kikoo1 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 My affair partner just ended our 2 year affair. This affair dates back to before he even got married. And over the last 8 years, its been on again and off again. He just got caught about a month ago, and he ended it because he does not want to take the risks. He keeps saying in the immediate future, or for right now he does not want to continue because of the risks. I kept asking him is this forever, and he says he doesnt know what the future holds. So I narrowed it down for him and said that he can make a decision to say this will NEVER happen again. He says that he cant say never. There's so much history between us, but Im not too sure if he is saying this to for me to get off his back or just that eventually things will fade and we will forget about each other. Mind you, he's is always the one to contact me first after taking a few breaks. Just confused, hurt and angry. WIll he contact me again? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 WIll he contact me again? I hope he doesn't. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 This push/pull type of relationship is damaging to your mental health. Consider this as a wake up call and try to go no contact and be firm. Being caught is a huge thing for him and he has in fact chosen his wife over you AGAIN, you are the outsider, the OW, the person he is using for sex, the person who he doesn't see as wife or gf material, the person he is willing to sacrifice to keep his marriage intact. Remember that, do not waste you life chasing after no hope situations. Get some self respect. Cut contact and move on. Life is too short to hang around in order for cheaters and losers to dictate the circumstances of your life. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 What did he marry another woman if he was with you? Ask yourself this...l 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Yes, history will repeat itself because you don't want anything more for yourself. You are the perfect AP/OW. He will contact you again and you will be waiting again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I am also confused on why you continued when he decided to marry someone else- are you married and unavailable- Yes, he will contact you again when his ego needs a boost- I hope you are not available to him at that time- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 We can't adequately answer that question because we aren't in this guy's head, however if history and patterns repeat themselves, then he may well contact you again when he wants some sex, you'll oblige, he'll disappear, and lather, rinse, repeat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Broom Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Leaning towards a YES. But only when he needs a boost of some sort. This kind of cycle could continue for a long time. Are you tired of it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kikoo1 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 I guess it's about the sex. But we worked about 5 minutes away and had lunch together without sex. We would hang out. Obviously there was sex involved. But he would accomodate me. I wanted more talking at night and he would. I wanted more than once a week and he did. So was it only about the sex....it could be. But he was emotionally involved. As for the breaks I turned him down when he first got married. Then I got married and called him a few years later. And then I broke it off with him a year later. Then he called me a few years later. I was pregnant and said I couldnt. And then he messaged me after a year. And here we are two years later. He keeps scores as to when I break up with, even the months. I know it's not conventional in terms of what a normal relationship is and yes it's not morale. But now he's caught I don't know if I'll see him again. And yes as wrong as it is, I do want to see him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy3220 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 You probably will....are you married as well? Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 That depends. Has he cheated before? Does he use AFF or Craigslist? Is he trying to work on himself or just lay low while his wife deals with his betrayal? What do you think OP? You know him. Does he seem like the guy that will come back for more cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I guess it's about the sex. But we worked about 5 minutes away and had lunch together without sex. We would hang out. Obviously there was sex involved. But he would accomodate me. I wanted more talking at night and he would. I wanted more than once a week and he did. So was it only about the sex....it could be. But he was emotionally involved. As for the breaks I turned him down when he first got married. Then I got married and called him a few years later. And then I broke it off with him a year later. Then he called me a few years later. I was pregnant and said I couldnt. And then he messaged me after a year. And here we are two years later. He keeps scores as to when I break up with, even the months. I know it's not conventional in terms of what a normal relationship is and yes it's not morale. But now he's caught I don't know if I'll see him again. And yes as wrong as it is, I do want to see him again. I'm a little confused here. So you are married as well? If he got busted aren't you worried that his wife might contact your husband? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kikoo1 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 I am married. But his wife found a email from the hotel and confronted him. He said he hired an escort but didn't go through with it. But she doesn't know it's me. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy3220 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 You don't think she will contact your hubby? Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 So you are married and have kids and are cheating and hoping the MM wants to continue cheating with you? Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 And your affair started before you got married right. I'm starting to realize it's best to maybe not get involved with people that participated in affairs with married individuals. The trend that I'm seeing is that they usually cheat themselves in future relationships. I started to realize this when I read another thread by a girl who slept with married men and women when she was single, stopped for a little, then started sleeping with her boyfriends boss years later. As it stands, your husband never stood a chance. I'm almost positive if knew about your relationship with this guy, he more than likely would have never married you. The fact that your on here asking for advice on if your affair will start up again is very telling. Here it is this guy just got busted, and your not worried about the same thing happening to you. Does your marriage have problems? If it does, I'm wondering if it is because you let MM take up room in your head for years. If you want my suggestion, you need to get into therapy ASAP. This relationship that you have is not healthy at all. If fact, the tone of your posts makes it sound like you don't care if you get caught. You just want this guy. Another question, do you think that this is fair to your husband and child? Your operationing under the notion that you won't get caught and what your husband doesn't know won't hurt him. MM just got busted and I'm positive his wife is going to find out about you pretty soon. You need to be more worried about that then this guy trying to start things up again. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Yes. Look at you, you're practically salivating that he'll call you again. He knows this. If you decide to stop playing games he will not bother with you. Link to post Share on other sites
