Is your MM/MW still stay with you?

[sisa]

Is your MM/MW still stay with you after telling BW the truth?

and what is your relationship is like?

[GollumsNightmare]

Seriously, Sisa? :rolleyes:

[goodyblue]

These posts are so tragic. I will say it one last time:his wife is never going to stand for this scenario you have in your head.

[MissBee]

Is your MM/MW still stay with you after telling BW the truth?

and what is your relationship is like?

 

Sisa, since I know your story, I'm gonna say that it doesn't really matter what happened for other people. No matter how many stories from other people you read, you still have to look at the reality of your own situation.

 

Last I heard from you was that MM planned to tell his wife, divorce her, marry you, but still be with his wife and have both of you. Has he told her yet? How's it going?

 

The consensus at the time was that this was rubbish and a pie in the sky dream most likely. I take it since you've made another thread asking about this it means he hasn't told yet or you're worried about what will happen if he does.

 

Look....I hate seeing you go around and around in circles. You've made so many threads with no progress really, just the same thing over and over. This man is playing you from what I can see and you'll be better off adjusting to the reality of what it is than constantly searching for hope in stories that are are not yours.

[Gloria_Smellons]

Is your MM/MW still stay with you after telling BW the truth?

and what is your relationship is like?

 

The only important question here is what is YOUR relationship like?

 

Do you have any actual proof that his wife knows the 'truth', as you know it? What if the version of the 'truth' he is telling her and the version you are getting are completely different?

 

Isn't it more likely that the truth MM is feeding you is completely false to keep you on the hook?

 

Please give it some serious thought.

[trolloperative]

Is your MM/MW still stay with you after telling BW the truth?

and what is your relationship is like?

 

The BW in your situation has no idea or at least doesn't know the extent of your involvement with her husband.

 

At this point you need to accept the affair as it is. Maybe after you realize the head games MM is playing with you, and hopefully realize nothing will change, you will find the strength to walk away.

[sisa]

the BS know the situation because she wrote mail to me.

 

And MM always encourage me to meet her, if he didn't tell the truth to she and me, he should avoid she and me meet right.

[SoulCat]

the BS know the situation because she wrote mail to me.

 

And MM always encourage me to meet her, if he didn't tell the truth to she and me, he should avoid she and me meet right.

 

Just because a mail was signed off with her name does not mean she wrote it. Just because it may have come from her email account does not mean she wrote it either.

 

And for all your MM's 'encouragement' you still have not met his wife. Nor are you likely to.

Your MM is spinning you yarn after yarn and you are swallowing all of it as the gospel truth.

 

Most posters here have pointed out to you that your MM is lying, but you seem so wrapped up in it all that you just can't or won't see that.

[sisa]

I am very sure the mail is from her, because beside the mail I also got the what's app and phone messages from her.

[whatatangledweb]

I am very sure the mail is from her, because beside the mail I also got the what's app and phone messages from her.

 

Are those messages and mail from when she told you to stay away from her husband or she would send the sex tape to your family? I don't think he spoke to her about a meeting. He told you he did and it kept it going until it was time for the meeting. Then he told you she backed out while she knew nothing about it.

 

So, what does he say happens now? That he is divorcing?

[trolloperative]

Sisa, if the wife really does know, has asked you to leave them alone, is refusing to meet with you... and you're still messing around with her husband then you are just as CRUEL as he is. Before I pitied you but not any more. You deserve all the hurt coming your way.

[SoulCat]

I am very sure the mail is from her, because beside the mail I also got the what's app and phone messages from her.

 

Again, these are just words on a screen. You have no way of telling who sent them. Could be her - but very unlikely.

More likely it's your MM sending you these messages and pretending they're from his wife.

 

Have you ever asked yourself why she hasn't phoned you? Actually spoken to you directly?

[sisa]

Are those messages and mail from when she told you to stay away from her husband or she would send the sex tape to your family? I don't think he spoke to her about a meeting. He told you he did and it kept it going until it was time for the meeting. Then he told you she backed out while she knew nothing about it.

 

So, what does he say happens now? That he is divorcing?

 

yes, you are right, in fact I am not sure if she know the meeting things, I did write to her but she didn't response me.

