Jump to content

Saying goodbye in person (Updated)


Recommended Posts

Did anyone else ever meet for their final goodbye at the end and do you think it made it worse or better to say goodbye in person?

 

He text me asking me to him tomorrow to at least say goodbye in person. I agreed to meet him in a public place for an hour at lunch. He doesn't understand why we have to cut all contact but says he at least wants a face to face after two years.

 

My best friend thinks it's a good idea for me to move on.

 

Did this help anyone? I'm not going back.

Link to post
Share on other sites

For me it helped, mainly with finishing business. That may be reflective of my generation, as we generally conducted relationships, both loving and adversarial, in person, as electronic means were either non-existent or inconvenient, or it could simply be personal style.

 

IMO, go with your style. If breakups are up close and personal and that's meaningful for you, that. If simply cutting contact works best, that. TBH, over the decades, most MW's have simply cut contact.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Friskyone4u

Ronnie,

 

Since you already agreed to it it really does not matter what we think. I believe you will find most will say it is a bad idea but I could be wrong.

He ants to see you again to keep you hooked and if your goal is to break from this relationship NC would have been the way to go.

You say you are determined it is over. Hope you check in in the next few days and that you are right and not back to longing for him and wondering why.

Good luck

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ronnie,

 

Since you already agreed to it it really does not matter what we think. I believe you will find most will say it is a bad idea but I could be wrong.

He ants to see you again to keep you hooked and if your goal is to break from this relationship NC would have been the way to go.

You say you are determined it is over. Hope you check in in the next few days and that you are right and not back to longing for him and wondering why.

Good luck

I did but I was moving away and we were just platonic. It was tough. It didn't help nor hurt me. I would say dont go personally cause it will hurt more if its for closure but follow your heart I guess. Just know it wont close things. It will keep it amiguous I believe. You aren't over him so....

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup

You do what is best for you! If you don't want to meet him face to face, then don't. Do the goodbye's by phone this way you're in control. Seeing him face to face gives him power over you, he knows he can touch you or kiss you, or hold your hand, maybe try to convince you to keep the contact going. If you're strong enough to ward off his advances or manipulation tactics, then go and show him YOU are in control and want the A over forever and go NC.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you everyone. I agree with Carhill in the fact that relationships should be handled face to face. Even though it was an affair we were such close friends and saying goodbye over texts just doesn't feel right. That being said I'm sure tomorrow I will cry my eyes out the second I walk away knowing that is it.

 

I won't go back and can't go back, there is no future for is and I know that. I'm just hoping to say goodbye and not look back.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath

This is a real dilemma. If you think you can really end it in person, I'd say do that. It's dignified and it shows strength. Giving the relationship a respectful ending is wonderful, if you can really do it. You'll be proud of how you behaved and walk away with your chin held high. But if it's not going to end, then you lose your dignity in that process and electronic methods are better.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Mm and I never said goodbye .... It was too hard for both of us so we just gradually stopped talking....we knew if we met up to say goodbye it would hurt too much...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I don't know if I can do it now. I'm already crying thinking about hugging him and walking away forever. How do you look at someone you love, hug them and say take care. I won't go back and most important I know I can't but omg this hurts so bad already.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ronnie, you're going to do what you want to do, but I think it's a terrible idea and will set you back significantly, because you'll just focus on that last tearful goodbye.

 

Just move forward, and yes you have to be cold and emotionless. Why go on the last bender before you quit drinking, you'll just have the mother of all hangovers reminding you that you shouldn't have done it.

 

Same thing here. There is no such thing as closure, he knows it's over, you know it's over, let it be.

 

So he's a great guy, so what, sometimes you have to be selfish and do things for yourself, not to benefit others.

 

My two pennies

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Ronnie, I'm thinking about you. I know you will decide what is best for you, but I'm worried. When MM switched jobs I sent him what I intended and really thought was a goodbye (not just from the job, but from us) email. I thought it was best not to see each other. He asked to see me his last day to say goodbye. It was very hard. I cried, we held each other and when it was over I went to leave and he insisted on walking me to my car which just made it even worse. It obviously wasn't goodbye and it's become worse.

