Has anyone out there had a child/abortion from their MM?

[andreprisal]

Well unfortunately I have no other outlet for this situation im in so im back to ramble even if I do end up on the receiving end of some unpleasant responses.

 

Up to speed. My married boss and I have been building our relationship for about five months or so. Over the last month I have removed my bc implant bc i want my body to regulate before i replace it again. I see him every day and its been extremely difficult to not engage each other physically... so we have. Three times now. Ive taken plan B twice in the last two weeks which is awful I know. ive never felt like i have so little control when really i have all the control. I literally cant go a day without him and vice versa and we just scramble aaround like "why are we such losers for each other?". Ive had probably two long term relationships. A boyfriend of mine for four years when i was younger who has passed away too soon. And another i lived with/dated for about three years. My old love that died in 2011 was the love of my life and im not big to rush into emotions so strong but this MM just.. does something to me. Now im just sitting around seriously hoping that this doesnt get complicated moreso with a pregnancy because of stupid decisions on our part. Has anyone out there had a child/abortion from their MM?

[nikki76]

I am not one to judge, because i am an OW, but all I want to say is to stop with the unprotected sex. You are playing with fire. You are risking your entire life, literally, for a few moments of pleasure.

 

What if this man has an STD, maybe one that he doesnt even know about.

 

And, to even risk getting pregnant, what the heck are you guys thinking.

 

I get it, youre in the heat of the passion and of course it feels so much better not using protection , but you absolutely cannot do that. Then you are faced with the decision of keeping it and having to raise a child by yourself at 21. Im 38 and I can barely raise my 3 kids....and im married! Or you'll have to live with guilt for the rest of your life if you chose to abort. Ive been there too (not from a mm) and let me tell you, it was horrifying!

 

You are so young, do not destroy your life because of this guy.

[andreprisal]

I told him id never ask him to leave his wife. He said he doesnt want to be the guy that leavesfor someone better even though he constantly tells me how much he wish we could be a normal couple in public. How happy he is when hes with me i feel like were falling for each other but weve both acknowledged how bad this is and how painful it will be when it ends. He was with one other woman in 2011 besides his wife. He loved her. But they were caught and it was a mess because she wanted him to leave his wife and he wouldnt. She pushed him away in a painful way and i dont want to do that to him. I dont look forward to the end of this. I dont want it to end. Man. Im just so scared for all of us involved. I feel awful about it but he got married at 20 bc he was religious and wanted to have sex without guilt but they have no connection. Shes perfect on paper. They just arent connected. Ugh. So just ugh.

[andreprisal]

Thanks for your advice nikki. Youre absolutely right. Ive just never been caught up in that kind of passion. And ive been with some great guys, mm isnt even the best sex ive had but it feels so much more than sex and it becomes such a blurr. I dont even remember how we get there. We plan on quitting it until i get my bc back, distract.ourselves with work as were both writers in addition to our day job. Thats the plan at least. I really really really hope we stick to it.

[Lurkeraspect]

Well unfortunately I have no other outlet for this situation im in so im back to ramble even if I do end up on the receiving end of some unpleasant responses.

 

Up to speed. My married boss and I have been building our relationship for about five months or so. Over the last month I have removed my bc implant bc i want my body to regulate before i replace it again. I see him every day and its been extremely difficult to not engage each other physically... so we have. Three times now. Ive taken plan B twice in the last two weeks which is awful I know. ive never felt like i have so little control when really i have all the control. I literally cant go a day without him and vice versa and we just scramble aaround like "why are we such losers for each other?". Ive had probably two long term relationships. A boyfriend of mine for four years when i was younger who has passed away too soon. And another i lived with/dated for about three years. My old love that died in 2011 was the love of my life and im not big to rush into emotions so strong but this MM just.. does something to me. Now im just sitting around seriously hoping that this doesnt get complicated moreso with a pregnancy because of stupid decisions on our part. Has anyone out there had a child/abortion from their MM?

 

There are a few threads here where the OW got pregnant and had the baby. None that Ive read turned out good for the OW or the child.

 

I'm not judging you, it's certainly your life to do with as you please. I'd just caution you that the decisions you make today, can impact you for the rest of your life. And add a kid to the mix, well, you've just potentially signed them up for some misery as well.

Edited March 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed off topic portion~T

[nikki76]

Thanks for your advice nikki. Youre absolutely right. Ive just never been caught up in that kind of passion. greatest Ive been with some great guys, mm isnt even the best sex ive had but it feels so much more than sex and it becomes such a blurr. I dont even remember how we get there. We plan on quitting it until i get my bc back, distract.ourselves with work as were both writers in addition to our day job. Thats the plan at least. I really really really hope we stick to it.

 

I know all about that passion, believe me! Its something ive never experienced in my life and never will. like your mm, mine wasnt the greatest sex either. I would be happy with just the passionate make out sessions. Its been almost 9months since ive even touched mm and I long for that passion everyday. Ive tried being like that with my H, but its just not the same.

 

You get so caught up in the thrill and the excitement, you lose total control of yourself. Its pure madness, in a good way at times and in an awful way most of the time.