 

yes, now he say he might divorce her, and we are talking the finance things, he discuss with me how to arrange it and let me know what will happen in future, he told me he will be poor because 90% of his income will provide to his family.

and we discuss where we will move to, either I move to his city or we both move to another city, we are discussing those topics recently.

 

His wife will stay in hometown because no income, we did talk about he move back to our hometown but I feel that will be much difficult if everyone in the same city.

[sisa]

Sisa, if the wife really does know, has asked you to leave them alone, is refusing to meet with you... and you're still messing around with her husband then you are just as CRUEL as he is. Before I pitied you but not any more. You deserve all the hurt coming your way.

 

I love him as she love him, leave him will also make me heart break that's why I accept to share.

[sisa]

Again, these are just words on a screen. You have no way of telling who sent them. Could be her - but very unlikely.

More likely it's your MM sending you these messages and pretending they're from his wife.

 

Have you ever asked yourself why she hasn't phoned you? Actually spoken to you directly?

 

she did call me many time before, but I only pick up the phone once in very beginning.

[truncated]

OP,

if you don't mind my asking, about how old are you? No offence, but yousound like you are really young and he is a lot older. It also sounds as if you don't have a lot of life experince.

 

 

It also sounds like you are actig limea rebellious teenager.You know what the right things to do is ( for you) , but you are not going to do that because no one is going to tell you what to do.

 

My advice to you is to break things off with this guy and grow up a bit. Give yourself some time to mature and find out who you really are. If, as you say, he loves you and you love him so deeply, a few years of being apart and finding yourself won't change that.

 

If he moves on ( or you do) to someone else, then there was enevr really that much love or basis for a relationship anyway.

 

What you are doin right now smacks of desperation, not love, and my darlin', that is so not the same thing. I he loved you, really and truly loved you, he would wnat what is best for you. he would not wnat to see you hurting and in pain, which is what you are right now.

[pheonixrisen]

Sisa..His wife will not accept this ...even if she does know...u are ready to share ..she is not ...He is asking to move away ..perhaps his wife refused to accept it or divorce him ..and he thinks by putting you in another city he can divide time without his wife knowing ...you will always be his secret ..He is playing you till the day arrives and then something else will come up.....

[sisa]

OP,

if you don't mind my asking, about how old are you? No offence, but yousound like you are really young and he is a lot older. It also sounds as if you don't have a lot of life experince.

 

 

It also sounds like you are actig limea rebellious teenager.You know what the right things to do is ( for you) , but you are not going to do that because no one is going to tell you what to do.

 

My advice to you is to break things off with this guy and grow up a bit. Give yourself some time to mature and find out who you really are. If, as you say, he loves you and you love him so deeply, a few years of being apart and finding yourself won't change that.

 

If he moves on ( or you do) to someone else, then there was enevr really that much love or basis for a relationship anyway.

 

What you are doin right now smacks of desperation, not love, and my darlin', that is so not the same thing. I he loved you, really and truly loved you, he would wnat what is best for you. he would not wnat to see you hurting and in pain, which is what you are right now.

 

I am 30+ and he is 12 older than me so not that much.

before MM I have two boy friends and both is long term more than 5 years.

I have experience in life but not that much in marrital things because I never marry.

 

MM and me did try to seperate and no contact for several months and not seeing each other but after that we think we still need each other and we never lose closeness with each other.

 

He told me the best thing for me is let him take care of me, he say he is sure I will be very happy with him when everything settled. He care a lot his family and in fact I also don't want he hurt them, but I just also love him so I want to be with him too. I hope she can accept me to be with him, so he can be less stress, what between them now is more responsibility things, I know he love her but it's more like family love, he want take care of her and provide her, but he want to have life and spend time with me.

[whatatangledweb]

Sisa, I'm sorry but he has proven to you he lies to you. He told you in the beginning he was separated..lie. That his wife agreed to meet with you...lie. That she accepts this...lie. How can you believe anything he tells you?

[truncated]

I am 30+ and he is 12 older than me so not that much.

before MM I have two boy friends and both is long term more than 5 years.

I have experience in life but not that much in marrital things because I never marry.

 

MM and me did try to seperate and no contact for several months and not seeing each other but after that we think we still need each other and we never lose closeness with each other.

