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I ask this question every once in a while, so people can check in...

 

1 year and two days ago I laid the groundwork to end my 7 year friendship with a MM. I don't remember the exact date we last saw each other....June or July. We are able to talk regularly, text, email if we want. I would say there have been less than 20 of those interactions since June or July.

 

I'm doing okay. Still not a lot of luck on the dating scene. I'm in a small town. I just can't justify the time usage of driving 2-3 hours round trip to try and meet someone, establish a relationship, etc.

 

Because I do have irregular contact, I don't know how much I miss the friendship. I definitely do miss the sex. Some days are tougher than others.

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You not going NC is causing you to not look hard enough to find someone to have a healthy relationship.

 

 

I am not in favor of long distance relationships though I would not mind driving an hour or two if the pickings were that slim because my town was that small to get to meet someone at first. Then move closer. Or get her to move closer.

 

 

You are just using sporadic contact and excuses to keep yourself from moving on into a healthy relationship.

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I'm great. I passed a test last night. X AP looked me up on a social site yesterday. It popped up on my phone. Saw the picture but flipped by it without a glance, saw the name and a blur of the photo. I could have pressed on her profile, didn't. Could have logged into an email account we used, didn't. Could have logged onto Facebook, Twitter, to look stalk, didn't. Could have googled her, called her, didn't

 

Passed with flying colors.

 

Last thing I need to work on is to stop reliving why I broke it off and counting the days. I like remind myself she is a trainwreck and hopeless. It helps me sleep at night and validate. Then I'll be on the 8 fold path toward ambivalence. 9 weeks and counting. Never going back

 

What I've really liked is she's not the first thought in my head. I can go hours without thinking of her. I am guilt free around my wife and not trying to hide anything. I can set a good example for my children as a father. I'm more focused in my career.

Edited by Cali408
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I'm riding the crazy train straight to Hopeville.

 

Anyone need a lift?

 

I have a feeling once spring arrives, I'll be feeling a whole lot better. I need the flowers, I need the sun, I need a tan...

 

Until it arrives, I'm just going to ride it out and cling to hope this too shall pass.

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You not going NC is causing you to not look hard enough to find someone to have a healthy relationship.

 

 

I am not in favor of long distance relationships though I would not mind driving an hour or two if the pickings were that slim because my town was that small to get to meet someone at first. Then move closer. Or get her to move closer.

 

 

You are just using sporadic contact and excuses to keep yourself from moving on into a healthy relationship.

 

Not so much. My work is pretty demanding. I don't have time to spend it on the road and nurture a relationship. I said I haven't had much luck, that doesn't mean I haven't tried at all. It is tough to make a connection.

 

I reach a financial goal in 37 months. Then I do plan to move if I don't find anyone local. But, I'm not moving just to find a man, it will be beneficial for both work and leisure.

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Honestly I'm having a tough time. It's been 4 weeks since I've seen my MM and 3 weeks since I ended it with him. I got tired of his distance and guilty feelings. He was hot and cold with me recently. I've been dating single available men which has been nice. However the MM contacted me a couple of days ago to check in with me. We exchanged "I miss yous" which at that the time felt great.

 

Now all the emotions have flooded back and I want to see him. I'm pretty sure if I reach out to him he will meet me. And we'll back to the same old same old with me feeling hurt the majority of the time.

 

Today I'm just trying to stay strong and not contact him.

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*I am no longer analysing everything every second or pining or upset

*I believe all my feelings of love or whatever have dissipated

*I refused to be friends...but, I do now talk to him OCCASIONALLY only if he texts (hello/how are you stuff, nothing much more than courteous pleasantries)

*I am not preoccupied with figuring out if he really is happy etc. I am sure he is and I wish them both well.

*I found out they are expecting their second baby and I am happy for them and relieved because hopefully it will preoccupy him and the texts will just fizzle out forever

 

NOW FOR ME :laugh:

 

*I am currently cooking jasmine rice(well, easy cook long grain as I have no jasmine) with coconut and lime. It tastes very limey...but I am happy enough

*I am working as many hours as I can bear to (which isn't many lol) so that I can go on holiday to see some friends and treat myself to something else for my birthday

*no relationships/dating for me...I am not sure it will ever happen but well

*I am looking for another job as usual

 

That's about it. Can't even remember when the whole ending of the nonsense was...but I have come further than I used to think I could :)

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As an aside...

I do not miss any of the b0!!ocks at all

(as in all the rubbish feelings and watching and waiting and creeping and bad feeling) that went along with the whole thing

Do not miss the thing that resembled intimacy either...

 

:) Happier Bunny :bunny:

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Realizing that yes, I may have had an affair which means I'm not exactly the most morally stellar person, but I still have feelings too, something which xMM doesn't realize nor care about. I don't deserve the push/pull behavior I'm getting from him, and it only continues as long as I let it. So I stopped letting it.