 

Just be careful. Because I'm telling you, its a long road of ups and downs. And you'll probably wish at some point, that you never got yourself involved in this madness.

[Sassy Girl]

I fell pregnant after taking plan B.

 

Not smart. Not smart at all

[andreprisal]

Yes. We understand that could happen and are hoping for the best. (Not being pregnant). But we havent talked about what would happen should that arise. I know he wants kids and his wife cant have any but im not that solution. I dont think hes trying to make me it either. Just hoping for the best as far as that goes and planning on being more responsible. We did use condoms today for the most part.

[sunburned]

Did I miss the part of why you can't use a condom during this period where you are "losers for each other?" Why??

 

The biggest loser will be you. Please, get it together.

[andreprisal]

We havent used anything 3 times now.

 

First time was the same day I got off bc, took plan B just in case since it is still a possibility even though I got my implant out after we had sex.

 

Next time was just we couldn't help it. He didn't pull out. Plan B that time.

 

The reason this morning was for the most part was just because we stopped to put a condom on but about half way through. I just took my plan B yesterday so I think we'll be safe.

 

No more from here on out though. I have some health issues and taking plan B is pretty painful and he doesn't want me to take it again.

[andreprisal]

I'm not ashamed nor do I feel juvenile for saying that sometimes you just can't help it. Not that it's smart decision, it's a stupid one. We're going about everything 100% the wrong way and it's going to end terribly, we've both acknowledged that. But to find someone I can't help myself around has literally never happened in my life. Not even with my past love. And it's an amazing transaction that takes place between us that feels like we're eating out each others souls. He turns beat red, looks like hes going to cry. He looks like hes in pain and in love all at the same time and I'm not sure if it's with me or his wife but then he bends down and takes another bite. I know it's me. I know, I sound like everyone else. No. I know it will end badly. It's confusing but for right now, it's mostly wonderful. And I'll eat all my words the minute they are served but for now, I am confident and satisfied. Just worried about the baby scenario which will pass soon hopefully.

Edited March 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[awkward]

Please be careful when it comes to your health. I think in an affair situation, both birth control and condoms should be on the table. STD's are no joke.

 

Babies born of an affair are loved. Often times though, it is just the mom loving the baby. MM rarely leave their wives even for pregnant OW. I know this thread is going to trigger one of our members, so I just want to give you a hug when you read this. (((HS)))

[andreprisal]

Thanks sunshine. for the support for both my deceased, myself and my current.

[anika99]

I haven't ever been impregnated by an MM I did have an unplanned pregnancy when I was younger and I did have an abortion and I can tell you it was no picnic. Took me a long time to recover from that trauma. I was also a young single parent to kids who had a father who didn't want to be involved or take any responsibility and that was no picnic either.

[jwi71]

I told him id never ask him to leave his wife.

 

It didn't work for his first mistress so I don't know if you will fare any better.

 

He said he doesnt want to be the guy that leavesfor someone better even though he constantly tells me how much he wish we could be a normal couple in public.

 

He is already that guy. A serial cheater who got away with number one and you are, at least, number two.

 

I wonder, if you get pregnant, what his W will say?

What will you tell the child when he or she asks for daddy - and he can't call or come because, you know, his other family - his "real" family takes precedence?

 

How happy he is when hes with me i feel like were falling for each other but weve both acknowledged how bad this is and how painful it will be when it ends.

 

So you already know he isnt leaving on his own volition.

Are you sure you want to be a single mother? Are you able to be - from a finances, emotional and time/energy PoV?

 

It ain't easy.

 

He was with one other woman in 2011 besides his wife. He loved her. But they were caught and it was a mess because she wanted him to leave his wife and he wouldnt. She pushed him away in a painful way and i dont want to do that to him. I dont look forward to the end of this. I dont want it to end. Man. Im just so scared for all of us involved. I feel awful about it but he got married at 20 bc he was religious and wanted to have sex without guilt but they have no connection. Shes perfect on paper. They just arent connected. Ugh. So just ugh.

 

I would stop. You already know, via his first affair, he won't leave. You already know this will not be fun or easy - it will set you back months if not years of your life. I'd cut your losses and exit.

 

I just don't get it when the outcome is 100% bad yet people persist.

[andreprisal]

This morning I was texting with my MM - because he is obviously married and I'm a bit of a wild child its been understood between us that I can still sleep with whoever, see whoever, etc. Well that hasn't happened up until today. I told him I would probably be going out with an ex and sleeping with him today. MM was thrown off by this. (understandably so if he hadn't known me better) But he does and I felt a little awkward after telling him. He said to go ahead he was just thrown off by it. He understands he can't ask me to stay loyal to him since he can't be as loyal with me. I could really see the pain it caused him to hear I'd be sleeping with someone else today. (USING PROTECTION I MIGHT ADD). I decided that I don't want to cause him the pain that I'm caused because I have to share him. Even though selfish and its hypocritical, that doesn't mean he deserves to be hurt too. He then said that he loved me for the first time and that I am the most amazing woman he has met in his life. Which I'm sure will get quoted and bashed as "lines" that I'm so dumb to believe. But it's an interesting turn we just took. I don't feel any further than I am but he feels a deeper attachment to me and I know its eating at us. I don't want him to leave his wife for me, that' the truth. I just want a better answer for why he won't leave her for anyone. I don't know.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Search threads by Noelle303. There are others but I can't remember names. Anyone remember the screen name of the OW who had twins by her MM? Their was another even way back before the twins, I can't remember that SN either but the wife new of the affair in that instance? Any old timers remember those names?

