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Feeling so much anger


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I'm so bitter and angry today.

 

I'm so angry that he gets to walk away like nothing. He gets to continue his happy go lucky life while his wife is clueless what an azzhole he really is. He kisses her ass and they have a great marriage and that pisses me off.

 

My husband and I let each other know when we upset each other. MM doesn't say anything to her when she makes him mad. I don't know why, but it makes me so mad she can't see him for who he is.

My husband knows I'm a bitch and knows my insecurities. And vice versa. Of course, not to the extent of having an A, but you know what I mean.

 

I'm pissed that I'm the one that gets hurt.

That I'm the one that changed my email, deleted

facebook and blocked him. Changed my driving &running directions, while he probably hasn't changed one damn thing.

 

Today is definitely my worst day. I feel sad and hurt and so angry.

 

 

 

I hate pretending on the outside that I'm happy when I'm so hurt on the inside.

 

I f-inghate him. I hate that he took advantage of me when he knew I was having marriage troubles. I hate that he totally played with my feelings and my heart and he was nothing but a f-ing liar!

 

I keep thinking of all the hurtful things he would say to me like go into detail about things him and his wife did. Or how he made excuses not to see me, and so many other things. I hate that we made fools out of our spouses. That we would all hang out with our families, when days before, that we were having sex, or making out, or sexting. How messed up is that?

 

I hate that during our A..... I thought so highly of him and looked down on my H. That I would rather spend 5 minutes texting with him, then go out on a date with my h. I would convince my H to go out with his friends, so I could have the evening to text with mm.

 

UGH!! !!

 

I'm so angry. I'm sorry. I need to get these feelings out of my head. I don't miss him at all and I don't regret NC at all.

 

For those that want to bash me, saying I'm selfish, save it. I already know the wrong I've done. I know that we betrayed our families. I'm trying to turn it around. I know he didn't force me to do anything, but I can't help these feelings of anger towards him.

 

I just need a place to vent.

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davidromero43

Maybe you can put some of this energy into making your husband happy. Treat him extra special today. Buy him a card and flowers for no reason. A man would think it was funny and love it.

 

My opinion is don't tell him about the affair.

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Vent away, it's better out than in.

 

Anger can be very healing, so don't bottle it up.

 

I hope that things work out for you and your husband.

 

Think your thoughts, feel your feelings. Let them come, let them go.

 

Peace,

 

Satu.

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Maybe you can put some of this energy into making your husband happy. Treat him extra special today. Buy him a card and flowers for no reason. A man would think it was funny and love it.

 

My opinion is don't tell him about the affair.

 

I'm voting for this.

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whichwayisup

Your anger also could be at yourself too. You and (ex)MM chose to cheat and you both have not told your spouses so one some level, you're scot free just like he is. You both have unsuspecting spouses at home and you both are going on with your lives.

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twosadthings

For your family's sake be very careful with your anger. I'm not only talking about possibly outing yourself through a mistaken word but also with taking your emotions to the next step and contacting your now nemesis.

 

 

Anger, love, envy, jealousy are all powerful emotions that can consume you and take you away from those who should be your concern. Do the best you can to calm yourself down and let the negative feelings die the death they deserve.

 

 

To continue in this vein only perpetuates your affair mindset which you denied in response to my last post.

 

 

Just sayin',

 

 

Twosadthings

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Friskyone4u

Vent away, but you obviously have some conscience, and he does not. That will not change and you unfortunately are going to be dealing with this secret of yours for a long long time since you refuse to confess.

He will get to have his sweet life because he does not give a ****.

Get used to it. It aint going away. You are the better person but you are getting more of the consequences

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I don't recall, but where did you guys see this heading when it was going on? Was it a casual thing? Reason I ask is because maybe you're angry that you made more of it than he did, therefore more angry with yourself, as whichwayisup said. Not absolving the MM here. And I think it's good you have a conscience and some perspective on what happened. But it seems like he just wanted to play around and turned a blind eye to the investment you were making.

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I don't recall, but where did you guys see this heading when it was going on? Was it a casual thing? Reason I ask is because maybe you're angry that you made more of it than he did, therefore more angry with yourself, as whichwayisup said. Not absolving the MM here. And I think it's good you have a conscience and some perspective on what happened. But it seems like he just wanted to play around and turned a blind eye to the investment you were making.

 

He never future faked or anything like that. But in the beginning, he's the one that expressed such deep feelings for me, using the "love" word (eye rolling), saying he's never felt this way about anyone, blah blah. Then of course, once we had sex, I got more clingy and he totally backed off. Physically and emotionally.

I guess youre right, I'm very angry that I ended up making more out of it then he did. The further he pushed me away, the harder I tried for his attention. Pathetic of me.

