Me and my boss - !

[Akitax]

Ok this might be a little long but I'll try and be factual and to the point, about 6 weeks ago I started a new job, perfect, and I love it, I work with three other woman and the manager is obviously male he's 35 married and with two kids.

 

At first I wasn't bothered about him much, he was a nice guy but the first few weeks were just settling in and getting to know the people and my role so I never gave him much thought. Anyway he started to catch my attention more over the past 2-3 weeks, he's pretty cute, and funny, and a really nice guy. The woman I work with are at least 10 years older than him and they all seem to love this guy, they seem to put him on a pedestal I even think they kinda flirt with him.

 

I'm the youngest in the office and as any young woman I make an effort every day with my appearance, my make up, hair, clothes, you know how it is and anyway now he's caught my attention I like how they all seem to swoon over him, craving his attention as it seems, and he's so nice he chats, laughs and jokes but he's so authoritive (and I find that quite sexy) everyone wants a piece of him, not just the girls they guys too he's the main man.

 

He's recently started sitting near to my desk so I see him all day everyday pretty much, he says this desk near to mine is quieter than his office (the line of work we are in is pretty loud I guess) but he's never sat there before only on the last few weeks he's there almost every day now.... And just to point out there is a spare desk next to one of the woman he works closely with as she does a lot of his side of things.

 

Anyway were kinda getting closer, getting to know eachother, chatting laughing ect we tease eachother a lot and have good banter. I keep fantasising about him in a sexual way, I would never act on it because I am in a relationship and obviously he is married with kids. Some days he's quite serious and professional and others he's giggly and fun I guess that's just his job but he's always kind to me, he just doesn't always show me as much attention if he's got his professional hat on although I always manage to make him laugh at least once or twice a day.

 

He laughs with the others too tho so I don't think that's much of a sign he likes me or he's flirting. Lately he keeps talking me up to other colleagues and his boss the owner of the business, he tells them how much of a good job im doing, how talented I am, and what I've done to help him with projects. It's so nice.

 

He compliments me on a lot of things, even small things like making him a cup of tea, he likes it a certain way and apparently I seem to have the knack! It embarrasses me to be complemented on such trivial things but it's sweet of him.

 

Everyday we get a little closer, pushing boundaries with teasing eachother (I don't know about him but I guess I'm just seeing what jokes he can take and teasing him is quite amusing) when we talk, about anything, weather it's work related or not, he makes such intense eye contact that he doesn't break, I have to look away sometimes I feel uncomfortable staring into his eyes for that long, I don't know what to do with myself, his eyes burn into mine and as soon as I kinda remember his eyes are on mine I get all flustered and look away.

 

His jokes are sometimes a little rude but not too bad, he doesn't indicate sexual comments towards anyone just a few naughty jokes or comments, he knows I'm in a relationship, and of course I know he is too so it never crosses a line.

 

Today he sat at the desk near to mine all day until we were about an hour off leaving then he moved back to his office. Everyone else apart from him and the woman I work with and myself had gone home already, guess I convinced myself I wanted a drink just so I could make one and go to his office to take him a coffee just to see him, when I went to his office I gave him his paperwork and drink and turned to leave, it is literally the first time he hasn't been surrounded by people wanting him for something or another, it's the only time we have ever been actually alone...

 

So as I turned to walk out he started a random conversation up about it being pay day, after that we were just talking about anything and everything, from hobbies to house robberies, it felt like we had so much to say neither one of us could get it out fast enough, we were talking over eachother and laughing a lot, sharing everything we could, he never once broke eye contact with me, I know I did, I felt kind of nervous, I was lingering in his doorway and he was sat at his desk, everytime I thought I better leave cos ive been in his office ages and the other woman I work with will be wondering where I am he kept me talking, I was there for ages!

 

In the end one of the woman I work with came to find me, wondering where I had gotten too, even though she appeared next to me in the door way and he knew that cos she made some comment about us talking for ages he didn't even acknowledge her he carried on looking at me and finishing what he was telling me, when he finished the woman who came to find him said one of the other woman wanted him to help with a job, so he followed me out of his office

 

I know this is ridiculous but he was so close (but not touching) i could feel like electric between us, he keeps gesturing as tho he's going to touch my back but doesn't. No one mentioned it in our office but I knew they all clearly wondered where I was with him because they would have just phoned him otherwise or not come down. I was gone at least 20-30 mins tho I think.

 

When im around him and we are alone or semi alone it's like we both seem flustered sort of jittery I don't even know what this is. I don't speak to him outside of work. Ive only known him like 5 weeks!

