Karmacharm Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Folks, my MM and I have gone NC for about three months now. I still have two gifts from him that I really don't want. My heart says send them back to him. My head says don't. Have any of you been in the situation? And what did you do? I know I can sell them or give them away but what's your opinion about sending the back? I finally want them out of my house and putting them in a box, sending them back to him, just puts a smile on my face. I can't help it. Maybe like finally "losing" the loser. I wonder what he would think. I keep going back and forth with this. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I wouldn't send them. It would make him think you were reaching out to him and that he still mattered to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Folks, my MM and I have gone NC for about three months now. I still have two gifts from him that I really don't want. My heart says send them back to him. My head says don't. Have any of you been in the situation? And what did you do? I know I can sell them or give them away but what's your opinion about sending the back? I finally want them out of my house and putting them in a box, sending them back to him, just puts a smile on my face. I can't help it. Maybe like finally "losing" the loser. I wonder what he would think. I keep going back and forth with this. Could you donate them to a local not for profit group who can use them, or sell them and donate the funds? That way, you'll be rid of them and have done some good at the same time. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mabelblue Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I got rid of mine on D-Day. I didn't want ANY reminders or physical objects that had memories. Don't send them back as it'll be opening up communication again. Donate them as suggested or throw them away. I still find it hard wearing the same clothes he liked on me or perfume I have that he liked. There's no end to the reminders really. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Folks, my MM and I have gone NC for about three months now. I still have two gifts from him that I really don't want. My heart says send them back to him. My head says don't. Have any of you been in the situation? And what did you do? I know I can sell them or give them away but what's your opinion about sending the back? I finally want them out of my house and putting them in a box, sending them back to him, just puts a smile on my face. I can't help it. Maybe like finally "losing" the loser. I wonder what he would think. I keep going back and forth with this. I think sending it back to him is a way to engage him and start drama. You've already admitted it will put on a smile on your face in the sense of being vengeful...and I totally get that....but if you're in NC and it's been 3 months, why open that door? Why send something to him? Subconsciously maybe you do want to engage him, you want a response, you want him to say something or do something or you want to hurt him, all of which I get, but also think may not pan out how you think. I think sending back gifts is tacky IMO. A gift is yours and if you no longer want it, chuck it! If you had a gift from a friend you no longer speak to would you send it back to them? Or just discard it or give it away if you didn't want it? It's one thing to return an item belonging to the person that they left with you after you broke up, but if it was gifted to you then there is no reason to give it back except to be petty and start drama. It will also make you seem exactly that way probably, if after 3 months you did this, versus seeming strong and like you're moving on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Folks, my MM and I have gone NC for about three months now. I still have two gifts from him that I really don't want. My heart says send them back to him. My head says don't. Have any of you been in the situation? And what did you do? Listen to your head. Personally, depending on what the gifts are, I would just pack them away. You might actually want them in five or ten years when you have had space and clarity. Otherwise donate or sell them. Sending them back will NOT put a smile on his face; it will seem like a breadcrumb to re-opening the doors of communication. Do you want to risk that? Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 The best thing is not to have anything from them. Any physical or electronic reminder is bad news and a set back. I even rearranged furniture to have my space look different and tossed clothes he liked. You need everything different and all reminders gone to free your mental and physical space. You'll never go forward until you get rid of the past. Stay in NC every day is a new gain when you do. Its done, 3 months tells that it is. Dont ever reach out to him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I wouldn't send them. It would make him think you were reaching out to him and that he still mattered to you. This. I know you said it would make you smile in a vengeful sort of way, but I think the biggest vengeance is him thinking he's not on your mind in the slightest. I would just donate them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Folks, my MM and I have gone NC for about three months now. I still have two gifts from him that I really don't want. My heart says send them back to him. My head says don't. Have any of you been in the situation? And what did you do? I know I can sell them or give them away but what's your opinion about sending the back? I finally want them out of my house and putting them in a box, sending them back to him, just puts a smile on my face. I can't help it. Maybe like finally "losing" the loser. I wonder what he would think. I keep going back and forth with this. Don't give the gifts back, all that will cause is drama and reaction you don't need. That's just ego talking and really it doesn't matter what he thinks or feels anymore. Depending on what it is he gave you, give it away to a homeless or women's shelter, someone in need who would appreciate the gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 If they don't hold any meaning for you anymore somebody else will need/want them. Just give them away and be rid of everything that reminds you of MM. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I agree. Sending them back just gives you a way of reconnecting, not saying that is your intention. I had a habit destroying things when relationships ended (whether romantic or friendship) and have on at least one occasion really regretted it (that's why I stopped it as an initial reaction). When my A with xMM ended, I couldn't be reminded with all the things he had given me. So I boxed it up and put it somewhere out of sight. After a while (I don't remember how long) I was able to let the items be useful again (clothes, jewelry, electronics, perfumes) and even little mementos (although i keep them in a keepsake box and not on display). As one poster said, if you really don't want it, donate it if you can or trash it if you can't. Why give it back to him? To say "look I'm over you". If you're really over him, you shouldn't need to prove it too him. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I would send them back! Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Sending them back is just a way to reengage. Throw them away if you don't want them anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karmacharm Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I would send them back! Out of all the responses, you said to send them back? Why? Thank you for all the responses... Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Retaliation is very non-classy. Don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
snl Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Just put them in a box and lock them away/put in storage and move on. No need to be in touch, maintain NC. you still seem to be emotionally very much connected to him. Not much good will come out of this. the risk is actually that you will face disappointment and pain that can lead to suffering. If he wanted you then he would be with you.... Move on and enjoy life. Wishing you all best. Link to post Share on other sites
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