sisa Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 MM is seperate now and I met with his wife twice to talk about their devorce plan. She told me she decide to divorce and now she seldom contact with him. MM and I have a plan and doing it right now which we plan to live together in another city, and he told me should not tell her in this stage because this will hurt her. Everything is so smooth until these days he talk about the plan that he plan to have a month vacation with his family. I understand he miss kids and kids should have father company. And when she know this, she told him she wish during the vacation he don't contact me. MM is conflict because he don't want hurt her more so he said during that month he wish I can support and not contact him. I said you are going to divorce so why need to listen her, then he start talk about this is very difficult for him because he don't want mother feel sad and kids see this. I don't understand why she told me her divorce plan and at the same time avoid him see me. I know for the kids thing I can't arguing. I am very afraid he will change. Most of the time we are doing well, he said he already choose me and he want to be with me. But at the same time he always told me he don't want divorce and it's very difficult for him. He said I don't risk anything but he did. Will the MM change when things really get reality and stressful. I mean now he told me he want divorce, but when he really see the divorce paper will he sign it? Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Looks like he is trying to keep both her and you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Sisa, you have had pages and pages and PAGES of advice here about how bad this MM is for you. You KNOW the answers to your questions. When is it time to put yourself FIRST and stop settling for this guy? Kick him to the curb and find a man that loves you and ONLY you - in public, not a secret in another town. You deserve so much more than this!!!! And, I'm out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I always click on these posts hoping to see that you have.come to your senses, Sisa. I am always disappointed when I see that you are still a doormat for this creep. I fear I may have to block you because these posts are beginning to make me think you love the misery of it all. Keep playing the 'pick me' dance. He is going on a month long trip with her? And can't contact you? You are choosing to let him treat you terribly. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Why does the wife have to go on the vacation with him and the kids? He is back tracking on you. It makes no sense whatsoever that he wouldn't be able to talk to his gf on his trip. He is lying and telling you this so he can have a chance to win back his wifes affection. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 If she seldom talks to him then I don't know why she would agree to a month vacation with him. I would say if she did tell him she didn't want him talking to you during that, the reason is because she doesn't want it pushed in her face. Just because she wants to divorce doesn't mean she doesn't love him and isn't in pain. Haing the phone ring and knowing it was you would be painful for her. Which why I have no idea why she keeps meeting with you. Now if I were you then I would have an issue with him going on a vacation with her. It is a good way for him to reconnect with her. He should just go with his kids. Nor would I want to be ignored for a month. He is going to do what he wants to do just as he always does. He never seems to care how you or his wife feel. There is no way to know if he will sign or not. How long has he been married and how old are his kids? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Everything is so smooth until these days he talk about the plan that he plan to have a month vacation with his family. I understand he miss kids and kids should have father company. And when she know this, she told him she wish during the vacation he don't contact me. MM is conflict because he don't want hurt her more so he said during that month he wish I can support and not contact him. I said you are going to divorce so why need to listen her, then he start talk about this is very difficult for him because he don't want mother feel sad and kids see this. Men who truly want to be with you, do not go on vacations for a month with their wife. They do not agree to any conditions that mean they cannot speak to you. He is, I guess going on a last ditch attempt to save their marriage. She knows about you, but he has asked her to reconcile and she has agreed to try, but only if he goes NC with you. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 there are some points I didnot mention clear, so I add in this post. It's the vacation but in fact it's because he have one month holiday and back to our home town. we did talk about if he live in hotel or his house, then we agree he live in his house, so his young kids might not feel strange. His wife said if he choose to live in house then she don't want he doing anything let kids feel suspect, that's why he told me should not contact him. He told me he can meet me in day time when kids in school, but because i have to work so I know we might just have lunch or coffee. He said I can take off and have a time with him in day time. We was just spend one week together last week, I went to his place and live with him, and it was good time and he told me he is very sure about with me. during my stay, she really seldom contact with him and there is just one time she call him and talk about divorce plan. She want to meet to again and I agree, that's why we meet second time. In the meeting she tell me about her plan to divorce. I don't know why she tell me this, and she also tell me she don't want he and I meet in next month, that's what I don't understand too, because why she want divorce and still care if he and I meet. He said he will still meet me anyway, but he don't want kids find out about us because they are still small and will not understand, I know my behavior and choose is not really wise, but I do love this man and I really want to be with him. He choose honest to his wife that told her about me, and his wife told me he told her he won't leave me because I am very important to him. I don't choose miserable life, if I don't believe him then I will not be with him. I love him and I want have future with him, is there really no way to let every party be happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Looks like he is trying to keep both her and you yes this is what he wish, he want treat both good, but his wife can't agree this and want to divorce him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Sisa, you have had pages and pages and PAGES of advice here about how bad this MM is for you. You KNOW the answers to your questions. When is it time to put yourself FIRST and stop settling for this guy? Kick him to the curb and find a man that loves you and ONLY you - in public, not a secret in another town. You deserve so much more than this!!!! And, I'm out. my dream is not like this, never think about I will involve in this one day, and never imagine one day I need to learn share. But leave the man I love is very hard especially when I still feel he love me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Why does the wife have to go on the vacation with him and the kids? He is back tracking on you. It makes no sense whatsoever that he wouldn't be able to talk to his gf on his trip. He is lying and telling you this so he can have a chance to win back his wifes affection. he back to home town and will live in his house, so it's not a trip. He said he will contact me when his kids in school and we can go out too. What he afraid is make her unstable and he don't want kids know about us now. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 ..Looks like he is trying to keep both her and you ...yes this is what he wish, he want treat both good, but his wife can't agree this and want to divorce him now. No... she want she really wants is him to be devoted and dedicated to her and the family. she is reluctantly giving up Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 If she seldom talks to him then I don't know why she would agree to a month vacation with him. I would say if she did tell him she didn't want him talking to you during that, the reason is because she doesn't want it pushed in her face. Just because she wants to divorce doesn't mean she doesn't love him and isn't in pain. Haing the phone ring and knowing it was you would be painful for her. Which why I have no idea why she keeps meeting with you. Now if I were you then I would have an issue with him going on a vacation with her. It is a good way for him to reconnect with her. He should just go with his kids. Nor would I want to be ignored for a month. He is going to do what he wants to do just as he always does. He never seems to care how you or his wife feel. There is no way to know if he will sign or not. How long has he been married and how old are his kids? 10 years and 2 kids in elementary school. He said he will try to discuss with her and meet me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 ..Looks like he is trying to keep both her and you ...yes this is what he wish, he want treat both good, but his wife can't agree this and want to divorce him now. No... she want she really wants is him to be devoted and dedicated to her and the family. she is reluctantly giving up you might be right, but if she don't want divorce why she talk this to him many times ( more than a year) and even told me, and seperate with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) The problem with being one of those OW who lets the MM "talk his wife into divorce" in a nice way, is that you will always, and I mean always, come third, forth, or fifth, behind the W and her moods, the kids, his job (linked to the comfort of W and kids) and whatever else suits their fancy. All because MM "says" he loves you more than life itself. Well, words and ideas are not enough. You need the actions to be in sync with the ideas to make the love actually match the ideal, and in these situations where MM is trying to play nice that day will never come like both you and he hope. You, he and your love will always be a slave to the W and/or the kids. It's up to you how much these scraps of a R are worth to you. Edited April 24, 2015 by Popsicle 5 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Do you understand that when he grows tired of you one day he will expect you to take it like a champ the way his wife did. You have all the information in front of you on how he treats woman when he is tired and bored. He has no loyalty and one day you will be doing the same as the wife and wish you would have listened. He does not want her to divorce him he likes calling the shots this is all about getting attention from two woman. Why not find someone who is not taken with out build me up problems? I am divorcing my husband because I do not put up with cheating,lying and sneakiness. Its not to let him and OW live happily ever after. If she is not smart enough to figure out he is not a prize but a problem being handed over to her then she deserves the abuse not I. I wish you would open your eyes and be strong enough to let him go. Theirs so many other fish in the sea to love why love someone unhealthy mentally. I wish you the best,big hugs 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 You, he and your love will always be a slave to the W and/or the kids. It's up to you how much these scraps of a R are worth to you. ^^^ this^^^ He is not some man who can walk out of a relationship, and never look back. A man who never needs to see his ex ever again. A man who can focus on you, and build a relationship with you. A man whose whole being is dedicated to you, your house, your kids, your life together. This man has a wife, and he has kids, so they will always be in the picture and they will always impact on your life. They will necessarily come first and your individual plans may be shelved and discarded if they do not meet with those of his wife and kids. That is the reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mokamint7 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I wish you would open your eyes and be strong enough to let him go. Theirs so many other fish in the sea to love why love someone unhealthy mentally. Because you can't always help who you fall in love with. All those faceless, nameless fish mean nothing when who you want with all your heart is already in front of you. Being the OW maybe very painful at times, but the good times, and love and affection you both share is worth that. If there were so many other fish in the sea that were just as great as AP or MM then there wouldn't be affairs. The heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe that's a cope out phrase, but its the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Because you can't always help who you fall in love with. All those faceless, nameless fish mean nothing when who you want with all your heart is already in front of you. Being the OW maybe very painful at times, but the good times, and love and affection you both share is worth that. If there were so many other fish in the sea that were just as great as AP or MM then there wouldn't be affairs. The heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe that's a cope out phrase, but its the truth. While I was OW and do understand these feelings, you really need to read Sisa's back story to understand the dysfunction. It is a true mess, one she needs to extricate herself from for her own mental health. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Because you can't always help who you fall in love with. All those faceless, nameless fish mean nothing when who you want with all your heart is already in front of you. Being the OW maybe very painful at times, but the good times, and love and affection you both share is worth that. If there were so many other fish in the sea that were just as great as AP or MM then there wouldn't be affairs. The heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe that's a cope out phrase, but its the truth. Do you honestly believe ALL AP and WS are great candidates for a relationship? Affairs exist because we humans are FLAWED individuals.....nothing more....nothing less. Those that choose to ignore their logical brain and only follow their heart have never emotionally matured past that of a child. Life is about balance...living is learning how to manage that balance. We all should strive to grow....to become a better "I".....that is the real "truth" about life. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 The heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe that's a cope out phrase, but its the truth. And another phrase is "the grass is greenest where one waters it." Meaning if one spent their energy looking for an available, 100% committed partner, they would find someone. Instead an AP continues to water the grass that belongs to someone else, meanwhile their own private yard slowly dies. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Wait....this is the same man who told you if his wife ever decides to take him back he will ACCEPT HER BACK? may i know where do you all come from? what culture? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Ok... what is the back-story, I believe I read a bit but guess did not remember all or followed through. Can someone summarize a bit? Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Ok... what is the back-story, I believe I read a bit but guess did not remember all or followed through. Can someone summarize a bit? he wants both her and wife,wife said no she wants now divorce.he accepted but said to the ow...if wife changes mind he will take back wife Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Looks like he is trying to keep both her and you Which was his original plan all along from what sisa said. The fact that you're fearful and basically from day one haven't been at peace says it all sisa. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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