Topgun110 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Hi all, Long story short, a seperated woman (3 months, so obviously not that long) has exposed feelings for me. I have (what feels like foolishly) done the same. What is interesting is, her ring has come off and gone back on several times throughout this process. Nothing physical has occurred with her and yes, I realize her situation is unresolved, but I had never heard of or seen the ring going on and off. What are your experiences with this? It's perplexing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 In the initial stages of my A, my MM would fiddle with his ring. He would tell me how he was fantasizing about me and stand there and twist it and his arms would be flapping back and forth behind his back. I think he was reminding himself he was married and trying to behave. Later, he would remove his ring when he was with me. I began to notice a pattern. If he wanted intimacy, the ring would be off when he arrived. If he just wanted to talk and visit, the ring would remain on. I never asked about it. I just figured he was either pretending he wasn't married during intimate moments or was respecting his vows/wedding by removing it when with me. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 If she ain't divorced and single, then leave it be. Nothing worse then a pissed off spouse. You never..............ever know what could happen. She may be removing her ring and putting it back on and he might be at home loading and unloading a gun and might use your ass for target practice. You willing to take that kind of a chance? I wont and I wouldn't care if she was removing her underwear instead of her ring. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Mine took his off about a year before the A even started, and hasn't worn it since. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 My guy took off his ring pretty soon into the affair and put it on his keyring. He never put it back on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 My MM wears his and so do I. Taking it off doesn't change how married we are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Mine wore his in the beginning. Shortly after, he took it off when he was around me. Sadly, that made me feel better. It was as though he was not married when he took it off. As if the ease of him removing it had anything to do with me. Actually, it probably helped him to feel less guilty. Helped him to feel less disrespectful to his wife. Having that ring touch me made me feel like I was slapping his wife in the face. To this day, I can't imagine how she feels knowing he touched me wearing the ring that she put on his finger so long ago. I can't believe "I" let that happen. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Different perspective here as no A involved. But my xH and I were separated under one roof for about a year while we sorted the legal stuff. I wore my ring throughout this period but also didn't date. I then took it off when I moved out for a little while... then put it back on again during a business trip to fend off unwanted approaches. I kept it on for the better part of a year, whilst casually seeing ppl. Then one day decided it was time and took it off again. Coincidentally not long after that I met MM. Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 My exh (wh at the time) always wore his ring during his serial cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) My WS (now exH) never had a wedding ring when he was married to me ( he refused to wear one, saying "I don't need a ring to tell me I'm married") so this doesn't apply. His AP (who was engaged to someone else at the time) kept her engagement ring on when she was having the affair with him. When her friends questioned the morality of this she said "It's only a ring" - which revealed a great deal about her attitudes and sensitivities.... When they got married he had a wedding ring for a while, but now no longer wears it. I have no idea why. I took off my wedding ring on DD and it never went on again. Edited May 19, 2015 by Arieswoman spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topgun110 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) I should clarify that they are seperated and living apart and have had marriage problems for the last year or so. Have been married about 2 years. I really am not looking to get physical with her and would not date her while seperated or married whatever. Strictly EA to this point I suppose. We really do have a strong connection and understanding of each other... Which yeah, everyone on here probably says. But it seems like she would go a week with the ring off, then it's back on, etc. She mostly acts like its no big deal, but it must have some significance. The really awful bit about this is we were close friends before she exposed feelings for me. I truly never thought about her in this way. And now it's just like.. Ugh. What did I get myself into. Edited May 19, 2015 by Topgun110 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I should clarify that they are seperated and living apart and have had marriage problems for the last year or so. Have been married about 2 years. I really am not looking to get physical with her and would not date her while seperated or married whatever. Strictly EA to this point I suppose. We really do have a strong connection and understanding of each other... Which yeah, everyone on here probably says. But it seems like she would go a week with the ring off, then it's back on, etc. She mostly acts like its no big deal, but it must have some significance. The really awful bit about this is we were close friends before she exposed feelings for me. I truly never thought about her in this way. And now it's just like.. Ugh. What did I get myself into. While I of course can't speak for your friend, I can tell you what the significance of the ring vacillation was for me. It had nothing to do with my M as that was well and truly over. It was about self perception and influencing the perception of others specifically around relationship availability. It was kind of part of my armour to signify that I'm not up for anything serious here; been there, done that and don't want to do it again. Fun? Yes. Commitment? No. The ring helped me until I was ready and confident to just communicate that outright. (I'm technically still married btw.) Why don't you just ask her why she does it? And you haven't really gotten yourself into anything... Yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 xMM never wears a ring and didn't before he met me. He likes being married though (clearly) and I think likes his wife too. I think he doesn't wear it for practical reasons. If he had suddenly started wearing it occasionally, I would question what's going on too. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Oh and Topgun, I find it dangerous to date separated people, because, yes, they may go back to their spouse at any moment (despite what they say). Many are unsure. One is not truly available until one is fully divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 To this day, I can't imagine how she feels knowing he touched me wearing the ring that she put on his finger so long ago. I can't believe "I" let that happen. It's often due to guilt and some remove rings after an argument. Childish really. The BS often insists the ring that touched another man or woman in those intimate places gets replaced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Topgun110 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Thanks for the replies. I have tried to spend an inordinate amount of time researching seperation stats and such. I guess every case is different, but from what I have learned scouring this forum, it does not seem that the OM ever prospers. Really is a shame too. She's a great person, but utterly confused. I thjnk I am going to have to essentially remove her from my life in order for this situation to improve. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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