 

Generally when he comes in and out of our office or if I see him he doesn't always look at me, but if I look up at him walking in he is sometimes looking in my direction, I think he blushes sometimes when we speak but to be honest im too busy not to blush I don't really notice. I can't even concentrate fully on what he's saying to me. He probably thinks I'm not listening to him.

 

When I play him up and tease him he gives me this cheeky look sometimes he's really cheeky to me too.

 

I'm not planning anything with this guy, but it makes the work day a little more amusing to get on so well with him, it's a bit of a thrill and a bit of fun, harmless flirting I guess...

 

But my question is, does he fancy me? Is this one sided on my part? I can't work it out I have been out of the dating game so long, and while I guess it doesn't even matter how he feels because neither one of us will act on it, it would be nice to know if he does like me in that way or not?

 

Opinions please?

[Tayla]

To answer your question, ask him directly.

Since this is your first post you may wish to become familiar with past topics on this subject. Welcome to the board.

[whatatangledweb]

From what you have said it appears he is this way with everyone. You seem to have a crush on him so it will make it seem as though it is directing it more towards you. I wouldn't think about if he likes you that way since it is a new job, he is your boss, and he is married. All things that can mess up your employment and life.

[Hope Shimmers]

You keep repeating that you would not actually "do" anything because he is married and you are in a relationship. But yet you have like 20 paragraphs analyzing his every eye movement and behavior towards you and vice versa. And you posted on the OW/OM forum and want to know if he likes you that way.

 

So, I may be wrong but I would guess that perhaps you think you might actually do something if it came to that. My recommendation is that if you really don't want to screw up your relationship and your job, the best thing to do might be to stop the flirting back and forth and keep it very professional.

[jellybean89]

You are playing with fire big time. You are brand new. You are making it known to others by your actions and flirting that you have the hots for him. I would bet you are the subject of gossip and that isn't what you want, is it? To be known as the workplace flirt (or worse)?

 

What is your motivation here? Like Hope said, you keep insisting there will be no hanky panky, yet you keep pushing yourself onto him. Shouldn't you be more worried about your actual JOB than playing games with YOUR BOSS? You have someone already in your life...how do you think he would feel to know you are doing this stuff at work?

 

At least admit to yourself that you want something to happen. Cause I don't understand why you keep flirting if you really are committed to someone else, if you really respect the fact that he is married and if you don't want to be known as the office ****. Is it a challenge for you? Is it an ego boost to see if you can get the married boss to have sex with you?

 

Does he "like" you? How would we know? He sounds like a decent guy who has been kind to you, and everyone else there. Do you want to push that to see if you can get him into bed...and then what?

 

I don't get why you would even start down this path...especially at a new job.

I predict in time, you will be posting how you got drunk and "accidentally" ended up in bed with him, insisting that it was not your intention and how you hadn't planned for it to happen.

[sandylee1]

He sounds like he's an all round friendly guy, who may just be helping you settle into your role.

 

It does seem like YOU fancy him and were a little disappointed when your co-worker came to find him. Where you hoping something would happen?

 

I'd suggest you remain friendly, but keep it professional. Don't push/cross boundaries, because that's how affairs start.

[stillafool]

You've only been there 6 weeks and already have the hots for the boss. Stop it. You know you he is a married man with children, you have a boyfriend and what's going on in your head is wrong. If you want to keep that job I would suggest that you start thinking about your boss in a more professional manner.

[Sassy Girl]

You obviously seem hell bent on tanking any career prospects, so have at it.

 

 

But seriously... you have a little crush. That's awfully cute, but he's not offering you anything he doesn't offer anyone else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Move on

[jen1447]

He likes you. You basically described a classic mutual flirt, so yeah, he likes you. Have fun!

[gettingstronger]

My guess is that since you are new and flirting with the boss your career there will be short lived unless you pull it together- quickly-

[Pinklotus]

BTDT. Yes, it's exciting and flattering when the boss not only loves your work, but apparently thinks you're gorgeous, interesting, funny, etc.

 

I can tell you from personal experience that the intoxicating high that you're on is not worth it. I had an EA with my boss and I ended it before it went farther because it was wrecking me emotionally and my marriage, as well.

 

We were no longer working together when I ended it, as he had moved on to a higher position elsewhere. Had we continued on working together it would have been quite a dreadful ending, I fear, if we continued on as we were.

 

You've got to put your feelings and attractions aside and think with your head, which is going to be difficult, because you are clearly entering the affair fog mindset which makes it impossible to think clearly.

