torn87 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 It helps me to remember all the ducky parts of the A..the real parts of the relationship...it breaks the fantasy and helps put me in perspective does anyone else feel like that? So the things that come to my mind is first without a doubt the day his wife was giving birth to their son he was messaging me dick pics and say I g he wished he could be with me. I remember I felt so bad for this woman I thought I was gonna puke I wouldn't wantsomeone to treat me that way while I was in labor. It really made me ask myself what type of person was this guy? There were many other smaller things that made me question his sincerity and charactet besides the obvious reasons.... I'm curious what some of you have experienced? Or if this bashing/venting is helpful or not? Figured it couldn't hurt to try! Makes me really REALLY appreciate the relationship I'm working on having now that's for sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Makes me really REALLY appreciate the relationship I'm working on having now that's for sure. I bet it does. I am happy you are in another relationship, congrats. Pictures of the baby maker would be a deal breaker for me in any relationship, but during his child being delivered, that would freak me out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Healthier Me Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 It's actually helpful to me as well. I often try to think of the most hurtful things when I feel like I'm missing him. The main thing that comes to mind always first and fore-most is how he could comPLETELY ignore me for days after we'd spent very intimate and "meaningful" time together. While we were with each other, he would never stop talking about our future or how wonderful I made him feel. He'd always say being with me day after day would be nothing but happiness and fun. Build me up then let me CRASH to the ground! It was a total fantasy for him and I let myself believe it was real. No one to blame but myself, but still...I'm only human and feelings are meant and supposed to evolve. (Especially after three years!)I was never allowed to let mine grow with him. Even though I felt love in a very real way, we were never allowed to utter the words. It was all so messed up. But anyways, remembering the rejection helps to keep me on my path to healing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yeah on the new relationship. That's all I have to add to the convo because that's the best part of your post!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yeah on the new relationship. That's all I have to add to the convo because that's the best part of your post!!! I believe the NEW relationship is actually her marriage. I think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 When I saw the title of this I started thinking, 'hmmm, MM hasn't really done anything that bad', apart from, as you say, the obvious stuff like being married and so on. When I thought about it some more, I realised MM has been a total dick to me at times. It actually makes me sad to realise how much I will put up with from him. When it comes to boyfriends, I have gotten much better at not tolerating behaviour I don't like and explaining my expectations. With MM it seems all of that progress is out the window. Anyway, off the top of my head the worst thing he's ever done is called me the c word. Maybe in general MM behaviour terms that isn't that bad..? He knows how much I hate that word. We'd been out together and he'd had a bit to drink and for some reason I still don't understand he just kicked off on the way back to mine. He sat on my sofa, in my house, telling me that he hated me and calling me a c*€<. What a douche. Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 ^^ Umm, no, that is bad particularly by MM standards. The only question I have is why isn't he your xMM?? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 He just never thought about my feelings whatsoever. It was always about him. Every time things became too intense for him, he'd pull away. He ignored me for almost two weeks one time. We had to have a conversation about that. Then he started to pull away completely because he realized he was having major feelings for me and instead of being an adult about it and having a conversation, he tucked tail and ran because he was terrified, leading me to end it. The we started up again and were "together" one night and had a huge heart to heart. The next day, he ended it. I think THAT was the worst thing ever did. Not ending it, I was almost relieved... but being with me then pretty much telling me he didn't want me anymore the next day. After everything that had happened between us, after everything that was said between us the night before. It was a huge blow to my already fragile self-esteem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Goldie, I am so very sorry he did that to you. MM in my situation pulls away when the feelings get intense on his end. We never talk about it though - elephant in the room all the time. When I attempt to bring up him pulling away, he gives me some lame excuse and apologizes but never gives me an honest reason for it. I know why he does it because I feel him getting really close emotionally and that's when I know it's coming. Just like clock work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Thanks Blu. It made me feel like a piece of trash, to be honest with you. Hook up with me, then kick me to the curb. It's been a month since we've even looked at each other. I know realistically I'm not a piece of