Sassy Girl Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I know it's the right thing to do. After we got together the last time MM was confronted by his wife. I'm not sure what was said. He says she must have picked up on something. MM is not good at compartmentalising so I think I know the ways she may have noticed something wasn't right. Anyways... He denied, of course. He's also spooked. He'd been acting funny lately so I asked him about it and he came clean with all this yesterday. He wants to stay LC and see if it all blows over. I know that's just dumb - for him and for me. It's tempting, but it's time to walk away. I don't want to cause any more damage than I have. I'm happy to catch up by email from time to time, but there will be no further meetings. This is done. By stating it here im trying to make myself accountable. I had too many 'what ifs' running through my head trying to figure out how this can work when the obvious answer is: it has to end. Risk is too high. So... This is the first time I've started a thread about MM and I.... Fire torpedoes. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Funny you think you'd receive torpedoes. My MM and I are in necessary LC. It would be easier if it were NC, so I'd suggest you go NC. LC is pointless if it's not necessary and you're determined to not meet up again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 If he's married and doesn't want leave, the most you could ever have is half a man. Half a man isn't enough. Not for one whole woman, I think. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
KissofGrace Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I know it's the right thing to do. After we got together the last time MM was confronted by his wife. I'm not sure what was said. He says she must have picked up on something. MM is not good at compartmentalising so I think I know the ways she may have noticed something wasn't right. Anyways... He denied, of course. He's also spooked. He'd been acting funny lately so I asked him about it and he came clean with all this yesterday. He wants to stay LC and see if it all blows over. I know that's just dumb - for him and for me. It's tempting, but it's time to walk away. I don't want to cause any more damage than I have. I'm happy to catch up by email from time to time, but there will be no further meetings. This is done. By stating it here im trying to make myself accountable. I had too many 'what ifs' running through my head trying to figure out how this can work when the obvious answer is: it has to end. Risk is too high. So... This is the first time I've started a thread about MM and I.... Fire torpedoes. Sassy Girl--your story sounds all too familiar with mine, so i can def relate. Making the decision that it's done is a hard one, nonetheless one that will bring more emotions than you ever thought could invade your body at once. I will say this to you, find strength somewhere, somehow and stick to it. This forum has been excellent support or me, even in my weaknesses. you may not hear the "rub on your back" type of comment that makes us feel good about ourselves, but i will say that even the ones that weren't so nice, helped me to think about what i really was doing and who i really was hurting. Stay connected here, there are really good people in our same situations and even from the other side BS, WS that have good food for thought. It won't be easy but dam it, it will be worth it. you have the rights thoughts now, so follow that and when it gets tough (because it will) and you miss him or want to call, message or email him--DON'T! get on here and share....we'll be here. All the best. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KissofGrace Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 If he's married and doesn't want leave, the most you could ever have is half a man. Half a man isn't enough. Not for one whole woman, I think. SATU! wow, so profound! i love it! is that your quote? semi-cathartic for me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sassy Girl Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 If he's married and doesn't want leave, the most you could ever have is half a man. Half a man isn't enough. Not for one whole woman, I think. You might be onto something with the 'one whole woman' comment though. Maybe half a man is enough for half a woman? But if I have half a man at home and half a man on the side surely this is a good thing, right? (Yes it's a joke, everyone keep your knickers on) I'm married also, so the arrangement worked well for me. I'm not going to lie and say there were no feelings, because I do care about him, but I'm not in love with him. Hopefully that makes things easier. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 SATU! wow, so profound! i love it! is that your quote? semi-cathartic for me. Yes, that was from my journal. Glad you like it 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 You might be onto something with the 'one whole woman' comment though. Maybe half a man is enough for half a woman? But if I have half a man at home and half a man on the side surely this is a good thing, right? (Yes it's a joke, everyone keep your knickers on) I'm married also, so the arrangement worked well for me. I'm not going to lie and say there were no feelings, because I do care about him, but I'm not in love with him. Hopefully that makes things easier. It would depend on which half him you get, and which half of you he gets. I love that kind of symmetry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sassy Girl Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 It would depend on which half him you get, and which half of you he gets. I love that kind of symmetry. Ahh that's easy. We got each other's bottom halves. Because clearly not much was going on up top 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Ahh that's easy. We got each other's bottom halves. Because clearly not much was going on up top I love it. Thanks for that 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KissofGrace Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 Ahh that's easy. We got each other's bottom halves. Because clearly not much was going on up top love it. honesty... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 did you already broke up with him? well... i think you're doing the right thing. maybe it is time for a new chapter in your life, the one without him in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I think you're smart enough to see the writing on the wall. This is a piece of what happened with me- his wife started acting suspicious because he started acting funny. There were other things, but that's neither here nor there. I think you're doing the right thing by ending it, absolutely, before everything blows up. I'm not sure how LC may work for you... I certainly couldn't do it. I had to make the tough choice to walk away from what remained of the friendship, as most of us do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Your post makes me smile. Not for the pain, but for the empowerment. Just, wow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sassy Girl Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 did you already broke up with him? well... i think you're doing the right thing. maybe it is time for a new chapter in your life, the one without him in it. Not exactly. We're having a hiatus. No emails today. Maybe not ever. I'm not contacting him. If he contacts me I'll lay it out, but honestly we've pretty much got it all out. Not much left to say. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Not exactly. We're having a hiatus. No emails today. Maybe not ever. I'm not contacting him. If he contacts me I'll lay it out, but honestly we've pretty much got it all out. Not much left to say. Say f-it and just cut him out of your life. Block him. What is the point of sending an email once in a while? Your A is over and it seems you are ready to move on. You said what you needed to say! Any future contact is pointless and possibly could be damaging to you, especially if he tries to woo you back. You have more to gain to fully by going full on NC. You'll heal quicker and healthier. No games, no bullshi.t. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Not exactly. We're having a hiatus. No emails today. Maybe not ever. I'm not contacting him. If he contacts me I'll lay it out, but honestly we've pretty much got it all out. Not much left to say. i agree with WWIU - block him & go NC immediately. burn that bridge entirely - it's the most painful & weird way to move on (you will feel weird & you will miss him) - but it sure is effective. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I don't have much validity to give advice lately, but I am guessing you aren't going to instantly "block/delete/go full NC" in terms of reality of the situation. And I'm guessing that based on the fact that you are self-aware enough to give others advice that you have had trouble taking yourself, and being willing to admit that. So I see this thread as positive. No torpedoes from me (and thanks for not sending me any as well!). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Our situations with regards to our individual MMs are nearly the same, I totally understand the choice to walk away because the risks are way too high. Its a very tough decision to make and I admire you for taking the step and ending all this, also putting an end to a chapter in your life that has been turbulent. I wish you strength and courage to go all the way to NC, perhaps this is really the way to put an end to this madness. ((hugs)) Angel Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I know it's the right thing to do... He wants to stay LC and see if it all blows over. I know that's just dumb - for him and for me. It's tempting, but it's time to walk away. I don't want to cause any more damage than I have... it has to end. Risk is too high. Sassy, you've always seemed (to me at least) very logical about your affair rather than emotional. It was fulfilling a need that wasn't being met for you. Try and apply that logic now. This relationship has outlived its usefulness, so it's time to move on. My advice would be to not stay in LC, what would be the point... 'seeing if it all blows over' is tantamount to saying 'wait till things calm down and pick up where we left off' and you've already said you don't want that. Close that chapter of your life and move cleanly onto the next. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sassy Girl Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 This actually hasn't been a turbulent affair. There was no future faking, no lies, no complaining about spouses. We caught up when we had opportunity and respected that each other had a family and commitments that had to come first. There were no fights or disagreements, no drama and no angst. Just two friends enjoying each other's company and some intimacy in ways our spouses didn't want to. He's not any more evil than I am. He didn't damage me any more than I was before him or that I didnt do to myself. I don't feel I need to 'heal' from this. I'll be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 That sounds so... cold. Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Good luck to you Sassy... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sassy Girl Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 That sounds so... cold. Haha why? Does this not meet some ridiculous criteria for how break ups are supposed to go? Because there was no drama and it ended on good terms? Not everything has to be full of tears and hand wringing and theatrics. Come to think of it, I'm still on good terms with all my exes. We care about each other and there was definitely passion- the sex was amazing. I'll look back on our time fondly. But we can also be rational about it and know when to call it a day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 This actually hasn't been a turbulent affair. There was no future faking, no lies, no complaining about spouses. We caught up when we had opportunity and respected that each other had a family and commitments that had to come first. There were no fights or disagreements, no drama and no angst. Just two friends enjoying each other's company and some intimacy in ways our spouses didn't want to. He's not any more evil than I am. He didn't damage me any more than I was before him or that I didnt do to myself. I don't feel I need to 'heal' from this. I'll be fine. Now that you have, for now anyways, decided to end the A - how do you expect to fill the intimacy void MOM met in your life? That void will, soon, make itself felt. And the longing will begin again. How do you plan on meeting that need the next time it comes calling? Something to ponder. Link to post Share on other sites
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