SleekArchitecture Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 There was no drama or NC doubts or hanging on. We are together again. I believe I am addicted to his neurosis. Strange as this sounds. I genuinely missed him, not his validation or attention. I missed his company and friendship. I may have a screw loose or two. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) He's got a wife. He told you that you are FWB and you finally realized he's using you, making you feel like crap. You're back with him..exactly why? Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Wow – after reading your story and all of your comments, this was the last thing I expected. What happened? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) You aren't back together, because you never were together. He and his wife are together. Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 9 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 There was no drama or NC doubts or hanging on. We are together again. I believe I am addicted to his neurosis. Strange as this sounds. I genuinely missed him, not his validation or attention. I missed his company and friendship. I may have a screw loose or two. So you're going to continue to be the band aid. You say he's a serial cheater, has cheated throughout his whole marriage and has cheated before you two got together and will continue after you two aren't together. Nothing has changed. I wish you strength and courage to end this (again) because this path you're on again will just hurt you. Wasting your love and energy on someone who has no intention of leaving and divorcing is damaging. You know what you're up for since you've been at this rodeo before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) He's got a wife. He told you that you are FWB and you finally realized he's using you, making you feel like crap You're back with him..exactly why? I know it sounds crazy. It will be a little over 4 years. Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) I know it sounds crazy. It will be a little over 4 years. Get therapy. Talk to your therapist about your low self esteem and how you allow this guy to crap all over you, year after year. It will be worth every penny of your copay. Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 You aren't back together, because you never were together. He and his wife are together. You are just his side-order of peas. Yes, this surely is true, although his wife did find out about me, and told him she would leave him if he came back, and he did exactly that...came back. I have to sort it out. It has been 4 years and I thought I had it finalized and figured out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I know it sounds crazy. It will be a little over 4 years. Don't you want a husband of your own? Children? A life built with someone who will love only you, someone you don't have to share? Four years is such a long time to stay in an affair that's going nowhere. You're missing out on opportunities to be with (single) guys who can give you so much more of a life than this guy ever could. You won't have to lie, hide, sneak around, you can introduce him to everybody and not feel ashamed or worried what your family and friends think. Obviously you weren't ready to end it in the first place since you got back together with him so quickly after ending it. You're no where near your enough is enough stage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Yes, this surely is true, although his wife did find out about me, and told him she would leave him if he came back, and he did exactly that...came back. I have to sort it out. It has been 4 years and I thought I had it finalized and figured out. You think she's going to leave him since he came back, and he'll be yours now without his pesky marriage getting in the way? That's not going to happen. Even if they split up, he's not going to come running to you. You're just something he plays with on the side, to him you're not full time relationship material and you never will be. Does it bother you at all that you're helping to break up a marriage? Do you ever think about the pain you're causing his wife? Didn't think so. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Please save what's left of your dignity and just walk away for good. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me... fool me for four years? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 So you're going to continue to be the band aid. You say he's a serial cheater, has cheated throughout his whole marriage and has cheated before you two got together and will continue after you two aren't together. Nothing has changed. I wish you strength and courage to end this (again) because this path you're on again will just hurt you. *Wasting your love and energy on someone who has no intention of leaving and divorcing is damaging. You know what you're up for since you've been at this rodeo before. ************************************************* All you say is obviously true. ************************************************* *It pains me to say it, but I don't believe that it is love. I think it's an unhealthy and dysfunctional attachment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 There was no drama or NC doubts or hanging on. We are together again. I believe I am addicted to his neurosis. Strange as this sounds. I genuinely missed him, not his validation or attention. I missed his company and friendship. I may have a screw loose or two. So this means the A has been taken underground. Bravo! Just be prepared for more of the same. Maybe his BS will find out again and divorce him so he can be free to be yours! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 This is like going out for a beer with a guy who mugged you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 There was no drama or NC doubts or hanging on. We are together again. I believe I am addicted to his neurosis. Strange as this sounds. I genuinely missed him, not his validation or attention. I missed his company and friendship. I may have a screw loose or two. I don't know much about your story, but thanks for your forthrightness. Many people who slip back into whatever situation they were broken over simply leave LS rather than facing the music and continuing to tell their story. No matter what your path, somebody has walked it before, and somebody will walk it after. So while this does seem to be a really bad move, somebody somewhere will draw something from it. So again, thanks for your willingness and courage to be honest. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 I don't know much about your story, but thanks for your forthrightness. Many people who slip back into whatever situation they were broken over simply leave LS rather than facing the music and continuing to tell their story. No matter what your path, somebody has walked it before, and somebody will walk it after. So while this does seem to be a really bad move, somebody somewhere will draw something from it. So again, thanks for your willingness and courage to be honest. Thanks, I do face the music even if I am not enjoying the tune. It is complicated, probably no more than what anyone else is involved with, but in the same breath, it feels complicated to me. We all have types and I have always been drawn to a brilliant mind, super intelligent, a wall of advanced degrees. It is not like an astrophysicist is around every corner or (I do not do match or internet dating) on match waiting to find a soul mate. We have a past and a strange bond. I will get past it, but I missed the connection, his neurosis, the strange quirks. We are both bizarre pea pods...yes just hit me on the head with a bat now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 So this means the A has been taken underground. Bravo! Just be prepared for more of the same. Maybe his BS will find out again and divorce him so he can be free to be yours! It has gone underground for about 2 years now. His wife has found out more than once in their marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Maybe think about it like this, you are addicted to this guy. You want to quit. You had a relapse. Don't beat yourself up too much but do get your head together. You beat this once before. You can do it again. You know you want to. You don't want to be "that" woman anymore. You are better than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Yes, this surely is true, although his wife did find out about me, and told him she would leave him if he came back, and he did exactly that...came back. I have to sort it out. It has been 4 years and I thought I had it finalized and figured out. Whats your endgame? If she leaves him then you win the serial cheater who will turn around and do the same to you? NC wasn't hard for him cause he knew you'd be back. Welcome back to the damaging roller coaster cause its the MAKEUP to breakup...but this little makeup honeymoon period is so short lived. You will be in tears again soon wondering why you didn't stay away. Sad for you. Sorry if you feel judged I just don't wanna see any one go through pain, its so excruciating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) <Quote without attribution and response redacted> I speak from experience, having been where you are more times than I can count. I do not judge you as certainly I did the same thing. What I can tell you from my experience is that, when this does end (and it will), what you will wish is that you had that time back. That you had done it sooner. I think you have kids, right? The other thing I desperately wish is that I could get back the time, energy, and emotional investment that I gave to him, and put that towards my children. I would give anything to be able to change that. But you can't get back time. You are not missing 'him'. You are addicted to the WAY YOU FEEL when you are with him. Your posts were outwardly from a strong woman, but they clearly came from a place of hurt and perhaps desperation. It was just on the edge of your posts, between words. Let me guess. You feel relief now, right? That desperation is gone. That is more than just 'missing' someone. That is feeding an addition. There is only one way to break that addiction, and that is to get out. You will have to do it sooner or later, because this can't and won't go on. The question is, how much time do you want to waste? Take care SleekArchitecture. I wish peace and healing for you. And the strength to do what you know you need to do. One more thing - read my signature. Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SleekArchitecture Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Thanks Hope and your signature is correct. I cannot explain myself logically because I have no earthly idea what I am doing and why. I am comfortable knowing the world will not stop spinning without him but at the same time I enjoy spinning on it with him. I miss his mind. Bizarre I know. Edited March 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 It has gone underground for about 2 years now. His wife has found out more than once in their marriage. I'm in the same boat as your MM's BS. My Wh's A went underground for 2 years. At this point I would welcome MOW to have him. These men aren't worth it. One thing that is good for the AP is that they can leave without any legalities like the spouse will have to go through. I know for a fact if I didn't have kids I would've left WH by now. I'm currently in limbo and sounds like you are in your own limbo too. It is such an unsettling feeling. If his wife were to leave would you even still want the MM? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Thanks Hope and your signature is correct. I cannot explain myself logically because I have no earthly idea what I am doing and why. I am comfortable knowing the world will not stop spinning without him but at the same time I enjoy spinning on it with him. I miss his mind. Bizarre I know. So, what are your expectations this time around? How can you prevent what Hope posted from your opening thread from happening again? What can you do differently than you have in the past? Are you able to keep detached and less invested? Are you able to fulfill yourself without relying on him for everything to make you happy? Can you really continue on knowing that his wife doesn't want to divorce him, he's fine staying married and still having an affair with you? Are you OK being second fiddle and settling for table scraps he offers you on his time frame? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I would rather be alone than be with a unremorseful "cheater". Are you really that lonely? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Yes, this surely is true, although his wife did find out about me, and told him she would leave him if he came back, and he did exactly that...came back. I have to sort it out. It has been 4 years and I thought I had it finalized and figured out. That doesn't mean he doesn't care if he gets kicked out or wants to get caught. It just means he's cocky and thinks he's too smart to get caught, or he thinks that his wife will never leave him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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