 

Now, I realized I was just a convenient lay for him. When he stopped working at our house, we were never physical again (no, didn't have sex in my house). And that makes me feel like complete garbage.

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For your family's sake be very careful with your anger. I'm not only talking about possibly outing yourself through a mistaken word but also with taking your emotions to the next step and contacting your now nemesis.

 

 

Anger, love, envy, jealousy are all powerful emotions that can consume you and take you away from those who should be your concern. Do the best you can to calm yourself down and let the negative feelings die the death they deserve.

 

 

To continue in this vein only perpetuates your affair mindset which you denied in response to my last post.

 

 

Just sayin',

 

 

Twosadthings

 

There is no new nemesis. I will never put my family at risk to be destroyed, ever again. I wish I could take back every moment I've wasted on this affair and get back every moment I took away from my family.

 

I don't understand what you mean by affair mindset. just because I have these feelings, doesn't mean I wish I was still in the affair.

 

You're right. I do need to let the negative feelings die. I'm getting ready to go on a little vacation with my family this weekend. I don't need any of these negative feels to ruin it.

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gettingstronger

Don't want this to come out upside down-but I see lots of growth for you in this post-anger is a stepping stone to acceptance and in your previous posts it seems you were longing for your AP-so.... keep on processing all of this and enjoy your vacation with your family-

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Your anger also could be at yourself too. You and (ex)MM chose to cheat and you both have not told your spouses so one some level, you're scot free just like he is. You both have unsuspecting spouses at home and you both are going on with your lives.

 

You're right, we are both going on with our lives. And yes, I think I'm very angry with myself.

 

I think what makes me so mad is that I'm going to counseling so I can fix what is broken in me so I can fix my marriage. My H now knows I desire attention and affection. I'm trying to do healthy things to boost my self esteem and self worth so I don't ever have to seek it elsewhere.

While his wife doesn't even think anything is damaged in their marriage and they just keep living happily ever after.

Maybe I'm envious that he doesn't have to struggle to fix anything, because in his wife's eyes, nothing is broken.

 

Maybe I'm envious that he's not hurtIng. I don't know why this bothers me.

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Don't want this to come out upside down-but I see lots of growth for you in this post-anger is a stepping stone to acceptance and in your previous posts it seems you were longing for your AP-so.... keep on processing all of this and enjoy your vacation with your family-

 

Yes, I did long for him and that makes me sick that I did.

Thank you for kind words :)

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You're right, we are both going on with our lives. And yes, I think I'm very angry with myself.

 

I think what makes me so mad is that I'm going to counseling so I can fix what is broken in me so I can fix my marriage. My H now knows I desire attention and affection. I'm trying to do healthy things to boost my self esteem and self worth so I don't ever have to seek it elsewhere.

While his wife doesn't even think anything is damaged in their marriage and they just keep living happily ever after.

Maybe I'm envious that he doesn't have to struggle to fix anything, because in his wife's eyes, nothing is broken.

 

Maybe I'm envious that he's not hurtIng. I don't know why this bothers me.

 

GD Nikki, .....nevermind

 

Just keep moving forward.

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GD Nikki, .....nevermind

 

Just keep moving forward.

 

Actually, I don't care what it means. I'm not going to let a post from you set me off into an even bigger rage and ruin my day.

I'm take it as GD means good day

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Nikki, did you and your H have a Dday, or did you confess to your H that you had an A? I can't remember.

 

If not, then you and xMM are in the same position.

 

You sound so much like my best friend.

Edited by Popsicle
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Nikki, did you and your H have a Dday, or did you confess to your H that you had an A? I can't remember.

 

If not, then you and xMM are in the same position.

 

No neither of us had a dday and I'm assuming he hasn't confessed either.

 

I know we are in the same position, I think it just makes me angry that hes not hurting. Immature, I know. I can't help feeling that way.

 

I'm going to try to refocus my thoughts now, I spent waaay too much time yesterday in angry mode and it was not a good place to be.

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goodgirlgonebad15
You're right, we are both going on with our lives. And yes, I think I'm very angry with myself.

 

I think what makes me so mad is that I'm going to counseling so I can fix what is broken in me so I can fix my marriage. My H now knows I desire attention and affection. I'm trying to do healthy things to boost my self esteem and self worth so I don't ever have to seek it elsewhere.

While his wife doesn't even think anything is damaged in their marriage and they just keep living happily ever after.

Maybe I'm envious that he doesn't have to struggle to fix anything, because in his wife's eyes, nothing is broken.

 

Maybe I'm envious that he's not hurtIng. I don't know why this bothers me.

 

I ask this question as politely as possible...but what is your resentment against his wife? You seem to be mad at her simply because she exists and doesn't see the problems in her marriage. I totally get your anger at him but why at her? Is it really her fault she doesn't know the truth?

 

What if MM feels the same about your husband....that your H doesn't know what his own wife is capable of.