 

He is your boss. One or both of you could be fired if this continues. Your professional reputation will go into the toilet, if it's not there already. He sounds like a big flirt and you probably aren't the first one he's had fun with. You keep saying nothing will happen, but everything that you're both doing is exactly, and I do mean exactly, how affairs start. I would suggest buying the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It is a great read on how to maintain appropriate boundaries and prevent affairs from starting. There is a lot of marital advice, but plenty of advice for all concerned.

 

Just do not go down this road. You sound like a giddy schoolgirl talking about this guy, and I'll bet the ladies you work with are already picking up on things. They're going to be jealous and/or disgusted with you. And what about his wife? Suppose she gets wind of this flirtation or affair if it turns into that. How do you think that will turn out? And what about your guy? If you care for him, put an end to this right now. You're opening yourself up to a whole world of pain and humiliation.

[whichwayisup]

Ok this might be a little long but I'll try and be factual and to the point, about 6 weeks ago I started a new job, perfect, and I love it, I work with three other woman and the manager is obviously male he's 35 married and with two kids.

He is your boss, you love your job, he's married with 2 kids. Enough said. Your ego doesn't need to know if he "likes" you in that way.

 

Your personal and professional reputation is at risk so stop flirting with the boss, those other women you work with probably see this going on and if you want to be respected as an equal to them (you say you're much younger than them) then act professional at work, otherwise they will assume you are having an A with the boss and getting special treatment.

 

Sounds like you have a crush on him.

[Akitax]

Wow I wasn't quite expecting such harsh comments back, the flirting is harmless, as im sure many of you have flirted harmlessly with someone other than your partner. I don't think the other women really notice as we are in a different office and like you all say everyone has a laugh and joke with each other so im just joining in.

 

I suppose I only wrote this to see people's thoughts, but actually my job is safe, I don't need to worry about that because they are all very pleased with the work ive done for the company so far, just because I have a schoolgirl crush doesn't mean I dont work hard and get the recognition for it.

 

It just makes the day a little more interesting when your stuck in an office with these people 9 hours a day. As for the fantasies, apparently it's perfectly normal for a couple who have been together as long as me and my partner to think about other people once in a while.

 

We are going through a rough time and the moment and home life including where we live isn't great, infact it causes one big worry to me most of the time and I have to take tablets for depression and anxiety because of it so probably this stupid thing with the boss at work is just light hearted flirting and getting on so well with the other women makes me feel happy and i forget for a while about all the worry and stress at home.

[Akitax]

Oh and also I posted it into this category because I wasn't sure where was best to put it ive only just signed up to this as I was enjoying reading others posts

[whichwayisup]

Wow I wasn't quite expecting such harsh comments back, the flirting is harmless, as im sure many of you have flirted harmlessly with someone other than your partner. I don't think the other women really notice as we are in a different office and like you all say everyone has a laugh and joke with each other so im just joining in.

 

I suppose I only wrote this to see people's thoughts, but actually my job is safe, I don't need to worry about that because they are all very pleased with the work ive done for the company so far, just because I have a schoolgirl crush doesn't mean I dont work hard and get the recognition for it.

 

It just makes the day a little more interesting when your stuck in an office with these people 9 hours a day. As for the fantasies, apparently it's perfectly normal for a couple who have been together as long as me and my partner to think about other people once in a while.

 

We are going through a rough time and the moment and home life including where we live isn't great, infact it causes one big worry to me most of the time and I have to take tablets for depression and anxiety because of it so probably this stupid thing with the boss at work is just light hearted flirting and getting on so well with the other women makes me feel happy and i forget for a while about all the worry and stress at home.

 

Sorry that my reply was harsh. Wasn't my intention, was just giving you a reality check.

 

The thing is, this is exactly how affairs start.

 

You wouldn't have posted this if it was completely innocent.

 

Let's say he makes a move on you, kisses you with passion and tells you he finds you extremely attractive. What then?

 

Because you want to know if he's into you, likes you, this is why you're getting the responses you got.

 

Sucks that you have it rough at home, do take care of yourself and focus on what's important.

 

Crushes are great as long as they stay quiet and innocent. As soon you tell the person you're crushing on how you feel or ask questions about he feels, things can change very quickly.

[SycamoreCircle]

As someone else mentioned, peruse through LoveShack and begin educating yourself on emotional affairs in the workplace. What you're describing as so novel and exciting is classic scenario EA. There isn't one thing original about what you're describing. It's like enthusing over snow to someone who lives in the Northeast.

 

Does your partner deserve to be respected and loved?

 

Then why are you wasting his time daydreaming about a married father of two?

