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Be a silent lover or speak out


eternal.denied84

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eternal.denied84

Hi, I am attracted to a married woman at my office. We have a healthy and close bonding as colleagues. We talk a lot and have fun. But she doesn't have a clue that I am attracted to her. Or may be she does? I don't know.

 

I have tried giving her signals to which she neither reacted adversely nor in my favor.May be she just sees me a as a good colleague.

 

My attraction for her seems to be getting intense every passing day. While I realize that there won't be anything possible between us, I strongly feel that I should let my heart out to her and tell her how much I really like her. I feel that getting this off my chest would help me control my emotions..

 

Would this be a good idea to express my feelings or would this just make things complicated and awkward ?

 

I am only looking to achieve a emotional stability for myself. Not really expecting her to reciprocate my feelings.

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Lurkeraspect
Hi, I am attracted to a married woman at my office. We have a healthy and close bonding as colleagues. We talk a lot and have fun. But she doesn't have a clue that I am attracted to her. Or may be she does? I don't know.

 

I have tried giving her signals to which she neither reacted adversely nor in my favor.May be she just sees me a as a good colleague.

 

My attraction for her seems to be getting intense every passing day. While I realize that there won't be anything possible between us, I strongly feel that I should let my heart out to her and tell her how much I really like her. I feel that getting this off my chest would help me control my emotions..

 

Would this be a good idea to express my feelings or would this just make things complicated and awkward ?

 

I am only looking to achieve a emotional stability for myself. Not really expecting her to reciprocate my feelings.

 

NO!

I'd consider your writing it here, as "getting it off your chest".

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Don't go down that rabbit hole. Don't do that to yourself or her. Keep it strictly professional - nothing and I mean NOTHING good will come of it.

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If you REALLY CARE about her you won't even entertain the idea. It will only cause her immense pain and blow up her life. As it seems now you only care about your own desires by going there.

The other possible thing, because women are not stupid, is that she is ignoring the signals to avoid awkward ness. She is probably not interested and you pushing may cause you serious consequences. IE sexual harassment or her cutting you out as a friend.

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Don't do it, nothin good can come of it.

 

If you tell her and she doesn't feel the same she could feel awkward and stop talking to you. If you tell her and she does have feelings you can end up in an affair and it will be the biggest mistake you ever made.

 

Do you really want to be that guy who tells a MW he has feelings for her? That shows that you have no respect for her marriage at all and makes you look like a giant douchebag in my book.

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Grapesofwrath
We have a healthy and close bonding as colleagues. We talk a lot and have fun.

 

What do you mean by a "healthy and close bonding as colleagues"? Do you ever socialize outside of work? If she does not socialize with you outside of work, and you are putting out signals that fall on deaf ears, I agree that it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie. the feelings will subside over time.

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Quiet Storm

No. Doing that would be very inappropriate and indicates that you have serious boundary issues. It's not just that she is a coworker, she is married. Have some respect!

 

I am married and if one of my coworkers confessed their feelings for me, I would feel very uncomfortable and disrespected. I would feel like 'Jeez, I can't even be friendly without him getting the wrong idea".

Edited by Quiet Storm
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Michelle ma Belle

You're only thinking about YOU and how you can help YOUR bleeding heart without any regard for the woman who is MARRIED. If you really cared about this woman you wouldn't put her in this predicament.

 

It is extremely selfish behavior.

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So if she responded positively what would you do?

Become her secret lover? Think about what your doing. You can admire her from a distance, but she's another man's wife and you need to respect that. I'm sure you wouldn't like a man to hit on your wife in the future.

 

There's plenty of great single women out there. Just see this one as unavailable.

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  • 3 months later...
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eternal.denied84

Guys, Thanks all for your valuable comments. I could only control myself for 3 months.

 

The damage is now done. During past months or so we had come close together as in She was going through tough time at work and I was being her support. I just could not control my emotions and one fine day last week I told her that I have a crush on her.

 

She told me its completely wrong and that I broke her trust. She was upset for a day or two but when I asked for forgiveness, She forgave me telling she feels that I am genuinely not a bad guy. She will erase that day from her mind and warned me that I should never repeat this either in actions or words.

