Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi guys Basically the married man I am seeing is my ex bf we broke up in jan as he was getting married religious reasons etc we have continued seeing each other talking over email and sometimes texts and we meet up when he has time etc but one thing I do not understand is some weeks he cannot get enough of me constantly talking to me and planning to see me then the next week he hardly speaks and find excuses not to meet up, he always says even if we don't talk as often nothing will change but I don't know if maybe I'm just being paranoid or what's going on .... Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I suspect that when he's pulling away, he's feeling guilty and/or worried about slipping up and getting caught. Once those feelings subside, he remembers the fun he has with you, and reaches out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi guys Basically the married man I am seeing is my ex bf we broke up in jan as he was getting married religious reasons etc we have continued seeing each other talking over email and sometimes texts and we meet up when he has time etc but one thing I do not understand is some weeks he cannot get enough of me constantly talking to me and planning to see me then the next week he hardly speaks and find excuses not to meet up, he always says even if we don't talk as often nothing will change but I don't know if maybe I'm just being paranoid or what's going on .... And I am again reminded why I am not religious. What's going on is that he is living life with his wife. Why are you with him if he just got married to someone else? Honest question. I hope you can find your way out into something better for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi guys Basically the married man I am seeing is my ex bf we broke up in jan as he was getting married religious reasons etc we have continued seeing each other talking over email and sometimes texts and we meet up when he has time etc but one thing I do not understand is some weeks he cannot get enough of me constantly talking to me and planning to see me then the next week he hardly speaks and find excuses not to meet up, he always says even if we don't talk as often nothing will change but I don't know if maybe I'm just being paranoid or what's going on .... Is there a question? Are you wondering why he doesn't have time for you some weeks? It could be that his schedule is busy. Or his wife needs him and they have plans together. As the OW you'll always be in the position of being fitted it as and when the MM is able. You can't realistically expect any more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I suspect that when he's pulling away, he's feeling guilty and/or worried about slipping up and getting caught. Once those feelings subside, he remembers the fun he has with you, and reaches out. Maybe your right that could be the reason he sometimes seems really distant the worse thing is he's saying he doesn't think he can still see me when I meet someone else as it would be weird for him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Is there a question? Are you wondering why he doesn't have time for you some weeks? It could be that his schedule is busy. Or his wife needs him and they have plans together. As the OW you'll always be in the position of being fitted it as and when the MM is able. You can't realistically expect any more. It's so hard not to expect more and I know I shouldn't but when we are together it's just like old times even when we speak it's still like we are together 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi guys Basically the married man I am seeing is my ex bf we broke up in jan as he was getting married religious reasons etc we have continued seeing each other talking over email and sometimes texts and we meet up when he has time etc but one thing I do not understand is some weeks he cannot get enough of me constantly talking to me and planning to see me then the next week he hardly speaks and find excuses not to meet up, he always says even if we don't talk as often nothing will change but I don't know if maybe I'm just being paranoid or what's going on .... My exMM is also a guy from my past I talked to/dated while he was single. I dumped him for my own reasons and he got married. My point is don't think of him as an exBF, he is now a MM and he is doing what cheating MM do. Hot/cold, push/pull. It's to be expected I guess. Don't make my mistake and think that just because you guys had something in past doesn't make the sitatuion now any different. He is a cheating MM and is acting accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 And I am again reminded why I am not religious. What's going on is that he is living life with his wife. Why are you with him if he just got married to someone else? Honest question. I hope you can find your way out into something better for you. I'm still with him because I still love him we only broke up a couple of months ago I don't know how to and don't want to let go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 My exMM is also a guy from my past I talked to/dated while he was single. I dumped him for my own reasons and he got married. My point is don't think of him as an exBF, he is now a MM and he is doing what cheating MM do. Hot/cold, push/pull. It's to be expected I guess. Don't make my mistake and think that just because you guys had something in past doesn't make the sitatuion now any different. He is a cheating MM and is acting accordingly. I think that's why I'm finding it hard as you said I'm still thinking about what we had before he was married maybe that's the mistake I'm making as I'm still expecting him to act he same way with me and we have to speak on his terms etc I'm not able to just message him and I'm worried about meeting someone else as he won't want me anymore 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 It's so hard not to expect more and I know I shouldn't but when we are together it's just like old times even when we speak it's still like we are together This is the problem with exes from the past becoming involved in affairs. You think it is how it was back then but it is not. This is a completely new/different situation than the one where you were just dating. This was a big problem for me...I already knew him, it felt nautral, just like it did in the past when we both truly were single. It's nothing like how it was back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 This is the problem with exes from the past becoming