trash, I'm a decent person who has made some really bad mistakes and I need to learn to forgive myself. I just don't comprehend how someone who supposedly cared about me could hurt me like that. It leads me to wonder if he was full of s&%t the whole time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Funny you use the word 'trash' because I said the same thing to MM over the summer after he went AWOL on me after we were 'together' one night. When he came back around I called him on it. I told him it made me feel like complete 'trash'. I'm not trying to play Devils advocate here or set you back any, but is it possible he really had strong feelings and it freaked him out so much he felt it best to end it knowing there was no future 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 That was one of the reasons he gave me. He said he felt it was a lose/lose situation. He would never leave because of his kids, at least not now (for the record, it was never an expectation of mine). They are middle school age. He said that the longer we kept going, the higher the chance we had of getting caught, then he'd end up resenting me. He also said the longer we kept going, the more attached he was going to get to me and our feelings were going to get stronger. He already felt that he wanted to be around me all the time and get to know me so much better. He said he couldn't break up his family for me. Like I said, it wasn't so much that it ended. It was the WAY it ended that burned me so bad. I miss him and I'm angry at him. It hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 That was one of the reasons he gave me. He said he felt it was a lose/lose situation. He would never leave because of his kids, at least not now (for the record, it was never an expectation of mine). They are middle school age. He said that the longer we kept going, the higher the chance we had of getting caught, then he'd end up resenting me. He also said the longer we kept going, the more attached he was going to get to me and our feelings were going to get stronger. He already felt that he wanted to be around me all the time and get to know me so much better. He said he couldn't break up his family for me. Like I said, it wasn't so much that it ended. It was the WAY it ended that burned me so bad. I miss him and I'm angry at him. It hurt. Again I'm sorry for the pain that must have caused. I hope you can find some peace with distance. No one deserves to be treated like that. None of us do. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Goldie, Even drinking before he got to your place was disrespectful.... let alone the rest. What kind of a creep was he? The MM I was with never uttered a swear word in my presence, let alone to me. I do hope you have raised your expectations of men now? Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Goldie, Even drinking before he got to your place was disrespectful.... let alone the rest. What kind of a creep was he? The MM I was with never uttered a swear word in my presence, let alone to me. I do hope you have raised your expectations of men now? Poppy. Actually Poppy, it was Gloria who posted abot her MM drinking then mouthing off to her, not mine. Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 That was one of the reasons he gave me. He said he felt it was a lose/lose situation. He would never leave because of his kids, at least not now (for the record, it was never an expectation of mine). They are middle school age. He said that the longer we kept going, the higher the chance we had of getting caught, then he'd end up resenting me. He also said the longer we kept going, the more attached he was going to get to me and our feelings were going to get stronger. He already felt that he wanted to be around me all the time and get to know me so much better. He said he couldn't break up his family for me. Like I said, it wasn't so much that it ended. It was the WAY it ended that burned me so bad. I miss him and I'm angry at him. It hurt. I thought you said that you ended things before you got emotionally attached to your AP. When did things change? Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 The lying and excuses not to see me was what hurt me the most. The one that sticks in my head:we had made plans to see each other. Last minute, he said he couldn't because his wife had an infection from a tooth that got pulled. Of course, I was disappointed but understood. My husband would never do that for me. Months later, when I looked at his Facebook, I saw a picture of him and his wife at a baseball game 2 days after her "horrible" tooth infection. That image still sticks with me. Maybe Im being childish, but the fact that he made excuses for 6 months, crushed my self esteem. I'm so stupid for putting up with that. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartWon'tHeal Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 This can happen to anyone in any kind of relationship, but my xMM told me he loved me many many times and in the end he said he only loved me like a friend. I honestly believed he truly loved me. That still stings when I think about it and it was downright cruel to lie. I feel sorry for his wife and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) He got too close to some of my family members and my ex hus. He wanted to know everything about me he said. It made me feel like I meant more to him then I really obviously did, that he did this and a few other ideas he mentioned and was contemplating were perhaps very strange. He wanted to get so so close then would still somehow remain so distant. Edited March 20, 2015 by SleekArchitecture Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I wasn't going to post to this, because I hate thinking about it, but I will. The worst thing mine did is unspeakable and unforgivable. He denied his child - our daughter. She was born at around 22 weeks - very premature - and lived 20 minutes. He did not acknowledge her. He didn't answer any emails or calls about her. He left me there by myself in the hospital to deal with her death. No friends, no family, no one knew. He didn't even say "I'm sorry" (not until years later). He wouldn't even admit she was his. He literally never responded in ANY way or said a single thing about it. Just ignored it. I hope no one can top that. What a loser. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) I wasn't going to post to this, because I hate thinking about it, but I will. The worst thing mine did is unspeakable and unforgivable. He denied his child - our daughter. She was born at around 22 weeks - very premature - and lived 20 minutes. He did not acknowledge her. He didn't answer any emails or calls about her. He left me there by myself in the hospital to deal with her death. No friends, no family, no one knew. He didn't even say "I'm sorry" (not until years later). He wouldn't even admit she was his. He literally never responded in ANY way or said a single thing about it. Just ignored it. I hope no one can top that. What a loser. I'm so sorry Hope, that is heart breaking. What a selfish f@ck he was. I always knew your story because early on when I came her I read your threads and posts. I always sensed you had come so far and were strong because of something way more painful then a broken heart. Edited March 21, 2015 by Ronnie33 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I wasn't going to post to this, because I hate thinking about it, but I will. The worst thing mine did is unspeakable and unforgivable. He denied his child - our daughter. She was born at around 22 weeks - very premature - and lived 20 minutes. He did not acknowledge her. He didn't answer any emails or calls about her. He left me there by myself in the hospital to deal with her death. No friends, no family, no one knew. He didn't even say "I'm sorry" (not until years later). He wouldn't even admit she was his. He literally never responded in ANY way or said a single thing about it. Just ignored it. I hope no one can top that. What a loser. Hence, the idiot wrapped in tin foil. That is disgustingly sad. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartWon'tHeal Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I wasn't going to post to this, because I hate thinking about it, but I will. The worst thing mine did is unspeakable and unforgivable. He denied his child - our daughter. She was born at around 22 weeks - very premature - and lived 20 minutes. He did not acknowledge her. He didn't answer any emails or calls about her. He left me there by myself in the hospital to deal with her death. No friends, no family, no one knew. He didn't even say "I'm sorry" (not until years later). He wouldn't even admit she was his. He literally never responded in ANY way or said a single thing about it. Just ignored it. I hope no one can top that. What a loser. Oh my I am so sorry. (((Hugs))). I hope you have been able to heal and move on to a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I wasn't going to post to this, because I hate thinking about it, but I will. The worst thing mine did is unspeakable and unforgivable. He denied his child - our daughter. She was born at around 22 weeks - very premature - and lived 20 minutes. He did not acknowledge her. He didn't answer any emails or calls about her. He left me there by myself in the hospital to deal with her death. No friends, no family, no one knew. He didn't even say "I'm sorry" (not until years later). He wouldn't even admit she was his. He literally never responded in ANY way or said a single thing about it. Just ignored it. I hope no one can top that. What a loser. The grief from the death of a child is unlike any pain, it is insurmountable, and holding one with it's newborn cap while in death is the most painful experience one can go through. I know you will never completely heal from that experience, but I hope some sunlight can come into your life and further the healing process. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I'm so sorry Hope, that is heart breaking. What a selfish f@ck he was. I always knew your story because early on when I came her I read your threads and posts. I always sensed you had come so far and were strong because of something way more painful then a broken heart. Hence, the idiot wrapped in tin foil. That is disgustingly sad. Oh my I am so sorry. (((Hugs))). I hope you have been able to heal and move on to a healthy relationship. The grief from the death of a child is unlike any pain, it is insurmountable, and holding one with it's newborn cap while in death is the most painful experience one can go through. I know you will never completely heal from that experience, but I hope some sunlight can come into your life and further the healing process. Thank you all. I didn't want to take over this thread, so I hesitated to post, and it really is in the past (anniversary of her death 4 years ago very recently). SleekArchitecture, the bolded made me cry (memories of that). You sound like you know from experience... I am so sorry if that is the case. Thanks again. And yes, I love my signature. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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