 

Please please think this thru, especially if you are having difficulty now. I'm afraid you will get sucked back into this because of the pain. If you decide you have to go, please stay strong and resolute in your decision regardless of the pain or what he says. Good luck - we are here for you

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
confusedwife1981

My H's exOW had refused to meet up with him to discuss in person ending the affair. She told him, through text, that she gets it and didn't see any reason to meet up. My H became upset with her and started pressuring her to meet him face to face. He even drove all the way out to her job, to force her to see him and talk in person. She refused to come outside. She eventually gave in and saw him...what it lead to was a series of arguing and hurting feelings. Her feeling even more used and him trying to convince her it wasn't so. They ended up in circles for a few weeks there.

 

I felt like my H should have left her alone to deal however she wanted to and that his pressuring of her kind of made her snap on him in the end.

 

I guess what I'm saying is face to face isn't always a good thing and don't let him (a man) pressure you into meeting him. You say goodbye however it is best for you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I did it. We met and said goodbye. It was normal and we just talked as friends at first and then as we were leaving I hugged him and said goodbye. He said "it's not goodbye, it never is for us" I said "it is goodbye and it has to be" I told him I wished him all the best. He said he knows one day we will be friends again and I said "I'll never forget you but we have to detach from eachother and only time will do that"

 

Now I have to find ways to fill my time. Our problem is how used we are to texting all day. I need a new routine and to stop telling myself that this I lost the perfect man for me.

 

I just want to move on and be strong. I keep asking myself why didn't he pick me and why wasn't I good enough but I have to stop. I have to focus on me and my life.

 

Thank you loveshack for your support.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I did it. We met and said goodbye. It was normal and we just talked as friends at first and then as we were leaving I hugged him and said goodbye. He said "it's not goodbye, it never is for us" I said "it is goodbye and it has to be" I told him I wished him all the best. He said he knows one day we will be friends again and I said "I'll never forget you but we have to detach from eachother and only time will do that"

 

Now I have to find ways to fill my time. Our problem is how used we are to texting all day. I need a new routine and to stop telling myself that this I lost the perfect man for me.

 

I just want to move on and be strong. I keep asking myself why didn't he pick me and why wasn't I good enough but I have to stop. I have to focus on me and my life.

 

Thank you loveshack for your support.

 

 

Oh honey. I'm so sorry you're hurting. I Am proud of you for being strong even though he tried leaving the door a little open. And you closed it and made your point, great job :)

 

I used to text my xMM all the time too. Even now my biggest struggle is filling my time. I would spend all of it either counting down til when I would talk or see him next, or actually talking and seeing him. It's lonely and I feel aimless but it's for the best. For me and for you. Be strong and don't look back. Thinking of you today

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I did it. We met and said goodbye. It was normal and we just talked as friends at first and then as we were leaving I hugged him and said goodbye. He said "it's not goodbye, it never is for us" I said "it is goodbye and it has to be" I told him I wished him all the best. He said he knows one day we will be friends again and I said "I'll never forget you but we have to detach from eachother and only time will do that"

 

Now I have to find ways to fill my time. Our problem is how used we are to texting all day. I need a new routine and to stop telling myself that this I lost the perfect man for me.

 

I just want to move on and be strong. I keep asking myself why didn't he pick me and why wasn't I good enough but I have to stop. I have to focus on me and my life.

 

Thank you loveshack for your support.

Ronnie, How is he the perfect man??? He is a cheater. Just think if he can do what he did to his W (the women who gave him children) just think what he will do to you. He will always blame you for making him lose his family. He will never be faithful to you. You did the right thing. Let him go. You deserve so much better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Ronnie, How is he the perfect man??? He is a cheater. Just think if he can do what he did to his W (the women who gave him children) just think what he will do to you. He will always blame you for making him lose his family. He will never be faithful to you. You did the right thing. Let him go. You deserve so much better.

 

He isn't married, he is getting engaged in a few weeks.

 

When this started I was the married one and he was newly single and then had met her but was in love with me. I'm just as guilty as he is.

 

Besides the cheating with me he is perfect. He's everything I thought I wanted but he moved on and now so do I.

 

Thank you for your reply

Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup
Ronnie, How is he the perfect man??? He is a cheater. Just think if he can do what he did to his W (the women who gave him children) just think what he will do to you. He will always blame you for making him lose his family. He will never be faithful to you. You did the right thing. Let him go. You deserve so much better.