involved in affairs. You think it is how it was back then but it is not. This is a completely new/different situation than the one where you were just dating. This was a big problem for me...I already knew him, it felt nautral, just like it did in the past when we both truly were single. It's nothing like how it was back then. That's so true that's exactly how it feels for me it doesn't feel like an affair it feels normal and natural just how it did before so when he's distant or not seeing me it's difficult cos confused why and it is stopping me from meeting other people because I don't want to lose him again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think that's why I'm finding it hard as you said I'm still thinking about what we had before he was married maybe that's the mistake I'm making as I'm still expecting him to act he same way with me and we have to speak on his terms etc I'm not able to just message him and I'm worried about meeting someone else as he won't want me anymore I know exactly how you feel. When I came back in exMM's life he was seperated so it really did feel like old times, he had all the time in the world for me, gave me oodles of attention...then without fail he started the push/pull, the hot/cold, he had NEVER treated me as such at any point in time, I was so confused and hurt. Well he decided he wanted to work on his marriage and instead of being honest, he led me on to believe he was still seperated and all the vibes I felt where in my head and I was crazy blah blah blah... I used to be worried about meeting a new guy and hurting exMM, but that was more so because he was emotionally abusing and manipulating me. He had me so guilt ridden I wouldn't even mention other guys to him. He would tell me I was ashamed of him, if I couldn't see or talk to him, he would bombard me with messages of seeing another guy and that this guy must be better looking and have more money than him. It was CRAZY. Please get out of this sitaution asap, as best you can. It will kill your self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I know exactly how you feel. When I came back in exMM's life he was seperated so it really did feel like old times, he had all the time in the world for me, gave me oodles of attention...then without fail he started the push/pull, the hot/cold, he had NEVER treated me as such at any point in time, I was so confused and hurt. Well he decided he wanted to work on his marriage and instead of being honest, he led me on to believe he was still seperated and all the vibes I felt where in my head and I was crazy blah blah blah... I used to be worried about meeting a new guy and hurting exMM, but that was more so because he was emotionally abusing and manipulating me. He had me so guilt ridden I wouldn't even mention other guys to him. He would tell me I was ashamed of him, if I couldn't see or talk to him, he would bombard me with messages of seeing another guy and that this guy must be better looking and have more money than him. It was CRAZY. Please get out of this sitaution asap, as best you can. It will kill your self esteem. This sounds exactly the same as my situation it really does he told me he doesnt think he would continue to see me if I meet someone because it will be weird for him and he used to make me swear that I wasn't sleeping with anyone else and things like that but he hasn't asked that recently I do want to meet someone else but I don't want to lose him at the same time it's really hard to know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 That's so true that's exactly how it feels for me it doesn't feel like an affair it feels normal and natural just how it did before so when he's distant or not seeing me it's difficult cos confused why and it is stopping me from meeting other people because I don't want to lose him again I know this feeling so well. The physical part of our affair ended last fall but I guess we have maintained an emotional affair. We weren't seeing each or having sex but I felt so guilty horrible to even post pics of other guys on my social media. But those thoughts are irrational...he (yours and mine) is with someone else and didn't care about losing us for making that choice. Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 This sounds exactly the same as my situation it really does he told me he doesnt think he would continue to see me if I meet someone because it will be weird for him and he used to make me swear that I wasn't sleeping with anyone else and things like that but he hasn't asked that recently I do want to meet someone else but I don't want to lose him at the same time it's really hard to know what to do I think we have already lost them. He is selfish to make you promise things that he cannot even promise himself. My exMM was very big on promises...he wanted me to promise everything to him, promises he himself could never fufill if the shoe was on the other foot. I'm not in the best place emotionally to give you advice on how to end this unhealthy relationship but I do know you won't find another guy while you are still wrapped up in MM, if your heart is wired for monogomay you won't be able to open up to another man...I am learning this months after the fact... Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 That's so true that's exactly how it feels for me it doesn't feel like an affair it feels normal and natural just how it did before so when he's distant or not seeing me it's difficult cos confused why and it is stopping me from meeting other people because I don't want to lose him again Well it IS an affair, you are NOT in a "normal relationship" with him, and this is so unhealthy for you but you cannot see it. You are someone else's pawn, he is playing you and you are buying into it all. Religious reasons? WTH does THAT mean? Lose him? LOSE a man? Puh-leaze. Men are a dime a dozen and you are wasting time on somebody you didn't want to be with anyway (you broke up with him, remember?). You let him go so he could be somebody else's problem (poor woman who married him) but you can't let go because you are scared and have questionable self-esteem. You do not need a man, and you especially do not need a married one. You need to take all the time, attention, and energy you are WASTING running after some married slob and direct it towards your self, your life, your education, your career, your hobbies, your friends, YOU. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think we have already lost them. He is selfish to make you promise things that he cannot even promise himself. My exMM was very big on promises...he wanted me to promise everything to him, promises he himself could never fufill if the shoe was on the other foot. I'm not in the best place emotionally to give you advice on how to end this unhealthy relationship but I do know you won't find another guy while you are still wrapped up in MM, if your heart is wired for monogomay you won't be able to open up to another man...I am learning this months after the fact... I think we are both feeling the exact same way as both of the MM are wanting the same thing they have one rule for them and another for us I'm still completely in love with him which doesn't help, and you right we have already technically lost them just feels like I still have him in some way as we still talk and see each other, if you want to talk then feel free to message me anytime maybe we can help each other 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Well it IS an affair, you are NOT in a "normal relationship" with him, and this is so unhealthy for you but you cannot see it. You are someone else's pawn, he is playing you and you are buying into it all. Religious reasons? WTH does THAT mean? Lose him? LOSE a man? Puh-leaze. Men are a dime a dozen and you are wasting time on somebody you didn't want to be with anyway (you broke up with him, remember?). You let him go so he could be somebody else's problem (poor woman who married him) but you can't let go because you are scared and have questionable self-esteem. You do not need a man, and you especially do not need a married one. You need to take all the time, attention, and energy you are WASTING running after some married slob and direct it towards your self, your life, your education, your career, your hobbies, your friends, YOU. I know your right I am wasting my life and time on someone who will never be mine again but it's so mug easier said than done to leave and cut all contact, he may very well be playing me but when he gives me attention and time it doesn't feel that way Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 He's completely selfish. I mean, really? He's married but seeing you - and you're single but he expects you to date no one else? That's just awful of him. I hope you will gain the courage and strength to tell him you are single and you will do whatever you please. Why are you allowing him to call all the shots? Oh, and did I say "he's married!"...? Tell him you plan to inform his wife what he's been doing - that ought to give you room to find a single guy - one who is decent and kind and faithful - this guy isn't that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Sophie honey you need to read Mama Gena's owners guide. Google it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 He's completely selfish. I mean, really? He's married but seeing you - and you're single but he expects you to date no one else? That's just awful of him. I hope you will gain the courage and strength to tell him you are single and you will do whatever you please. Why are you allowing him to call all the shots? Oh, and did I say "he's married!"...? Tell him you plan to inform his wife what he's been doing - that ought to give you room to find a single guy - one who is decent and kind and faithful - this guy isn't that. He didn't say I couldn't get another boyfriend he just said he doesn't think he would want me anymore because he feels r would be weird which I know is selfish because like you said he does have a wife but he is saying it would be to weird for him, right now I just cannot walk away from him cos the feelings are still there I just really do not want to lose him more than I already have silly I know Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Sophie honey you need to read Mama Gena's owners guide. Google it. Really I have never heard of this before I certainly will google it and have a read thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 He didn't say I couldn't get another boyfriend he just said he doesn't think he would want me anymore because he feels r would be weird which I know is selfish because like you said he does have a wife but he is saying it would be to weird for him, right now I just cannot walk away from him cos the feelings are still there I just really do not want to lose him more than I already have silly I know Wow this guy is really manipulative. Making you feel bad for thinking about a normal relationship with someone available. He wouldn't want you anymore? That's all kinds of just mean. Not to mention hypocritical. You can walk away. You have to because the feelings will ALWAYS be there. As long as the affair continues. As an aside, I'd say reason he demands you "not sleep" with someone else is self preservation. I'll garner he's having unprotected sex with you and his wife... Probably looking to start a family with his wife, as most newly married couples do. The best way to cover his arse, from an STD standpoint (aside from the obvious - condoms duh!) is to make sure you're monogamous, even if he isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie12 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Wow this guy is really manipulative. Making you feel bad for thinking about a normal relationship with someone available. He wouldn't want you anymore? That's all kinds of just mean. Not to mention hypocritical. You can walk away. You have to because the feelings will ALWAYS be there. As long as the affair continues. As an aside, I'd say reason he demands you "not sleep" with someone else is self preservation. I'll garner he's having unprotected sex with you and his wife... Probably looking to start a family with his wife, as most newly married couples do. The best way to cover his arse, from an STD standpoint (aside from the obvious - condoms duh!) is to make sure you're monogamous, even if he isn't. Thats what he said to me that he doesn't think he would want me anymore, I know your right the feelings will never go all the time we are still seeing each other. He is having unprotected sex with both of us your are correct so maybe your right and that's the reason he doesn't want to see me if I meet someone else. He lies to me as well about taking his wife out he pretends they have guests coming or something when on actual fact he's taking her out for the night Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 So you have evidence that he cheats (and you could get pregnant or an std) and he lies. What is attractive about a man with those character traits? Link to post Share on other sites
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