 

He told me the best thing for me is let him take care of me, he say he is sure I will be very happy with him when everything settled. He care a lot his family and in fact I also don't want he hurt them, but I just also love him so I want to be with him too. I hope she can accept me to be with him, so he can be less stress, what between them now is more responsibility things, I know he love her but it's more like family love, he want take care of her and provide her, but he want to have life and spend time with me.

 

 

i'm not sure which culture you are from, but I can tell you this.

 

In some cultures, is is accepted that men can be with more than one woman at a time, and on paper, it sound slike everyone is okay with that.

 

I;ve met many women form cultures like that, and I can say that all of them who were married and their husband was also with someone else were unhappy. They accepted it because it was what they thought they were supposed to do, not because it is what they wanted to do.

 

 

It's one thing to have an open marriage because you want to. It's quite another to do it becuase you feel you have to, and it sounds like his wife is in the second group.

 

In an ideal world, would your relationship be just you two, or you and him plus him and his wife? If it's just you and him, then why do you not demand that for yourself? Why are you afraid to ask for what you want?

 

Btw...why do you need this man to tell you what is best for you? Why does he need to take care of you? He's not your father.

 

If he wasn't in the picture, what would you do? How would you care for yourself?

 

It also sounds as if you may be in your thirties but you still have to find who you are. If you've been in two relationships that were over five years each, plus this new guy, how do you know who you are on your own? The onky adult you that you know is seen in the context of who you are in a relationship. going no contact with him for afew months is just a blip. It takes so much more time than that. Get out and live your life on your own with NO man for a while. Travel, gain experince, meet new people, see other places and get to know YOU....who you are on your own, not who you are with a man.

 

I know I sound like someone's mom, because I am. that is the advice I would give me own kids were they in your situation.

Edited March 5, 2015 by truncated

[trolloperative]

The MM is not a bad guy here, Sisa just picks and chooses what she wishes to hear IMO.

 

He will be giving 90% of his income to his wife and children, leaving Sisa to pay for her 'life' with him (when he's there of course). He will not be divorcing his wife, you will be sharing. He is from the Islamic faith, polygamy is accepted. If you are planning to raise children with him they will be considered Muslim. Have you researched the religion? There is nothing wrong with converting but make sure you know what you're doing so there are no surprises.

 

With all that said, if you were truly convinced what you're doing is best, you wouldn't be posting here but busy planning for your new life.

[SoulCat]

we are talking the finance things, he discuss with me how to arrange it and let me know what will happen in future, he told me he will be poor because 90% of his income will provide to his family.

 

Huge great massive screaming red flag right there.

 

So you and him are meant to live together somewhere on his remaining 10% plus your income? That means that you are supporting him, his lifestyle AND probably his family.

 

Open your eyes girl!

You are investing all your hopes and dreams, not to mention your money in what is ultimately a pie in the sky.

 

You are going to end up with shattered dreams, a fractured relationship with your own family and flat a$$ broke.

[sisa]

recently he and I start discuss finance part issue because before we were more emotional and cannot discuss reality topic. He has good income and because his wife didn't work so the family expense is always provide by him. He provide them good life and he don't want change this part because he is with me now, I can understand that, so I feel fine that he keep provide them as usual.

 

My salary is not that much compare with his, but it would be ok for he and me now because now we don't have kids. He and me plan to switch job to be in the same place and also see if we can find the better salary oppertunity, I think this part can be solved. and besides he say he wish to keep their life quality, he also say he won't take the money I earn to use in his family.

[truncated]

recently he and I start discuss finance part issue because before we were more emotional and cannot discuss reality topic. He has good income and because his wife didn't work so the family expense is always provide by him. He provide them good life and he don't want change this part because he is with me now, I can understand that, so I feel fine that he keep provide them as usual.

 

My salary is not that much compare with his, but it would be ok for he and me now because now we don't have kids. He and me plan to switch job to be in the same place and also see if we can find the better salary oppertunity, I think this part can be solved. and besides he say he wish to keep their life quality, he also say he won't take the money I earn to use in his family.

 

What will happen when you wnat to have kids?Will he expect you to be a stay at home mom, or will you keep your job? How will you pay for childacre and the many expenses that go along with having kids if most of his money is going to his first family?

[trolloperative]

If you have kids with him, you'll be just like wife#1. Then he will go out looking for #3.