 

I agree. He is far from perfect. He is a liar and a cheater and also TOTALLY disrespected YOUR feelings and desires to end things and say goodbye forever. He wants friendship and still wants you in his life. SELFISH!! He hasn't thought for one second how that will be hard for you and also unfair to his wife. He doesn't care that it'll hurt you and prevent you from letting of him. He isn't even trying to see your side of things, once again it's all about him.

 

There are millions of nice caring and respectful single men in this world, you're bound to find one when the timing is right for you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Friskyone4u

Ok Ronnie

 

You did it . Now block him from everyday to find you and every time you get tempted post here .

You need to move on now and make yourself a safe partner for a normal single man. Once you have stopped focusing every waking moment on this affair you will gradually integrate yourself back into the normal non cheating world.

Congratulations on sticking to your guns . Now DON"T be one of those who keeps braking NC. And being miserable

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect
He isn't married, he is getting engaged in a few weeks.

 

When this started I was the married one and he was newly single and then had met her but was in love with me. I'm just as guilty as he is.

 

Besides the cheating with me he is perfect. He's everything I thought I wanted but he moved on and now so do I.

 

Thank you for your reply

 

Wow Ronnie, him not being married makes this worse in my book. He has no legal ties with this woman (I feel real bad for her) no kids, mortgage, bills, etc,. Yet you have idolized him as "perfect". Hardly. He used you.

 

I'm glad you're walking from this dysfunction. He's certainly not perfect and you most certainly deserve more than a man who will have fun with you, cheat on his girlfriend, then get married to her. He's the epitome of a cheating player.

 

I truly hope you don't lose sleep over this relationship.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I agree. He is far from perfect. He is a liar and a cheater and also TOTALLY disrespected YOUR feelings and desires to end things and say goodbye forever. He wants friendship and still wants you in his life. SELFISH!! He hasn't thought for one second how that will be hard for you and also unfair to his wife. He doesn't care that it'll hurt you and prevent you from letting of him. He isn't even trying to see your side of things, once again it's all about him.

 

There are millions of nice caring and respectful single men in this world, you're bound to find one when the timing is right for you.

 

I know you are right but I think in my mind he's perfect because I was always drawn to the bad boys my whole life and this was the first really good guy that ever fell for me. He was successful, gentleman, and loved by everyone at work. None would ever think he would be doing this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Ok Ronnie

 

You did it . Now block him from everyday to find you and every time you get tempted post here .

You need to move on now and make yourself a safe partner for a normal single man. Once you have stopped focusing every waking moment on this affair you will gradually integrate yourself back into the normal non cheating world.

Congratulations on sticking to your guns . Now DON"T be one of those who keeps braking NC. And being miserable

 

Thank You Frisky,

 

I can't break NC. I'm done this time.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup
I know you are right but I think in my mind he's perfect because I was always drawn to the bad boys my whole life and this was the first really good guy that ever fell for me. He was successful, gentleman, and loved by everyone at work. None would ever think he would be doing this.

 

He is a bad boy! He's married! ;) That's a pretty big flaw, to be capable of cheating, betraying and lying to your unsuspecting spouse, someone you said vows to in front of family and friends. Just saying that on the outside he seems like a great guy all around and you see some qualities you love about him still doesn't mean he's a fantastic person. Use those qualities you like and look for them in a 'single' guy in the future. Be aware of red flags in the future.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Wow Ronnie, him not being married makes this worse in my book. He has no legal ties with this woman (I feel real bad for her) no kids, mortgage, bills, etc,. Yet you have idolized him as "perfect". Hardly. He used you.

 

I'm glad you're walking from this dysfunction. He's certainly not perfect and you most certainly deserve more than a man who will have fun with you, cheat on his girlfriend, then get married to her. He's the epitome of a cheating player.

 

I truly hope you don't lose sleep over this relationship.

 

I respect your opinion but there really is so much more to it then that. He was using me as much as I was using him but there was a real friendship there before the affair started. This affair was a first for both us. I'm not saying he's not wrong for cheating on his gf but I'm wrong too.

 

I'm out now and the only thing I want is to get past this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
He is a bad boy! He's married! ;) That's a pretty big flaw, to be capable of cheating, betraying and lying to your unsuspecting spouse, someone you said vows to in front of family and friends. Just saying that on the outside he seems like a great guy all around and you see some qualities you love about him still doesn't mean he's a fantastic person. Use those qualities you like and look for them in a 'single' guy in the future. Be aware of red flags in the future.

 

He's not married, he's getting engaged next month. I was the married one and am now separated.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...