he said hello twice. Turns out he was in his car in speaker phone and never call him again especially when he has family in the car. He said it was a anonymous (because I blocked my number to be safe) stalking phone call, which was not true.

He texted me that he also wrote 'Grow up' at the end of the message. That was the last I have heard from him.

[mysterywoman]

I will admit when I called I was mad at him and the whole thing and I really didn't care. One if the reasons I called was to see if he still had the same phone number because he had told me before he might be changing jobs.

[stillafool]

NC is not to make them come back it is to help you get over them. If he hasn't contacted you by now he probably won't. It is best to think this way so you will move on and stop wishing for him to contact you.

[Satu]

I am partially blocked. I can still send an email or text though I haven't for a month because I basically get no response. He said goodbye.

I think it was one of the most painful experiences I have gone through in a relationship. I called at the end of April just to hear his voice but the way he answered the phone(his personal work phone number he gave me) made me not say anything and I hung up after he said hello twice. Turns out he was in his car in speaker phone and never call him again especially when he has family in the car. He said it was a anonymous (because I blocked my number to be safe) stalking phone call, which was not true.

He texted me that he also wrote 'Grow up' at the end of the message. That was the last I have heard from him.

 

Someone can't be 'partially blocked.'

 

They can be blocked, or not blocked.

 

So stop kidding yourself along that you're doing NC, and that he is 'partially blocked.'

 

What you are really doing is *waiting* for something to happen, for any kind of attention from him, positive or negative.

 

You can do whatever you like, but be honest with yourself about what you want.

[RoseVille]

Mine came back to check on me and tell me he's thinking of me within like a week, I think.

 

Kept that up for a couple more weeks... The EA aspect came back more intensely than in the past.

 

Now he's fully back, dare I say, even acting "boyfriend'y"... This from someone who originally sought only a FWB arrangement, is now where I am, having "caught feelings."

 

Be careful what you wish for, is all I'll say.

[Tayla]

They don't come back out of curiosity. They do come back to keep the charade going though. As the saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Makes ya think that perhaps being a fool is not something you want on a relationship resume'.

 

Yes some actually do the NC, (mostly the males anyways). Best way to show respect for the marriage or even the children who were injured from this tryst.

[mysterywoman]

They don't come back out of curiosity. They do come back to keep the charade going though. As the saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Makes ya think that perhaps being a fool is not something you want on a relationship resume'.

 

Yes some actually do the NC, (mostly the males anyways). Best way to show respect for the marriage or even the children who were injured from this tryst.

 

The only people who were 'injured' were on my side, mostly my husband. I do not get along with him most of the time we argue. Many many issues there health wise and others.

[eye of the storm]

Mysterywoman, it seems to me that you are using NC as a tool to continue the relationship. It seems to me that you are hoping by going NC that the MM will come to you.

 

That is not the purpose of NC. NC is a tool to help people get out of these relationships and heal. NC is for them. It is not for the MM/MW.

 

If you are serious about moving on and feel NC is the way you should go then move on. Don't text, call, or email. Block his avenues to contact you.

 

If you are just game playing to continue the relationship, then be honest about that too.

 

If I am wrong, I am sorry.

[mysterywoman]

Mysterywoman, it seems to me that you are using NC as a tool to continue the relationship. It seems to me that you are hoping by going NC that the MM will come to you.

 

That is not the purpose of NC. NC is a tool to help people get out of these relationships and heal. NC is for them. It is not for the MM/MW.

 

If you are serious about moving on and feel NC is the way you should go then move on. Don't text, call, or email. Block his avenues to contact you.

 

If you are just game playing to continue the relationship, then be honest about that too.

 

If I am wrong, I am sorry.

 

I want to heal from this but I also miss him incredibly. I never wanted to end it. If he came back to me I would be with him again. There is something there that I will never find again.

[Satu]

There is something there that I will never find again.

 

You don't know what the future will be.

[GoldieLox]

It's been 3.5 months. We pass eachother in the parking lot every day. We both have the opportunity to say something, but we don't. I'm not even sure why, there was no official NC requested between us. I guess I was just so hurt, I stopped talking to him. He apparently has no desire to talk to me, which is funny, because I didn't do anything to him. The whole thing is a mess, but it's better off this way.

 

I do wonder if he gets curious about my life. It used to hurt me that he didn't initiate something. It still does, but it gets less and less with time.

[mysterywoman]

That must be difficult. I don't and have never worked or come in actual physical contact with him. If we did I am sure I wouldn't be able to stop from reaching out to him and either touching or kissing him. The desire is still that strong jn me.

[eye of the storm]

What you had with him wasn't real. It wasn't a real relationship. It wasn't a day in day out thing. It was a fantasy.

 

You don't have to deal with dirty laundry with the MM. You don't have to worry about bills with the MM.

 

Because he is sneaking around and he is forbidden it ups the adrenalin makes the rush more. The sex better. The emotions stronger.

 

But it isn't real. It feels real. It hurts like it is real. But it will not stand up to real life.

 

It is next to impossible for a husband to match that kind of rush.

[GoldieLox]

That must be difficult. I don't and have never worked or come in actual physical contact with him. If we did I am sure I wouldn't be able to stop from reaching out to him and either touching or kissing him. The desire is still that strong jn me.

 

Well that's the funny, f&%ked up thing. If he was to try and talk to me, I'm 100% positive I'd end up telling him off and asking him to kindly evaporate from the earth, yet it still hurts my heart that he has no desire to talk to me. See what crappy self-esteem issues we have?

 

It's not an ideal situation for me, but I get through it the best I can. In the 3.5 months, I have not reached out to him once, and I refuse to bow. For every week that I get through, I tell myself that I'm just a little bit stronger. For every week you make it through, tell yourself the same. You'll get through this stronger than you ever were, but ONLY if you do not talk to him.

[mysterywoman]

I agree. Except we did share a lot of daily emotional things in our dàily texts morning, noon and night. We would always be there for each other. Except now it's over. It feels like a death, a really horrible tragic ending to a beautiful fairy tale romantic affair.

[Tayla]

The only people who were 'injured' were on my side, mostly my husband. I do not get along with him most of the time we argue. Many many issues there health wise and others.

 

Move out from your home...consider a single life style, and then you can have your true love, if indeed he wants that.

 

Most waywards do hit a point where they understand their wrongs and stop repeating it, you aren't there yet. So be it.

[eye of the storm]

I agree. Except we did share a lot of daily emotional things in our dàily texts morning, noon and night. We would always be there for each other. Except now it's over. It feels like a death, a really horrible tragic ending to a beautiful fairy tale romantic affair.

 

Sharing "emotional things" via text are way different than having to sit down with them and figure out how to pay this months bills or who is cooking dinner that night. Or why they pick their teeth after dinner

 

And like all fairy tales....it wasn't real.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting.

[mysterywoman]

I barely communicate with my husband. I communicated far more with my lover about a myriad of topics than I ever did with my husband. The connection was just there. There is a dis connect with my husband and there has been for years. Very little intimacy between us.