 

Do you respect yourself? Do you respect any other people besides your boss in the workplace? Then you might want to scale back on the witty banter and focus on your job. Jealousy can form very quickly in an environment where money and recognition is at stake.

 

Tone it down, devote time to help your fellow employees, devote some extra effort to your partner and begin educating yourself to EAs by reading LoveShack threads.

 

Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

I know this is ridiculous but he was so close (but not touching) i could feel like electric between us, he keeps gesturing as tho he's going to touch my back but doesn't. No one mentioned it in our office but I knew they all clearly wondered where I was with him because they would have just phoned him otherwise or not come down. I was gone at least 20-30 mins tho I think.

 

When im around him and we are alone or semi alone it's like we both seem flustered sort of jittery I don't even know what this is. I don't speak to him outside of work. Ive only known him like 5 weeks!

 

If your boyfriend felt this way for his female boss and you found out about it, how would you feel? Let's say his boss was leaning close, brushing up against him, touching him on purpose, playfully... I'm sure you'd feel hurt, jealous and angry too.

 

What you are describing is far from innocent. This isn't just fun flirting. Fact is, you feel electricity and a spark. And by using that energy to make yourself feel good and distracts you from problems at home is dangerous and a false sense of security. You're gonna get too used to 'using' this scenario to make yourself feel good, you'll need it more and more.

[Akitax]

It's okay, thank you for being honest, maybe i should stop teasing him and winding him up and just get on with my work and not worry about what he's doing. It's stupid I know. I just feel so miserable right now

[truncated]

I could be wrong, but you seem really young, so I'll tell you something maybe no one has ever told you before.

 

the quickest way to lose any respect that anyone in your workplace has for you is to flirt with your boss.

 

Anytime you get praised or do well on a project, people will assume it's because of your flirting with the boss. It won't matter how hard you worked, how great your ideas are or anything else. The perception will be that you get anything you do because of the flirting.

 

In many ways, perception is nine tenths of reality. If you want to be taken seriously in your workplace, then treat it seriously. It your job, not a singles bar. if you want to become the office joke, then keep on doing what you are doing.

[GoldieLox]

We are going through a rough time and the moment and home life including where we live isn't great, infact it causes one big worry to me most of the time and I have to take tablets for depression and anxiety because of it so probably this stupid thing with the boss at work is just light hearted flirting and getting on so well with the other women makes me feel happy and i forget for a while about all the worry and stress at home.

 

That's how affairs start. If you were content in your relationship, you probably wouldn't be noticing your boss and the interactions between you. You wouldn't care. If you're not already in counseling, I'd suggest you get yourself into some. Figure out what's missing/going wrong in your relationship right now and how you can work on it/improve it. Counseling isn't a magic wand, but it can help. You need to do something before this goes any further with your boss and you destroy your job and relationship.

[whichwayisup]

It's okay, thank you for being honest, maybe i should stop teasing him and winding him up and just get on with my work and not worry about what he's doing. It's stupid I know. I just feel so miserable right now

 

Why miserable?

 

Time to start being honest with yourself. Is it possible that you actually have developed real feelings for your boss?

 

And yes, not maybe, you should stop. You're not a teen. And by accepting his flirting and touching it's sending him a message that you are open to 'whatever' in the future. I'm sure it won't be long before he asks you to go for coffee or dinner/maybe lunch outside of work.

[GollumsNightmare]

What part of married, FATHER of two do you not understand? This isn't fun and games. This is real life with careers, marriage and children that will be effected if you continue.

 

You are on a slippery slope, my friend. Please make the mature decision to do the right thing here and avoid pain for everyone down the road...you, your boss, his wife and his children.

 

If he has an affair with you, trust me, your jovial coworkers will know within the day. They will turn onyou and life on the job won't be so fun anymore. And when HR finds out, HE will more than likely lose his job and his ability, at least for a little while, his ability to support his family. YOU will lose the respect of everyone around you.

 

You're not in love, you are playing with fire. You are infatuated. Run while you still can. Almost all of us on this website would give you the same advice. Please listen.

[GollumsNightmare]

I would suggest that you read the "Did your A have repercussions in the workplace" thread, especially the post by Spark1111.

[Artie Lang]

you're sliding down a slippery slope.

 

keep reading and you'll find out that most affairs start off as "just flirting."

[Wifeinpain]

There is nothing harmless about this. Someone WILL get hurt if you keep this up...do you think his wife or your partner would appreciate you "harmless" bit of fun? Would you feel comfortable flirting in front of his wife or your boyfriend? If not, then it isn't an innocent bit of fun, is it?