 

You seem mad MM's wife is clueless, mad she thinks their marriage is fine, mad that he kisses her ass and adores her, mad that he hides his anger from her so that he can avoid conflict, I read another thread of yours where you went on and on about how much better looking than her you were...

 

I really hope the best for you on your road to healing but let that resentment against his wife for things she cannot control go...it isn't helpful.

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No neither of us had a dday and I'm assuming he hasn't confessed either.

 

I know we are in the same position, I think it just makes me angry that hes not hurting. Immature, I know. I can't help feeling that way.

 

I'm going to try to refocus my thoughts now, I spent waaay too much time yesterday in angry mode and it was not a good place to be.

 

I know but just remember that by going through this you are growing, whereas he is not (assuming he's not going through anything). Good luck.

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ladyabstrused

nikki, doesn't it feel good to let it all out? Vent all you need, I think it's healthy.

 

On another note, I read you said something like you're angry with yourself. There is a time to be angry, there is a time to feel remorseful for the wrongdoings we do. There also needs to come a time where you try to forgive yourself and then learn to let it go and promise yourself to be a better person and move forward.

 

I hope that this anger phase doesn't stick around for too long, or that you don't hold on to it for far too long that it rips you apart inside. You make terrible mistakes, you learn from it and make amends. You do your best and you try to do the right thing from now on. All the best.

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I ask this question as politely as possible...but what is your resentment against his wife? You seem to be mad at her simply because she exists and doesn't see the problems in her marriage. I totally get your anger at him but why at her? Is it really her fault she doesn't know the truth?

 

What if MM feels the same about your husband....that your H doesn't know what his own wife is capable of.

 

You seem mad MM's wife is clueless, mad she thinks their marriage is fine, mad that he kisses her ass and adores her, mad that he hides his anger from her so that he can avoid conflict, I read another thread of yours where you went on and on about how much better looking than her you were...

 

I really hope the best for you on your road to healing but let that resentment against his wife for things she cannot control go...it isn't helpful.

 

I guess it does sound like I resent her. I really dont. I know at one point I was jealous of her, that she was the one that got him 24/7. Boy was I a fool lol.

I resent that HE gets to be happy in his marriage.

while I'm happy in my marriage, we are going though alot of things, my issues, my kids issues, and this has caused a lot of disagreements between H amd I. So we've been arguing alot.

 

Maybe just the thought of them being happy with no fighting sets me off. I want him to be miserable.

 

I know though, I do need to let go of the things I cannot controL. Thank you for that advice.

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nikki, doesn't it feel good to let it all out? Vent all you need, I think it's healthy.

 

On another note, I read you said something like you're angry with yourself. There is a time to be angry, there is a time to feel remorseful for the wrongdoings we do. There also needs to come a time where you try to forgive yourself and then learn to let it go and promise yourself to be a better person and move forward.

 

I hope that this anger phase doesn't stick around for too long, or that you don't hold on to it for far too long that it rips you apart inside. You make terrible mistakes, you learn from it and make amends. You do your best and you try to do the right thing from now on. All the best.

 

Thank you, that means alot.

 

I'm very angry that I allowed myself to be the person that I promised I would never be.

 

I need to work on forgiving myself. I was never good with forgiveness though. this will be a tough one.

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beautiful_day

Nikki, you've not been the best version of yourself. What does the best version of you look like? And how do you find her?

 

 

I've been both the other woman, and a betrayed spouse. I've arrived at a place where I believe we women should be helping one another to achieve strength, so that we don't find ourselves in these terrible situations, particularly where we damage other women as well as ourselves. We need to stand together not tear each other apart.

 

 

You need to focus your attention away from the affair to things which will strengthen your standing as an adult twenty-first century woman, and help you to hold your head up high again.

 

 

Here's a little toolbox of materials from the top of my head that might help ...

 

 

For peace, look up the Dalai Lama on YouTube.

 

 

There's a poem called "Barbie Doll" by Marge Piercy. Google it.

 

 

There's a painting in the Metropolitan Museum. You can't miss it. It takes up a whole wall. It's called "The Horse Fair" by Rosa Bonheur; an artist who dressed as a man so that she could sit everyday and sketch the scene. I wish I could stand in front of it now with you so that you could draw strength from it. Darnit, I need her strength this morning! Google it.

 

 

There have been so many inspirational women in history. Let's learn from their lives, sit in their sunshine, rather than drowning in the sordid depths of "affairland." Which women inspire you?

 

 

Imagine a younger you. Child, adolescent, young woman, whichever. Stand outside her and really look at her. Tell her what happened to you. Tell her what you did. What does she say to you? Does she want you to reach higher? Will you let her down?

 

 

 

 

All rhetorical questions. Take what is useful, if anything, and ignore the rest :)

 

 

BD

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