 

Now, over this last week, I have not been able to put my expectaions on check. I want her to go coffee with me. I want her to talk to me alone, not in groups. Obviously she wouldnt like to do things between just two of us after knowing that I have feelings for her. She gives me standard busy excuse. Which is a fairly correct thing from her stand point. However, when I get a NO from here for any thing I ask I feel disrespected, I take that as a hit on my ego and then I start ignoring her

 

So one day I ignore her, next day I say sorry. Then again I ignore her for a day or two hoping for her to come back and then say sorry the third day.. This cycle has obviously annoyed her a lot.

 

Good things is, she is going to be in my department only for two more weeks and after that she is moving out. She is also in my lunch group.

 

what do I do for these two weeks to control my emotions?

 

a.) Should I just ignore her because if she won't give me special attention (which obviously she wouldn't), I will feel bad.

 

b) Should I be nice to her, maintain normalcy because its just a matter of two weeks and then part on good note.

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purplesorrow
Guys, Thanks all for your valuable comments. I could only control myself for 3 months.

 

The damage is now done. During past months or so we had come close together as in She was going through tough time at work and I was being her support. I just could not control my emotions and one fine day last week I told her that I have a crush on her.

 

She told me its completely wrong and that I broke her trust. She was upset for a day or two but when I asked for forgiveness, She forgave me telling she feels that I am genuinely not a bad guy. She will erase that day from her mind and warned me that I should never repeat this either in actions or words.

 

Now, over this last week, I have not been able to put my expectaions on check. I want her to go coffee with me. I want her to talk to me alone, not in groups. Obviously she wouldnt like to do things between just two of us after knowing that I have feelings for her. She gives me standard busy excuse. Which is a fairly correct thing from her stand point. However, when I get a NO from here for any thing I ask I feel disrespected, I take that as a hit on my ego and then I start ignoring her

 

So one day I ignore her, next day I say sorry. Then again I ignore her for a day or two hoping for her to come back and then say sorry the third day.. This cycle has obviously annoyed her a lot.

 

Good things is, she is going to be in my department only for two more weeks and after that she is moving out. She is also in my lunch group.

 

what do I do for these two weeks to control my emotions?

 

a.) Should I just ignore her because if she won't give me special attention (which obviously she wouldn't), I will feel bad.

 

b) Should I be nice to her, maintain normalcy because its just a matter of two weeks and then part on good note.

Dude, get a grip. She respects her marriage and is annoyed that you don't. She doesn't owe you any "special" treatment, you are not special to her. Be professional and leave her alone.

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Friskyone4u

What you shojld do is stop acting like a fool in fourth grade and respect what she told you before you find yourself out of a job because she files a complaint.

 

You are acting like a child who is told no by mommy but refuses to listen. Maybe you should get some therapy to find out why you can't comprehend what this woman has told you.

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Don't get it twisted. She is not the one being disrespectful here, you are. She has told you straight out that she does not share your feelings and she is not interested. The fact that you continue to chase her and then punish her when she doesn't give you the attention you think you are entitled to, makes you sound a little scary.

 

 

You be professional and polite to her at work until she leaves and accept the fact that she is a married woman who is not interested in cheating on her husband.

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eternal.denied84

So be polite means maintain distance and be cordial.

 

As I said she is on my lunch group. Should I continue having lunch in that group or not?

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FusionCutter

3 months ago you didn't listen to anyone here. What do you expect now?

 

You're being a creep.

She said No.

 

Be a professional. Stay away from her.

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eternal.denied84
Don't get it twisted. She is not the one being disrespectful here, you are. She has told you straight out that she does not share your feelings and she is not interested. The fact that you continue to chase her and then punish her when she doesn't give you the attention you think you are entitled to, makes you sound a little scary.

 

 

You be professional and polite to her at work until she leaves and accept the fact that she is a married woman who is not interested in cheating on her husband.

 

Anika,Thank you very much for your reply. So, I was giving her lots of space after the incident. I also told her that I won't join on lunch considering it will make her uncomfortable.however she is the one who came to me and said that we can continue to go on lunch together.

 

She also said that she wants to be nice and pleasant. And she is happy to be friends.

 

I am perfectly okay with giving her space and all. My only worry is that she should not think that I am being a douchebag when she is trying to be nice. All I want is to keep her happy. I am not expecting anything for myself.

 

I am worried that when I give her space and don't talk to her,she should not think that I am the one who first broke her trust and then I am the one to show attitude when she is being nice.What's the best thing to do in this scenario?

Edited by eternal.denied84
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still_an_Angel

Maintain your distance and be polite. If doing lunch is ok with her just keep your professional face on but keep your personal distance.

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