raspberry.12 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Hi all I am feeling so low right now. I ended things with my separated/MM a week ago. When he was back from family vacation, I felt the need to let him know how I feel about being left behind, we texted to talk through something. It was hard and lots of tears. He said he loved me but he needed to go back to his family for the kids and the BS that has been with him for 17 years. I started NC the next day. However, I broke it as he texted me to ask things like "You awake yet?", "Can I call you?", "How are you feeling?"...I know I know I shouldn't reply but I can't ignore him. And after I replied, he went silent. I waited for his msg again hopelessly. Now I have to start NC again, it's torturing. The only time I can't think of him is when I am sleeping. Everyday I wake up I think of him, and think of him until I'm off to bed. I am sorry if I sound pitiful but I can't help myself holding it. I have to write here instead of messaging him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 You do not sound pitiful. What you are feeling is normal. Why not block his number so that he can no longer contact you? The only way you can move forward and get over him is to cease ALL contact. It is not easy, but it IS easier than sporadic contact which only leaves you pining for more. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Maybe he's finding NC hard too. You are I assume a grown woman, so it's up to you to keep to your commitment to NC. He will probably keep contacting you and if you reply, you'll end up just where you were before. Poppy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Hi all I am feeling so low right now. I ended things with my separated/MM a week ago. When he was back from family vacation, I felt the need to let him know how I feel about being left behind, we texted to talk through something. It was hard and lots of tears. He said he loved me but he needed to go back to his family for the kids and the BS that has been with him for 17 years. I started NC the next day. However, I broke it as he texted me to ask things like "You awake yet?", "Can I call you?", "How are you feeling?"...I know I know I shouldn't reply but I can't ignore him. And after I replied, he went silent. I waited for his msg again hopelessly. Now I have to start NC again, it's torturing. The only time I can't think of him is when I am sleeping. Everyday I wake up I think of him, and think of him until I'm off to bed. I am sorry if I sound pitiful but I can't help myself holding it. I have to write here instead of messaging him Hey, raspberry. Sorry for your pain but you are doing the right thing and that includes going NC and posting here instead of messaging him. You have only been NC a week. I'm sorry to say but the pain will get worse before it gets better. If you can white knuckle it for about three months, you will shake your addiction and he is an addiction. You may not be completely over him by then but you will feel better. When you do feel the urge to contact, remember just what I boldfaced from your own report. When he doesn't reply, you feel sick and hurt. So if you don't contact, then you can't set yourself up for disappointment. Be strong, you can do this! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 You need to block his number and all communication or everytime he sends you something it will set you back to square one. Please maintain NC or this will be a situation where he sees you both, so he gets his cake and to eat it- so he doesn't have the need to make the hard decision to break up with her or you and tries to keep you both for as long as possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I went NC 2.5 weeks ago. Cold turkey. I believe thats the best way. And you have to block EVERYTHING! !!! Ive attempted to go NC in the past, but didnt do it properly. Never blocked, therefore when he texted me, I couldn't resist and broke the NC. This time, ive blocked everything possible. Although, there have been moments of weakness, i just keep thinking about the negatives and the hurt that I'll end up feeling all over again if I contacted him. You have to keep your mind occupied. Do things for yourself. Start working out. Delete everything that reminds you of him. I even deleted songs from my workout play list that remind me of him. I'm not going to lie....its hard as hell. But I truly believe, there is no other way. Post on here when you are feeling down or weak. You have to be strong 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TylerTyrone Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 You did the right thing. Keep NC, we have all been there trust me, it is awfully hard but in the end you will feel better. There is someone better waiting for you outthere. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 NC is tough, but it works. Its painful, but you come out of the other side, and start to feel better. Its much better than staying connected to the drip feed of misery. Say goodbye to drip, drip, drip. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 It is hurt and hard like hell. It's harder for me because we lived in the same apartment. In the morning when I go to work, I see his wife and the kids in the lift several times. When I come back home from work, I see him going home as well. I started NC again, this feeling is killing me. But I know I have to be strong. I go to this website everyday to read all the advices in order to feel a bit better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Does his wife/family know about you? Are they aware you were his AP? I honestly would consider moving out and finding somewhere else to live, in your shoes.... Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Hi all I am feeling so low right now. I ended things with my separated/MM a week ago. When he was back from family vacation, I felt the need to let him know how I feel about being left behind, we texted to talk through something. It was hard and lots of tears. He said he loved me but he needed to go back to his family for the kids and the BS that has been with him for 17 years. I started NC the next day. However, I broke it as he texted me to ask things like "You awake yet?", "Can I call you?", "How are you feeling?"...I know I know I shouldn't reply but I can't ignore him. And after I replied, he went silent. I waited for his msg again hopelessly. Now I have to start NC again, it's torturing. The only time I can't think of him is when I am sleeping. Everyday I wake up I think of him, and think of him until I'm off to bed. I am sorry if I sound pitiful but I can't help myself holding it. I have to write here instead of messaging him You might think you were doing NC, but you weren't. NC means: No direct contact in either direction. No contact through a third person. No contact via messaging. No monitoring of social media. If you are doing any of those things it isn't NC. Lecture over Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Um... yikes. You may want to start thinking about a new place to live. There are triggers all around you. I fear that you will keep getting caught up in this cycle and never be able to properly heal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Hi again, An update from me a few months later after my previous post Early Jan I started NC with him but broke it a few times and sadly I went back to the old route. Communicated with him almost everyday, he msg me and we even hung out. However, inside me, I felt he didn't have that kind of strong love/caring for me like previously. I started thinking of ending things again, fast forward to Easter, he went holiday with his family without informing me. During Easter, I didn't msg or call him, neither did he. 2 days ago, I decided to send him some texts to test his attitudes and finally I sensed that he wanted to drift away again. No point for me to hold on to that person when I am sure that he only cared for his family and his WIFE. I sent him a last msg yesterday to tell him that I will not contact him anymore, he can enjoy his family life without me disturbing. I wish him love and luck (not really right from my heart) This time I think I can move on without one last look. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 I deleted his number from my phone already (still remember it though at the moment) However, I don't think there is a need to block his number as he's type of person that always hunting for gold/nice number so in near future, he would change his number anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Good for you! Sometimes you just know its over when you hear it in their voice and you gave to let go. You did the smart thing. Please don't break contact. You can do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Thanks Jos. I think he also did me a favour too by telling me that he couldn't give me happiness so it's better for him to release my heart so that I can find someone else better. At the moment, we can't really keep in contact as I still have feelings for him. Regardless, I don't want to be friends again with him as his family is there. It's best to stay NC and treat each other like Strangers. I feel better this time even though there are some minutes/moments I feel loss, missing his smile, his face, his arm, etc. But then I looked back and reviewed what he treated me in the past 6 months with selfishness, no care in specific situations, I cheered up again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Omg, I'm feeling low again As we lived in same apartment, I saw him & his family last weekend. I know the right direction that I should be heading towards but seeing their family together was killing me, it hurted like hell He said Hi to me but I kept walking past without saying anything. I did NC (for 2nd time) for 11 days now. On my last NC, I still had the feeling to text him, but this time I had no intention to msg at all. Honestly, there were 1-2 times I felt I wanted to but I stopped and texted my friend instead. I don't know how long this feeling is going to last but keep seeing each other like this is dragging me so down. I can't move out either so had to cope it under worst scenario. I need some support anyway I do Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 You are doing a great job and being very brave.. Trust me, 11 days is a milestone for NC, because even 1 day is very hard to get through. Don't give up and just come here to rant anytime you need to or feel the "urge". I am about 2 months+ into NC and it is still as hard as ever, but I always believe that the liberation of being free from my xMM one day will be worth it. I am happy that you know what is best for you, so look forward to the future where you can have an open, loving relationship with someone who is exclusively yours. Don't dwell on the good moments in the A, but try to remind yourself of all the painful moments when you know that MM will never leave his family for you. Is it worth it to go through everything again? Take care and I wish you strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Dear me, my NC is broken again 2nd time I didn't want it but he texted to ask me something about the account that we both used in the past (to sell