[andreprisal]

Thanks i'm going to see if I can do that. appreciate your help.

[lana-banana]

It doesn't bother you at all that he only said it after you mentioned you were going out with someone else? It sounds to me like a knee-jerk attempt to control you.

[beach]

This morning I was texting with my MM - because he is obviously married and I'm a bit of a wild child its been understood between us that I can still sleep with whoever, see whoever, etc. Well that hasn't happened up until today. I told him I would probably be going out with an ex and sleeping with him today. MM was thrown off by this. (understandably so if he hadn't known me better) But he does and I felt a little awkward after telling him. He said to go ahead he was just thrown off by it. He understands he can't ask me to stay loyal to him since he can't be as loyal with me. I could really see the pain it caused him to hear I'd be sleeping with someone else today. (USING PROTECTION I MIGHT ADD). I decided that I don't want to cause him the pain that I'm caused because I have to share him. Even though selfish and its hypocritical, that doesn't mean he deserves to be hurt too. He then said that he loved me for the first time and that I am the most amazing woman he has met in his life. Which I'm sure will get quoted and bashed as "lines" that I'm so dumb to believe. But it's an interesting turn we just took. I don't feel any further than I am but he feels a deeper attachment to me and I know its eating at us. I don't want him to leave his wife for me, that' the truth. I just want a better answer for why he won't leave her for anyone. I don't know.

 

So he's manipulating your further by pulling the "L" card on you since you're going out tonight with someone else. He only said that to try and get you not to have sex with the other guy. Can you see the double standard?

 

This guy gets free sex every workday and no consequences? No demands? And no expectations? You could ruin your future yet you aren't taking charge of your life!!! Sex doesn't just happen - you have to open your legs - stop being so unkind to YOURSELF!

 

 

 

Yet you are left expecting nothing from him except the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a disease?

 

I REALLY wish you would wake the hell up!!!!

 

Why should he honor you when you won't honor yourself? He won't!!

 

 

Quit the job. I hope you know it's not "love" for him - it's just easy sex that no guy would turn down.

[goodyblue]

Omg. I have said it before, I will say it again: Do not have a baby with an MM EVER!!!

[sunburned]

I don't want him to leave his wife for me, that' the truth. I just want a better answer for why he won't leave her for anyone. I don't know.

 

It's so cute the way you keep saying you don't want him to leave his wife. Like it's really under consideration.

 

You have just announced your intentions to sleep with two men in the same day, an "ex" (for a reason) and a MM. Can you not find more productive ways to occupy your time? If not, please use a condom this time. I'd really hate to read in another month or two that you are pregnant and don't know who the father is.

[andreprisal]

Yeah. I don't read posts that begin with condescending remarks. Thanks for your time.

[jellybean89]

Can I ask how old you are? Your posts come off as very immature (such as you could help having unprotected sex...yes you could, you just chose not to use protection). Using Plan B as birth control is incredibly immature behavior and it wasn't "created" to be used that way. It astounds me the lack of respect you have for your body. Your posts indicate to me that you DO want to get pregnant by him, as you think this will tie him to you. Look at the subject of your thread..if you really didn't want to get pregnant, why even ask if others have? You do know that you can get std's from u protects sex, right? You do know he can be a carrier of an STD and transmit it to you even if he is not showing signs of it, right? I get the impression this isn't his first affair, so you are "getting" anything he may have picked up along the way.

 

I was trying to figure out how you could "see" his alleged pain of knowing you were going to have sex with an ex, when you were communicating via text. And what was your motivation for telling him you were going to have sex with an ex? Was it to get a reaction out of him? Were you hoping he would get jealous? Did it make you feel wanted to/cared for because he didn't want you having sex with someone besides him? Texting someone ILY is hardly this big declaration of love, but obviously it had quite an effect on you. I don't believe it for a second, that he loves you, he just doesn't want to share you....even though he has sex with his wife, in addition to you. I would bet he has unprotected sex with his wife, so you are definitely sharing fluids with her.

 

I hope you talk to a doctor (can't believe a doctor keeps prescribing Plan B without having a discussion of how it isn't to be used as birth control)because you are doing a lot of damage to your body all because you couldn't wait 30 seconds and have him out a condom on.

[Sassy Girl]

Yeah.., he dropped the L word because you fished for it.

 

Tellin g him you were planning sex with someone else was a play. You played it. He fell for it, and now you're left wondering if it was sincere or if he just said it because you forced his hand.

 

These games are not at all mature. And tell you nothing. In fact it's probably left you with more unanswered questions.

 

I hope you don't end up pregnant because it would be awful for a baby to be brougt into the middle of these childish games. This is a complete disaster waiting to happen. You are nowhere near as gown up as you think you are.