uneek74 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 He will surely contact you again. I bet the farm on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kareena Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Yes, he most definitely will contact you again..they always do. I'm just a little confused; why are you involved with him? Don't get me wrong, it's just that your post doesn't show much affection towards the guy so i am just trying to understand the dynamic of your A. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 He must be offering some very tasty crumbs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I am married. But his wife found a email from the hotel and confronted him. He said he hired an escort but didn't go through with it. But she doesn't know it's me. He told his wife he hired a escort??? And she forgave him and that's that!!! Really! Wow! She sounds like she has issues too... Listen, I'm not an expert here and I'm totally not judging, but once someone lies like that, they always lie.if you are with him you will never know what the truth is! Don't you feel you deserve more? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kikoo1 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Everyone is right. I'm a highly intellectual person, well educated and a very nice person. What's wrong with me? And I'm saying this with most sincerity. Ever since I met this guy way back (15 years ago) in school he's been on my mind. Since my original post he has contacted me. And we have met up. But he has been cold and distant. And I've asked him all he has to say is never contact me again and I won't. It's all messed up, I know it's messed up. And I'm crying here because I know he belongs to her and she belongs to him. That's my rational side speaking. But other part says I don't care. It's a battle in my head I'm always fighting. I asked him why has this continued for 15 years? Is it about sex? 15 years is a lot to be just about sex....there has to be more like feelings of the emotional aspect? He said what do I think? I said there is more. He said yes but you know my situation. I've asked him if he's been intimate with his wife, he said no but he will have to to make things better between her and him. It's like he's there in the marriage to work it out for the sake of working it out. It's a mess and I know it's not for people to understand. I didn't want to be in this situation. I want to get out of it. But it's not easy when someone had been in your life for that long. Judge me, but I'm not a horrible person. I've put myself into a horrible situation. It's easy to say just get out of it. And I know that's is what I'm suppose to do. But I just don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Lula Belle Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Everyone is right. I'm a highly intellectual person, well educated and a very nice person. What's wrong with me? And I'm saying this with most sincerity. Ever since I met this guy way back (15 years ago) in school he's been on my mind. Since my original post he has contacted me. And we have met up. But he has been cold and distant. And I've asked him all he has to say is never contact me again and I won't. It's all messed up, I know it's messed up. And I'm crying here because I know he belongs to her and she belongs to him. That's my rational side speaking. But other part says I don't care. It's a battle in my head I'm always fighting. I asked him why has this continued for 15 years? Is it about sex? 15 years is a lot to be just about sex....there has to be more like feelings of the emotional aspect? He said what do I think? I said there is more. He said yes but you know my situation. I've asked him if he's been intimate with his wife, he said no but he will have to to make things better between her and him. It's like he's there in the marriage to work it out for the sake of working it out. It's a mess and I know it's not for people to understand. I didn't want to be in this situation. I want to get out of it. But it's not easy when someone had been in your life for that long. Judge me, but I'm not a horrible person. I've put myself into a horrible situation. It's easy to say just get out of it. And I know that's is what I'm suppose to do. But I just don't want to. Wait...was it 8 years or 15 years? Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I am married. But his wife found a email from the hotel and confronted him. He said he hired an escort but didn't go through with it. But she doesn't know it's me. Really? Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Everyone is right. I'm a highly intellectual person, well educated and a very nice person. What's wrong with me? And I'm saying this with most sincerity. Ever since I met this guy way back (15 years ago) in school he's been on my mind. Since my original post he has contacted me. And we have met up. But he has been cold and distant. And I've asked him all he has to say is never contact me again and I won't. It's all messed up, I know it's messed up. And I'm crying here because I know he belongs to her and she belongs to him. That's my rational side speaking. But other part says I don't care. It's a battle in my head I'm always fighting. I asked him why has this continued for 15 years? Is it about sex? 15 years is a lot to be just about sex....there has to be more like feelings of the emotional aspect? He said what do I think? I said there is more. He said yes but you know my situation. I've asked him if he's been intimate with his wife, he said no but he will have to to make things better between her and him. It's like he's there in the marriage to work it out for the sake of working it out. It's a mess and I know it's not for people to understand. I didn't want to be in this situation. I want to get out of it. But it's not easy when someone had been in your life for that long. Judge me, but I'm not a horrible person. I've put myself into a horrible situation. It's easy to say just get out of it. And I know that's is what I'm suppose to do. But I just don't want to. Tell us all about that... How's your marriage? Intellectually how do you justify your behavior? You know your behavior is wrong, yet don't want to end this. I get it. You are certainly entitled to your happiness. Just be "intellectually" smart enough to give your husband the same right. Let him be free to peruse the same freedom you've taken so easily in your marriage...because your a "very nice person." Be that girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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