Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 as I mentioned in my previous thread, I (ashamed to admit) broke NC of about 5 weeks last Thursday. I simply was weak and missed him so I asked if we could meet up and chat. And we did. Things seemed ok, we just caught up on work and life over the last month or so, nothing serious or relationship related was discussed. He seemed happy to see me. Since then I don't know how I feel. I don't know if this makes it easier or harder. I tried reaching out today but have only gotten cold one worded replies twice and then he just stopped responding (although i know he got my message and read it). So now I am caught up in being upset at why he's being so cold and now not replying. It was almost easier with NC because there were no expectations. I know he probably is sick of me and trying to blow me off but it hurts. It sucks to keep checking my messages to see if anything is there. This is pathetic. I'm pathetic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
boneheadedmove Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 You're not pathetic. NC is not easy. A relationship is an addiction that has to be beat. Forgive yourself the slip and now try and go longer with NC. You did 7 weeks. Try for 10. Keep a post-it with the days ticked off and when you're feeling weak and thinking about talking, concentrate on going home and putting down one more tick mark at the end of the day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Riri90 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 as I mentioned in my previous thread, I (ashamed to admit) broke NC of about 5 weeks last Thursday. I simply was weak and missed him so I asked if we could meet up and chat. And we did. Things seemed ok, we just caught up on work and life over the last month or so, nothing serious or relationship related was discussed. He seemed happy to see me. Since then I don't know how I feel. I don't know if this makes it easier or harder. I tried reaching out today but have only gotten cold one worded replies twice and then he just stopped responding (although i know he got my message and read it). So now I am caught up in being upset at why he's being so cold and now not replying. It was almost easier with NC because there were no expectations. I know he probably is sick of me and trying to blow me off but it hurts. It sucks to keep checking my messages to see if anything is there. This is pathetic. I'm pathetic. You are not pathetic, you are a human being. What I bolded is exactly why NC should be maintained. No expectations. I was NC for 2 months and broke it. He was happy to hear from me, and still is. We still chat now. You know what I realized? It's still the same. And that's not a good thing.The friendly banter is still there, we still bounce off each other's convo's wonderfully, we still have good communication...but he is still married also. He could do this back and forth, push/pull thing forever...but do I want to? Just for a friendship? I am strongly rethinking some things. Is this what friendship looks like to you? Do you get this upset if one of your female friends responds coldly to you? If the answer is no, then I would rethink this and go back into NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I know these feelings are wrong but I was hoping after I reached out we would be able to rekindle our relationship. We were never physical so I just missed our regular talks every day. He seemed very happy to see me again last week and said he had missed me during NC. I was hoping we could start talking regularly again, catching up and everything like we used to. And it seemed promising the way our convo went and the way we left it last week. But then today when I reached out it was nothing. Stone cold and then just ignoring me. I didon't expect this and it hurts. I thought he would be exited and happy to talk to me today. I was looking forward to it all weekend. But silly me I guess. I hate wondering why he didn't reply and feel stupid for giving him that power. Now I'm upset I know he is choosing to ignore me. Before my NC I felt I had the power because it was what I wanted. Now I know it is him choosing to ignore me. It hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 The worst part is that I still feel relief from breaking NC. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time. But now that we can talk again and he chooses not to t really hurts. I thought we would at least be able to talk normally as friends and enjoy the conversation. His actions of choosing to ignore me is hard to deal with. I Did send him another message asking if he was busy or something? He said yes and that was that. I don't know why I'm not strong enough to stop giving him all this power and looking pathetic. When I don't get a response I need to prod to see why I'm being ignored when no answer will make me feel better anyway. Just using this to vent again. Sorry for the ramble. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Riri90 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 You just want things to be how they were. I understand that feeling. You were used to the closeness and that closeness has given you hope through out NC that you could have that again...but due to his coldness maybe you are starting to see it can't be the same. I think what he is doing is managing your expectations. He wants to talk to you when he feels like it on his terms. He doesn't want you to start wanting/expecting more like last time. He is trying to keep you in check, not for you or your own well being tho...but so you will be there and ready should he choose to start things up again. He is getting you used to having even less of him...and since you broke NC he may feel you are willing to put up with anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 No Contact = No New Hurt (((Rainbow))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I stupidly thought that I was in control. That if I initiated NC and then broke NC I would be in control and be able to make things back to what they were. I thought I could suck him back in and he would want to talk to me. I wasn't prepared that he would resist and not want to start talking again. I thought that he would be excited and happy that I was willing to talk to him again but instead he's the one shutting me out. I wasn't expecting that. I'm upset and feel stupid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I guess I always held out hope. And j thought it would be done by my terms. I'm mad at myself! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 It was also because during our meeting last week he kept asking me if I was seeing anyone else, if I had missed him, if me and my husband are still living as roommates and not spouses, etc. All that led me to think he would still want to start up what we had again but based on his behavior today I guess not. That's frusttating because all weekend I was happy he seemed to be into it and was excited to see him again today. I thought we would be close again like riri has mentioned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Why not just tell him you want to be with him and ditch your Husband? It really sounds like you want to be with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Your not pathetic at all. I broke nc twice then this last time he did. It is just a nightmare. Every time we text it sets me back and angers me. I'm beginning to hate him!! Go no contact again, you can do it!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Your not pathetic at all. I broke nc twice then this last time he did. It is just a nightmare. Every time we text it sets me back and angers me. I'm beginning to hate him!! Go no contact again, you can do it!! I feel pathetic because last month of NC I felt I was emotionally past the worst part. But I knowingly reopened the wound. And for a few days I was happy because I thought he would be into talking to me again and at least being friends. He was so excited last week. But after the behavior today I'm just baffled he was so cold. I don't know if I'm ready to commit mentally to NC again. Right now I just need to maintain enough strength and dignity not to text him again. I did it today and then he blew me off and i pathetically asked him why he was ignoring me. So I can't reach out to him again, I can't give him that much power and lose that mich face. I know ill be tempted tomorrow to say hi and text and see what happens and I can't. I do hope he will be the one to reach out but based on today ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I don't know if I'm ready to commit mentally to NC again. Yeah, but are you mentally sound enough to keep going on like this? This is way too many emotions. Let's look at your options. He's not going to reach out to you. You can't reach out to him again, because then it'll look like you're desperate and begging. You don't have to 'commit' to anything, you're over-thinking it. Just do it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 When mm contacted me last week he was so happy and acting like he missed and loved me but I think he just wanted to break contact to see if I was still around. And you know what... That's a ****ty thing to do to someone. Anyone. How does someone do this? I mean go work it out with your wife already and stop trying to text me. It's wrong. Anyway then after all his lovey messages I don't ear from him for a week now so I have to face the truth that he is a real tool. I think he may have been a tool with me too but he wire a mask. I actually feel bad for his wife...and I'm sorry that I took part in this. Stay strong.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yeah, but are you mentally sound enough to keep going on like this? This is way too many emotions. Let's look at your options. He's not going to reach out to you. You can't reach out to him again, because then it'll look like you're desperate and begging. You don't have to 'commit' to anything, you're over-thinking it. Just do it You're right. I'm not mentally ready to keep going like this. I keep flip flopping to seeing which is worse: the pain of NC, or the slow letdown of whats happening now? Rationalizing it saying that this way, I can slowly let go of him, and its easier to accept because I can actively see him losing interest in me. Whereas NC was a lot of, "what if?", and "does he miss me and is simply not reaching out because I demanded NC?" But obviously, it hurts to see him actively choosing not to talk to me. I had closed the door on us when I told him NC, and I felt at least I had that power and control. But now that I broke NC and basically invited him back in, and this is how I see he reacts, it sucks. Now he has the power, and i'm hurting. I said hi, asked him how his weekend was. He just said hi, and "fine." A few hours later I asked why he was being cold and I saw he had read the message, but no reply. Like you said, I *can't* keep reaching out to him, it is very desperate. And logically, I totally see that. It's just hard to resist emotionally when I'm in the moment and I just want to hear from him. I just want to know why, what hes thinking, and the release of sending him a message. The worst part now is, I keep checking my phone every few minutes hoping he had reached out to me. But obviously, no such luck. Then why act so lovey and everything last week? Was he just excited he had me back and I had ended the NC? I'm pissed he got my hopes up like that. And then today, the coldest he's ever been. Goodness, this is like high school drama all over again. I can really see how ridiculous this situation is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Rainbow, a lot of what you need to do now is just acceptance. The sooner you accept that this is over, the better off you'll be. It hurts. Believe me, it's probably the biggest blow to your self-esteem you'll ever have to take. In the end, you'll come out on the other side. This guy simply isn't worth it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Its an addiction. You were going through the pain of withdrawal. You wanted to rid yourself of the pain, so you contacted him again. You got your high, your fix. And now the high is wearing away, you feel more pain then before. Its a viscous cycle. And everytime you break NC, that pain will be harder every time. Thats why they say NC means absolutely NC, EVER. And its 100% the truth and for your benefit, as painful as it is. . It sucks. It seems nearly impossible. I'm dealing with the addiction everyday. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Take it from someone that has initiated NC every time and broken it later, he WILL contact you again. In my experience, they are strongest when we are weakest. Your nice, loving behavior reassures him that he stil has you. He knows you will still be there when he finally decides to talk to you again. You really wanna feel in control? Make him panic. Make him wonder. Turn the tables and Make him feel the same insecurity he makes you feel. If he feels like he is REALLY going to lose you, he will come running. But beware. It's only temporary. He will still come with the same lies and bs he has given the whole time. The only thing you will gain is SLIGHT piece of mind from him talking and interacting with you. By breaking NC you have conditioned him to think you will never truly walk away. It's a game. One big game, and sadly, I've become an expert at playing it. By the way, You and I have a lot in common..I read your posts and it's like I'm reading my own story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Take it from someone that has initiated NC every time and broken it later, he WILL contact you again. In my experience, they are strongest when we are weakest. Your nice, loving behavior reassures him that he stil has you. He knows you will still be there when he finally decides to talk to you again. You really wanna feel in control? Make him panic. Make him wonder. Turn the tables and Make him feel the same insecurity he makes you feel. If he feels like he is REALLY going to lose you, he will come running. But beware. It's only temporary. He will still come with the same lies and bs he has given the whole time. The only thing you will gain is SLIGHT piece of mind from him talking and interacting with you. By breaking NC you have conditioned him to think you will never truly walk away. It's a game. One big game, and sadly, I've become an expert at playing it. By the way, You and I have a lot in common..I read your posts and it's like I'm reading my own story. Not to be arguementative, because in the end, it doesn't matter - we both lose. But I know if I enforced NC, he would stick to it. its very proud and stubborn and very "honor-based" like... If i say I dont want him talking to me, he wouldn't because thats what "real men do". I have to say, I have to not get my hopes up on him contacting me. I dont htink he'll come back, as much as I want him to. It just sucks to have that tiny piece of hope and keep checking my phone to see if he texted me. I know he wont. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I'm not trying to give you false hope, I wouldn't do that to anyone. BUT, I once felt exactly like you do about him sticking to NC and never contacting me again and I was SO WRONG. We have had HORRIFIC fights and said awful things right before NC and here we are. Just be prepared. They always find a way and they always catch us when we least expect it. I know all too well how you feel and I truly wish you the best. Lord knows you deserve so much better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 If i say I dont want him talking to me, he wouldn't because thats what "real men do". Then if you really want NC, tell him that. He won't talk to you. Just to be safe, block all forms of communication. Problem solved... rip the band-aid off fast, because pulling it off one arm hair at a time is emotionally unhealthy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Emotionally detaching from someone we have loved is very hard. It takes time and it's not something that feels good. The feeling good part comes later. Keep going. Pick yourself up when you fall over. Keep going. Until its done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rainbow00 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Emotionally detaching from someone we have loved is very hard. It takes time and it's not something that feels good. The feeling good part comes later. Keep going. Pick yourself up when you fall over. Keep going. Until its done. You're right. I was maybe 75% of the way there, then I let myself get back into it. I reopened the door for him. And it seemed like he wanted to come back through it, saying how much he missed me and how happy he was we were "back again." And then now? Not even two words to me today, even after me asking him why he was ignoring me. i know that's pathetic of me, but why is he being so cruel? Everyone was right. I should've stuck with NC. But now, I still have the glimmer of hope that he will reach out and I HATE it when I check my phone and my heart sinks. I'm not going to block him (we work together), but I am also not going to officially institute NC with him. As in, I won't tell him. But I have to try my damn hardest not to reach out to him. Not only because it hurts when he so clearly doesn't want to talk to me anyway, but because now it'd be desperate for me to do so. I hope that will be enough to keep the temptation at bay. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 You really wanna feel in control? Make him panic. Make him wonder. Turn the tables and Make him feel the same insecurity he makes you feel. If he feels like he is REALLY going to lose you, he will come running. But beware. It's only temporary. He will still come with the same lies and bs he has given the whole time. The only thing you will gain is SLIGHT piece of mind from him talking and interacting with you. By breaking NC you have conditioned him to think you will never truly walk away. It's a game. One big game, and sadly, I've become an expert at playing it. This is correct. What you need to do, simply, to get his attention, is to not care. Don't contact him. Don't respond if he does. If you do that, he will be begging to be with you again. The problem is that when he DOES give you interest, and you respond to that, then he goes right back to not responding to you because he has you where he wants you again. It is not any way to live. The only way to live and get past this is to lock him out of your life forever - not to play this game. Because it never ends unless you end it. Please believe me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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