 

Hoping the days get easier.

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Day 11 since the A ended. I've been angry on and off for quite awhile in the A and last night had quite the post-A angry moment. I told him (amongst other things) that I hope he misses me and that it pains him every day for the rest of his life. Very Heathcliffe of me :-/ He responded that I'll undoubtedly get my wish. I know that that is patently untrue; that we'll both get through this. But it made me feel good nonetheless.

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I think we are about 6 months in here. All OK from my perspective.

 

MM got a bit heavy last week and started to talk about feelings, brought up the 'L' word, but I changed the topic.

 

Neither of us have plans to change the current arrangement.

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Gloria_Smellons

Still involved.

 

For over a year I was genuinely happy with our arrangement (not debating the ethics of the situation here, just giving the facts), but I had a wobble in December that made me realise that this isn't actually what I want.

 

He started saying 5hit he had no business saying, and stupidly I started to hope. That's when it started to hurt.

 

I know in myself that at some point I will have to end this, I've accepted that fact, but I don't feel I'm there yet.

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GreySkyMorning

2 year intense affair.

DDay was March 2013.

Continued physical contact until July 2013. That was the last time we were ever together face to face. Attempted to remain "friends" after that.

NC by my decision in March 2014.

 

I met an incredible single man in July of 2013, but didn't start dating him until October 2013. Today, he lives with me and we are building a fantastic future together. He loves me, I love him. He shows me every single day that I am the only woman for him and I reciprocate. We take care of each other in every way. I trust him explicitly with my entire heart. We are working on getting debt free and then buying a home together.

 

I am thankful every minute that xMM is out of my life.

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nc for almost five weeks. Still very traumatized. Yesterday I spent the whole day in high anxiety, wondering if he misses me, wondering if he thinks of me, mad that he wasn't reaching out even though I told him not to, praying that it will get better, talking myself out of reaching out to him.

 

So, not doing so good. I keep telling myself this too shall pass. Hoping the fog lifts soon!

 

Oh yah, I dream about the f##### every night!

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gettingstronger

Some of you need to take a little more credit and stand a little prouder- there are some posts on here that make me say "you all are amazing"- stand up and scream- "I am amazing and strong"- this post made me smile!

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MW in PA with MM for a little over 4 years now off/on. Right now we have been in LC for about a month. This is a pattern with us. I'm trying to keep my distance in hopes I can get to a point where I don't care enough to want to continue this. But old patterns die hard.

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This is the day to day I'm living.

 

Yesterday, I answered I'm on a train to Hopeville.

 

Today, I'm strong and feeling good and happy.

 

Life post-affair is day to day for a long, long time.

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This is the day to day I'm living.

 

Yesterday, I answered I'm on a train to Hopeville.

 

Today, I'm strong and feeling good and happy.

 

Life post-affair is day to day for a long, long time.

 

And I'll add today I feel like I'm over it. I know it's just today, but the fact that I can sit here and say I feel like I'm over it, is something I've never been able to say before.

 

I'll take it. For the first day in 16 months, I feel free. No sadness, no anger, no confusion, no regretting leaving her, no frustration over things she said to me on my way out...

 

I feel nothing.

 

It's been a long time coming...if I can feel distant from her today, perhaps this is the beginning of letting go for good.

 

Maybe. Just maybe....

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CrystalShine2011

I broke my no contact, and now we are back together...

 

It's great. It's not great. I need to just work on me for a bit I think, even while I'm with him.

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And I'll add today I feel like I'm over it. I know it's just today, but the fact that I can sit here and say I feel like I'm over it, is something I've never been able to say before.

 

I'll take it. For the first day in 16 months, I feel free. No sadness, no anger, no confusion, no regretting leaving her, no frustration over things she said to me on my way out...

 

I feel nothing.

 

It's been a long time coming...if I can feel distant from her today, perhaps this is the beginning of letting go for good.

 

Maybe. Just maybe....

It's a trick that.... I have days when I've spent good time with others and thought yeah.. But then bump.... Back to earth

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It's a trick that.... I have days when I've spent good time with others and thought yeah.. But then bump.... Back to earth

 

It could very well just be a good day - a really good day.

 

I'm taking it. Good days have been hard to come by.

 

I deserve a good day after beating the heck out of myself for a year and a half.

 

I see improvement in my mood. Others are also commenting about my overall happiness level. I'm whistling, singing, joking around again, making small talk with strangers. These are pieces of me that have been missing for 16 months.

 

I'm getting better. I know I am.

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I'm not sure where I am right now. Just found out this promotion may be happening within the next year (in as little as two months). Very strong possibility xMM may be one of my direct supervisors (I'd end up working for the same company... all day, everyday).

 

This is literally my dream job since I was about 3 years old. I do not want to run away from it. I refuse to because of him. I am excited that this may be happening... but terrified at the same time.

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