furniture), I had to reply and the conversation went on. My feelings for him came back. I felt so bad. I started to think over again all the careless things that he did to me, how much he loves his wife and family, in order to clear him from my mind again. It's hard, so hard I feel I'm so useless. I have to move on, I will never get him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Right now, I just feel so bad when recalling all my bad memories. I feel I am such a big loser in love. I never be the first priority one, whenever someone had to make a decision between me and other girl/partner, I was the one who being left behind, never be the one to be chosen. It happened in ALL my previous relationships, whether it was casual or serious, they always chose other girl or even family over me due to blah blah blah excuses. Was that because they didn't love me much or I still haven't found my "Right" one? I didn't expect them to do anything for me much, I would like them to think of me whenever they need to make an important decision, sadly, no one even thought of my feelings, they just went with what they felt good for them and "don't care" about me. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Right now, I just feel so bad when recalling all my bad memories. I feel I am such a big loser in love. I never be the first priority one, whenever someone had to make a decision between me and other girl/partner, I was the one who being left behind, never be the one to be chosen. It happened in ALL my previous relationships, whether it was casual or serious, they always chose other girl or even family over me due to blah blah blah excuses. Was that because they didn't love me much or I still haven't found my "Right" one? I didn't expect them to do anything for me much, I would like them to think of me whenever they need to make an important decision, sadly, no one even thought of my feelings, they just went with what they felt good for them and "don't care" about me. He wasn't an honest person. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try your best to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 True NC does not involve sometimes answering and sometimes not. You need to block him. By not blocking him you're leaving the door open and keeping your expectations up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Right now, I just feel so bad when recalling all my bad memories. I feel I am such a big loser in love. I never be the first priority one, whenever someone had to make a decision between me and other girl/partner, I was the one who being left behind, never be the one to be chosen. It happened in ALL my previous relationships, whether it was casual or serious, they always chose other girl or even family over me due to blah blah blah excuses. Was that because they didn't love me much or I still haven't found my "Right" one? I didn't expect them to do anything for me much, I would like them to think of me whenever they need to make an important decision, sadly, no one even thought of my feelings, they just went with what they felt good for them and "don't care" about me. Maybe that is because you always get involved with someone who has someone else or who is unavailable. You sound like you enjoy on some level competing against another woman for the love of a man. Stop that. Only date men who are available and who do not have another woman. There are men out there who are unattached. Do some deep work on yourself and run away when a man has another woman in his life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raspberry.12 Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Maybe that is because you always get involved with someone who has someone else or who is unavailable. You sound like you enjoy on some level competing against another woman for the love of a man. Stop that. Only date men who are available and who do not have another woman. There are men out there who are unattached. Do some deep work on yourself and run away when a man has another woman in his life. Ah, I should have made clearer, on previous relationships, the guys were completely single & available when we met. Then they met someone else and run towards her and left me behind, one of those thought his Dad was being "mommy boy". This is the first (& be the last) time I am involved with MM. I never wanna be home wrecker, when I knew xMM, he said his wife betrayed him & he moved out blah blah. Now he decided to go back to work on his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Dear me, my NC is broken again 2nd time I didn't want it but he texted to ask me something about the account that we both used in the past (to sell furniture), I had to reply and the conversation went on. My feelings for him came back. I felt so bad. I started to think over again all the careless things that he did to me, how much he loves his wife and family, in order to clear him from my mind again. It's hard, so hard I feel I'm so useless. I have to move on, I will never get him back. Change your number! Make it impossible for him to contact you. Obviously you can't 'ignore' his texts, you read and answer back. And any contact feeds your feelings so I really hope you get strong now and do everything you can to avoid him. Don't give him that power over you. You made a mistake by having an A with him and choosing to believe his lying words. He is/was a good liar so this isn't all you, it's on him too. You can work through this and find that courage again. Learn to love 'you' again and be kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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