lydiarenee Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I'm new here...been reading for awhile though. I was involved with a married man for a few months. It was a very very emotional affair. We really fell in love with each other. (we never had sex) He stated that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that we would be so good together etc. He has been married for about 15 years. I don't know all the details but I do know he has been sad for quite sometime. We ended it because we both knew it was wrong first of all, but also he stated he was confused and needed to clear his head and try to be there and focus on his kids. We have been NC for 4 months. I just heard today that he moved out of his house. Now, I don't want any judgement or hate bashing here, but I couldn't help but be a little happy/hopeful. Is this false hope? I am not waiting for him but there is a thought that maybe someday we could work out? I just want to hear some sound advice. Do you think just maybe he is thinking of me? Or maybe he will move back in with his wife? Any similar stories? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Did he contact you and tell you about this? Or have you heard this second hand? Go on with your life, if he divorces then 'date' him in a proper way. Until then, keep away from him and focus on your friends, family and work. Right now you don't know for sure what is going on so to get your hopes up is not a good idea for your own sake. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiarenee Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 No he didn't tell me. I found out from my co-worker. I'm not waiting around at all, but it got me thinking that maybe someday ... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 No he didn't tell me. I found out from my co-worker. I'm not waiting around at all, but it got me thinking that maybe someday ... Don't give yourself hope.....Just don't. Your A is over, he chose to stay married. Don't hold yourself back by this bit of news. IF you meet someone and like them, DATE them! Just because your co worker told you this, doesn't mean anything. He could move back in. Your co worker could have misunderstood. he/she has no idea what is going on in exMM's life and marriage so don't put any eggs in the basket waiting or hoping. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe his wife caught him cheating with another OW and threw him out. Who knows . . . .and he mostly likely would not tell the truth about it. Wait and see if he gets a D, then let him come to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I'm new here...been reading for awhile though. I was involved with a married man for a few months. It was a very very emotional affair. We really fell in love with each other. (we never had sex) He stated that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that we would be so good together etc. He has been married for about 15 years. I don't know all the details but I do know he has been sad for quite sometime. We ended it because we both knew it was wrong first of all, but also he stated he was confused and needed to clear his head and try to be there and focus on his kids. We have been NC for 4 months. I just heard today that he moved out of his house. Now, I don't want any judgement or hate bashing here, but I couldn't help but be a little happy/hopeful. Is this false hope? I am not waiting for him but there is a thought that maybe someday we could work out? I just want to hear some sound advice. Do you think just maybe he is thinking of me? Or maybe he will move back in with his wife? Any similar stories? You have been NC for 4 months - I don't know how many months the R itself lasted, but the A may have been a trigger that caused him (and, perhaps the BS) to review the M, and decide on a separation. Without more info, it's hard to know exactly what it might mean, or what it might suggest for the future. But, if he is thinking of you as a possible future partner, he will contact you. Don't hold your breath, though - even if he does, it might take a good long time for him to unravel 15 years of M. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I just heard today that he moved out of his house. And you are hopeful. My advice would be to stay away until the D is final. He filed right? If he moved out but hasn't filed....then what for you? Is this false hope? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will tell. I wouldnt reach out to him though. Lets see if he tries to reach you. I am not waiting for him but there is a thought that maybe someday we could work out? I just want to hear some sound advice. Do you think just maybe he is thinking of me? Or maybe he will move back in with his wife? Any similar stories? The real truth is this: no one knows. There are people who have certainly made it and been happy. Most do not. (From what Ive seen). D is a painful and chaotic process. Probably not the best time to re-insert yourself in his life. Or allow yourself to be drawn into his. He has to work himself out, his R with his potentially xW will be and how to handle the kids. Everything is changing. Let him work through it, find his new center- learn some truths about himself before dating. Give him a year or two and then see where his head and heart are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiarenee Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Thank you for your responses. I did find out for sure he is out of the house and living on his own. I have not contacted him and will not. I am moving on and enjoying my kids and life. But I will still say that I believe that someday he will reach out to me when this is all over. What we had was real. And I'm a realist and not a girl with her head in the clouds..I'm even a little surprised by what I'm feeling. But I can't deny it. He told his wife when we ended the affair. He told her everything and he stayed home and continued to work on his marriage and I totally respected that. He just moved out two months ago. Time will tell.... and again I'm not waiting on him (so no hate please).. just trying to believe that sometimes good does happen and it can work out between us. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 What was said when you ended it? Can you think of a reason he has not contacted you in the last two months? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 There are so so many different things going on here. She could have thrown him out (honestly the most likely). As a man who split from his wife and divorced, I can say he may not be a safe bet to be involved with for a very long time. It would be a good idea to move on like you say you have been, not expecting anything from him. IF he gets divorced then you can go from there. Another warning, divorced men don't often want to jump back into another relationship quickly. Be careful with your heart in this situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 But you don't know what the intention was, him moving out. Could be space to figure things out, do counseling together but not live together right now. Whomever confirmed that he did move out, probably doesn't know the reasons nor if their separation is leading to a divorce or working things out so he can move back home. Glad to hear that you're strong and going on with your life, not waiting by the phone for him to call you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiarenee Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 What was said when you ended it? Can you think of a reason he has not contacted you in the last two months? He was ready to leave and be with me, but I said that he needed to focus on being healthy and being a good father...and if down the line if he divorced to give me a call. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Any similar stories? it happens, for sure. one of my closest friends had an EA for a short time - confessed it to the W, tried to work on their marriage + kept NC with his AP. eventually, he & his W decided to divorce. he moved out and stayed NC with the AP until his divorce and IC were final... which was about... 8 months? or so. after that, he contacted the AP and they started dating. so... it does happen. you move on with your life & be with your kids and see what happens. time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I think he's being very mature about this, and I think his relationship with you is probably what prompted the move. I think he's laying low for now so that he can get his bearings. But my guess is that you'll definitely be hearing from him. I hope it works out for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiarenee Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 Wow it's been awhile since I've posted. I thought I'd update and hear your feedback. So yes he in fact moved out of his house back in late February. I not once in any way tried to contact him. I really felt that if we were to be together that time would tell. I was hoping that he was working on himself and his family to become healthy. So May comes and I receive a simple text from him that reads..."Feelings are still the same" I texted back (in such shock because I haven't literally talked to him in 5.5 months at this point) and I said..."Me too, always" Never talked or texted ever again. But I can say that it gave me some hope. A month ago I go out with a girlfriend of mine and she says that she knows he moved back home and is reconciling. (i know this because it's a small town and kids all go to the same school) I try, believe me I try to move on..I go out with friends, hang out with my kids, go hiking etc. but to be honest hearing that he moved out (and now moved back in got me all flustered) I so wish he never contacted me back in May. All this to say...today I'm sad. I am smart I realize he has a family but the little part of me just hoped and now that is gone too Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I am not trying to be mean but this is really the reason you should never let yourself get involved with someone already in a relationship. I hope you take the time to heal from this and move on with your life. Hes not the man he said he was and now you know the truth. I wish you the best of luck. C 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 If he hasn't contacted you, I would carry on as normal. It might have nothing to do with you at all. YOu would look a bit of a goose if you contacted him and he has somebody else, so don't assume anything. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lydiarenee Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 If he hasn't contacted you, I would carry on as normal. It might have nothing to do with you at all. YOu would look a bit of a goose if you contacted him and he has somebody else, so don't assume anything. Poppy Oh I'm never going to contact him.. I haven't this far. But he does have somebody..his wife so I don't understand what you meant to not assume anything, Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Did "Poppy47" mean this MM might have multiple OWs? As based on your story, you two were not in contact but he moved out, which could be for other person/matter. Oh I'm never going to contact him.. I haven't this far. But he does have somebody..his wife so I don't understand what you meant to not assume anything, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Oh I'm never going to contact him.. I haven't this far. But he does have somebody..his wife so I don't understand what you meant to not assume anything, Unfortunately, since you added to your old thread, people are going to respond to your first post on this thread without reading your update where you say the MM moved back home. Going back is really common so be glad that you weren't still stuck in the affair when that happened. It's also good that you have lost hope because hope would just keep you stuck and waiting to hear from him. Now you know that he isn't available and most likely never will be, you can leave him in the past and start living for the present. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 He still has unfinished business so let him finish it. Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I can imagine that this is really hard for you. First of all, you got a little hope when you heard he moved out, and then you got some extra hope when he texted you that lame text of "Feelings still the same". I wonder why he did that. Do you think he knows that that gives you hope? I think it's not fair of him, especially not now that he moved back Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Wow. I will never understand people. I can't imagine what he was thinking by moving out, and then texting you that message months later, and then going back to his marriage. Men are simply the worst for being able to walk away from a relationship. We're seeing, yet again, a glaring example of this. For your sake, I'm glad you never had a full-blown affair with him but I know you were still emotionally involved and this must hurt. What a huge disappointment. The dynamics of his marriage are unlikely to change and he may, once and for all, give up and leave for good. But I wouldn't hold my breath. I'm really sorry. I thought the two of you had a shot at being together. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 You'd be best blocking him, so you don't get false hope again if he contacts you. Best not to be part of destroying a family and massaging his ego. Time to shut down that door and try and meet single available men. Then you'll know if they're being slack, that it has nothing to do with them being married. It's just because they are a lousy BF. Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 My xMM wife actually left him...now that he's alone he has text a week here and there....but he's going to therapy and jumping through hoops to get HER back, not making any attempt at the present to be with me. For someone who wasn't in love with his W or even physically attracted to her anymore...amazing how things can change when the W leaves them Link to post Share on other sites
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